The Secret Diary of Yuki Sohma
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Hi, thankies to every reviewer that has reviewed the past two chappies! I never knew this fic would be so popular. I'm so grateful! Now, here's the third installment of the insane mind of Yuki-kun!
On with the ficcie! ::dun dada duuun::
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Entry Three
6:56 AM
Good morning, my dear diary! I survived the night last night! Turns out that the cold grip I felt on my neck was…
…Hanajima-san…I can't believe she tried to strangle me. She was still mad over that Ouiji Board incident, all I said was "It is foolish to rely on cardboard to predict the future." Hanajima-san glared at me and said: "You shall die tonight." Then I hauled ass out of there and ducked under the covers of my bed and cuddled my Sango plushie.
Don't you dare give me that look!
7:49 AM
I'm at school now, there is a new student, and her name is Konami Makina Suzaku Samiyosho Kinbaku Neko Kawaii. Whoo, just writing that name made my hand cramp up. You'd think her parents would stop giving her names just for the hell of it. Now she is telling everyone to just call her "Baka". Doesn't she know that the word "baka" means "idiot" in Japanese? Her eyes are purple and she has blue hair that comes down to her knees and it has white streaks running through it. She has really pale skin as well. Who exactly were her parents? Blue-haired Yetis?
For those of you that didn't know, a Yeti is like the Abominable Snowman.
"Baka-kun, please take a seat behind Yuki-kun." The teacher announces. I shrink down in my seat.
Baka-san bounces to me, oh goodness, she has got some big - never mind. She is not ugly, but I love my Honda-san more than her! Not even the biggest of attributes can tear apart our love for each other!
Is that jealousy in Honda-san's eyes? That is a very foreign emotion to see from her.
Do you ask me if I would possibly choose Baka-san over Honda-san?
Ain't no way, I love Honda-san too much to break her heart like that. Hell would freeze over if I did.
8:33 AM
Please help me someone! Baka-san is aggravating the living crap outta me! She shoves her large breasts in my face every chance she gets! I heard this is how a guy died one time at a strip club! A stripper shoved a man's face into her overly large breasts and he suffocated in them! And the man was at his bachelor party too!
And she is glomping my arm all the time! She won't let go! Not even if I died and was cremated, she would probably burn alive right along with me!
Good thing I shoved her off of my arm and hauled my booty in the boys' bathroom, so now I'm sitting on a toilet writing. It probably looks weird. And no I'm not using the bathroom.
But, back to Baka-san.
Not even my fangirls are this slutty! The girl has even cut her uniform shorter than it originally was! It is about two or three inches shorter than Honda-san's skirt! Now every time she bends over I get a glimpse at something that I'm not supposed to see!
I really hate my life.
9:19 AM
Here I am again, with Baka-san on my shoulder. I'm just glad that she hasn't hugged me yet. I swear if she did hug me and Akito made her live with us, I would commit suicide with a rubber band. I dunno how, but I would find a way.
Maybe if I told her that I was gay…
YES! That's perfect! I'll tell her that I'm gay!
Now, to find the perfect candidate to me my - gag - boyfriend.
10:03 AM
The auditions have begun! I shall find the perfect candidate for my boyfriend! Ugh, I sound so stupid. Maybe I could just tell her that me and Honda-san are going out, no wait, then she might hurt Honda-san. So I can't do that.
First candidate is Momiji, no, too childish. I'd probably get so aggravated with him I'd resort to plan C - suicide with a rubber band.
I shall find a way to do that. I know I will. I must!
Second candidate is Kyou, NO WAY IN HELL!! Next person!
Third candidate is Akito, hmmm, NO!
Next is the class president, too bossy.
I'll console you when I have made a decision.
11:59 AM
I have finally made a decision! The one and only…
HATSUHARU SOHMA shall be my "boyfriend" until I can deal with Baka-san properly.
Why Haru, you ask? Well, the answer is simple. He won't have a problem agreeing with the idea! He already has feelings for me, does he not? Mweh heh heh! I am a clever little rat that I am.
Whoa, note to self: Stop pretending you're Kenshin Himura.
12:42 PM
Just got out of lunch, which was an absolute disaster for lack of better words. Here's the whole story.
Haru came to lunch and sat beside me. Baka-san was on my left side, and Haru was on my right. Honda-san was in front of me with Kyou beside her.
So then Haru says "Yuuuuukiiii-kuuuuun, I didn't know you were cheating on me." He pouted and stroked my jaw line with his finger. He then moved his face closer to mine and smiled seductively, "Maybe you could do something to make it up to me." He then gave a suggestive wink. He then purred.
I'm sure everyone's eyes at the table widened twice their normal size, as well as mine. Haru looked indifferent, while Honda-san looked surprised, Kyou looked like he was about to vomit. And the weirdest thing was…
…Baka-san looked pleased.
I saw Kyou snicker at my surprised look when I realized that I had to play along as well. So I swallowed my pride and said, "When and where, koi?" Then I smiled seductively myself and took Haru's chin in my hand. Haru looked downright happy. I had to stifle a laugh.
Then my eyes found their way over to Honda-san, she looked like she was about to cry. I shall have to explain to her later.
Everyone else, except me, Haru, and Baka-san, looked like they were about to have a stroke.
I was lucky that we were the only ones in the lunchroom besides Hanajima-san, Uotani-san, and some of my fangirls.
Haru's face came closer to mine. Then I realized that he is not a bad looking guy…wait what in the name of sweet fuzzy pink duckies did I just write?!
He whispered in my ear loud enough so everyone could hear, "I want you now, on this table." I swear my whole body tingled, and it wasn't the good kind of tingle ya know. I was petrified for some odd reason.
Everyone shrieked and ran out of the lunchroom as fast as they could. But to my surprise, Baka-san remained her iron grip on my arm which was starting to go numb.
"Aren't you scared of us as well, Baka-san?" I asked, turning toward her and letting my hand drop from Haru's chin.
"Not at all, I LOVE YAOI!" She screamed, bolting up and taking something out from her purse. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it was a tape and a tape recorder. She held it up and exclaimed, "I love capturing yaoi moments on film! I have been given the 'Best Yaoi Film Maker award' two years running! See, I've caught Hiei/Kurama, Sensui/Itsuki, Malik/Ryou, Seto/Jounouchi, and Otogi/Honda all on film!"
"Wha?" Haru asked, confusedly.
"I am a Mary-Sue! I can travel through different animes with ease!" Baka-san said triumphantly. "And I've come to Fruits Basket for one reason…to find a decent yaoi moment, and to steal the heart of my favorite bishonen!"
"And who would that be?" I asked wearily.
"Why, it's you Yuki Sohma!" She pointed at me.
"What the hell?!" I screamed and ran for the door. She chanted something freaky and I was frozen in ice.
"I am also an ice kitsune, a priestess, and a member of the Chinese zodiac!" She said as if she had accomplished something.
"If you are a member of the Sohma family, then why isn't your last name Sohma?" Haru asked.
"Because I am the all-powerful Mary-Sue! Bow before my feet!"
"No!" Haru exclaimed. "You're feet have fungus!"
"They. Do. Not." Her rainbow colored eyes narrowed with anger as she brought out a shard of the Shikon no Tama. Right now I'm thinking, 'How the hell did she get a Shikon Shard, and didn't her eyes used to be purple?'
"I got this Shikon Shard from Fluffy after he killed Kagome in one of my fanfictions." Baka-san said, "Kagome is such a bitch isn't she? She whines all the time, kinda like Sango, always whining about how her brother is under Naraku's control and all that pointless crap. Sango SUCKS!"
'She did NOT just say that!' I thought as my blood pressure began to rise.
"But, Kagome and Sango aren't as bad as Kikyo! Man, I wish she would just stay dead and give me and Inuyasha a chance to be together! Or I want Sango to die to give me and Miroku a chance!" Baka-san continued her pointless ranting and then the inevitable happened…
…Haru turned black.
"Shut up you whiny little bitch!" He yelled, Baka-san looked taken aback. "Not every guy is going to like you, so shut the hell up cause you're really starting to piss me off!" Haru grabbed Baka-san by the collar. "If you don't shut up I'm gonna rip off your head, stick it on the flagpole, burn your body to ashes and sprinkle those ashes on top of cupcakes that I shall bake and distribute to everyone."
"Meep." She gulped.
"Meep?! What in the name of crap does that mean?!" Haru yelled in her face.
Baka-san took out the Shikon Shard and pressed it to her flesh. It was immediately absorbed into her and she became stronger. She punched Haru and sent him flying across the room. He landed in the pile of old cheese that the lunch ladies had just left out.
Baka-san then approached me. "Listen, I know you're not gay, so shut up." She snapped at me. She pressed her hands on the ice and it began to melt. I fell to the ground relieved.
"Now come with me." She yanked my hand and we went out of the lunchroom. When we were in front of Honda-san and the others she did something unexpected, she planted a kiss on my lips right in front of the girl that I care for more than life itself! I felt like kicking her scrawny ass out of my world and into one of her precious "fanfictions".
Honda-san began crying hysterically and ran off. Hanajima-san and Uotani-san ran after her while I just stood by Baka-san feeling like a worthless piece of-
Well, you know…
4:56 PM
I can't stand to look at myself, Honda-san hates me now, and I hate Baka-san. Why, oh, why did she have to come in the picture anyway?! Everything was perfect with Honda-san and she just had to come along with her Mary Sue-ness and ruin everything!
Oh how I hate Baka-san.
7:45 PM
I apologized to Honda-san, she said it was okay and that it looked like Baka-san forced me to kiss her in the first place.
Now, me and Honda-san are starting over again, trying to erase that bad memory, and at the same time I am trying to figure out exactly what happened at lunch, it still is a little confusing to me.
"Yuki-kun, dinner is ready." Honda-san calls softly.
"Coming, Honda-san!" I call back. Her cooking is always the best. Better than that stupid cat's anyway. I forgot when the last time I kicked his sorry ass was. Hmmmm…
Oh, well, I'll just have to figure that out later. After I come up with a plan to eliminate Konami Makina Suzaku Samiyosho Kinbaku Neko Kawaii a.k.a. Mary-Sue.
Mweh heh heh.
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There ya go! Thanks for reading this far, this chapter was kinda long, but I hope everyone has enjoyed it! No, this ain't the last chappie! This fic will probably never end! My goal is to get at least one hundred reviews! This is probably the fastest that I've ever updated anything, and it's all thanks to your reviews!
Now, give me an early X-mas present and press the beautiful purple button.
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