Title: AWAHW – Chapter 2 – Moony's Tail Of Destruction
Author: Nijijin
Rating: R
Pairing: Light SS/RL, NL/DM/HP
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me…but aren't they so much fun to borrow?
Feedback: Please…please.
Notes: In Chapter 2 of his book, Severus explains that Moony's teeth and claws are not the only dangerous things.
Spoilers: Some…but mostly post war speculation.
"You, mangy cur, are a cheat!"
Moony's attempt to influence me with his 'wet puppy eyes' was both pitiful and disturbing.
"Cease and desist this instant. You look as though you've ingested another chicken bone. And we all remember how unpleasant that was."
Unpleasant was putting it mildly. Terrifying was more like it. Thank Merlin for Molly W. Her years of dealing with an unruly brood sticking beans and what not in their noses or ears and daring each other to eat all manner of inedible rubbish saved the day.
"Prbrbrbrb…whoof."
"Oh yes…very mature, that. OW! That's it! Where's my cleaver!"
In the first few months of research, it became necessary for Moony and I to create an alternative means of communicating. A variety of vocalizations, expressions, gestures and movements on the wolf's part increased my ability to understand him.
But the cheeky beast also developed a series of signals whose sole purpose was to annoy and insult me. A favorite was a huff past his lips that mimicked what muggles call "blowing a raspberry". A most churlish means of expressing displeasure.
Adding a small "whoof" rather than a "woof" implied any number of derogatory names: "Git," "twit," "idiot."
The sheer strength of my superior intelligence enabled me to ignore Moony's attempts to goad. Unfortunately, this led to another discovery. This werewolf, for I have not been able to prove it of other Lycanthropes, hates to be disregarded or ignored. So, he quickly acquired another more diabolical means of making his point or getting one's attention.
Moony has taken to wielding his tail like a Beater's bat.
Now, some may find this new inclination rather humorous, charming, even…ugh…cute. Let me assure you that having one's backside, head, and ahem, pardon my crudeness, bits smacked with the equivalent of a good-sized tree branch is neither funny nor cute.
The first time the fleabag employed this trick was when I made a rather scathing comment about a 4th Year. It was during our full moon walk to the observation area deep in the Forbidden Forest. Remus always disapproved of my maligning anyone, but most especially the students. Before I could comprehend exactly what had occurred, a "swish and whup" made painfully abrupt contact with my backside. I stumbled forward and fell flat on my face.
"What in bloody hell…?"
My scowl was met with an intense amber gaze and tail held to the ready should another swat be required. I was utterly astonished and ready to hex that tail right off! However, doing so would not be conducive to conducting our research and I, at least, was mature enough to allow the impertinent whelp to have his way…this time.
"Well, you certainly put me in my place eh, Moony? My apologies for insulting Hogwarts' very fine students. Pax?"
Moony's bark was sharp and short followed by a whoof. Translation…"I accept your apology…git."
Needless to say, the successful result of employing his tail of retribution increased Moony's use of it. One's skewed view might say that I quite deserved it at times.
Perhaps I am too critical of others. Maybe I should have warned the beast when I put a particularly hot curry in his late evening snack. I merely wanted to see Moony's reaction to spice. His displeasure left a bruise.
Then again, he most certainly did not need to thump that visiting French researcher in the bits for calling him a mindless test subject. Luckily, the mongrel made it look like an accident and I covered by adding that Moony was overexcited by the attention. Fortunate too, that the worldly Parisian did not guess the meaning of "prbrbrbrb…whoof." The world-renowned scientist was a complete and utter fool. I was going to handle the arrogant little man myself after he implied I was too emotionally attached and affectionate with Moony. I? Affectionate? Emotional? Really!
And wagging all my papers off the desk simply because Moony wishes my attention does not endear him to me…even less so, when he lays on them after.
But tonight was the straw that broke the Potions Master's back! Truly ungentlemanly behavior! The mark of a poor sportsman! Twelve moves…I was twelve moves away from breaking Remus' twenty-two game winning streak! I could only watch in horror when Moony's happily wagging tail swept right through the chess pieces scattering them willy nilly about my chambers.
Now, one might think because of his sheer size, and clumsy movements in an enclosed area, Moony could not help knocking my victory into oblivion. I, however, know for a fact that Remus is a sore loser, having been on the receiving end of his petulant pout many times. Additionally, our research has proven that when he applies himself, Moony can be quite nimble. It was done quite on purpose.
One might also make the assumption that the wolf does not know what he is doing and will not remember once transformed back to human form. Ah, but remember, the Wolfsbane allows Remus to retain his human mind while in wolf form. He knows perfectly well what he is doing. Experiments are not needed to prove that Remus remembers everything that has occurred while he is transformed. During the war, Moony was often used for reconnaissance, Remus reporting in great detail what the wolf had seen.
So, no excuses for this glaring breach in etiquette. Especially after smacking me with that rolling pin of a tail for calling him on it.
"Do stop milling about and let me chop it off, beast! Really, the stump will look quite handsome. Much like a Bulldog's or Doberman's rump."
"Prbrbrbrb…whoof."
