Disclaimer: I always try to come up with a disclaimer that could be considered remotely interesting. Alas, I couldn't think of one today. I'm sorry, dear reader, I have failed you. Oh, and I also don't own Tortall or Uncle Bumpo. sigh
A/N: It has come to my attention, (thanks, DoMO!), that amazon.de is German, not Danish, and that Uncle Bumpo is German as well. Thank goodness I didn't use that Danish pastry joke in chapter two! For the fourth time, this story contains spoilers for Trickster's Queen.
"Kel?" whispered Alanna. "KEL! Wake up, dear! Hello! What is WRONG with you!" Kel said nothing, her eyes dull. She smiled happily and began to drool slightly.
Alanna whirled toward Uncle Bumpo. "You!" She shouted. "You did this to her! I don't know how, maybe it was your excessive use of hair gel, but you got to her somehow. I'm going to find out, and I'm going to come for you, and I'm going to make you regret that you were ever born!"
Uncle Bumpo stared at her for a moment, then his lower lip began to wobble. "Oh, for Mithros's sake..." muttered Alanna. Uncle Bumpo's eyes filled with tears, and he began to sob.
"Why do you...hate me?" he wailed. "I tried to be nice! I really did! Was it something I said?" Everyone rushed to Uncle Bumpo and hugged him, whispering "There, there"s and "It's okay"s. Then they turned on Alanna, their eyes a dark shade of red.
"You did this," They said in demonic monotone. "You will pay." They walked slowly toward her. Aly took out a dagger and held it in front of her.
Alanna backed away. "Whoa, now..." she said soothingly. "What are you saying here? What's going on?"
Alanna grabbed a dagger from her boot, (she was thrifty like that), pulled Uncle Bumpo toward her, and pushed the dagger to his throat. "I want everyone to calm down now. I want everyone to go sit back down on the blanket. If you don't do that by the time I count to three, I will kill Uncle Bumpo."
The group had a look of shock plastered on their faces. They didn't know whether to defend Uncle Bumpo or to go sit down.
"One..." said Alanna firmly. "Two..." No one moved. "Don't make me do this," she said evenly. "Three..." She stiffened her hand. Suddenly, she was thrown back on the ground.
Uncle Bumpo stood over her, his eyes shining frighteningly. "I wasn't going to do this yet, not until I had an heir..." Alanna turned pale. "But you leave me no choice. No matter; after I kill you, I can carry out the rest of my plan." Uncle Bumpo's voice was changing from high and German to deep and Tortallan. His face was also changing, contorting this way and that. Suddenly, Alanna knew who Uncle Bumpo really was.
Power gathered in his hands as Alanna's eyes widened
She should have known it would be him.
