Disclaimer still applies.
A/N: Sorry to all the Knives fans for the last chapter. I hadn't originally intended to kill him off, but I kinda backed myself into a corner where it was the only option. I know that's not very comforting, but it's the truth. I hope this chapter makes up for it, in some way.
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Desert Sands
By: Batbabe
Chapter 19
The pain was unbearable.
And it wasn't just the pain in his chest either. There was a loneliness and despair inside him that completely overshadowed his physical pain.
Vash awoke in his bed back at the house, unsure of how much time had passed. He wasn't even sure that he was still alive until the pain in his chest asserted itself when he tried to sit up. The room was bright and sunny, and just the right temperature for an ailing man. The house was quiet, no sound to be heard anywhere.
The silence was deafening.
The place in the back of his mind where his brother resided was empty. Ever since Vash could remember, he had always been able to feel his twin no matter how far apart they were. His brother's presence in his mind had always been a comfort to Vash, reminding him that he wasn't alone, and now he realized just how much he had depended on that.
Knives was gone.
Vash had never wanted his brother to die, no matter what happened between them. He had always harbored a hope that somehow he could get his brother to change. That they could live as brothers and be happy again. It didn't matter that Knives had shot off Vash's arm or that Vash had fired his angel arms weapon at Knives. They had a bond that was unbreakable no matter what.
And now their bond was broken by death.
/Why did I live when he died? Why did this have to happen??/ The outlaw began to weep silently, guilt and despair washing over him. He wanted so much to see his twin one last time, to tell him everything that was in his heart, to let him know that he still loved him.
But he would never be able to.
Ignoring the protest from his body, Vash got up from the bed and walked to his door. He had to find someone, had to know what had happened. He needed to know how he could have possibly lived. The girls would know. He'd have to find Wolfwood as well, though it was not a confrontation that he was looking forward to.
But first, he needed to find his brother's body.
He made his way down the steps slowly, each step eliciting a sharp pain in his chest that was getting harder to ignore. He held his chest with his mechanical hand and gripped the banister with his real hand. The living room was empty and exactly as before all this started. Vash didn't linger and went straight for the kitchen, silently wondering why the hell they were making a sick man walk so far.
Vash stopped in the doorway, seeing Meryl standing at the stove with her back to him. Now he could smell the aroma of her cooking and it made his stomach growl slightly. It must have been quite a while since he had last eaten, he guessed. The petite woman was humming an entrancing tune, somewhat familiar to the gunman. He stood there for some moments, taking in the sight of her and listening with fascination. She didn't notice his presence, apparently, since she went about her business.
After a while, Vash could feel his legs start to give out on him, too weak to hold him anymore. He leaned onto the doorjamb and a grunt escaped him. Meryl shrieked and whirled around, holding her wooden spoon in a threatening manner. As soon as she saw him her face softened and she rushed over.
"What do you think you're doing out of bed and walking around?" Her voice berated him in her usual way. "Don't you realize you were knifed and almost died?? You should be in bed!" Vash chuckled at her concern and her odd way of showing it. He let her guide him to one of the chairs by the table, exhaustion taking its toll on him.
"Where is everyone?" His face became serious and he huffed out the words with a great deal of effort. The insurance girl looked surprised for a moment but covered it quickly.
"Mr. Wolfwood took Milly to the Doctor for a check-up. They should be back soon though." Concern etched her delicate features and she held tightly to his shoulder as she sat in a chair in front of him. She brought her other hand to his face and gently caressed his cheek, looking deeply into his eyes.
The outlaw let out a deep breath, already feeling better sitting down. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath.
"Where's Knives?"
Meryl's hand abruptly left his shoulder and the other left his cheek. When he opened his eyes, he saw that she had leaned back in surprise. Her eyes were wide and she didn't know how to answer. Eventually, she looked down to the floor and brought her hands together.
"We buried him outside. Out by the hill." Her voice was soft and sympathetic. Vash nodded slightly and stood, making his way for the back door. She didn't try to stop him.
It didn't take long for someone to join him.
Vash was kneeled in front of the small mound of dirt and the cross that marked it. He had been there for at least an hour, trying to find some measure of peace. He had apologized, cried, yelled, and hit the dirt beneath him in frustration. None of it brought him solace.
He had heard the preacher long before the man made his presence known.
"I'm sorry Vash." He spoke quietly, almost inaudibly. The preacher stood a few feet away, not wanting to trespass on Vash's personal space. He knew all too well that Vash would be angry at him when he woke up, since he had been the one to put an end to his brother's life. Wolfwood steeled himself for the barrage that was sure to come.
"Why did I live when he died?"
That was not what the preacher had expected to hear. There was no anger in Vash's voice, only sorrow and remorse. Visibly taken aback by the question, it took a few extra seconds for Wolfwood to answer.
"You lived because you were meant to. There's more for you to do, to live for." He stepped closer to his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I think, deep down, your brother would have wanted you to live."
The outlaw turned to look at the other man, hope burning in his eyes. "Your brother loved you Vash, I really believe that. He just had a funny way of showing it." The man in black chuckled.
A small came to Vash's lips for a moment before it was replaced again with sadness. "I know you did what you had to do, that you were just trying to save me and the girls." He said quietly, again turning away. His gaze rested on the small cross with his brother's name on it.
Wolfwood looked down at his feet, thankful that his friend understood but that did nothing to alleviate the guilt that swirled through him. He hated Knives, to be sure, but as soon as he had pulled the trigger and seen Vash's face, he began to question himself. Even he was unsure as to whether he had done the right thing or not. It wasn't a good feeling.
The preacher hated to cause his best friend pain, but in the end he knew that there had been no other choice. Right or wrong. He sighed.
"Wherever he is now, I know that he's finally found his peace." Wolfwood looked to the setting suns in the distance, his voice filled with confidence.
Vash nodded, hoping with all his heart that his friend was right. Now he would have to face the world alone, without the one constant in his entire life. It was like a piece of himself was gone forever, a part of him that he had never realized was so vital to his existence. He'd have to walk on his own two feet from now on.
The blonde stood, still facing the grave. He was still shaky, but it wasn't as bad as before. The pain in his chest wasn't as noticeable either.
His compainion smiled slightly and placed his hand on the taller man's shoulder again. "Come on, Vash. The short girl's probably finished with dinner by now and you look like you could use a good meal." His smile widened and Vash returned it.
The two made their way towards the house, with Wolfwood helping Vash along the way. A thought suddenly occurred to Vash and he began to laugh lightly.
"Do you think I can convince Meryl to make me some donuts?"
A/N: Just one chapter left! I can hardly believe it. I'll try to have it up soon, but I make no promises. I tend to get into trouble when I do that. Thanks for reading! :)
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