Pointless Noize: Yes, I have written a psychotic, fucked up slash fic, and it's "R" or "M" or whatever, because of the boys are all a bunch of perverts, and because of their filthy fucking mouths. It's based off of the Invader Zim episode "Dib's Wonderful Life of DOOM". I am so gonna get flamed for this….
NOTE: Bagatelle had the great idea for the Craig/Tweek pairing. Worship her. Better yet, read "Under My Bed" and REVIEW. It's an awesome story.
ANOTHER NOTE: The little line things separate what's going on in certain areas of the bus. Just thought you might like to know.
YET ANOTHER NOTE: Ike's in the ninth grade with them because he's just so freaking smart. Okay?
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own South Park, or anything else I might mention in this…thing…that I'm responsible for bringing into the world.
"Stan…I want you," Kyle slurred. Stan closed his eyes half way and gave him a seductive smile.
"Yes, and I want you." Instantly, Kyle lunged at Stan and the two began kissing as if it was their last day on Earth. No one on the school bus seemed to notice the teens; they were all acting a bit…strange. Everyone except Butters, that is.
Butters turned his head around and watched the boys French for a few more minutes, then he turned his attention to his other peers.
Wendy was crawling on the floor, screaming that her tampon fell out (Butters didn't want to ask how the Hell that happened), and Bebe was gnawing on her arm, wearing not the usual pink skirt and shirt she wore, but instead a more gothic outfit; black, baggy jeans and a black, baggy shirt with neon green stripes, and she had neon green fingernails and a neon green choker. Very odd for Bebe.
Craig was giving Tweek a hand job, and Cartman was trying to pry Ike off of him. And, as Butters looked carefully, Pip and Damien were going at it, too. Butters continued watching his peers, until he felt a hand grip his thigh. He squeaked and fell back, right into the arms of his offender.
He blinked, looking up, and was greeted by the smiling face of Kenny McKormick. Kenny was grinning down at him, and Butters could feel his arms tightening their grip around him. Kenny pulled him back and began stroking his hair.
"Hey Butters…" he purred.
"H-hey, Kenny." Butters tried getting up, but he was quickly pulled back down into Kenny's lap. Okay, this was getting weird.
"Aw, don't leave so soon." Butters gulped. This was going to be a long bus ride…
Stan flipped Kyle over so he was on top. He quickly ripped off Kyle's jacket and shirt, and started licking his stomach. He giggled, and playfully slapped Stan. They continued their…activities, until a noise distracted Kyle. It was Ike.
"OW! Eric, please don't hit me."
"THEN GET THE FUCK OFF ME, CANADIAN-JEW!"
"What the fuck is going on over there?" asked a very confused Kyle.
"Who cares?" Stan said distractedly, grabbing Kyle around the middle and pulling him down. Kyle just slapped him away and peered over his seat, looking down upon Cartman and Ike.
The site that greeted his eyes was not quite what he expected. Ike was sitting on Cartman's backside, hugging him around the middle. But since Cartman's middle was so large he was actually slipping off. Cartman didn't look too pleased with the situation, and was apparently trying to fling Ike off. The little guy was tough, though, and he was holding on.
"IKE!" cried Kyle. Stan pointed and laughed.
"Whoa, Cartman, who's your boyfriend?"
"FUCK OFF, HIPPIE!" screamed an enraged Cartman. Ike smiled happily and rubbed his face against Cartman, causing the aforementioned boy to blush furiously.
"GET…OFF…NOW!" Cartman shrieked.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, FAT-BOY! PIP AND I ARE SHARING A ROMANTIC MOMENT!" roared the voice of Damien Thorn from the front of the bus.
"SAME FOR TWEEKER AND ME," yelled Craig. "SO IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL HAFTA KICK YOUR ASS!"
The threat of physical harm shut Cartman up instantly, much to the joy of the small Canadian clinging to his backside.
Kyle was still in shock as to why the Hell Ike would like Cartman. Cartman! Oh well, at least Cartman didn't like him back. Hopefully…
Stan pulled on Kyle's shirt and gave him an adorable puppy-dog face. Kyle sighed, and they resumed their make-out session. Maybe today won't be so bad after all, he thought.
Craig frowned, rubbing his ears in pain. Damn, that little bastard could scream. Tweek cocked his head, concern filling his eyes.
"Craig? Are you okay?" Then, twitching, Tweek had one of his infamous panic attacks. "OH GOD! IS YOUR EAR BLEEDING! ARE YOU GOING DEAF! STAND BACK, I KNOW C.P.R.! GAH!" Craig waved his hand dismissively, laughing at Tweek's lack of common sense. It was so cute.
"I'm alright, Tweek, seriously."
Tweek stopped screaming and glanced at Craig. "R-really?"
"Yep. Now, let's get back to business…"
Tweek grinned. He wasn't worried about Craig's health anymore…
Pip blushed as Damien stopped yelling at Cartman. "You didn't have to tell them that, you know."
Damien wrapped an arm protectively around Pip's shoulder. "Yeah, but he was spoiling the mood." Pip blushed an even darker shade of red as he snuggled up to Damien.
"I suppose. Now, where were we?" Pip asked deviously. Damien smirked.
"We were right about here." He grabbed Pip's lower region, causing the Brit to squeak and jump up.
"D-Damien! What the Devil are you doing!"
"Oh, nothing. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy."
Butters sat quietly as Kenny continued stroking his hair, humming a little song. He had stopped trying to fight him off; Kenny was much too strong. Instead, he chose to enjoy the attention he was receiving. It's not often he felt important to someone. It was even less often, well, never really, that he was romantically involved with someone.
Come to think of it, it was not often in South Park that anyone was romantically involved. Stan and Wendy were the only real couple, and everyone else just had crushes. And half of the students on the bus were apparently, judging from the scene around him, gay or bi, which came as a shock to Butters. Except a few of them. He always thought Pip and Kyle were. And Eric was always acting like a fag. And—
His musings were cut short as the bus slammed to a halt in front of South Park High School. Butters could hear his classmates yelling as their "activities" were interrupted as well.
"OW! CRAIG, DON'T PULL SO HARD!"
"WELL SOR-RY! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE BUS STOPPED!"
"STAN, GET YOUR HAND OUTTA THERE!"
"Why?"
"OOH, CARTMAN!"
"AHHHHHH! NONONONONONONONONONONO!"
"DAMIEN, YOU'RE CRUSHING MY SPINE! PLEASE GET OFF!"
"FIRST GET YOUR KNEE OUT OF MY, WELL, YOU KNOW!"
Kenny, being the only one sitting down, was unharmed. So he jumped up, dragging Butters by the hand, and they exited the bus with their fellow ninth graders. As Kenny dragged Butters through the hallways, all Buttes could think was, "This is gonna be a looong day…"
Review if you want me to continue. Oh, and if you're reviewing because I owe you money, you'll get it...eventually.
