I'm sorry that this story keeps getting longer and longer, but these conversations and reactions got very tricky. Here's an update anyway.

When the guys arrived in Westchester at 6:30 that evening, they parked the car outside and then entered the house together. Chandler awkwardly held the pizza box in front of him, half as a shield, half as a peace offering.

Monica was sitting on the couch breastfeeding their babies. She no longer needed the nursing device to assist her, and the warm, comforting contact with her children had managed to calm her down a bit. Still, she looked at Joey and Chandler with wounded eyes that seemed to ask, "How could you do this to us?"

Flustered by his guilt, Chandler stammered, "I'm--I'm sorry, Monica. Um, about the fight and leaving like that... Are you--are you okay?"

"Okay?" She scoffed at the absurdity of the question. "Yeah, my husband turned gay and abandoned us, but surprisingly I'm okay!"

Chandler winced at the reproach, but knew he deserved it. He stared at his feet and wondered if he'd screwed things up so bad that Monica would hate him for years the way that his mom had hated his dad for so long after the divorce. Nora and Charles Bing had still only tolerated each other at Monica and Chandler's wedding.

Meanwhile, Joey felt embarrassed and unable to face Monica in such a maternal moment. He grabbed the pizza box and said, "Um, you want us to go heat this up for dinner?"

Monica dragged her eyes away from Chandler and shook her head. "No. No, I'm not hungry." She shifted a blanket slightly to cover herself up, but let her babies continue nursing.

"Okay." So Joey put the box on the coffee table and sat down in a chair across from her. Chandler did so too, and they exchanged sad, worried glances, trying to figure out how to make things right.

At last, Joey cleared his throat and apologized too, "I'm really sorry, Mon... I-I never meant for any of this to happen, and I don't wanna break up your family. Really. You're my friend, and I want you to be happy. That's why we both came back here, to see if we could work something out."

"Like what?" she asked. Part of her hoped that Joey felt guilty enough to convince Chandler to stay with her, and yet, the way that Joey held onto Chandler's hand tightly suggested that they didn't want to end--whatever this was--between them.

Chandler spoke up again, motivated by looking at the babies in her arms. "Well, I-I was nuts, you know, to storm out of here and leave you with the kids like that. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I was, I was just so insecure about being a horrible father and screwing them up, and I thought you and Richard--" He saw the frustration on her face, so he altered his words. "And, um, I was stupid not to believe you about Richard. I guess I was just so messed up and desperate about Joey, that I wasn't thinking straight."

Monica closed her eyes and whispered, "I know." Then she gulped and pointed to some papers on the coffee table. "I found your letters to Joey."

"What?" Joey looked surprised and quickly grabbed the papers to read them.

Chandler realized what she meant and told Joey, "Oh, I-I was writing those earlier today, when I still thought I shouldn't see you again."

Monica opened her eyes and frowned at the two of them, sitting close together; they already looked too much like a couple, and it hurt her. "Apparently, you kept a lot of secrets from me, Chandler." She sighed sadly. "So what happened to Joey's note and the check you never cashed? Did you throw it away?"

Chandler explained, "No, uh, it's still in my desk at work. I was gonna shred it or something. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I-I never wanted to ask him for a loan in the first place, and I didn't want you to make me talk to Joey again, because I couldn't handle it. I was trying to forget about him."

Monica grimaced in defeat. "I guess it's pretty clear that didn't work."

They all fell into an uneasy silence, with the delicate subject hanging in the air. Joey stared at the letter fragments that Chandler had written to him, and he was torn between his guilt and his love for Chandler.

The silence was finally broken when the babies stopped nursing, then started to fuss and fidget irritably. Monica began shifting them in her arms, so that she could burp them, but they were quite a handful.

Chandler cautiously came closer and took hold of Erica for her, burping her with gentle pats on her back. Monica did the same for Jack, then handed him to Chandler too while she closed up her bra and shirt.

The twins settled down in their father's arms, and Chandler's heart broke a little, realizing how close he was to losing them completely. He looked up at Monica and asked her quietly if they could agree to joint custody of the babies. "I mean, I-I know that I said that you could have them before, but I really don't want to abandon our babies. I don't. We worked so hard to adopt them, and I love them, Monica. Please let me stay in their lives."

"I-I don't want you to abandon them either," Monica answered tearfully. "But how could you do that to us, Chandler? How could you just leave us like that?" She reached for the twins and took them back into her arms.

Chandler looked chastised, and Joey rubbed his arm kindly.

Hugging the twins tightly, Monica wiped her tears and told him, "And you should have believed me when I said that Richard's not coming back, and that I don't love him! I still love you, Chandler. I do."

He stared at her, realizing that she actually meant this; it caught him off guard. "I'm sorry. I guess I-I just assumed, because you went and kissed him, like I kissed Joey..."

She shook her head. "But it's not the same, Chandler! I tried to tell you the reasons why I kissed Richard, but you wouldn't listen to me." She put the babies aside in two baby seats that were lying around the living room. (Damn, the house was still such a mess!) She rocked them in the seats and spoke in a softer voice, trying to let the kids fall asleep, "When I kissed him, Chandler, it--it was partly just nostalgia about the past, and the fact that Richard used to talk about us moving to France someday. I always wanted to go to France, you know? You and me missed out on Paris, too, even for our honeymoon; we had to go to Hawaii instead because of the damn budget! I guess I didn't realize how much I resented that until now. And I think I also kissed him because I was so stressed out lately about our fights and our money problems, and I just felt--felt frustrated and exhausted in this house." She admitted miserably, "I-I'm really not as happy in Westchester as I thought I would be, Chandler. I think I expected too much, and we shouldn't have rushed into moving to the suburbs. We weren't ready."

Joey perked up at this remark, and he asked hopefully, "Are you thinking about moving back to the city, Monica? Yeah, you should come back! You and the babies could be closer to everybody, and you wouldn't have to commute to work, and--and you can sell this house for money, too."

"But where would I live?" Monica protested. "My old apartment's taken, and we can't just all live at your place, Joey." That would be horribly awkward, not to mention crowded.

Joey answered, "I know, but--but we can help you find another apartment, Monica. Maybe I could talk Phoebe into letting you and the babies stay with her until you find a place of your own. If not, I'll ask around to see if any of my sisters need a roommate. We'll find someplace good, I promise."

She glanced at both of them sarcastically. "And what, you two would live at Joey's apartment, all happy and gay?" She pictured the scenario bitterly and cried.

Joey realized that he'd pressed too far with his eagerness, and he felt awful. Maybe he was being selfish, after all, and should just step back and leave so they could stay a family.

Chandler moved to comfort her, but she withdrew from his touch, so he sat close and said helplessly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm hurting you, and I don't know how to make amends. You know, besides alimony and child support." He sighed as he thought of the traumatic process of divorce. "I guess I understand why Ross was so screwed up for so long after Carol left him, and I really don't want to screw you up like that. Or like my parents. I want you to be happy too, Monica. If--if Joey and I can help you out somehow, and make things easier..."

Monica didn't want to let go yet, and she looked at him heartbrokenly. "You really don't love me anymore, Chandler? After all our years together? It's just over?"

Chandler swallowed and looked penitent, but he insisted, "I couldn't stay with you, Mon. I can't. It would only be for the kids' sake, if anything, and that wouldn't make us any happier than we've been this past week. In fact, we'd probably get even worse. Do you want me to stick around, lying to you and fighting with you and aching to be with someone else? That didn't work for my parents, and it wouldn't work for us either. We'd get mean and miserable and cold and drunk, and just scar our kids in the process."

She glanced at their babies. "What about scarring them now, with a divorce?"

Chandler winced, and was afraid of that too. "Well--well, hopefully they won't remember any of this, because they're so young now. I think--I think if you and me can somehow get along after the divorce the way that--that Ross and Carol do now, our kids could grow up okay, like Ben."

Monica didn't want to take that risk, though, and she wished that none of this was happening. "How--how can you suddenly be gay, Chandler?" she pleaded with him. "How can everything change, just because of one kiss? You and Joey have been just friends for years, and nothing happened. I mean, you've even kissed before, on New Year's."

"Not like this," Chandler replied, "and--and it wasn't just one kiss." He closed his eyes and exhaled, recalling the passion of that moment. "It was holding him, and wanting him... It was me feeling ridiculously happy about him moving in with us, growing old with us. I realized how much I still need him, and he still needs me."

Joey was quite touched by his words, yet torn by his sympathy for Monica. He didn't know what to say.

Chandler opened his eyes again and recalled their past with a shrug. "I mean, Joey and I were never 'just friends' anyway. We were always closer than that, Mon. It was a running joke, you know, that we were hugging too much and acting like a couple, even after we stopped living together. But it wasn't just a joke, Mon. It wasn't. I should have realized it before, but I've been an idiot for so long. I guess I was just too scared to admit it to myself, and it didn't seem likely that Joey would feel the same, even if I did admit it. I'm sorry that I put you through this. You and the kids."

Monica wept in despair. "So that's it, then? Sorry and goodbye?"

"Well, that's--that's up to you. I mean, if you don't completely hate us now, if you could stand to have me and Joey around after the divorce, and let us help with the kids..." He gestured toward Jack and Erica in a silent plea.

She looked from Chandler to the babies and then to Joey, who looked at her earnestly too. Monica really didn't want to cut off the children from the only father they had ever known, but she didn't know whether she could handle their Uncle Joey becoming their father's boyfriend. It was certainly not a transition she wanted to make.

Still, what was the alternative? Try to raise the twins alone, while putting them in daycare and going back to work? Have no more contact with Chandler or Joey beyond divorce hearings, child support checks, and alimony payments? It took more than just money to raise children. They needed endless time and love and attention. How could she juggle all her responsibilities, while recovering from a broken heart? Monica knew she would probably find sympathy and support from her brother Ross and her other friends, but still, they had lives and even children of their own now. Being near them would probably be a daily, agonizing reminder of the fact that she no longer had a happy, complete family.

Monica was still struggling with the decision when the phone rang. It woke up Jack and Erica, who started crying. The adults ignored the phone and quickly went over to soothe them. Monica decided that they ought to put the twins in the den where they could sleep, while Chandler offered to help her carry them and rock them back to sleep.

Joey also started to ask Monica again if she was hungry, and if so, he could go heat up the pizza, or even cook a fresh dinner for them, while they talked all this out.

However, when the answering machine picked up the call, they heard Rachel leaving a message.

"Hey, is anyone home? Monica? Where are you? We've tried calling you on your cell phone all day, but it's been off. We're getting really worried here."

Joey and Chandler looked at Monica, not sure what to do. Monica hesitated for a moment, then motioned for them to put the twins in the den, while she went back to grab the phone.

"Hi, Rach. It's me."

"Oh good! There you are. Ross, come here, she's home!" Rachel activated the speakerphone so he could join the conversation. "Where have you been all day, Mon? Did you get Ross's messages?"

"Well, um..." Monica sat down and glanced at Joey and Chandler anxiously as they returned to the living room. "Yeah, sorry. I, um, it's been a... long day."

"Oh," Ross responded sympathetically. "The twins are running you ragged, huh?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

Rachel said, "Sorry, honey. Listen, we won't keep you long if you're tired or busy with dinner. We just wanna ask you--do you or Chandler have any idea where Joey is now?"

Monica blinked and inhaled sharply. "J-Joey?" She glanced at him nervously, and he offered to take the phone from her, but she hesitated to give it to him. She almost wanted to hang up and pretend that this wasn't happening to her. If the news got out to her friends and her family, then everyone would know how she had failed at having a happy ending in Westchester.

Meanwhile Chandler reached over to turn on the speakerphone so he could follow the conversation.

Ross explained to Monica, "We just went over to Joey's apartment to check on him and he wasn't home. Then we called Phoebe, but she doesn't know where he is either. So she dropped off his birds with us and went looking for Joey."

Rachel added, "He was very depressed and mopey when we saw him this morning. He even talked to Phoebe about possibly moving away, so we're worried."

"Yeah. We hoped that maybe he came over to see Chandler and make up after their big fight. But he hasn't been there, or even called?"

"Well, um..." Monica trailed off, then decided that she would indeed give the phone to the guys. This was too much for her to take.

Just then, there was the sound of a door opening, and they heard Phoebe enter and announce, "I just checked Joey's favorite pizza place and sandwich shops, but he wasn't at any of them."

Rachel reacted with disappointment and frustration. "But it's dinnertime! He should be eating somewhere."

Ross told Phoebe, "We've finally got Monica on the phone."

"Oh really?" Phoebe took the phone. "Mon, is Joey over there? Or Chandler?"

Chandler answered, "Yeah actually, I am here. We're both here."

In the background, Ross and Rachel reacted with surprise and relief at finding their missing friend.

Phoebe said, "Oh good! So have you guys made up about your fight yet?"

"Um, well, there never was a fight. I mean, there was a little one, but that's not why--"

"What!" Phoebe interrupted him irritably, "You mean you've been a jerk all week, and Joey's been all upset and depressed for nothing? Not even over a stupid loan?" She believed that friendship was worth far more than any dispute about money.

"No," Joey answered her. "It's just, something else happened that night, that we didn't tell you guys before, and that's the real reason why we've been avoiding each other."

"Well then, tell us already! What's really going on?"

Chandler took a breath and glanced at Monica while their friends waited impatiently. She was holding herself miserably and seemed on the verge of tears. Joey moved closer and tried to hug her, but she got up and ran into the den to be with the babies again.

Chandler explained slowly, "Um, well, on Monday night, when I asked for the loan... Joey and I argued about it for a while, but then we made up, and..." Joey squeezed his hand in support, as Chandler said, "We--we, um, kissed."