Chapter Two:
(Ami)
He tries to be strong, if only for Kunzite's benefit. He says that he is taking each day at a time and is seemingly content to continue with the physiotherapy. He is not positive, but he is not negative, so Kunzite thinks that he is coping. When we are alone it is different.
He was crying again. I could hear him in the next room. I cannot imagine what it must be like to suddenly have something that you take for granted snatched away from you. He still hopes, whether it is that his treatment will help him to walk again or that Kunzite will heal him, I do not know. Indeed, I have seen Kunzite trying. He tries everyday when Zoisite is asleep. He did manage to heal the actual break, but the damage had been done. Not even Kunzite can fix the damage to his nerves, and the added pain in his heart.
I paused by the door to his room. He wouldn't have ever left the small dark little room in the infirmary had Kunzite not insisted upon it. He will not see Endymion-sama at all. I can understand that. How can he defend his Prince when can no longer defend himself? He will be reliant on Kunzite for the rest of his unnaturally long life. I just wonder whether Kunzite understands fully what this means. Would he be prepared to look after Zoisite for that long? I do not doubt their love, but even love can fade over time when faced with these sorts of circumstances. I think Zoisite knows this too.
I knocked on the door and after several seconds he allowed me to enter. His eyes were dry, but I saw the redness in them indicated his sorrow.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him, as I placed the tray down on a side cabinet, "How was physiotherapy?"
"Fine" came his sullen reply.
"Just fine?" I pressed him, "I heard you were doing very well."
He turned his head to look at me and I cringed when I saw the dull and muted look in his eyes. It pained me to see him in such a way.
We had been engaged, be it only for a short time. My parents wanted me to marry someone of importance and Zoisite, as one of Endymion's guardians, was the perfect choice. Of course, it helped that I already had a crush on him. There had always been something about the youngest of Endymion's guard. A certain charisma and beauty that set him apart from the others. Though that beauty could be misleading. He was often cruel and hated Nephrite, Endymion's second strongest guard, with a passion. He hadn't seen Nephrite since his accident, though the man was just as concerned about him as we all were. Nephrite was afraid that Zoisite would think that he mocking him by visiting and had kept away.
But I loved him, for all his faults and temper tantrums I had loved him with all my soul. It broke my heart when he told me it was over, though in his mind it had never truly begun. In truth I had already suspected and let him go. I wanted him to be happy. His happiness was all that mattered.
"If I was doing well" he finally responded to my question of earlier, "Then I wouldn't need that" he indicated the wheelchair with a nod of his head, "Would I?"
I ignored this and poured some tea, "Would you like a cup?" I asked him.
He shook his head, so I sat down at his side. Neither of us spoke for a moment.
"Did you see Kunzite today?" I asked, though I knew very well that the white haired man had hardly left Zoisite alone since it happened. He felt guilty. He blamed himself for what happened.
"Yes."
"What did he say about your treatment?"
"The same as you."
"You think it is a waste of time?"
"I want to die."
That killed the conversation right there.
"Ami-chan" his voice took on a desperate tone that I was so used too, "Help me. There must be something. Give me something? You have access to the drugs, right? Just give me anything that will end this!"
I was used to this and shook my head, "That is not the answer."
"Then what is?" a tear slid down his cheek and, angered, he brushed it away. "How can I live like this? Soon you'll get tired of playing nurse and leave. I'm no use to Kunzite-sama like this. He'll leave too and I'll be alone. I don't want that! I can't bear it!"
"How do you know that Kunzite will leave?"
"He can barely look me in the eyes! I was beautiful, and now I'm ugly in his eyes! He won't want to spend his life looking after me! I'm no use to him anymore."
"Why not talk to him about this?"
"Because" Zoisite drew a harsh breath, "I just can't!"
"Do you still love him?"
"Yes, but I can't love him and he can't love me."
I lowered my head, "And you think all he cares for is sex?"
I was sick of trying to raise his spirits. I had, had the same conversation with Zoisite all week and each day I had said the same old things. Every day I had to talk him out of suicide, but both of us knew he could do little on his own anyway. Instead I did the one thing that I could. I held him. It was different to all the times that I had seen him in Kunzite's arms. He cried, though he did attempt to remain strong until the emotions overwhelmed him. He gave into the fear and cried against me until he exhausted himself and fell asleep, leaving me with my own thoughts of that terrible day four weeks ago.
Youma attacks were all too common in the Earth Kingdom at present. Beryl, enraged and twisted with bitterness that Endymion refused to return her love, would often have Youma gatecrash a ball or even a religious ceremony that would take place at the palace. Of course, security was tight, but somehow Beryl's armies would always find a way in. It was a never-ending tide and, as usual, I was caught in the middle of it.
Endymion and Serenity had just got married. The ceremony was simple and took place in the cathedral near the palace. Afterwards, Serenity had gone to change before they embarked on their honeymoon. They were going to my home planet, Mercury. Of course I, as one of Serenity's guardians, was going with her, as was Rei-chan. Nephrite and Jadeite were to go to protect Endymion, though I knew for a fact that Kunzite had been meant to have been going, but Jadeite, who had a crush on Rei, had persuaded him to switch places.
The wedding had been relaxed and I had been walking back through the gardens with Kunzite, Endymion and Zoisite when it happened. A portal opened near the eastern wing of the palace and, as usual, about twenty or thirty Youma poured forth. I transformed, and sent a 'bubble spray' attack directly at them. It killed a few, but more replaced them. Kunzite and Zoisite had already entered the fray and as I fought, Rei, Minako and Makoto also joined in. It looked as though we were winning.
I was fighting alongside Endymion when it happened. He was frantic. He couldn't find Serenity anywhere. The battle was nearly over and Kunzite decided that we could deal with the remaining creatures and ordered Zoisite to find the Princess. Zoisite agreed, though he was slightly hurt that Kunzite would send him and not one of us.
I paid him little heed and concentrated on finishing off the remaining Youma. Within a few minutes the battle had been won. We had been lucky. Makoto was bleeding from a scratch on her arm, but apart from that we had remained untouched. I de-transformed, as did my fellow Senshi, but Kunzite was still uneasy.
Not having any powers outside my transformation, I could not sense any Youma aura, but Rei could.
"It's coming from Serenity's rooms" she cried out, even as Kunzite also came to this conclusion. I ran, even as my civilian self, up the never-ending flights of stairs that led to the Princess's rooms.
Endymion pushed passed me as I reached the top, and flung the door open.
"Serenity!" he cried out. The Moon Princess was on the balcony, her dress torn and in places blood seeped through the beautiful gown that she worn to her wedding not an hour before.
"Endymion-sama" she murmured in a daze before pitching forwards in a faint. Zoisite stood over her, struggling furiously with a Youma. It was stronger than the ones Beryl had sent before and in an instant I knew why. This had been staged. Beryl sought to kill Serenity! Her jealousy had overwhelmed her again.
"Serenity!" Endymion cried out as the Youma's blade shattered the ice crystal in Zoisite's hand. The sound of his King's voice distracted him and the Youma made a mad dash around Zoisite and reached out with a clawed hand to take another swipe at the Princess.
"Zoisite!" Kunzite pushed passed Endymion to race to his lover's aid, but Zoisite was quicker. As the Youma leapt for the Princess, he stepped between them. The Youma did not stop. Whether it could or it sensed its own destruction and sought to take Zoisite with it, I didn't know. Its weight slammed into the pretty man and they struck the balcony railing.
The railing was brittle and Endymion had been meaning to have it replaced, but his servants had not got around to it yet. It gave way and they fell. I cried out as he fell, even as Zoisite himself screamed. I'll never forget the crack as he landed; even though we were a floor up I still heard it. A deathly silence followed. Endymion was knelt down at Serenity's side, torn between his guardian and his wife.
Kunzite was not so torn. He raced down the stairs and I followed him. Serenity was shaken and had a few cuts but would be all right. I couldn't say the same for Zoisite.
Kunzite reached him first. Zoisite, amazingly, was still conscious. He lay on his back, the dead Youma draped across him. Kunzite flung it aside and then tried to maneuver the little king somewhat.
"Don't," I snapped, grabbing his arm and forcing him aside, "Don't move him."
"Why?" this was Zoisite. His eyes held a misted over look about them, his forehead creased in concentration even as I asked him where it hurt.
"My back" came his small and suddenly terrified reply.
"Can you feel this?" I placed a hand on his chest. He nodded weakly and I moved my hand lower to rest on his right knee. "What about this?"
"No" the panic was setting in now, "Ami-chan, I can't feel it."
"You might just be stunned by the fall" I replied, trying to keep calm, but the memory of that awful crack was still etched in my mind. It was in Zoisite's, too as he started to cry.
"Ami-san?" I jolted out of my recollection when the door opened again. Kunzite stood on the threshold, looking uncertainly in. I smiled invitingly and laid the now sleeping Zoisite back on the pillows.
"How is he?" Kunzite asked.
I nodded, preparing to lie once again, "He's a little tired that is all. He has another session in a bit. I was going to have lunch. Would you like to join me?"
Kunzite agreed and we left the room. The dinning hall was deserted as it was well passed 2 o'clock. We ate in silence, Kunzite lost in his thoughts and me in mine.
I occasionally looked up, wanting to broach the subject that pained Zoisite so and try to make things right between them. It was not my place, but I would do anything to take away Zoisite's suffering.
"What were you thinking about?" the white haired king asked after a while.
"The accident."
"It was my fault. I told him to go after Serenity."
"No!" I cried out. I had never seen Kunzite like this and it pained me so much. So much hurt…
"I told him to go after Serenity. I should have guessed Beryl's plan. If I had just gone with him. If I had reacted quicker…"
"It wouldn't have made any difference. Zoisite cares so much about Endymion and Serenity. He would have done anything to protect them."
"But why at such a high price?"
"Do you think about the future?" I regretted that question as soon as I voiced it, but Kunzite was feeling too guiltily to take offense.
"Sometimes" he allowed, "I used to see our future and now… it is all black. I can't see any way forward."
"Will you stay with him?"
I wanted him to answer this and at the same time I was terrified of his reply. Kunzite did not answer me straight away and it turned out that he didn't have too.
"Kunzite-sama?" his voice sounded so broken and forlorn, but Kunzite's ear preferred not to hear this and instead focused on the fact that Zoisite had managed to get himself all the way from his room to the dining room. Kunzite knelt down beside the wheelchair and presented Zoisite with a perfect pink rose. The little king smiled and took the flower, nodding enthusiastically to Kunzite's questions. Only when Kunzite's back was turned, did I see the saddened look in his eyes once more. Then the pretense was back. Zoisite complained that he was tired and Kunzite offered to take him back to his room. I let them go, watching how the older man was with his lover. He had not answered my question and how I wished that he had done so.
