PART EIGHT

Harry went to Occlumency lessons, only to find Snape waiting for him, naked and sweaty.

"Hey, I'm ready for Occlumency," Harry muttered, trying not to look at Snape's Ding-Dong McSchlong.

"We will not be having Occlumency lessons today," Snape said, stalking across the room to him. "You will be sexually pleasing me."

"What?" Harry yelped.

Snape sneered contemptuously. "Since your… counterpart has so gracefully filled your woefully lacking role as school hero, you are now to fulfill the role of my young concubine."

Harry stared at him in horror, but before he could think of running, he realized he was actually strangely intrigued at the idea.

Snape wasn't too unattractive. Nevermind that he was straight… Snape was a damn sexy man.

"Uh, can I think about it for a while?" Harry stuttered.

Snape smirked. "You have five hours, Potter, before I ravish you. Use them wisely."

Harry staggered out into the blinding daylight, confused and disoriented. It seemed everything had turned about on its head these last few days.

What will I do about Snape?

What will I do about Ron?

""""" Hermione?

And Harry 2?

Oh, how he wished Dumbledore were still alive to advise him.

But wait, Dumbledore was still alive!

Whoops, he meant Sirius. How he wished Sirius was still alive to advise him!

Or beat the strangely attractive Snape into a pulp.

Harry saw Hermione giggling with Harry 2 off where they leaned by the Whomping Willow. Even the Whomping Willow preferred Harry 2… It raised its arms delicately to shade the happy couple from the sunlight, while shaking one stray limb ominously at Original Harry as though warning him of imminent decapitation if he dared to approach.

Sighing, feeling dejected and utterly miserable, Harry dragged himseld back to Snape's office.

"Okay, Snape, I'm ready to succumb to your predatory seductive charms-- wait, WHAT?"

Harry 2 glanced up from where he was tangled in a passionate embrace with Professor Snape.

"Oh, Harry 2!" Snape moaned. "You're a much better kisser than Potter!"

"You… you haven't even kissed me!" Harry cried, tears filling his eyes. "How can you say that?"

Harry 2 smirked. "Is itty baby Potter going to cry?"

Yes, yes he was!

Unable to hold back his sobs, Harry fled, never hearing Snape's anguish call as it was carried away on the wind.