Hello people! I am SO sorry for the long wait. I've been hella busy. Anyways, please don't abandon me and I'll try and update faster

Fallen from Grace

Kyle's POV

The next few days were quiet and peaceful. I couldn't remember a time where things had been so tame. I didn't mind, though.

As I had thought, it was hard to be with Stan and keep quiet about it at the same time. I wanted to scream and dance and cry. I was so happy. Nobody could know yet, though. Stan was nervous about people finding out. Me, I couldn't have cared less. If it were up to me, our relationship would be broadcasted on the news.

It was also hard finding the right time and place to show little affectionate signs that couples normally do. Holding hands, kisses, sweet words …

Stan and I met as often as we could in the bathrooms for a little "quality time" together. And after school, we made sure to miss the bus and cut through Stark's Pond to get home. It was relatively empty in the early evening and a great advantage to us. Even if all we did was hold hands, I couldn't have been happier.

Stan eventually broke up with Wendy, but, as gently as possible. No matter how nice he was about it, Wendy came in one morning, eyes swollen and red and her usually shining hair matted and tangled. Her friends trailed after her, handing her tissues, nodding compassionately, and hugging her in between her explanation. I could've sworn that they all hissed when Stan and I walked by.

I felt his fall slightly in his step and I gave his hand a quick, gentle squeeze.

"They know nothing." I whispered.

He turned and smiled at me. He was putting on a brave face, but I could see fear sketched in his eyes. Fear of what, though? Wendy? Our relationship? Cartman's taunting?

Who cares?

I just wanted him to see that we could be happy. Even if the world didn't approve. We could be so happy.

It was after school that day when that Wendy incident occurred. Stan and I were walking along, fingers laced together, talking about school and nothing in particular. I was shocked at how normal this could feel.

The sun was peaking through the tips of the trees lining Stark's Pond. Stan was laughing as he told me about something that had happened earlier. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention. Something was on my mind. In the back of my mind, rather. It was bothering me and it gave me a nervous feeling.

Stan must've noticed my attempted interest. He nudged me a bit with his shoulder and I looked up, surprised.

"You okay, Kyle?" Concern was flooding his eyes.

I forced a smile and nodded a little too encouragingly.

"I'm fine, Dude. Just a little tired."

Stan's forehead creased and he raised an eyebrow. "Don't bullshit me, Kyle. I've seen you when you're tired. You're cranky as hell when you're tired."

I sighed, mentally preparing my defense when a familiar shrill voice rose up from the forest. Stan dropped my hand and leaped back. I looked at him a little hurt and he shrugged with a look of guilt present on his handsome face.

"Hey, fags."

I groaned and gave Cartman the finger as he appeared from behind a wall of trees, too bothered to do anything more. Kenny was with him and they both had ice-skates slung over their shoulders.

Stan was looking at the ground, blushing with his hands in his pockets. I cleared my throat.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Cartman sneered at me, swinging his skates around so he was flashing them in front of my face.

"What's it look like, Jew?"

Kenny chuckled from under his hood at my stupidity.

Cartman's sneer was replaced with that look of innocence he had perfected over the years. Apparently, he had gotten over his flu. He was being more of an asshole than usual.

"I believe a better question is, what are YOU doing here, Kyle? Stan?"

I glared at him and Stan spoke up for the first time.

"We're walking home, Fatass! What does it look like we're doing?" He snapped. He swung his backpack irritably from the shoulder it was resting on to the other.

Cartman clicked his tongue and grinned. He was really scraping along my nerves.

"Actually, Stanley, it looks like you two are out being faggy little gaywads in private."

Stan punched him in the arm and Cartman's whine echoed through the trees.

"Stupid fags. C'mon, Kenny! Jesus Christ." Cartman sauntered off to the pond and Kenny hung back for a minute. He grinned at us.

"So, Stan. You finally dumped Wendy, huh?"

Stan grunted something incoherently under his breath.

Kenny laughed.

"The whole school's talkin' about how "the perfect couple" broke up. It's actually funny. You ought to hear the rumors flying around. Whoo boy!"

Kenny could be the greatest comfort ever one second and the next, he was fueling the fire and didn't even know it. He knew that Stan and I were together. He was the only one who knew. What the hell was he doing?

I butted in, "Kenny, Stan's upset about it. Now isn't the best time."

Kenny nodded understandingly and offered his charismatic smile as an apology.

"Alright. Sorry, Stan. So, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow."

I waved and Stan didn't even look up.

Kenny disappeared after Cartman, whistling a nameless tune as he went.

Once they were far enough away that their voices were faint, I took Stan's hand again, trying to overlook the limpness of his grasp.

"Stan, it's okay. You don't need to be so scared of this."

I heard him sigh. His fingers tightened around mine slightly.

"It's not … that. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, Dude. I like you, Kyle. I really do. But this all feels so wrong."

My heart dropped a bit and he noticed by change in facial expressions. He wrapped me in a hug and I melted.

"But I'm determined to make it work." He whispered in my ear. "No matter what. Screw Wendy."

I tried to believe him, but something was telling me that something was horribly wrong. Something could always go horribly wrong. Especially when you're happy.

We continued our walk home in silence. The snow crunched under our feet and I could see the sun setting behind the trees. I was lost in my thoughts again.

Stan hadn't stopped cutting. He said he had but I could see fresh scars slashed through his wrist.

In a way, I felt hurt. He had promised me he wouldn't. I didn't know why he didn't just come and talk to me about how he was feeling. It was killing me on the inside. I could feel his pain with each new cut I saw shaped into his skin each day.

Stan turned to me with sad eyes. He seemed to feel my grief and it was taking its toll on him.

"Kyle?"

I looked at him wearily. He looked down and ran his hand uncomfortably up his left wrist.

"I know I told you that … I'd stop … but I can't. I … I just can't. I tried. I really did. I'm so sorry, Kyle."

Tears were welling up in his eyes and he looked so vulnerable. He shivered as a cold wind wrapped around the forest, rushing throughout the trees. He stared at me helplessly, almost asking what his next move should be. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't be mad at him for it. It really wasn't his fault … entirely.

I mean it was normal for teenagers to be depressed, wasn't it? And he had every reason to be. What, with his Grandma dying, his messy breakup with Wendy, me and him finally hooking up … depression seemed to be the bonus with all this other shit.

I sighed and grabbed hold of his hand again. We continued walking home, still ignoring and refusing to think that this could all so easily turn wrong.

… But I wanted him so bad, I was willing to fight the rest of the world.