Conscious Thoughts

Well here's another chappie – this one was hard to write so I hope you al like it!

Once again huge thanks goes out to all my reviewers – especially Teacher Tam you gave me a great review – and of course to my Swedish friend Swenglish who keeps me going.

Also I would like take this opportunity to say what I think will happen in the Finale of season two.

Julie will poison Caleb (possible with his heart medication) to keep his money, Oliver comes back and holds up the bait shop he gets mad and tries to shoot at Marissa but Ryan (being our noble boy) jumps in front of her and gets shot himself. We will be left hanging until Season Three to find out what damage was done – don't worry he won't be killed!

Stupid or not that is my prediction!

Enjoy this chapter please review!


When Sandy entered the room with fresh, steaming coffees he paused for a moment to look at his wife and sleeping son. After Ryan had called Kirsten 'Mom' she had been in protection overdrive; cuddling up to his side, stroking his hair and rocking him back to sleep.

Sandy had tried to break the silence, draw his wife away from the stressful situation, but she would not be moved. Not even for the doctors, who Sandy had informed of the newest development, they wanted to check Ryan over now that he had spoken.

"How is he?"

Kirsten didn't move her head up from its position, "Okay I guess. He's been sleeping most of the time."

Kirsten continued to stroke Ryan's hair from brow to neck, while her other hand rubbed soothing circles across his back. He was tucked into her chest as if he were a tiny baby, it made Kirsten wish she was able to be there for him when he was that small.

"About before... I just don't think you should get your or his hopes up." Sandy paused trying to look at his wife's reaction. "He's got a long way to go Kirsten, I think today proved that."

"I just don't see why you have to be so damn negative all the time." She glared up at him when he tried to sit by her side. "First you steam roller in and have Marissa arrested, then you tell the kids Ryan isn't okay," she dropped her voice down to a whisper, "and then you tell him he can't come home. I know it might take a while but we need to be positive for him, he's scared and he doesn't need you being so pessimistic." Her voice rose once again and she ended on a rather abrupt snap.

To neither of their knowledge, Ryan was now lying awake in her arms looking up at his parents as they argued.

"Wh…," Ryan faltered and had to clear his throat before he tried again, "What's going on?"

Shocked all Kirsten and Sandy could do was stare down at him, he struggled against Kirsten's grasp as he tried to sit up. Sandy reached out a hand to aid him, stunned when Ryan ripped his shoulder away from his touch Sandy stepped back from the bed.

The force of the motion made Ryan's head swim and his vision doubled immediately. He couldn't hold in the groan as he tried to hold steady.

"Sweetie? You okay?" Kirsten was there right beside him rubbing his back and holding him upright.

The pressure behind his eyes began to build with every heartbeat; he felt his stomach revolt against the food he had consumed some time ago. Everything around him went grey and he felt himself be pulled back into Kirsten's embrace, he gave in and let it happen – she would take care of him.

Faintly he heard, "Sandy call the doctor."

A pink blob appeared through the grey, it looked quite like the tea set Theresa had made him use when he'd stayed over with her one time – he was about seven and had made her swear not tell any of the kids at school.

"It's all right honey, let it come baby. Get it all out, there's a good boy." Through the mist he heard Kirsten's voice gently coaxing him. Letting go he leant forward and emptied his stomach contents into Theresa's tea set.

An unfamiliar voice joined the group. "Hey Ryan you're doing well son, let's get it all up." A hand was placed upon his back as his lungs began to burn with fire, the vomit stopped but the gagging continued on.

He continued bent double over the dish, he was aware of the shadows moving around in his peripheral vision.

"Ryan I'm going to give you a shot of compazine. It should stop the nausea for now okay."

Ryan felt the covers being pulled back and the God awful gown he was wearing being raised up, panic setting in he swiped at the doctor. This time he had missed so he drew back again, but before he could connect a hand wrapped securely around his wrist.

"Ryan don't! They're trying to help kid okay. Settle down and let the medicine do its job." Sandy's voice called out to him through the fog.

If Sandy was here he wouldn't let Gary hurt him. Gary wouldn't be brave enough to hurt him when Sandy was there.

Sandy would protect him; he had to do as he said.

Clenching his hands tightly around Sandy and Kirsten he braced himself for the motion near his thigh. A cold slimy sensation reached him first, followed by a hand gripping his flesh and then the sharp sting of the needle entering his leg.

After a few moments of heavy breathing and one or two last gags, Ryan calmed down enough to be laid back into the bed. An oxygen mask was fitted snugly to his face and the bed raised so he could see the rest of the room.

Kirsten and Sandy stayed near him the whole time, soothing him while the doctor bustled around his bed.

"Hey Ryan I'm Dr. Fleming, I'll be looking after you while you're up here in ITU." He stood at the foot of his patient's bed having finished twiddling with the controls on the equipment. This allowed the concerned parents to hover without disturbance, a smile tugged at his lips as he watched the mother and father fuss over the fully grown man in front of him. He knew form much experience that parents always thought of their kids as two no matter how old they actually were.

"You've been doing really well since you were brought in, I didn't expect you to be off the vent so quickly." He smiled and marked down some notes on the chart. "I know the nausea can be pretty overwhelming but I'll write you a script up for compazine so the nurses can give you it when needed."

Ryan kept his eyes tightly shut, letting Kirsten and Sandy calm him as the doctor rambled on.

"I need to ask a few questions Ryan just to check your okay; you just have to nod an answer okay?"

All Ryan did was nod weakly; it was all the stupid doctor had requested so it was all he was going to get.

"Okay good boy. Here we go," the doctor looked at the parents again who had now taken their son's hands in theirs.

"Do you know why you're here?"

A shake.

"Do you know who these people are?"

This time a nod.

"Okay. Ryan it's normal for patients who have taken drugs to experience flashbacks or nightmares…"

Before he could finish his question Ryan's eyes flew open to reveal startled confused eyes, he looked from the doctor to his parents. His hand released its grip on his father and went to his face pulling down the smoking mask.

Before he could ask his father launched into a pre-emptive strike, "Ryan kid, there was some...trouble at the party. You were given some drugs kiddo and…"

He was cut off by his sons desperate pleas, "I didn't…I wouldn't…please...please believe me."

"Hey listen to me kid." Sandy lifted the mask back up into place and hovered above his sons face to make sure he looked right into his eyes. "You were given them sweetheart you didn't take them, someone spiked your drink kid okay. We know you wouldn't do that kid, just relax."

Ryan gripped Kirsten's hand tightly as he tried to slow his breathing once again, his mind flashed to the party; the people, the breakages, the music…

"I told Seth it was too loud." He muttered underneath his breath.

"What sweetie? You told Seth what was too loud?" Kirsten stroked his upper arm offering him what comfort she could.

"The music…it told him you'd be mad." Ryan's eyes began to slip back into his head as he lost his battle with sleep. "I knew you'd find out…you always do."


The doctor had left them alone shortly after Ryan had fallen asleep, he made it clear he still needed to talk to Ryan about his condition but he didn't want to annoy him while he was still so confused.

He had slept for hours before stirring, another nightmare seeping into his mind. Sandy had been there this time to hold and comfort him, whispering assurances into his son's blonde hair.

Ryan had never truly awoken that time; he had mumbled something about being left alone and then fell back into his slumber.

Sandy had left for a short time to phone Seth; he had been informed by a very irate son that half of Orange County had been on the phone; Dr. Kim, Caleb, 'Partridge, Savage & Khon', Luke, Summer, a very furious Julie Cooper….the list went on and on.

Also several cops had been prowling through the house and gardens, yelling at Seth not to touch anything every time he went to clean up.

Sandy had assured his son that he would come home and sort everything out, knowing his son would be climbing the walls by this point he gave him a menial task to occupy his time; requesting a list of all those who had called and a freshly packed bag of clothes.

Sandy had hurried back to the room, gathering up all the belongings which were no longer needed or were dirty and stuffed then into the rucksack.

"Honey I have to go home for a while." He stood by Kirsten's side and reached down to Ryan. "Seth's going bananas left alone in the house, you would know all about that huh kid?" He kissed Ryan's forehead tenderly and whispered lovingly, "I'll be back as soon as I can, take care."

Kissing is wife in a similar fashion he hurried from the room, flipping out his phone he was met by a barrage of messages left by some of the people Seth had mentioned earlier.

He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the task ahead, facing the gossiping vultures of Newport was not something he enjoyed especially when he suspected that Julie Cooper had beat him to the punch, laying the blame for Ryan's condition squarely at his feet.


Sandy had been away for about half an hour when Ryan began to stir again, a placid moan escaping his lips as he turned his head to face Kirsten.

As his eyes opened into tiny slits Kirsten grin widened, "Hey sleepy head, how you feeling?" She pressed the controls to sit the top end of the bed up, softly caressing Ryan's hair as she did.

"M'kay." He mumbled through sleep and the mask, he scrunched up his face and a wobbly hand started to make its way up to his face.

"Wait a minute sweetie." Kirsten took his hand in hers, "How do you feel? If you're sore or sick it needs to stay on okay?"

Ryan closed his eyes, trying to blink away the sleep. He shook his head slowly afraid the motion would bring back the nausea.

"Okay then I'll take it off but only for a little while." She couldn't wipe the smile off her face even though she was trying to be stern. Reaching out toward him, she faltered as he clenched his eyes shut when she touched his face, removing the mask as gently as she could she hung it on the railing by his head – just in case.

"There you go sweetheart, is that better?" Ryan opened his eyes again, looking directly at her he nodded and licked his chapped lips.

"Here you go honey." She placed some ice chips at his lips only letting him take in a few at a time. "Take your time with them; I wouldn't want you to choke on me." She smiled at him hoping to get some from of reaction from him.

Ryan looked down at his blankets and twiddled the excess fluff between his fingers, "Who?"

A simple question.

Kirsten knew what he meant, she knew the 'Who' he referred to but she couldn't bring herself to tell him.

"Who what sweetie?" She tried to keep her smile, act as though he was asking an innocent question.

"Who did it?" Ryan glanced up at her, his eyes burning a hole through her.

He knew that she knew what he meant; he also knew that by lying to him Kirsten was hiding something awful.

"If I answer your question will you answer mine?" She dropped her head from his gaze.

"Yeah." Was all he could croak, he reached for her hand and squeezed it just to let her know that he was there.

Kirsten sat for a few minutes trying to think of the best way to break it to him; she could feel him gripping her hand patiently awaiting her response.

"Marissa." It was all she could think of in the end.

The truth.

Ryan released her hand, looking at her face in horror his mind flashed back to the party.

"Yeah but I noticed that your not having a good time so I thought I'd come out and cheer you up,"

"Here I brought you this."

"Relax Ry its just Sprite."

"Honey?" He looked back up into his foster mothers eyes. "I know it's a lot to take in. I don't think she meant to hurt you, she didn't know what she was doing."

They sat together in silence, Kirsten sat by Ryan's side rubbing his back soothingly, letting the truth sink into her son.

"What's your question?" It was the first thing Ryan had said since she broke the news.

Taken aback Kirsten looked down at him, "Huh?"

"You said you had a question, what was it?"

Looking deep into her sons eyes she wondered how to broach the subject. She needed to know the answer this question desperately, for her own sake not just her sons.

Bracing herself for Ryan's reaction she cleared her throat and asked.

"Who's Gary?"


Eu-freakin-reka!

That was a toughie to write but I did it – now I just have to do the answer and I'll be good to go!

Please review and let me know what you thought!