Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis.
Elizabeths' crying had ceased and now Carson was holding her to offer comfort.
Elizabeth pulled herself from his hug and smiled at him.
"Thanks Carson."
Carson nodded and squeezed her hand.
"Anytime Love."
Elizabeth stood up and walked to the infirmary doors before turning back round to Carson.
"Carson, can you keep this between…"
Carson cut her off.
"No need to worry. I won't tell a soul."
Elizabeth gave him a smile of thanks before leaving. She walked through Atlantis to the balcony. She lent against it. Carson had given her something to stop the nausea, Morning Sickness; she corrected herself. She instinctively placed her hands on her abdomen. She knew she wouldn't be able to fell the baby yet. It was still a small embryo, which was slowly developing inside of her womb. She felt like she should hate it. She wanted to hate it, but she couldn't. Despite how it was conceived and who it's father was, it was still a part of her, it was still her child. It had done nothing wrong, How could she hate it?
The door to the balcony opened and John stepped out. He stood on the balcony next to her.
"Are you okay?"
She turned to face him and nodded. She didn't know how to tell him, she didn't know if she wanted to tell him yet. She quickly removed her hands from her abdomen; she didn't want him to find out that way. She wondered whether he'd hate her or resent the child. John ran a hand through her hair and down to her shoulders pulling her closer to him.
"Are you sure you're okay? You seem distant."
Elizabeth pulled herself out of his arms and took his hand.
"Come with me"
She pulled him off the balcony and led him to her quarters. She was contemplating what to tell him during the whole walk. Once they got to her quarters and she'd shut the door, John pulled her into his arms and tried to kiss her but she pulled back from him. John looked at her, the look on his face was somewhere between hurt and confusion.
"What's wrong?"
Elizabeth sat on her bed and gestured for John to join her. John took a seat next to her and grabbed her hand. She squeezed his hand and gave him a smile.
"John, I've got something to tell you."
John squeezed her hand back and gave her an encouraging smile.
"Whatever it is, you know you can tell me anything"
Elizabeth nodded
"I know"
Elizabeth released his hand, stood up and began to pace around the room.
"I went to see Carson earlier, he…um…he brought something to my attention"
She moved over to a small window on the east side off her room and looked out at the calming ocean. She was looked to look out onto the ocean. She loved to lose herself in its gentle waves. It calmed her. She needed that now.
John came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He turned her so she was facing him. He ran his hand down her cheek.
"What is it Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth looked everywhere except at him. She couldn't see the look on his face when she told him.
"John, I'm…I'm pregnant"
Elizabeth stood silent for a few moments, wondering if John had actually heard what she had said. She let her eyes gaze over at him and he was just stood there and she hoped he wasn't going to faint. She hadn't even told him the bulk of it, which was the fact the child was Kolya's and she was going to keep it.
John moved over to the bed, still in shock.
"You're…you're pregnant. Okay, I can handle this."
Elizabeth walked over to the bed and sat next to him.
"John that's not the only thing."
John shook his head,
"I don't think you could say anything that would shock me more at this moment."
Elizabeth shook her head.
"No, there really is"
She sat there for a few moments staring at her hands, as if they'd just becoming amazingly interesting, but she knew she was just putting off the inevitable.
"John…you're not the father"
Elizabeth looked down at her hands again. She really didn't want to see the look on his face. She knew he must hate her at this moment. She felt John get off the bed and start pacing around the room.
"I don't mean to be rude or intrusive. But who the hell is?"
Tears formed in Elizabeths' eyes. John was hurt and she could hear it. He hated her and the child and she knew it. She might as wall tell him the rest, he couldn't hate her more then he already did. Elizabeth was shaking, was she scared to tell him? Was she worried her wouldn't understand?
"Kolya"
John continued to pace.
"What the hell as that bastard got to do with this?"
John stopped as soon as he said it and looked at her. No, no it couldn't be. She wouldn't have been as stupid as too have sex with the guy. But it wasn't her, it was who she was programmed to be. Johns' anger began to rise. She was having his child. She was pregnant with Kolya's child. There was a question leaning on Johns' mind, which he just had to ask.
"Are you keeping it?"
Elizabeth looked up at him sharply. He knew her well enough to know that the question was irrelevant.
"John, you know me well enough to know, I could never have an abortion."
John smiled, Elizabeth was confused, why the hell was he smiling?
John smiled turned into a laugh; Elizabeth knew what this laugh was.
"It's a joke isn't it…something you cooked up with Beckett…" John turned to her and looked deep in her eyes. His own eyes filling with tears "…Please tell me this some kind of sick joke"
Elizabeth sadly shook her head; John hit his hand against the wall making Elizabeth jump. She knew John was angry and upset but she'd never seen him like this. He was so insane with rage.
"And you're actually thinking about keeping it?"
Elizabeth answered her voice barely above a whisper.
"The baby has done nothing wrong John. I can't punish it. I'd never forgive myself."
John looked at her. His voice became calmer.
"Please Liz. Do you really think you'll be able to look at it everyday, knowing who it's father is?"
Elizabeth looked at the floor, the usually strong and confident Diplomat was unsure.
"It won't be easy but…"
John moved closer and cut her off, his voice building up with rage again.
"Don't you remember what he did to you? He tortured you. For God's sake Liz, he raped you."
Tears fell down Elizabeths' eyes.
"I know, I know"
She croaked out.
"But you still want it?"
Elizabeth nodded. John shook his head and stormed out of the room leaving Elizabeth. She sunk down onto the floor and began to cry. Unable to keep the tears at bay. She placed her hands on her abdomen again, wondering if John was right.
John stormed around the corridors just looking for somewhere, anywhere he could be alone with his thoughts. God, he wanted to hate her. Hate that child. He already hated Kolya. John walked into the Gym. It was empty. Thank God. Ford and Teyla were on the mainland with Markham. Bates, Stackhouse and the rest if their team where off world and Rodney didn't know where the gym was, so he wasn't there. John moved over to the punch bag and, after putting on the gloves, he began to beat the stuffing out of it. Quite literally, he punched it so hard in one part that he actually bust the bag. He didn't even notice.
John stepped away from the bag and took off the gloves. His knuckles were bleeding but he didn't even notice the pain.
John heard someone enter the gym. He expected it to be Elizabeth, but was shocked when he discovered it was Carson, and Carson looked pissed.
"Dr Beckett, what can I do for you?"
Johns' voice was sharp and cold, he wasn't in the mood for this right now. Carson walked over to him.
"You really are a selfish prick do you know that?"
John stood in disbelief. This was a side of Carson he'd never seen before.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Carson stared at him, his eyes were filled with anger, but not hate.
"You really have no idea what she is going through do you? Elizabeth didn't ask for this, it was forced upon her…she needed your support, but you're so wrapped up in yourself that you didn't realise that."
Carson had found Elizabeth, only a few minutes earlier, crying in her room, practically begging him to terminate the pregnancy. When Carson asked her why she'd changed her mind she told him everything about what John had said. By the end of it, Carson was ready to put John in the infirmary. Carson told her to rethink the termination and forget about John said. Elizabeth promised him she would. After that Carson had gone in search off John, he didn't have to look very far, he knew where he would be. John had gone to the gym a lot when the Genii had taken Elizabeth and Rodney. He did it to get rid of his anger.
"Carson, you don't know anything about this. Its' none of your business."
Carson shook his head.
"I've just seen the state Elizabeth is in. She practically begged me for an abortion. Does that make you feel better? She's willing to get rid of her child for you. Is that what you want? If you really cared about Elizabeth at all, you'd let her make her own decisions and respect whatever decisions she makes."
Carson turned and left the gym before he punched John.
John turned back round to the punch bag, put the gloves on and started again, his vision obscured by the tears, which were falling out of his eyes.
TBC…
Carson may have been a little out of character, but I feel that if he'd just found Elizabeth the way she was, he'd be a little pissed at John, I was a little pissed at John.
