For this chapter, I'm going with the version of Ross's marriage that has Carol and Susan having an affair for a long time, like when Ross said, "for six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was, 'My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great'" in TOW Rachel's New Dress. The season 3 Flashback contradicts this, and makes it seem like Carol confessed about being a lesbian within a days of meeting Susan.
It's implied that at Joey's birthday party in TOW Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, Chandler also kissed Monica, Rachel, and Ross while he was drunk. Rachel's conversation with Phoebe in the uncut version of Ross's Wedding included Phoebe's nonsequitur about Joey being gay.
"You what!" Ross asked.
Rachel breathed, "Oh my God!"
Phoebe on the other hand said, "Ohhh! I get it."
Ross and Rachel were bewildered and indignant. "Get what?"
"Did you hear him? He kissed Joey!"
"Yeah," she said, "and that must be why they were acting so weird all week. It makes sense!" Phoebe scoffed at their shocked reactions. "Oh come on, like you never thought Chandler might be gay before! Especially when he was around Joey."
"That's just his gay quality," Ross said dismissively. "It's how he is with everybody."
Rachel agreed. "Yeah, I thought he was gay until he kept looking at my boobs. That was a clue."
"There have been plenty of clues the other way too, like when they kissed at New Year's, and--"
"Pheebs," Chandler decided he better interrupt. "Can we continue?"
"Okay."
"What the hell happened?" Ross demanded. "Were you drunk?" He hoped that this incident was merely like when Chandler had kissed a guy in a bar in Atlantic City, or when Chandler had stupidly kissed many people, including Ross, at Joey's birthday party.
"No," Joey answered, "not really. I mean, at first, we--we were shocked that we kissed, so we said that we must have been drunk or not getting enough sleep lately."
"Yeah, we were really freaked out about it, and I left in a panic. On my way home, I got scared about being gay and turning into my dad, so I decided to stop seeing Joey and pretend that nothing happened. I lied to Monica so that we'd get a loan from her parents instead, and then I-I just tried to move on. I really did, but I couldn't forget about him."
"It's only been a week!" Ross said scornfully. That didn't sound like trying at all, especially since Ross had tried to save each of his doomed marriages for weeks or months.
"I know," Chandler said. "But, um, I've been fighting with Monica too, and we've been having a hard time lately..."
"And now what?" Ross asked sharply. "What's Joey doing there now?"
"Chandler came to my apartment earlier, and I drove back here with him so that we could talk to Monica."
"Yeah, I finally told her the truth today because, because--well, um, she went to see Richard and kissed him." Chandler paused for his friends to react to that startling news, before admitting regretfully, "When I found out, I got upset and told her about kissing Joey. Then I-I left, because I thought she'd be fine with Richard."
"You left her!" Rachel finally found words.
"But we came back," Joey pointed out quickly.
"Wait, Richard?" Phoebe wanted more elaboration. "I thought she was visiting her dad?"
At first, Ross just sputtered in disbelief and outrage as he tried to absorb all these bombshells. Finally he shouted, "Chandler, you--you bastard! How could you? You've got a wife and two kids! Two babies!"
"I know!" Chandler said, "and we're trying to work that out with her now. Believe me, I'm really sorry."
"You're sorry! I'll make you sorry when I kick your ass from here to Brooklyn!"
Phoebe interrupted. "Ross, hey! Save it for when you're not an hour away, all right? Besides, do you think Chandler's the only one to blame for this? What about Joey, huh? Or what about Monica kissing Richard?"
"She--she probably was just getting revenge on them or something," Ross said, too upset to recall that Monica didn't find out about Joey and Chandler until after she kissed Richard. "Hey, where'd Monica go? How come she's not telling her side of this?"
Joey replied, "She went into the den with the babies."
"Let me talk to her right now!"
Joey and Chandler complied, taking the cordless phone into the den. Monica was sitting in a chair near the babies and crying softly.
They knocked and reluctantly murmured, "Uh, Ross wants to hear your side of things."
She motioned that she didn't want to talk, but Rachel apparently heard her crying and took the phone. "Mon? Mon, honey?" she spoke tenderly. "Can you hear me?"
Monica took the phone and choked through her tears, "Rach! Wh-what am I gonna do?"
"I don't know." Rachel sounded like she was crying too. "Oh sweetie, I-I wish I could give you a hug right now! Do you want me to come over and stay with you tonight?"
"Yeah," Monica moaned desperately.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
Ross added, "Me too!"
"Me three! Oh wait, what about Emma?"
"Um, can you stay here and watch her?"
"Her and Joey's birds? But I wanna see Monica too."
"Well maybe you can keep her company on the phone, since it'll take us an hour to get there."
Phoebe considered that. "Oh, okay. Give her a hug from me too."
"All right." Rachel then said to Monica, "Hold on, sweetie. Pheebs is gonna stay with you, and Ross and I will be there as soon as we can, okay?"
"Okay."
---
While Phoebe stayed on the line with Monica, Joey and Chandler decided to leave the room.
Joey shut the door and sighed. "Well, they're on their way. What should we do now?"
"I-I don't know. Wait for them, I guess... and give her some time."
Joey looked at his watch and pensively sat down on the arm of the couch. "Ross sounded really pissed, huh?"
"Yeah." That was no surprise, since Monica was Ross's sister, and Ross had previously been devastated by Carol's coming out. Chandler remembered when Ross gave him that big brother speech prior to their wedding, and now it didn't seem funny anymore. Chandler felt terrible and wondered if maybe he would've hurt Monica less, if he had run away from the wedding and never come back.
Joey looked worried and silently pulled Chandler close to him. Their embrace was warm and comforting, but also melancholy and bittersweet, because they could still hear the muffled sounds of Monica crying and talking (often in high-pitched, incoherent tones) in the den.
"Um, maybe we should start cleaning up around here," Joey suggested, looking around the house with guilt.
"Yeah."
Welcoming the distraction, they got up and tidied the living room together. Joey decided that he wanted to keep Chandler's letter fragments, so he folded them up and put them in his coat pocket.
As the long, tense hour wore on, the guys sat down to eat some of the pizza, and also checked in on Monica, to see if she was hungry or would let them watch the twins. At Phoebe's urging, she accepted some food, but ate listlessly.
Finally at around 8 PM, Joey and Chandler heard a car pull up outside, so they got up and opened the front door nervously.
Ross and Rachel got out of a taxi and threw cold glares at their former friends. Carrying an overnight bag, Rachel stormed into the house and yelled at Chandler first.
"How could you! Leaving her with two babies! You know, I'm glad that they're named Geller, not Bing! Some father you are!" Then she turned her ire on Joey, slugging him with her bag. "And to think that we were actually worried about you! I mean, I thought you were being childish with that 'stupid house in the stupid suburbs' grudge, and I thought you were being weird to not give them a loan, but this--this is unbelievable!"
"I didn't plan this, Rach!" Joey protested. "I just--"
"Don't call me that! You selfish pig!" She angrily strode past him to find Monica.
Ross came in after paying the cab driver and didn't look any calmer than Rachel did. In fact, he scowled at Chandler and punched him in the face. Turning around, Joey gave up on following Rachel and rushed back to Chandler's side. "You okay?"
Chandler staggered against the door and winced, but was glad that Ross hadn't tried to kick his ass further. In fact, Ross was holding his sore hand and considering whether to put ice on it before going in to see Monica. Chandler called out to him, "Ross, I'm sorry--"
"Shut up, Chandler! I-I don't wanna see you or talk to you ever again! You were my best friend and I trusted you all these years, but you're just a lying bastard!"
"It's not his fault," Joey said. "I kissed him. Look, Ross, I understand why you're upset. If it were my own sister, I'd--"
"So that makes you a hypocrite!" Ross approached again and almost punched him too, before remembering that Joey had always ducked the last time, causing him very painful injury. He reluctantly controlled his rage and opted for disappointment instead. "I-I thought you were a good guy, Joey. Even back when we were fighting about Rachel before, you seemed... But now you do this! I don't even know you anymore."
Joey was heartbroken, and Chandler defended him, "He was just as upset about Monica, and you even said that he was thinking about moving away. We were both struggling with our feelings."
"It's only been a week!" Ross repeated. "You don't know the first thing about suffering and sacrifice. Yeah, why don't you move away? Why don't both of you just get the hell out of here?" Ross then turned and hurried to join Monica and Rachel in the den.
With that hurtful rebuff, Joey and Chandler glanced at each other, then walked dejectedly out the front door. Chandler hesitated and looked forlornly at the porch, while Joey again inquired with concern about his bruise. Maybe they should go back inside to get an ice pack for him.
Chandler shook his head and whispered, "You think they'll ever forgive us, Joe?"
"I don't know. I hope so, 'cause the kids--" Joey gulped and bit his lip, not wanting to upset him even more.
Chandler hugged Joey again and clung to him for reassurance and strength. Then he sighed and miserably headed with Joey back to the Porsche. All they could do for now was drive back to Joey's apartment and hope that Monica and the others would be willing to talk to them later.
---
In the den, Phoebe was still on the phone, helping Rachel catch up on everything Monica had told her about Richard, and Joey and Chandler.
Ross was surprised to learn that Richard was engaged and moving to Paris in six weeks. He also realized that he had been wrong in his assumption about when and why Monica had kissed Richard, but his rage intensified when he realized that Chandler decided to leave her at a time like this.
"And he had the nerve to ask for custody?" Ross hugged his sister tenderly, while she cried on his shoulder. "Why didn't you call us right away, Mon, and tell us?"
"Yeah," Rachel said, looking at the time. "Why did you wait so long? We could have been here a lot sooner."
Monica shrugged and spoke through her tears, "I-I couldn't believe it. I thought he'd come back, you know, by himself. It--it's so humiliating, everything falling apart like this. First the house, and the bills, and now this... I-I'm a failure, and I screwed everything up."
"No, honey!" Rachel rubbed her back.
"Oh! Why would you think that?"
Monica sat up and moaned. "You don't think my mom would somehow blame me for this? She'd--she'd say it was my fault for seeing Richard, my fault for not paying enough attention to Chandler, or for letting Joey have a room in the house."
"Mon, no, no!"
Phoebe said, "Your mom can be a real bitch!"
Ross protested in fairness, "She didn't actually say that! She doesn't even know yet." But he comforted his sister anyway, "Come on, Monica, it's not your fault. Nobody would say that. You just trusted Joey and Chandler. We all did." He shook his head and sighed. "I-I can't believe I misjudged them so badly. That they'd lie and--and be gay..." Chandler maybe, but not Joey.
Monica sobbed anew, so Ross held her again and hushed her soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay. We'll take care of you now. You and the babies."
"Yeah," Rachel agreed, and looked sympathetically at the sleeping twins.
"I'll get you my divorce lawyer, and you can come stay with us."
"It--it'll be too crowded," Monica sniffled.
"Yeah, and too close to Joey and Chandler," Phoebe pointed out. "She can stay with me. I'll make room."
"Good! Can you baby-proof your apartment?"
They worked out the details together, planning to pack up Monica and the twins to take them back to Manhattan in the morning, at least temporarily. Monica said that she didn't like living in Westchester, and her friends sympathized, not wanting her to be alone and far away from them at such a difficult time. Sorting out what would happen to the house and the furniture, of course, would have to wait until the divorce was in motion.
Noticing a plate with some leftover pizza crust on it, Ross asked if Monica was hungry and wanted to eat something else after her long day. Phoebe suggested that all three of them have dinner, since Ross and Rachel had left in a hurry without eating.
So Ross took the plate away and cooked a simple dinner for them in the kitchen, while Rachel helped Monica clean up a bit with tissues.
After the three ate in the kitchen, they sat in the living room with Jack and Erica and discussed Joey and Chandler some more. Phoebe remained on the phone, while she was watching the baby birds and Emma.
Ross sighed. "I still can't believe this! Chandler's been with Monica for years now. We should have known that he was really gay before now."
"Not necessarily," Phoebe said. "Carol was with you for what, seven years, before she realized she was a lesbian."
Ross got pissed off by that comparison. "Yeah, and she cheated on me with Susan for months before she finally told me and asked for a divorce!"
"Well, at least Joey and Chandler came out with it," Phoebe observed, looking on the bright side. "I guess a week isn't so bad after all."
Ross still thought a week indicated too little effort on their part. "They could have tried harder to stay away from each other."
"Too little or too much. It's all about bad timing, I guess," Phoebe said with a sigh, thinking of how her ex-husband Duncan had only realized he was straight after six years of trying to "fit in" with the other ice dancers.
"How can Joey be gay?" Rachel was bewildered by the notion. "Joey, of all people."
Phoebe scoffed and sounded annoyed. "God, you guys still don't listen to me!"
"What?" they asked her.
"I told you years ago," Phoebe insisted. "Rachel, remember when I told you Joey was gay, and you didn't believe me? You know, when everybody was at Ross's wedding in London, and you hadn't left yet?"
Rachel vaguely recalled this conversation. "What? I-I thought you were joking, or spouting weird nonsense like you always do. You were rambling about broomsticks!"
"I meant some phallic symbol thingies, like from Be Your Own Windkeeper, but I couldn't remember the name! But anyway, I was serious, just like I was serious about you being in love with Ross and Monica being a clean freak. And look at how I've been proved right at last!"
"You haven't proved anything!" Ross replied, with obvious disdain for her psychic intuitions. "And if you really knew all this was going to happen, then why didn't you tell any of us before?"
"I did tell you!" Phoebe replied, "when I told Rachel about Joey. And I've been predicting for years that Monica and Chandler wouldn't work out. Don't you listen?"
"We thought you were just being sarcastic and bitchy because you didn't like Chandler."
"Well, I don't like whipped Chandler, and he can be annoying sometimes. But I was trying to give Monica some warning, and maybe get Chandler to snap out of the closet a little earlier."
"You didn't say they were actually going to kiss, and walk out on Monica with two babies!"
"Well, the vision I had was that Monica and Chandler were going to divorce years from now, so this snuck up on me. Hmm, maybe I actually changed the future with my prodding. Also, sometimes predictions aren't that accurate, or there's a mistake, like when my psychic said I'd die in a week, but it was really her."
Rachel hugged Monica comfortingly, while Ross said irritably, "So you just watched them get married and buy a house and adopt kids, knowing that they'd never last? You should have been clearer."
"Hey, even if you didn't understand what I was saying, there have been many signs over the years that you could have noticed, like Joey kissing Chandler at New Year's, and buying him jewelry, and crying when he moved out. Or when he liked taking naps with you, Ross. I could go on and on about Chandler too. I mean, come on, saying he'd hypothetically date Joey--how obvious can you get?"
Monica cried and lamented, "I-I should have known. But--but he didn't seem weird when we had sex together or anything."
Phoebe spoke more gently, "Oh, I'm sorry, Monica! I shouldn't be insensitive. I know this is really awful and painful for you right now, but we're all here for you. We'll help you through it, just like we helped Ross get over Carol." She sighed. "At least the truth is out now, and you can move on at last. I promise, Monica, you are gonna be happy again. If Richard really is out of the picture for good, then maybe I could fix you up with Don when you're ready. Remember him, your British soulmate guy?"
"No!" Monica shook her head fiercely. "No, I-I don't want to date anybody. I don't want a divorce! I love Chandler! I still--" She sobbed again.
Ross and Rachel scolded Phoebe for upsetting her, so she dropped the subject, and they just focused on comforting Monica and taking care of the babies that night.
