Disclaimer: selective lyrics from "I So Hate Consequences" copyright of relient k and gotee music. Also I do not own Joan of Arcadia. Though I very much wish I did. sighs

I don't believe in blotting out your emotions with beer, or music. But art helps. The splatter-paint feelings come out very well on canvas, especially when your girlfriend is afraid to get too close to you because she thinks you're an overly hormonal teenager who only thinks about sex. The hormonal part I guess, is true, but the sex part... My intentions came out in computer language. She thinks last weekend is an example of how I want to spend all of our weekends, that she's only an object. That's how I interpret her feelings anyway. But then again, I hope that she doesn't want to end u

I scuff my shoes on the worn mat that declares 'Welcome'. As if I'm that welcome anyways, with her whole family probably thinking I'm a raging sex addict and all. Maybe they're all packing up to leave right now, afraid I'm coming to attack them. I'll be reported to the police, and I won't get A's in art anymore. I knock, and I see her rounding the corner, taking hesitating steps toward the door, or rather farther away from her comfort zone, and I love her for that. When she feels strongly about something, she doesn't look back. The fiberglass barrier is soon broken, and I'm standing face to face with the person that I put all my hopes and dreams on, this boat of wonders that she would sail away in soon if I didn't hold the rope. She smiles slightly.

"Um, hi."

"Hey." I stare deeply into her eyes and at that moment, I forget my speech I prepared in the shed.Well it's not like I make speeches like this everyday.

"I-I'm sorry about this weekend. I was-" I swallowed "really not thinking rationally and yeah, um I hope that... now I'm lost, lost in those eyes that say it all. Now I know I can close my mouth. She takes a step closer. But I don't get it! I was a total jerk, and she obviously doesn't feel comfortable going that far, with me, stepping over the threshold, and I pushed her. Maybe when she said, "I really want you to like me," she meant something less than a relationship, something that didn't require so much work, something that required less of my all.

" I know that--" her voice cracks-"This isn't something that we were ready for, even though, well, I did want it." And I guess that I did too, obviously. And I wish that loving her was easier. She always moved, moved from one thing to the next, fleeting, leaving everyone in the dust, especially me.

And I so hate consequences

Running from you is what my best defence is

Consequences

Don't make me face up to this

And I so hate consequences

'Cause I know that I let you down

And I don't want to deal with that

There was consequences, I knew that, for fast-moving thoughts that haven't quite been thought out, for using too many words when they weren't needed. I grab her hand "C'mon, I want to show you something. " I lead her outside to the front steps, where the air is heavy, and quiet. She sighs. Suddenly the ice breaks, falling down to the ocean floor, and I know that even though I'm uneasy, and she doesn't look all that comfortable,it's out in theopen,and that's all that matters. The ripples touched everything in their path, rustled things, and flipped over others. Unchallenged.

End.