The Liquidation Bin

Chapter 1: Burnin' Down the House

Just so you know, I like Baten Kaitos. But I also love making fun of it. I also don't own it.

It was a warm day. A very warm day. It was too bad Kalas had just been shot. He couldn't see anything. That's usually the way it works when you are unconscious.

Kalas awoke with a start. It wasn't a warm day- his house was on fire! When this realization struck him, a glitch occurred in the game, and his cloak went into his head. Darn graphics chip! he thought, sweeping it away. He was just wondering why everyone thought the graphics were so good, when his hair was set on fire.

Thinking quickly, he dunked his head into a barrel of water. But wait! The water barrel was really the oil bucket in disguise! The oil bucket snickered and rolled away, pouring oil on the burning flames.

In his moment of panic, Kalas remembered a wise saying of his grandfather's. His grandfather used to tell him, "Kalas, if you don't remember anything else I say, which is likely to happen, remember this…"

That was all he could remember.

Another phrase came to his mind: "Stop, drop, and roll." But how to stop, drop, and roll on one's head? There was only one answer…

BREAKDANCING!

A disco ball dropped from the ceiling, and a DJ jumped out from the fireplace, playing a catchy techno beat. The dancing flames settled into a rhythm, and Kalas was off.

The harmony lasted only a moment before his head was put out, and everything returned to normal. Kalas looked in the mirror and gasped. The fire had turned his hair blue!

His own troubles were soon forgotten when a cry was heard from a corner. There, dying, was his somehow related relative, Fee.

"Pee! Pee!"

"It's 'Fee' you dolt. You always were an idiot, weren't you?" Fee replied with a cough.

"Now, now, Fee," Kalas said like a man cooing a savage bear, "You…uh…don't know what you're saying. The fumes must have gotten to you."

"Just be quiet and listen!" Fee shouted in aggravation. "You must…go on a journey…to find the lost ocean…"

And Fee collapsed in Kalas' arms. A tear came to Kalas' eye. He didn't know what to do…how to react…

"Eww! I'm touching a dead body!"

He threw Fee into the oil bucket, who had come back to wreak more havoc. The bucket exploded.

Kalas decided to take up his brother's…cousin's…nephew's…relative's last wish. He ran from the house, down to the Subway. After buying himself a sub, he went to the subway, munching on an Olive-Jalapeno Chicken Meatball Special.

He bought a ticket for the 7:00 train to the End of the World. Fifteen minutes later, the train arrived. All the seats were taken, so he was forced to stand between a witch and an Iron Beetle V. He got off the subway and onto a tour tram. The driver supplied the passengers with facts and trivia that might have been interesting to a rabid hedgehog while Kalas slurped on a Caffeine-free GeldoPlus.

The tram stopped a the Edge of the World, the #1 site of tourist death in the land, their motto: "We promise that you may or may not be safe viewing our spectacul- whaa!"

Carefully peering over the edge, the caught a glimpse of the ocean. "Mission complete!" he shouted.

"…Back then, philosophers thought the world was round. Then, in 15154, Giacomo the –14th looked out over the Edge of the World," the tour guide rambled on over the sceams of falling tourists.

That was when Kalas remembered. "Giacomo was the one who burned my house down and shot me!"

He turned to go, but the witch from the subway stood in his way.

"Beware, young man," she warned, "that you choose your friends wisely. One of your companions will betray you to your doom!"

She then tripped and fell over the Edge of the World.