A/N: Hey guys. Thanks for reading. To be honest, this is kind of an attempt to push myself back into the writing world, so I really appreciate all the reviews and look forward to lots of critiques. Thanks again for reading!
Oh, and also... ( >) stands for thoughtspeak.
Flash forward six hours.
Friday night, and I was the only one home. I had just ordered Chinese food. It seemed pretty pathetic, the idea that I was teenage girl spending my Friday night sitting at home, eating Chinese food, and watching a movie.
But the way I saw it, it was a better alternative than being in the Yeerk Pool.
I scowled to myself. Was I turning into some kind of coward or something? Was I becoming afraid to fight? Was I turning into some kind of Cassie?
That couldn't be possible. Because, see, my friends depend on me to be the bravely stupid one. They need me to be the one who says "Let's do it!" They need me to be the one who always rushes into battle without considering the consequences. They needed me to be like that.
Or… was it me who needed me to be like that?
I shook my head. I'm not Cassie; I'm not the deep one who thinks about things a lot. It's just, lately, I've been kind of…I don't know.
I sat down on the couch and turned the TV on to Saving Private Ryan to try to get my mind off of things. It didn't work. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I should be doing something, anything, to help find Tobias.
But according to Jake, I wasn't supposed to. He had called an unofficial search for Tobias. Being Jake, he placed all the blame on himself. So he hadn't told anyone that they had to help search for him; he'd just said that he was going to search for him. Everyone else had volunteered.
But really, we all felt guilty and shaken and scared, for so many reasons. First, because it was Tobias. Whether he liked it or not, he was already so vulnerable. Too much had happened to him, and he'd still persevered. Someday he, like each and every one of us, was going to break. And we all knew that we had to be there for him, and for each other, when we did.
But then, secondly, because it was a dose of reality for all of us. We've fought this war so much that we're almost completely desensitized to the idea of killing Hork-Bajir and Yeerks and Taxxons. It seems like impossible odds, but even after all this time, we're still alive. The thought that Tobias might be… or might not be…
I had been the first to volunteer. And I had been the first one that Jake shot down. He had taken one look at me and said, "No, Rachel. You're not in the right frame of mind. Go home, get some sleep, and you can join us in searching tomorrow."
I was pretty ticked at Jake. More like infuriated. More like ready to punch him out on the spot. What right did he have to tell me what to do? What made him, and what made all of them, think that they could tell me whether I could do something?
Jake was our unofficial leader. Like it or not, I was supposed to follow his orders.
But since when had I ever played by the rules? Screw Jake's orders.
I jogged up the stairs into my room, and closed the door tight. Stripped off my clothes until I was in my morphing suit. Opened the window, took a quick glance out of it to make sure no one down below was watching.
A minute later, I was an owl soaring through the night sky.
Where to go? The most obvious solution seemed Tobias' meadow, so I headed there.
Okay, I'll admit something. I like Tobias, and maybe a little more than that. I care for him. It's taken me a long time to admit that, but it's true. If I hadn't believed that before, then this was proof of it now: I was going against Jake's orders, leaving my house as well as what could have been a restful evening, and flying through the town on too-little sleep and too-much adrenaline, looking for him.
Maybe I cared for him a little bit more than I was willing to admit.
I looked around with my excellent owl eyes. I could see everything, from the tiny mice scampering around to the blades of grass moving with the gentle wind. The only thing I couldn't see was a certain Red-Tailed Hawk.
( Tobias, where are you?>) I cried out in frustration.
( Rachel? Is that you?>) Another owl flapped towards me. Ax.
( Yeah.>)
( Rachel, Prince Jake told you not to come here!>) Ax sounded shocked that I was disobeying Jake. Big deal, he's my cousin.
( Yeah, well. This is Tobias we're talking about.>) I figured that if anyone would identify with me, Ax would. He and Tobias were best friends, what the Andalites called shorm. And if Ax didn't understand, maybe he would hear the pleading tone that I hadn't managed to keep completely out of my voice.
( Yes. I understand.>) Ax's tone softened, but he kept talking. ( However, I believe that Tobias would not like to see you like this, Rachel.>)
( Like what?>) Ax didn't even reply to that. The answer was obvious: I was exhausted, high-strung, not thinking clearly, and in the mood to do something dangerously idiotic. Not at all a good combination, especially with me.
( Rachel, go home,>) Ax said resolutely. I've almost never heard Ax command anyone else around, but it wasn't enough to convince me.
( Like hell I will,>) I told him, and veered away. I could hear Ax sigh in thought-speak, but I ignored it.
The problem was that no one else understood how important this was to me. But then again, maybe they did…maybe that was why everyone kept telling me to go home and relax. Maybe they really were worried about me.
At the time, when you're in a mood like the one I was in, you don't want to consider any other options. Or maybe you just can't. Maybe it's kind of a method of self-preservation: pushing away all thoughts that don't relate to the goal.
Maybe that's just my method of self-preservation.
I flew towards Tobias' tree and almost collided with another owl. I hadn't been paying attention to what I'd been doing.
( Rachel!>) Cassie cried out as she turned sharply to avoid hitting me. How she knew it was me, I had no idea. But then again, this was Cassie. ( Rachel, you're not supposed to be here!>)
( I've heard. Sorry, but I really don't care.>)
( Rachel,>) Cassie said kindly. ( It's okay. Do yourself a favor and go get some sleep.>)
Cassie just has this
feeling, this aura around her that makes you think that whatever
she's saying she's only saying because she genuinely cares about
you. At that moment,
I knew that Cassie and Ax and Jake
were right. I really was too screwed up to deal with all of this.
At home, sitting on my couch, I wondered if I was crazy. If Marco, or maybe any of my friends, had heard that, they probably would have either laughed or been shocked. I mean, I've said it before. I'm Rachel. I don't have doubts.
But then again, I'm also a teenage girl. A vulnerable, insecure, teenage girl.
And hungry. I was also a really hungry teenage girl.
As if on cue, the doorbell rang. My Chinese food. About time.
I grabbed the money on the counter that my mom had left for me, and jogged towards the door. I swung open the door and –
"Tobias?"
My mouth dropped, and so did the twenty dollar bill.
Tobias was standing outside my front door.
He bent down and picked up the money, held it out to me.
A flood of emotions rushed through me. Too many to count, let alone to name. But the most prevalent emotion was…anger.
"Where the hell have you been!" I shouted at him. "Do you have any idea how much we've been looking for you? Do you have any idea how worried we've been? How worried I've been? Where the hell have you been?"
He looked overwhelmed. "Rachel… I..."
I was so mad that I couldn't say anything more. I wanted to hit him, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to punch him, I wanted to kiss him.
I didn't do any of those though. Instead, I opened the door wider so that he could come in. I turned to shut it and heard a guy's voice shouting, "Hey, wait!"
It was the Chinese delivery guy. I yanked the money out of Tobias' hand, thrust it into the delivery guy's arms, and snatched my food. "Thanks," I growled as I slammed the face. The glimpse I caught of him was a bewildered expression.
I turned around and saw a ghost of a smile on Tobias' face, but I was too pissed off to care. I opened my mouth to yell at him again.
But just as suddenly as the anger had come, it disappeared. Because we were alone, facing each other, he was in human morph, and most of all, he was alive.
I kissed him.
I swear, for a few moments it was pure bliss. I probably could have stood there forever, my arms wrapped around his neck and his gently around my waist, kissing him like there was no tomorrow.
But he broke the kiss and pulled away. Dropped his hands from my waist, took a step back. Looked up at the ceiling, and the floor, and finally, looked me straight in the eyes. "Rachel," he started, then faltered.
"What?" I whispered.
"Rachel," He said, strong and steadily. But then his voice trembled as he said his next words. "Rachel, I'm trapped in human morph."
