The Secret Diary of Yuki Sohma

xXx

Hello I'm SnowLion no Miko and here's my newest humor fanfic…it's our dear Yuki-kun's diary! Please take note that Kyou is my favorite character and if you have any fics with him starring in them please let me know…this idea seemed like so much fun that I couldn't just pass it by! Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the insane mind of Yuki-kun.

xXx

Entry One
12:03 PM

Hello there, my name is Yuki Sohma. Well, I'm not sure of how to do this because you are my first diary. Tohru Honda-san gave you to me today, because she said "If you can release your pent up feelings somewhere, let it be here." Or something like that…I wasn't paying attention at all.

That stupid cat laughed at me because you are PINK! Pink of all the colors in the stupid rainbow…wait, pink isn't a color of the rainbow. Who cares?! Pink is such a damn girly color! Why would Honda-san give me a PINK diary?!

Great, now Shigure's brought out some pictures of me at the New Years' Banquet! Oh no, Honda-san is laughing! I must go stop Shigure!

1:23 PM

I avoided that disaster, but not without a price. Kyou ran outside when he saw me coming. I guess that cats are afraid of rats, and not the other way around. HA HA! I kill myself.

Why aren't you laughing? Was my joke not funny?! Answer me damn it! Ow! I didn't know books hurt that much when you punch them!

Stupid pink diary…

2:41 PM

Honda-san wants to watch a movie, Kyou suggested "The Karate Kid" which has just recently been translated into Japanese. Honda-san saw this one movie that Shigure had picked out called "Naughty High School Girls On Film" of course I disposed of it. Not Kyou. Me! See how I am so much better than that stupid cat.

Shigure is awfully mad at me though, he said he and my retard brother were going to watch it after we all went to sleep.

Good thing I threw it in a mud puddle.

Oh no, now Shigure wants to invite my brother over…someone help me.

Please?

3:01 PM

Ayame has just arrived, oh sweet fancy Moses he's coming my way! And he has my…oh no. He has my…BABY PICTURES with him?! "Time for some bonding, baby brother!" He shouts.

Someone give me a gun…I want to shoot myself…

4:44 PM

Hatori finally came and took my brother away, but not before Ayame said: "I can't wait for you to start running my shop when I am gone!" I'd rather have a root canal.

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Ayame the idiot showed Honda-san the baby picture of me lying on my stomach on my blanket. And the worst part was that…I WAS NAKED!! My rear end was sticking up in the air and Honda-san laughed, and laughed, and laughed…

I am so traumatized! This gives me a whole new reason to hate my retarded brother! Yeesh, showing pictures of me naked will not bring us together, it will tear us apart even further!

Kyou laughed harder than Honda-san did, and I'm not surprised. I would laugh hard too if Hatsuharu began showing Kyou's naked baby pictures.

Where is Haru anyway?

5:21 PM

Haru got arrested! Apparently, he turned 'black' and attacked some kid that called him a "damn queer". He took the poor kid by his boxers and hung him on the back of the car and let the car drag him across the interstate. The kid's boxers finally ripped and he was sent tumbling down the road like a stray watermelon.

The kid is in the hospital with a broken leg and arm. He also has a very bad wedgie.

So now Shigure and Kyou left to go bail Haru out and doing so they have left me and Honda-san alone…

Wait, we are alone. Aren't we?

Mweh heh heh.

6:48 PM

No, we didn't do anything, but we watched a movie called "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" that has also been translated into Japanese. It was very scary…to Honda-san. Every time Leatherface jumped out of the bushes or revved up his chainsaw, she clung to my arm like I was about to go somewhere. Can't you see that I am more cuddlier than that stupid cat? Well I am, so BOOYAH!

Shigure and the stupid cat are back now, Kyou looks paranoid. I wonder why?

7:02 PM

Kyou looked paranoid because he thought me and Honda-san did something. Yeah right…when he told me this, Shigure just laughed and said "I expected this from you, Yuki-kun, but from Tohru-kun? Now that's just crazy…" I promptly threw the candy bar I was eating at him.

That stupid perverted dog! Grrr…I'm going to hit him on the head one more time.

7:08 PM

Yup, I hit him again, and now he has a giant knot on the top of his head. Fight like a butterfly, sting like a bee, that's me, Yuki!

That kinda rhymed ya know.

Kyou is glaring at me now. Time for me to go kick his sorry ass.

8:23 PM

Ha ha ha! I beat Kyou…AGAIN!

But this time I felt bad for some reason…maybe it was because Honda-san was watching. Then after the fight was over, she ran over to the stupid cat instead of me! I won! Kyou lost! I should be the one receiving attention from Honda-san!

Oh no, am I jealous?

Did you just nod?

Oh that's it you stupid piece of-

9:34 PM

Sorry, I kinda threw you in the toilet. You got me mad for nodding at me when I obviously didn't want an answer! I flushed the toilet and you were too big, so it started to overflow. I grabbed you out of the toilet and ran out of there like I was being chased by a mob of fangirls!

Fortunately for me, the stupid cat was standing right beside the door and when Shigure asked who did it, I blamed Kyou. Mweh heh heh.

Then after I got somewhere where I couldn't be seen, I started to dry you off with my hair dryer.

Honda-san, being the sweet girl that she is, came and helped me. Yay! Quality time with Honda-san! That could be the name of a television show. It sounds like one.

Well, you are completely dry now, so I'm off to bed. Good night!

1:46 AM

Oh my god, I am so frikin' scared right now…I didn't think that the movie Honda-san and I watched would scare me this bad…but it did!

What's that sound?! I think it's Leatherface coming to get me! Something's scratching on my door…

I need a hug…

xXx

The end of chapter one! Please R&R! I hope it was funny! Oh yeah!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

Now please press the pretty purple button! See ya!

xXx