TMNT Fan Fiction

One shot: No Longer Friends

This one has angst in it but I don't think that Raph can be done without it; he is such a troubled soul.

Disclaimer: Nope don't own them

Raph's POV (age: about 10 yrs):

"Good job Leonardo," Sensei praised him. We are supposed to call Dad Sensei in the Dojo. It's my turn to do the spin kick.

"That was well done Raphael but you should practice a little more to smooth it out," Sensei tells me. Practice? I already practice a lot with Leo and my kick looks as good as Leo's so what did I do wrong.

All day I pondered what I had done wrong but didn't see it. Maybe I do need more practice.

I woke up an hour earlier than normal from a nightmare and decided to practice some more. While I was practicing my kick I kept returning to my nightmare of falling behind, Dad looking at me disappointed because I wasn't good enough and saying that he didn't love me any more.

A few minutes before everyone else was supposed to get up I snuck back into bed and pretended to be asleep. I didn't want anyone to know because if Dad knew that I wasn't perfect anymore then he might not love me.

During evening practice Sensei showed us a new kick. Leo did it perfectly on the first try. I was so nervous that I ended up tripping over my feet. I could hear Mikey and Donny laughing before a glare from Sensei quieted them.

"Take a deep breath, picture the move in your mind, and then when you think you can do it try again," Sensei instructed me. I followed his instruction and did the kick.

"Much better Raphael," Sensei said.

He said 'Much better' not 'very good' or 'good job', no, 'much better'. I need to practice more. I am falling behind. That night, I didn't get much sleep and got up two hours earlier to practice.

During dinner I almost fell asleep but I managed to finish dinner before heading to my soft warm beckoning bed. However, Leo was blocking my path.

"Are you feeling OK Raph?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah, fine," I replied, slightly edgy, already dreaming of sleep.

"OK because Sensei said we could practice some more tonight if you want," Leo said.

Sleep sounded so good but what if while I am sleeping Leo gets further ahead? I can't risk that, so I followed him into the dojo and two hours latter I got into bed. It felt like I had barely gone to sleep before the mini alarm clock, that Donny had made me, went off under my pillow. Only the thought of not making a mistake again today managed to get me out of bed.

A week had passed before I had made another mistake in punching, kicking, and taking a fall. The last really got me because I had my falls down pat for several years now. Maybe I just needed more practice and getting up an extra hour earlier wont kill me.

I was able to not make another mistake for another two weeks. Then I came in last on a training run. When my brothers asked me what the matter was, I told them to leave me alone and ran into my room. I was able to hide in there crying for fifteen minuets before Leo called me out for lunch. I didn't feel like food and let Mikey finish off most of my meal.

Everyday after that day I couldn't do anything right, I was the slowest and I tripped more times then not, and Sensei's words of encouragement only conveyed his disappointment in me. I tried to improve but no matter how early I got up or how much practice I put in when hiding in my room and the bathroom, it wasn't good enough.

Two weeks latter Sensei called me into his room to talk to me.

"I know you have hit some rough times in your training, Raphael" he said. "However, as long as you keep trying you will pull through and be a better ninja then ever for it."

When I left his room I felt like he had punched me in my stomach without touching me. Trying? What did he think I was doing? Why was I doing this anyways? I will never be perfect like Leo. Dad has one perfect son already why does he need another? He probably doesn't even love me anymore.

I entered my room to find Leo already in there on his bed reading. He didn't even glance up when I turned around and ran out of the room and then the lair.

I ran until I collapsed under a sewer grate somewhere far away from home and fell asleep. When I woke up I realized that it had been raining for several hours but I didn't care nor did I feel the cold. I just sat there listening to the people and wallowing in my misery.

When Dad found me it was late at night and I was asleep again.

A week had passed, during which I remained in bed slipping in and out of my fevered dreams full of my bothers laughing at me because Dad didn't love me anymore. I was a failure.

For one of my more lucid periods, Leo paid me a visit.

"Go away. I hate you." I told him.

"Why Raph?" he asked.

"Go away. Go be the Perfect Son, Splinter Jr." I said nastily.

"Fine Hothead," he snapped back whether about my temperament or temperature I don't know. "And that's a stupid accent you have, too."

Accent? What accent?

It was several weeks before I was allowed out of bed. When I could train again I was the furthest one behind.

I don't care, I tell myself as I practice alone in the comer.

I don't care I tell myself as Leo gets praises from Dad.

I don't care that Leo is smiling at Dad and Dad is smiling back at his perfect son.

I just don't care that I am not perfect.

I have to look away as anger wells up inside me, no I am not perfect, someone who is perfect doesn't get angry and I… don't... care…. anymore.