Safe as Houses

Author: Edith Curtis

Summary: The gang search a haunted house for a glowing artefact, a house known for its appetite for slayers. Some character death, some un-death, a little more death, an Oz ouchie and why you should not mention a knights in shining armour in front of an evil house. Set early-mid season 3.

Disclaimer: I know nothin'…I own nothing, except for a stuffed camel called Zeus, so it's safe to assume I'm not making any money from this and that the characters and such are some else's property.

Rating: PG-13 for attempted not really scary stuff.

Authors Notes: Well after 6 years of study, I'm finally finished and thanks to a broken ankle, I finally have chance to get back to writing in prose, as compared to reporting and dot points. However the hiatus has proved problematic and I freely admit this story does not run smoothly and the characterisation is shallow/cliche. However the only way to get back on the writing horse is to write, and I decided to put this out now and get feedback before my computer manages to corrupt all files pertaining to the story again. It was cute when it deleted my ten-page report the day before it was due, but this was just annoying... Though at least I had a hard copy of this story. So anyway I appreciate all comments…with in reason and hope you find some enjoyment.

Chapter 1

"Okay, so it's big…why can't I do this on my own again?" Buffy queried grumpily, looking up at her watcher.

"Because Buffy as I have already told you two slayers in the past have been sent into this place and neither returned. Given the danger I would not normally bother, but at this time it is imperative we retrieve the artefact and I am not letting you go in alone." Giles replied looking up at the debilitated façade of the old mansion.

"So the blue glowy artefact is important then?" Xander asked walking up next to Giles.

Buffy looked at Xander, then turned and looked at the rest of her friends standing behind her, looking back at Giles with a pointed look of what about them.

Giles ignored her look and answered brusquely, "The artefact is supposedly able to stop the gates of hell from opening or in the wrong hands open all the gates of hell simultaneously. Given the recent activity on the Hellmouth, the possibility of the Hellmouth being opened and the information that a clan of yet more doomsday demons are heading this way to retrieve the artefact. It is imperative that we retrieve it and destroy it before they have a chance."

"…So the artefact is important then?" Xander queried again, straight-faced.

Giles turned to Xander to comment, but seeing the smirk starting on the boy's face, he decided against it and instead turned to look at the assembled group. "There really is no need for all of you to join us, Buffy, Angel and I should be capable of doing this on our own. It is far too dangerous really, you should just return to Sunnydale, I'm sure Faith would appreciate the company patrolling."

Willow scrunched her nose at the mention of the other slayer, "We'd rather help here Giles, besides you said the house had lots of magical wards on it, who better to help then little old witchy me."

"Quite true Willow, I suppose…" Giles stopped talking momentarily looking at Oz whom stood next to her and round at Xander and Cordelia who were now standing together, " Eh, I suppose that maybe…maybe we should make our way in."

Giles moved towards the main entrance, lantern in hand, mumbling under his breath.

Cordelia snorted softly, "And he says I lack tact." Seeing her boyfriend was too busy removing gear from the van to be bothered to comment she continued, "I mean great, so the slayer and her ever faithful watcher want to go into the big scary place. Why are we here again? It's not as if we're welcome." She looked over at Giles whom was milling around the main door searching for a clue to entering.

Having lifted all the gear he could possibly carry, Xander slowly walked towards the main door answering as he went, "We're here because Willow and I refused to let our best friend go into a big old scary haunted house that likes to eat slayers, with only a crotchety old man and broody vampire for company."

Looking up at the imposing house, Cordelia remarked softly, "Tell me why I'm here again."

"Something about you wouldn't let me stay alone with two girls overnight in a 'whacked out' mansion, that probably had a sauna and spa." Xander answered, smiling at her reassuringly, though it was mostly hidden in the darkness.

Recovering herself, Cordelia returned, "Yeah well you would probably all get possessed or something, end up running around scantily clad and then having a big sex orgy."

Dropping some of the gear on the door step, Xander scrunched his face up in disgust before looking at her again, "Giles too?"

He received a smile in return indicating at least some of her nerves had been quelled.

The rest of the gang arrived at the doorstep with their share of the gear just in time to hear Giles' comments about American culture revolving around sex and the lack of a bloody key under the plant pot.

"We going to go in anytime soon or are we waiting for you to finish your egg hunt Giles." Buffy asked

"Wild goose chase more like." Giles grumbled, he turned to look at the assembled group on the porch, and explained, "I was hoping to find a spare key around to open the door… if you wouldn't mind assisting." His comment followed with the waving of his hand to indicate the surrounding area.

Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes and moved to the door, while Cordelia made a comment behind her about the inanity of a haunted house needing a key. Sizing up the door and the position of the bolt, Buffy gave one swift kick and the door swung open revealing the main foyer, shrouded in darkness.

Buffy picked up her gear and strode in, turning on her lantern as soon as she had crossed the threshold and dumped the gear in the middle of the foyer, then proceeded to wait for the others.

Angel walked up to the door but stopped before crossing the threshold, "Invitation?" Xander asked from behind him.

"No…this place is giving off very bad vibes." Angel turned to look at the group stood behind him waiting for him to move in, frowning he walked through the door and went to join Buffy.

"I'd say, this place is scarier then the mall after the end of year clearance, what with all the emptiness and the darkness…" Cordelia remarked thoughtfully before turning on Giles, "Why are we here at night? … What was so wrong with daytime?" she asked accusingly.

Giles sighed and looked like he would have taken his glasses off if not for his hands now being full of gear pulled from one of the vehicles. "For one I do not believe Angel would have appreciated it and secondly the house only admits visitors when it is dark."

"Eh and when exactly does it de-admit visitors?" Xander queried curiously from his position at the door.

Pushing past them, Giles mumbled in reply, "It doesn't usually."

Willow frowned, tightening the grip of her free hand on one of Oz's arms and Cordelia gave Xander an icy glare he knew well, it was usually followed by a comment like I'm going to die and I'm never going to be prom queen and its all your fault.

"This is all your fault Harris." Cordelia groused as she walked past him, turning her lantern on as she went.

Giving Willow and Oz a lopsided grin, Xander shrugged his shoulders and followed his girlfriend into the house.

The gang stood assembled in the middle of the foyer, ghastly shadows crept along the edges of the room now lit by the light of numerous lanterns. After another trip to get the rest of the gear from the vehicles parked in the court yard, they were ready to start.

"Angel, Buffy and I are going to take the fuel we brought down to the basement and try and get the generator started, so we can have some electricity and hopefully light, I want the rest of you to stay right here and not move…"

"There's a generator? How did they put a generator in a house that tries to kill people…"

"Are you sure Giles, wouldn't we be best to stay together…"

"That's exactly how it starts in the movies, it's not good, cause hello, I'm a cheerleader I'm so going to get it first…"

"Uh Giles, basement, you said nothing about basements, I really don't like the idea…"

Giles held up his hand in the hopes of stopping the onslaught of comments, "The house didn't start having problems until the mid nineteen forties when more magical wards were added, so yes there is a generator…hopefully the light globes still work. You'll be perfectly safe Willow as long as you stick together and stay here near the entrance. We shan't be long, just stay together and don't move." Giles picked up two of the fuel cans and headed in the direction of a door at the side of the room, he was soon followed by Buffy and Angel each carrying two cans of fuel.

"So what, we just wait around like some faithful dog, cause I don't know about you guys but that is not on my list of talents." Cordelia moved away from Xander and started to look at the statues situated in the foyer.

"I think I can handle that job." Oz remarked, a grin gracing his face, bringing a smile to Willow's face and a smirk from Xander.

Deciding doing something was better than waiting for something to happen, Xander moved to the packs and started to unpack some more lanterns and some emergency packs, in the event they did get separated. Oz moved to help Xander, while Willow went to investigate the perimeter also.

"So which haunted house scenario do you think this situation most emulates?" Xander asked Oz, pulling a small air compressor from a pack before looking at it quizzically and placing it back in the pack.

"Well you've got an old building that tries to kill things associated to its past, it was a Watcher council building and it kills slayers, so maybe House on Haunted Hill…" Looking thoughtful for a few seconds he continued, "It was also a hotel at some point, there may be a little bit of The Shining."

Surprised at Oz's talkative mood, Xander nodded, "Pretty much what I thought, though just that we're not caretakers and we're missing the reformed drunk and the psychic kid."

"Angel is reformed, you could pretend we have a psychic kid." Oz replied glibly.

Xander grinned in response, "Check, don't let Angel near an axe." Seeing Cordelia approaching his side, he turned to her and queried, "Want to be the psychic kid and have visions?"

Cordelia gave her boyfriend a disdainful look, "Don't the father and the ghosts try to kill the kid?"

Xander put his arm around Cordelia's waist. Moving close as he said, "I'll protect you."

Cordelia smirked at him, "My knight in shining armour. You think you can tear yourself away from Buffy for long enough to save me?" The comment was said in good nature, but harked back to many a conversation previous.

Xander looked her in the eyes, an unspoken comment made between the two of them, before he returned seriously, "Always."

Cordelia gave Xander a quick kiss on the lips before walking off again; a barely visible plaque on the wall had gained her attention.

Oz quirked an eyebrow at Xander when he had gained his attention, but the left the question unanswered, satisfied at Xander's mouthed 'long story'.

"What did Giles say that artefact looked like again?" Willow queried from behind Xander.

Xander turned around as Oz answered her, "Small, blue, glowing."

"Kind of like that?" Willow asked excitedly, pointing at a glowing object in an adjoining room, moving towards it slowly.

Cordelia moved up beside Oz to get a better look,  "Ok that was so not there two minutes ago." Her remark was snippy, but it held a nervous edge.

"Hey Willow maybe you should move away from it?" Oz questioned Willow with the most emotion in his voice that anyone there had ever heard.

"Yeah Will, remember Giles' warning, stay in the foyer…you don't want detention do you?" Xander remarked, nervous at her insistence to move toward the object. He started to move towards her in the hopes of stopping her if she tried to go for it; mysterious appearing objects were not to be trusted.

"Yes…No" Willow pouted at Xander when she realised what he had asked, "But if we get it now we can just leave, no scary stuff." Resolved in her task, Willow hastily moved in to the room, ignoring the three loud and spontaneous 'NO' from behind her.

Being the closest to Willow's position, Xander was the only one able to enter the room after her, before the door slammed behind him, blocking out Oz and Cordelia. Turning around immediately Xander tried to reopen the door, but it refused to budge. He turned around to make sure Willow was still in the room, the only light now was that from her lantern as the blue glow had disappeared. He could make out her worried expression even with the shadows now covering most of her face.

"Oops." Her voice was scratchy with fear, but she did not sound like she was about to break down anytime soon.

"The door won't open." Was Xander's only response, there was no anger or accusation in his voice, just worry.

Willow walked up to him and tried the doorknob; the knob turned easily and the door swung open. Instead of the foyer they were presented with what looked like a bedroom, as deduced by the large four-posted bed, barely visible in the middle of the room.

"And the game begins." Xander commented quietly as he apprehensively stepped into the room.