Faith watched him as they walked together down the bright tree lined street on the way to his house. Bosco had told her all about his small home, but she still had a hard time picturing him with his own house. She sighed and leaned into him as if reassuring herself that he was still next to her, that she was actually holding his hand.
He turned to face her, a questioning grin on his face when he felt her eyes burning into the side of his face.
"What?" he asked when he was met by her gaze, before looking forward again. She smiled and blushed slightly but didn't turn away from him.
"I was just thinking about how different you look from the last time I saw you," Faith said quietly, finally looking away from him, where she saw the friendly waves and smiles directed at Bosco from the people driving and walking past.
Faith felt a strange jealousy as she watched him wave back at his friends and neighbours. She wanted to yell to them that she knew him first, and better than any of them ever would. She wanted them all to know that they would never know the kind of bond they had.
"Good different or bad different," he asked, his words breaking through her thoughts. His voice was quiet and almost worried. She laughed and pushed him lightly with her left shoulder.
"Good. Definitely good," Faith said happily. At her words he pulled his hand from hers bringing about a sadness in Faith that lasted only until he slid his arm across her shoulders, reminding her of the last night Bosco had been in New York. He had been loving and sweet, making sure that she knew that his reasons for leaving had nothing to do with her.
She relaxed under his arm and thought of the intense happiness he had brought to her that had so quickly changed to a sadness that had left her despondent and withdrawn from the world around her for months.
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She walked out of the station house into the cool air of spring, her eyes downcast and her features sad. She turned, heading for the subway when she heard him call her name. She stopped walking but didn't turn to him.
She knew that one look at him and her tears would be back with full force. Since the moment he told her that he was leaving, taking the disability offered from the Police Department and going in search of a life that would let him live without being reminded of what he was incapable of, she had been unable to think of anything else.
She was standing in the middle of her kitchen when he told her. The mug filled with steaming coffee had slipped from her hands when the word 'leaving' passed over his lips. Her heart had shattered along with the mug that lay in shards at her feet.
Faith heard him approaching her quickly as she stood on the sidewalk trying to keep herself together. She didn't want him to see her cry anymore. He didn't need that. She knew that he was hurting enough without having to deal with her pain too. He stopped behind her waiting for her to respond to him.
"Faith, will you look at me?" Bosco asked quietly. Faith inhaled deeply and turned slowly to meet his eyes, which were begging her to understand. "Faith, I know you hate me right now, but I can't leave with you angry. I don't want to get in my car tomorrow not knowing if I'll ever see you again." He paused, looking away from her, down at the pavement.
"That would be worse, Faith. That would be worse than staying here and feeling like I do now." Bosco said quietly, avoiding her gaze. He needed her to understand. He needed her support.
The sadness in his voice broke the dam that had been holding her emotions back since before she had left for work that morning. She felt the same twinge in her stomach that she got when he first told her, the same physical pain that couldn't be lessened by anything other than time.
Faith's breath caught in her throat as she tried to speak. He looked up then, seeing her eyes filled with tears and determination not to let them fall.
"Bos, I don't hate you. I could never hate you, do you hear me? Don't you dare think that." She had given up trying to keep the tears at bay. They rolled down her cheeks, leaving cool tracks to her chin. "I just don't want to not hate you while you are thousands of miles away."
He smirked at her, his own eyes red and wet.
"Faith, I'm not gonna go that far. And I'll come back. Once I can deal with everything, I'll be back."
She stared at him and nodded before pulling him into her for a hug. It was slightly awkward at first, since they had only really hugged once before then, the day that he was released from the hospital, but Bosco soon relaxed and wrapped him arms around her tighter as she silently sobbed into his shoulder.
"Hey, can we save the waterworks? Can we just hang out, not think about what's happening in the morning?" He lifted her face and wiped at her tears with his fingers. Faith nodded as best she could with her face trapped in his warm hands.
"Deal. Happy things only for the rest of the night," she said as she forced a smile, trying to reign in her anguish. "What do you wanna do?" she asked, stepping back from Bosco, wiping her own cheeks.
"Is Em home? 'Cause I thought maybe we could just go for a walk, maybe get something to eat, and then go back to your place and talk or watch a movie, whatever you want. And you know, since I don't really have an apartment anymore, there are a few options of where we can go. I guess we can get a motel room, but how would that look?" he said with his half grin that always emerged when he was being playful or saucy.
"My place is fine," she answered with a small laugh. "Emily's with Fred for the night, so if we watch a movie you don't have to share the couch."
"Or you," he added quickly and so softly that it made her wonder if he had even said it. She didn't question it, she just smiled and they both turned to look around, as if surveying the area like they had never been there before.
"I thought we could go for a walk in Central Park. I remember you said once that you loved it at night," he said walking backwards in the direction of the park. She smiled at the fact that he remembered.
She hadn't remembered telling anyone that.
"I said that?" she asked quietly as she started to follow him.
"Yeah. One time when you thought I wasn't listening in the squad. You said a lot when you didn't think I was listening," he said quietly as he turned forward and started walking side by side with her.
Faith turned her head to look at him as he stared at his shoes moving across the dark, dry pavement, heading towards his car. If he had looked at her then he would have seen the look of pure shock and awe in her eyes. Faith had no idea that he had retained anything that she had said, especially not menial information that she said in passing.
"I thought we could drive to the park. My legs don't take me as far as I would like anymore," Bosco practically whispered crossing the street to where his blue mustang sat. She didn't answer him. She didn't need to. They both knew that if he hadn't said it first, she would have insisted on it.
The drive to the park was silent. The kind of silence she had always loved about their relationship. This was the silence that she would miss all of those nights as she lay in the sharp quiet of her bedroom that stung her ears.
All too quickly, Bosco parked the car alongside the kerb. He looked to Faith and smiled sweetly.
"You ready?"
"Absolutely," she answered before the both reached for the door handles and got out into the crisp night air.
He waited for her to join him on the other side of the car before walking off down the path lined with dim street lights. After several moments of quiet strolling together, Bosco let his eyes look to the side to look at her. She stared ahead looking lost in thought. Her features were sad as her blond hair swirled behind her in the light breeze.
Bosco refocused on the narrow road ahead of them, shoving his hands in his pockets as he exhaled sharply.
"Ma wants to know if she can call ya sometime, you know, so you can like, do girly things," he said suddenly breaking the silence that settled between them. Faith looked at him, smiling.
"Of course. That'd be nice. We got to spend a lot of time together while you were in the hospital."
"She really likes you, Faith. She hasn't shut up about you since I woke up," he said chuckling at her. "She said that she couldn't be prouder of you if you were her own. You must have told her some great stories."
Faith felt herself blush at his words. She felt a surge of pride at the fact that Rose thought so highly of her. Her eyes started to sting as her smile grew.
"She did most of the talking. Maybe she liked my listening skills," she joked, running her fingers through her hair, untangling it and tossing it back over her shoulder.
"I think she just sees what I see," Bosco answered, pulling his right hand out of his pocket and draping it around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. Faith stared ahead, unsure of what her reaction should be. At his touch, her muscles instantly relaxed and her stomach excitedly jumped forcing questions she had been suppressing for months if not years into her mind.
She inhaled deeply and decided not to care about the questions; they didn't need to be answered. Bosco was leaving in the morning and she was going to let herself enjoy him and his company. Faith leaned into him and slid her arm around his waist, hugging him to her. She felt his arm squeeze her shoulder gently before leaning his head on hers.
They walked comfortably for quite sometime before she felt him start to slow, and his limp started to become evident from the strain of the continuous walking.
"Can we sit down for a little while, Bos? I'm kinda tired," she said quietly when she spotted a bench just ahead of them. He looked at her, gratefulness completely evident to her in his eyes. He nodded silently as they made their way to the wooden bench where they say side by side, their knees touching as he relaxed his arm across the back of the seat and breathed deeply, watching the people milling past.
"I don't know what to talk about, Bos. I don't know what to say that won't bring us to where we don't want to be," she said finally, her words bringing his face to hers.
He nodded sadly in agreement. "I know. Faith," he started, getting her to look up at him. "There was nothing you could have done that would have made my decision any different," he said quietly after a few moments.
She looked at him shocked. But she shouldn't have been. He had always known what she was thinking and feeling. Just like she knew the same about him. She nodded sadly, looking away again.
"Are you really that pissed at me that you can't even look at me?" he asked, half joking.
Slowly she moved her head so she was facing him, but her eyes never really met his.
"I'm not pissed Bosco, I… I'm sad," she said finally. "Looking at you, knowing that every single time I do is going to be one of the last for who knows how long is too much for me." She stopped, taking a deep breath as he moved even closer to her.
"Faith, I'm sorry. You have to know that I don't want to hurt you, I just -"
"Bos, don't. You don't need to explain yourself. I don't want to make you feel guilty for doing what you need to, but I can't help how it makes me feel. I'm trying to understand. I really am…but it's hard."
They sat in silence for several minutes, letting her words settle between them. At one point Bosco's arm was removed from the back of the bench and his hand found its way to her knee where it rubbed gently. She smiled sadly at his attempt to soothe her as best he could.
"I'll come back, Faith. I promise that I'll come back."
"I know. But I'm gonna miss you." Her voice was quiet as she choked back the tears that threatened to fall. He squeezed her knee which was his own way of telling her that he knew, because he felt the same.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and hooked her arms around his, his hand still on her leg.
"Come on," Bosco said after they had been sitting for quite some time, giving him ample opportunity to gather his strength.
"Where are we going?" she asked confused as he pulled her up with him. He smiled broadly at her.
"Not sure yet. Let's just go do something fun," his eyes were bright and excited and Faith couldn't help but laugh at him.
"Okay, lead the way!" she answered, letting his excitement rub off on her. She took his hand as he eagerly pulled her towards the car. He talked fast, rhyming off what he wanted to do with her.
"Let's just pretend we're tourists. It'll be fun. We can buy all kinds of useless New York crap," Bosco said as they made it back to the car and he unlocked the door for her. Laughing, Faith nodded in agreement.
"Sure. What the hell?" she said as she got in, watching him run around the front of the car as best he could and jump in the driver's seat.
He looked at her with his eyes wide as he pulled away from the curb, eager to give Faith at least one night of fun.
The rest of the night went by quickly, blurring itself in Faith's mind. The best part of the night was burned into her memory; the part where he promised her that he would come home to her.
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Looking quickly at Bosco before turning her eyes back to the world around them, Faith saw the slight smile that had been painted on his face since she first spotted him sitting alone in the Kate's café. She had gotten so used to the scowl that was permanently planted there for the entire time she knew him that it surprised her to see him so pleasant.
She smiled at the thought of him being happy, trying to convince herself that it was good news. He came and found what he was looking for. Faith pawed through her memories of him, searching for a time when he was this happy.
She couldn't think of one.
Looking at this new Bosco, there was really no comparison to the one that had left New York, who hated himself. He had no idea who he was or who he was supposed to be. He had lost that knowledge the moment the bullets meant for Faith had ripped through his body.
Thinking back to that night a year earlier, she should have been nothing but happy. But as they rounded another corner and Bosco pointed to the small white bungalow, his grin wider than ever, Faith's heart sank when she realized that for the first time in their relationship, Bosco had made a promise that he wouldn't keep.
