A/N: This was originally a drabble written to compensate for a bout of writer's block, before I discovered Writer's block is back, so you're being graced with it. (Yes, I know it's short.) Hopefully I'll be able to get on Kharlan and/or Fallen shortly. Enjoy.
Tomorrow, it would end. Did I want it to?
I realized in dismay that I did not. As much as I hated to admit it... I cared for them. It was a shallow emotion, meaningless. I was nothing more than a mercenary to Raine, a jerk to Genis, an amusement to Colette- as she tried desperately hard to get me to crack a smile. And to Lloyd...
A teacher.
I never intended to get close to him. My son he might be, but I was not his father. I merely wanted to be sure he could fend for himself, so I could do the job I'd been sent to do: protect Colette. Protect her long enough to murder her. It was not a task I would take pleasure in, but it had to be done, for the greater good. She understood that. Raine understood that. But Genis and Lloyd... less than understood that.
My hesitation now wasn't from an attachment to the Chosen, although there was certainly a bond there. It was for Lloyd's comfort. Lloyd's feeling. Why? Why did I care? I hadn't seen him in fifteen years. Another man had molded his personality- admirably and well, never the less, he was not my son in anything but blood. There was no trace of me in him.
Except his eyes. I wondered if my own mirrored my emotions as well as Lloyd's did. That was what made it so painful. That last lesson I gave him, looking in his eyes, there was such a depth of admiration, adulation and love that it shook me. I suspected that he knew who I was, somewhere in the depths of his unconscious. It tore me. I wanted to walk straight into his life in the same impulse I had to shove him away as hard as I could. The last time I loved, nothing good came of it. I wouldn't tread that path again.
That wouldn't stop me from gazing down it longingly, for the night. An old melody found it's way to my lips; a lullabye in the angelic language I would sing to Lloyd when he was an infant, small enough for me to hold in one hand. I sang softly, as to not disturb my companions. As it was, I was outside of the inn at the time, unable to sleep. I couldn't imagine that I would wake them.
The song dropped from me abruptly as the door to the inn opened and the Chosen stepped out. Damn my absent-mindedness. I should have know that she would hear me, being unable to sleep and having heightened hearing. We looked at each other for a number of moments, and then she descended the front steps, grabbed my hand, and traced letters in my palm: Can't sleep?
"No."
Nervous?
"Yes."
Colette smiled at me. You... needn't... be. I will... not fight... you.
My eyes widened. "I... don't know what you're talking about."
Colette's smile vanished. Do not... lie. You are... better... than that.
My mind raced. How did she- "How long have you known?"
I have... suspected... for a... while. When you... weren't... bothered by my... illness. It was as if... you had... experienced Here I ignored a misspelling- it yourself.
Her expression was inquizitive. "I did," I replied quietly.
You are... an... angel. "Yes."
Then you... are... the one... to kill me... as I... thought. I simply nodded. She gazed at me thoughtfully, then traced, Lloyd must... not see you... do it. He... adores you. It will... kill him. The smile she gave me was absolutely brilliant. I shook her hand off of mine and put my hands on her shoulders, staring deep into her blue eyes. "Colette. You must be absolutely sure," I said solemnly. "I do not want to do this. If it is not what you desire, I can't."
If looks could kill... The girl snatched my hand and traced as quickly as she could, No! I want to save the world!
I fixed my gaze on the ground. She'd sealed my fate. I would never be a part of Lloyd's life. If she had refused, I could return to Cruxis without harming a single one of them. She did not refuse, and I would have to kill at least her. Lloyd had already made it clear that he wouldn't allow Colette to go easily, and if attacked, I would defend myself.
Argh... look at me. A grown man, an ancient man, an ANGEL, and this slip of a girl had more courage than I. I managed a slight smile for her. "All right. Tomorrow, we will save the world, Chosen." Her hand gripped mine, and she mouthed Thank you. Then she released me, indicated for me to sleep- an ironic gesture- and walked back to the inn.
I watched her disappear into the still building, and resumed my lullabye.
