Author's Note- I am so sorry that this chapter took so long, I promise I'll try to make it so it never happens again. I am really really sorry, everyone.
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Digimon: Visions
Chapter 18: I... Cry . . .
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"These words I write to keep me from total madness"- Charles Bukowski
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Sin awoke to find that he was still alive. He looked around, but what he saw was unlike anywhere he had been yet in the digital world, he could barely tell if he was still there. He heard humming as he looked to a yellow stained ceiling. It reminded him of home, the color cigarette smoke caused.
As his eyes adjusted to the light that came in from a candle and a window he could not help but utter "Oh cursed light, why must you haunt me like the poltergeist of Dantes, can you not see I forsook you, why must you pursue me. Forsake me as I have you" He tried to distract himself as he shifted his thoughts from pondering why the light still shone.
Lazarus would have envied him as he rose from the pool of blood. He knew he did not want for Dantes to be the one who killed him, but he did not expect to survive that fight, since he took more damage then the apparition of Dantes. He wondered why he lusted his own death, but then thoughts of his past and all those he hurt with his hands surfaced. He began to wonder if he should cut off his hands they were what caused his blight.
He took notice to the glowing on his chest as he took out a cigarette and rusty lighter. After he lit the tobacco, he pulled out the glowing charm and looked to what was called a "tag." It was glowing the color black, he assumed that meant that the thing called a crest was nearby. He began to contemplate wether or not he should even care. It takes a lonely person cry about the dreams they had, but it takes a desperate one to with that they could never dream again.
His dream last night was far from atypical. The same old, same old bull he always dreamt of. The dream took a letter from Bukowski. He sat naked and drunk in a room of ethereal night and delicate raining stars. Sin ran a knife between his fingers before putting it on a table. He would then flick the blade, causing it to spin as he thought. "Who the hell is going to save me, while I try to save others?" He thought quietly as the blade stopped spinning and a woman appeared before him saying "You're going to have to save yourself." He finally cracked a smile as he lit another cigarette, poured another drink and gave the knife another spin and the stars fell to the eternal night.
This was how he always dreamt, only it usually made less sense. He could interpret this particular dream easily, but he also found it cryptic at parts. This was why he always hated to dream. Dreams bred his personal malice and reminded his of everything he had experienced.
Was any of that real, or was he only sleeping? He began to ponder this question as he attempted to sit up, only to feel the pulsating pain in the back of his head and on his chest. As he guided his hands to those locales, he quickly noticed the bandages around his body. He heard foot steps nearing the room, as well as a humming. Sin frantically looked for his sword, worried that this person would be here to kill him.
"You shouldn't be working so hard, your wounds need to heal" An angel entered the wounds. A literal angel, she looked quite similar to Angemon or Pidomon, only in a feminine form. Sin was not surprised when she introduced herself as Angewomon. This did, of course, ignite some thought in him, wondering if he should trust her, or if he should consider her a foe on the side of Sheolmon.
"That answers the first question I would have had, but why am I here, what do you want with me?" He simply looked to her accusingly. Despite how he sounded, he was grateful she had saved him, but he had always lived by the philosophy that no one was trust worthy.
"You were pretty beat up when I found you a few days ago, I took you in so that you'd be safe, now I get a question, who, or what are you? I've never seen a Digimon the likes of you." She tipped a clay cup into her mouth as water poured from the chalice onto her ruby lips. Sin could not help but to look onto her as she did this. He felt dirty for his actions as he held up his arm, noticing the wounds he had caused when he had his switch blade were beginning to fade away.
"How long have I been here?" They were only aberrations upon the canvas of his skin. He ran his hand along his face as he noticed the surmounting stubble and lengthening hair, nothing his sword could not cut. He knew that his sword would be his only means of shaving or getting a hair cut, at least for a while more, possibly forever. He never really wanted to leave this world.
Angewomon gave him a simple coy grin as she looked to him. "Answer me first, I did ask first, after all" She then let her smile expanded to the tiers of black and red hair that came from under her helmet. Sin could tell both colors weren't natural, but the product of, in this case, a code probably. He found her beautiful regardless, and he gazed to her, wondering how to answer her question.
"I am Sin, by name and by definition. I am the fallen. I am human" He was taken aback by his own words, wondering why he had been so blunt and told her basically what he thought of himself. She removed her mask and her beautiful brown eyes caught his. She was truly an angel. Her eyes made him think of Savaria. Pure. And honest, untainted by the darkness of this world.
She placed a thin and delicate arm on his shoulder and something began to happen, and he was revitalized. "What did you just do?" He added to the expanding list of unanswered questions. Despite his question, he did know what she did, she did the same thing as Savaria, she healed his wounds, the physical ones at least, though the scar remained on his arms. He still knew he would never find Zion.
"You're human, I should tell you, I am in the order of Sheolmon . . . " Her voice trailed off as the black locks of hair covered her bright brown eyes, causing Sin's heart to drop. He had expected as much, but from what he saw in her eyes and just in her heart he prayed to any higher power to say it was not so.
"Please, just kill me then. I do not want to hurt you" He had expected that this would be when he and his apathy would die, and he awaited the pain of payment, the final atonement. Maybe if he finally acknowledged a god, he would see purgatory, even though he knew he belonged in hell. He heard the sound of her voice and a whimper and looked to her. When he saw her eyes, caste in tears, he saw the yore of all the sadness of the ages. He then looked to his hands. Both were balled into fists, but he did not care.
His nails dug into his flesh and caused him to bleed as his teeth did the same to his lip, and then he heard her soft voice speak. "I can't do it . . . I saved you so you wouldn't die, I cannot just go and kill you then" She spoke through her frown as tears fell from her earth toned eyes. He just gazed to her as time stood still and he felt agony as he saw each tear hit the wooden ground.
"Why did you join Sheolmon's order?" Sin asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence. He kept a stolid gaze upon her as he awaited an answer to come through her thin lips as she looked to her lap.
"I had to join, my brother, Angemon, threatened me when I was in my Gatomon form to join, so I had to. I never wanted to, believe me, I do not agree with any of the dealings of the wicked hierarchy of the order" She looked to him with serenity in her glance. They just looked to one another for a minute or so before Sin finally broke the silence.
"Why don't you defect and join me? I promise I'll protect you" She was flattered but Angewomon was not sure how to answer. She looked to his wounds and for a scapegoat, finally thinking of one as she answered him.
"You should let yourself completely heal, I'll decide when you're fully healed, until then, call me 'Ann'" She smiled to him and stood, her pale brown hues gazing to him sympathetically. For the first time Sin was somewhat happy. All of those yesterday's feelings were lost to him now. He was free from the torment of sin, he felt so vindicated as he stood and left that room to find Ann.
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A few days had passed and they had become quite acquainted. Sin had shaved and his hair was cut to being a three-inch length again. But most of all, he was smiling when he was around Ann. He no longer cried himself to sleep, taking drag after drag on a cigarette, drinking to get by. No, he was able to let himself go when around her. Have it be that he was still a bit on guard, she was still a member of the Order of Sheolmon, so he still did not completely let go. But she was helping him to save his soul.
One night, about four nights into his stay with her, Sin found Angewomon weeping in her room in the building he was holding as a temporary residence. He asked her "What's wrong?" as he placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to console her as he brushed the red and black threads of silk behind her.
She simply looked at him before breaking down further. "Sin . . . Sin . . . Sin . . . I . . . Sin I" She kept choking and was thus unable to finish what she was saying as she looked to him with watery eyes. "Sin I can't, I can't stop thinking about . . . oh, never mind" She cut herself off as she looked down.
"Ann, you can tell me, I'm here for you" Sincerity shown in his otherwise heartless eyes. She looked into them and placed a hand on his shoulder, her six wings falling to her sides as her watery eyes stopped leaking tears.
"I've been thinking about when I was initiated into the Order, I . . . I was . . . I was violated by Purgatomon" It was hard for her to say this. "That's why I'm in this form. Otherwise, I'd still be Gatomon" Sin looked to her calmly and reassuringly. "I'm afraid that if he finds out that I'm keeping you, he may so that again, or he might kill me, Sin, I don't want to die"
He took those words to heart, vowing to her that he would never let anything like that happen so long as he could fight and save her. She forced a smile though the thoughts of what happened still plagued her mind and her eyes every time she closed them. She just tried to keep herself quiet and about it after that, an awkward silence, though.
After that incident, though, they were both changed in how they looked to one another. They were talking more about their past. Sin about his parents and other incidents, Ann let him know more about her relationship with Angemon and what happened in the order of Sheolmon. Sin was drinking again, though, despite Angewomon's protests. They exchanged thoughts over sake and an oil candle religiously for the next few days until the fates intervened, Sin had to be reminded that he was destined to cry and Angewomon had to remember her mortality. Even Angels fall and die.
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It was now thirteen days since Sin had come to stay with Angewomon. A darkness filled the air that day as a knock came on the door. Loud, powerful and dominating, it demanded Ann's attention. Sin was in a back room of the building as he walked in through the door, cupping Angewomon's breast as he did. He was Pugatomon. Angewomon begged to know why he was there.
"I've been trying to find the crest that couple with those tags your brother and his lover, Pidomon failed to get, so the miscreants in the church of Tabernamon don't seize them and kill us, I've received word that the crest of Ethereal is in this area, so I figured I would come to find it myself, I have subordinates trying to find the other ones, but those damned humans keep on killing them" He slid his paw around her chin as he spoke, rubbing his face against hers as she tried to contain her tears.
It was just like when she was forced to join the Order of Sheolmon, she was afraid he would release his rage on her. She tried to hide her fear as he slid his hand along her leg, instilling fear in her heart. "I know you're hiding something, your pulse is racing, your afraid I'll do something" He snapped at her and growled.
"No, no my Liege, I am so sorry if I seem so, I would never!" She shouted as she backed away. She was lying through her teeth, and he could tell. He ran up to her and put his arm around her throat with a tight grip. She put her hands around and tried to pry him off, though she knew she could not fight back unless she had a death wish. She was strong, but Purgatomon could easily kill her.
"Tell me what your hiding, or I will kill you!" He shouted as he tightened his grip and ran his other vile hand along her lithe body. She was too horrified to react as he toyed with her.
"Let her go!" Sin ran over to them and slashed his sword into Purgatomon's arm, causing him to drop the angel he tormented. Purgatomon's pupils shrunk as he looked to Sin and then to Angewomon. The demonic leopard was livid.
Purgatomon snarled as he looked to Sin. "So you have betrayed me!?" He shouted as he pointed his sword to Angewomon. She scrambled to the wall of the building as he held his sword to her throat. She gasped and panted as she began to sweat and crying as she looked up the shaft of the blade, panicking. She did not want to die, at least not like this.
"Purgatomon!" Sin shouted as he began to glow the black light that shown when he was over the alter of the Devimon's church. This frightened Angewomon to the bone, but Purgatomon seemed more aghast. "Let her be!" He cried out as he pointed the blade of his folded steal blade toward the vile Digimon. Ann just looked to him, wondering what had happened to the boy.
"What do you think you'll be able to do, human? You're weak, I could snap you like a twig" Purgatomon regained his composure, looking smug as ever, pointing his sword to Angewomon's throat. "You care about her, don't you human? You'd be upset if I killed her, just like at that hotel on the first circle when I had your little girl friend with the Nekamon" He was smiling as Angewomon looked on in horror.
"What are you planning to do?" Sin's voice bit the air as he spoke, looking coarsely to Purgatomon with his eyes void of feeling. Purgatomon began to laugh as he looked back to Sin, smirking coyly.
"This" He quickly took his sword back, and though she tried to move and Sin ran to try to save her, he stabbed his sword through her chest. Purgatomon began to laugh maniacally as he held up the skewered angel and kicked her off.
Sin kneeled over her, brushing her hair from her face as he began to weep seeing her like this. "Hold on, Ann, please hold on..." He said as he held her hand and wept over her, trying to keep her alive for just a little longer, but she was dying, and quickly enough.
"Sin... I will convert my self into energy, so I will always be with you, I am sorry, I didn't get to help you... any......" Her voice trailed off and her body went into convulsions. Her body began to glow a white light as it vanished into a pure form of her essence and entered into Sin. Then, after her body withered, a small black crest appeared and it entered into his Digivice. This was Sin's crest of Ethereal.
"How!" Purgatomon shouted seeing this happen. Sin rose again, with renewed strength and vigor. With Angewomon's strength and his crest his body began to glow again and he raised his sword high and looked to Purgatomon.
"For your sins on this earth, and your conspiracy to sin against the true God of your people, you shall die!" His eyes were no longer clear through the light, but Purgatomon was aghast as he knew he was looking to him. He quickly regained composure, though, and began to laugh.
"It's funny, you know, with all she just gave you, there is still remnant data from her, and you know what, I'll do you a favor, I'll rebuild her" Purgatmon was smug as ever as he looked to the newly empowered Sin.
"What are you doing!" Sin looked on as a woman, similar to Angewomon took shape, but this one was adorned in black, with a huge red hand like Devimon's. This one, unlike the one he had come to love over those thirteen days he was with her, was evil, and he could feel it in her aura as she stood complete. One thing was Angewomon's though, the clarity of her eyes, he was unable to erase that. The look from those eyes paralyzed Sin as Purgatomon slowly vanished with this new version of Ann.
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Once he regained himself, Sin spilled alcohol all over the building and struck his lighter. He watched the funeral pyre as he began to slowly walk off with a cigarette between his lips and the tag in his hand. "I never told you, 'Sin' isn't my real name"
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Canon in D by Pachebell
(no lyrics, go out and buy a CD with it)
and
Goodnight by Evanescence
Goodnight
Sleep tight
No more tears
In the morning
I'll be here.
And when we say
Goodnight
Dry your eyes
Because we say goodnight
and not goodbye
We say goodnight
and not good bye
