Word Count: 628 Rating: PG 13 Summary: And now she knows.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post 1x21 "A Trip to the Dentist"
AN: First ever Veronica fic so feedback would be much appreciated. Feel free to ignore the suckage of the title.
Veronica leaves in a flurry of blonde hair and anger and wonders if she even wanted to know these things. The things that go on under the gleaming surface of Neptune are as corrupt as she expected, as she should have known. But she's still reeling. Even though she wanted to know. She needed to know.
And now she knows.
She is not walking around in some drugged haze, neither here or there. Nor is she painting over the ugly secrets she knows with glib remarks and wit. Neither is she dead by her own swimming pool with blood staining her shining hair. Finally finally she knows.
But it is not that simple. Of course it's not. She slept with Duncan even if she doesn't remember it. Duncan who might be her brother. Anger sears through her, straightening her small frame and making her fists clench white when she thinks that he knew. The fact that he had the remotest idea, the vaguest inkling - and he did it anyway. No amount of tequila, beer or GHD deems that excusable. She can't see straight about it, she probably should but she supposes that she's really not the forgiving type. She just can't. Not for that. Not for a year and a half of her not knowing and him knowing.
And forgiving Logan should be easy but she is tired of the people she trusts letting her down. She thought she'd gotten over it by now, figured it out. People have a tendency to slap you in the face or stab you in the back so watch your back and keep a poker face. Don't give anything away. Well she's given an awful lot away and she cannot get these things back. You can't snatch things back and make them unsaid or undone. That's not how it works. They hang in the air between you and the person for the rest of time, buzzing like flies over a corpse.
Now she has learnt things she never truly wanted to know. Has given away kisses and secrets to boys she did not really know at all. Veronica Mars can't forget and refuses to fake it so what options are left for a girl who knows too much? She wants to know no more. Whether Duncan is her brother or not, she wants to know less and less. Because if the answer is yes...well. Well indeed. And can she go back? Back to kissing Logan? Erasing any memory of Duncan with lips and hands and too tender flesh and pretending it is only about she and Logan. Pretending there are no secrets and words and history in the air around them. Ignoring the whispers of Lilly and Duncan brushing along their bare skin. Closing her eyes and seeing the glances the two of them have shared somehow seared onto her memory despite herself.
What's a girl to do when the truth spins her until she's reeling? When maybe she preferred the comfortable lies woven into elasticated nets that should have held for years and years. Without the nets there is nothing to hold her and she just had to tear through them all. Eventually she will fall through the gaping holes left behind. She never wanted to fall, just to know but it seems the two go hand in hand. And she's left weak as a kitten with her anger subsiding into shaking.
Now that she knows, she all of a sudden knows less than she has ever known before. This is not a case file. Real life is not a case file. It is the nets elegantly tumbling undone taking Veronica all the way down with them.
But at least it is real.
And at least she knows.
Right?
