She looked straight in my eyes.

They were pretty glassy.

Piss drunken hussy.

She seemed oddly flattered that I had called her a sexy piece of meat and that she was oh so enticing in that skirt.

She was mildly retarded while intoxicated. But then, who wasn't?

She stepped closer to me, a silly smile on her face.

Oh no, maybe she wasn't flattered.

She leaned closer, her glassy eyes wavering for a second.

She stepped into such close proximity to me that I could not help but put my arms around her.

It wasn't long before I noticed that she was leaning closer, and her glassy brown eyes were now closed.

It wasn't long after that, that I felt her lips upon mine.

Taken back at first.

But then I realized that with a drunk female, which this could lead up to a rather invigorating crotch grind that did not involve the rather itchy constraints of clothes.

I pulled her close, and kissed her hastily.

" Oy, Draco!"

It was then that I realized that my cousin, Alfred Malfoy, better known as Alfie was in fact staying with us for the break.

Alfie was an overweight freeloader who had nothing going for him except that his favorite snack food was possibly going on sale next week.

He looked like me, only fat, and way uglier.

But he was a ladies man, probably because of the last name.

His uncle had in fact kicked him out a while ago, for being lazy and was not exactly the son he had hoped for.

Alfie had begged my father, and being the rather odd man that he was, Mr. Malfoy took him under his wing.

"Do we have anymore milk—oh who is this?"

"Nobody." I said quickly and steered Hermione towards the stairs. To my room.

But she was too quick. "I'm hhHermione" she slurred out and offered her hand for him to shake.

"Beautiful name." He flirted shamelessly.

" T-t-thankyou. It means Hermie…As in Hermit crab." She snorted, laughing at her TERRIBLE joke.

Alfie didn't seem like he was listening. The boy always seemed to have a short attention span. I think her chest distracted him.

"Granger lets go." I grabbed her shoulder. I didn't like the way he stared at her chest.

"No. I want to meet your very well endowed cousin." She pointed to his chest. Ha-ha, she just made fun of my cousin's grotesque man boobs!

I love this woman.

Not really.

You get what I mean.

"Hey!" it took a while for Alfie to understand what endowed meant, and in the terms she was speaking of. "I'm not fat."

"Yes you are…" Hermione giggled.

"Hermione lets go."

"I'm not fat you damned hussy." He shot back.

"Oh please porky, save yourself the energy and go eat another sandwich." She said icily. Damn, she was so slow witted before, but now, look at her. She's a damned tigress, ready to tear my poor cousin's eyes out with her words.

"Look at you, slut. Your hairs a mess and I even think I smell vomit."

"I think that's your arm pit buddy." She giggled. My cousin looked ready to murder to the small woman, and I was wishing I wasn't the only one witnessing this so I could place bets.

My bet would be on Granger.

Alfie always screamed like a girl.

"You better get out of my cousins house." He loomed over her darkly. She still giggled about the arm pit joke, not even noticing his looming.

"Actually, she's my guest, and I preferred she stay." I said quickly.

" Draco?" He questioned rather pathetically, it almost sounded like he was begging.

I just shot him an icy stare, which made him turn away towards his room. Or corridor I shall say.

She was still giggling. I never liked girls giggling, but then again I always enjoyed humor at the expense of others, so therefore I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Your cousins funny." She snorted.

"I'm sure."

" Malfoy." Alfie called from down the corridor.

"Yes?"

"I better not hear anything. And I better not find any fluids either. Gods know where she's been." He shouted.

"Oh shut up porky, go eat another sausage!" Hermione called back.

I heard some stamping and someone coming down the stairs. Alfie stood in front of us, enraged. He obviously got Hermione's double intoner about him being fat, and gay.

"I'm not gay." He stiffened.

"Sure ya not" She slurred out.

"You're a skinny little bitch." He spat out

" Jealous?" She giggled.

Alfie sputtered, face turning red. I tried not to laugh.

"Whore." He said quickly and turned on his heel and stormed off.

"Whiny tosser" she giggled

" Harlot."

" Fattie." My cousin slammed his door at this. I burst out laughing.

"Hermione that was probably the most brilliant display of wit I've ever seen." I howled. Really, it was awesome. Alfie had always been kind of like an annoying older brother, who smelt bad. He was mean to me when I was little, probably jealous.

He probably was gay.

She was still giggling, sitting down on the couch and leaning back, grabbing her stomach. I calmed down a little and sat down next to her, chuckling from time to time.

"I think your sobering up." I said.

"Hmm?" she had stopped laughing, and was staring up at the ceiling serenely.

" Did you eat anything before you started drinking?" I asked.

" Nah.."

Oh dear, that's the reason why she was so intoxicated. She needed food to soak up the alcohol.

" You better eat something. I think you'll feel better."

A part of me was torn between leaving her drunk or sobering up.

Pros and Cons of Drunk Hermione.

Pros:

1. Hilarity will ensue.

2. Embarrassment of my tosser of a cousin, Alfie.

3. Possible snog.

Cons:

1. Vomit.

2. Constant bladder movements.

Pros and Cons of Sober Hermione

Pros

1. ……………………..

Cons:

1. Whiny Hermione!

I am torn……

But alas, my better, nobler half has concluded that I should try to sober her up.

I lead her to my kitchen and give her something to eat. Some cookies.

She seems to be more coordinated afterwards, a little more focused.

" Malfoy, I'm really tired."

"Yea, me too." I look over at the clock; it's about 3:34 in the morning.

Normally, I would send her home. I do that to Pansy when she's over, or any other female. But since this is Hermione, and I presumed her reaction tomorrow would be somewhat frazzled and therefore hilarious, I sent her to my room.

I'm not going to sleep with her.

I am a gentleman after all.

I'll sleep in the room with her though. On the couch over by the fireplace.

She settles down into my bed, dreary eyed and still in her clothes. I put the blankets over her body.

She's already asleep.

I'm almost giddy at the entertainment promises of tomorrow.

Its going to be almost as good as when Potter fell off his broom.

And before I settle myself down on my plush, lush and oh so comfortable Italian couch, I think to myself that,

Granger isn't all that bad.

000000

So anyways, this took a while because I'm moving and I'm getting ready for the move. This might be my last time updating I don't know.

I know Hermione and Draco are a little out of character… But bear with me kiddies, its my storie.

And yes, the era of Drunk Hermione is coming to an end. Next, is sobered Hermione with a banging Hangover.

I think my house is haunted.

I got the name alfie from the jude law movie. Because he is hot, and that movies not.

I think Hermione was being a little mean, but hey, I took the idea and ran with it.

Don't be insulted at the rude names Hermione was calling alfie. Its just a story….

REVIEW

Irishsodabread