Author's notes: There are no author's notes! Mwahahaha!
Actual fanfic:
Darkness... A hideous evil the likes of which the world has not often seen, not since those horrible times so long ago... Trapped in the dark ocean, he waits, and waits, and waits... But unfortunately the evil cultists that tend to revive these dark gods have instead committed themselves to Cthulhu, so he remained trapped, content to influence the minds of one Meramon and lead him towards assassination, but feeling awfully bored in his undersea prison.
"Die, bearer of courage!" a Meramon yelled, hurling a fireball at the leader of the chosen.
"Go ahead... I don't mind, the world would be better off without me..." Taichi responded, showing a level of continuity between chapters that has never before occurred in this fic.
"No! We're here for murder, not assisted suicide!" Another of the Meramon horde yelled, restraining the attempt on Taichi's life... "Wait, if he's all angsty and refusing to lead, who's leader?"
"There isn't one, we've decided to switch to a democratic method of decision-making, with my taking the lead in combat." Takeru replied, and then angsted about how powerful the evils in the digital world have gotten.
"Die then!" Platinum Sukamon yelled, flinging feces at the attractive human.
"I'm sorry, but my being killed off will make this story more boring." Takeru replied, nimbly dodging the "sludge" attack.
"Grr..." Platinum Sukamon muttered, popping a vein at this recent humiliation.
"Besides, Ex-Tyrannomon's forces are preparing a counterattack, you should run before you get caught up in the crossfire." Takeru added kindly, addressing the assassins...
"I'm the villain of this fic, not him! I shall stay and fight, until eventually I emerge victorious!" Platinum Sukamon said, adding an evil laugh onto the end for good measure.
"Wait, weren't you supposed to be angsty searching for your purpose and evolved form, not just another megalomaniac?" Miyako asked.
"Uhh... Character development, that's it!" Platinum Sukamon responded, but an annoyed super-deformed Miyako would not accept that answer, and sent the metallic digimon skyward, along with the Meramon assassins for good measure. "There's no character development in plotless humor fics!"
"Miyako-chan?" Hikari began, hiding behind a tower shield... "If I may ask, why are you acting so violently throughout this fic?"
"Come to think of it I don't really know, maybe the author's been reading Comipa and is writing me as a Mizuki clone..." Miyako began really fast, then added "But with the dialogue I'm getting in this scene you'd think I was Excel."
"Too bad someone zapped the author to far beyond, preventing him from answering any of these questions..." Takeru asked, glaring at the purple-haired girl, who feigned a look of innocence...
"He was annoying!" Miyako responded, as the other chosen began to glare at her... "Look, tentacle rape!" Miyako yelled out, pointing to the right, and as the chosen walked over to look, managed to slip out and get herself sent 550 years back in time or so, but since there is to be no Inu-Yasha crossover, it shall just be said she managed to escape relatively intact, but she gained a sword of great and terrible power, losing her left arm in the process.
Back in the digital world...
"Hey! I'm not seeing any tentacle rape here!" Taichi shouted angrily, but as he turned around, Miyako was long gone, not to return until it would add to the amusingness of a scene...
"As evil grows stronger, our numbers are diminishing... We've already lost Onii-san, and now that Miyako's fled, all that's left are Taichi, Hikari, Sora, Ken, and myself..." Takeru said sadly... "It doesn't seem like we can beat Ex-Tyrannomon... And the author will want revenge, the only question is which yaoi coupling he'll use?"
"Never mind that for now... Let's find Ex-Tyrannomon. Be it to continue developing the plot or to get one of us captured for the yaoi scene, it's needed either way." Taichi commented, and began walking onward in the wrong direction.
"But really, there's not much potential for hot yaoi that could plausibly be done here without rape, none of which involve evil digimon, and this isn't the sort of author to use OOCness." Ken pointed out.
"Digimon's similar to Fushigi Yuugi, and if Tasuki can try to rape Miaka in the OVA, the author can find a way to do something similar here... But we have to stop them, we can't give up." Sora stated, but...
"Easy for you to say, he's doing a yaoi scene, remember?" Taichi, Ken, and Takeru all responded in hushed, fearful tones, wondering how long it would be until the inevitable occurred...
But it didn't occur, because the author was banished, and with his banishment he could only slightly effect events in the fic, still required to maintain plausibility. Then Ex-Tyrannomon attacked!
Though he appeared to be a mere giant deformed Tyrannomon plushie, in reality he was something far, far more horrible... From the inside of a Digitamamon he came, and quickly he shot tentacles out of his mouth, enwrapping (But not tentacle raping) Hikari.
"Heaven's Arrow!" The tentacles were severed by an arrow of light originating from Angewomon's bow... Then the eight-winged angel grabbed the falling Hikari and whisked her off for the purposes of a yuri scene, but Miyako quickly appeared to protest, with an army of Sylphymon behind her...
"Wait, aren't the major fanservice-filled catfights supposed to be with Lady Devimon?" Angewomon asked, but slapped Miyako anyway because it was where the plot was going.
"Yeah, probably, but interspecies yuri love triangles are more fun, and Lady Devimon/Hikari can't be made plausible!" Miyako shot back, slapping the angel digimon as Hikari blushed...
"I understand what Tenchi goes through now." Hikari muttered under her breath, and then cried out to her digimon and her jogress partner ..."Please, stop this fighting! If I'm the one you care for, I'll gladly be with both of you, just please, don't be so sad anymore, beneath your mask of anger." She said, once more trying desperately to help others...
"But that goes against the European monogamous ideals which have become rampant throughout modern society!" Miyako yelled in protest, but then stopped as Hikari began to remove her shirt...
"This chapter's too fanservice-y, correct?" Angewomon pointed out.
"Yeah, but who cares, I get to be involved in a yuri scene!" Miyako yelled back, and then began to fondle the bearer of light...
"Grr... I do not want to be in a threesome with Miyako, but... Hikari-chan's so hot!" Angewomon yelled in an OOC way, and then a hot yuri scene occurred, but since the author can not write lemons it will be skipped over, and we will go back to the rest of the chosen and the ultimate battle with Ex-Tyrannomon, which had found their scene suddenly ignored in place of hot yuri.
"Ex-Tyrannomon! Your evil must be extinguished!" Holy Angemon yelled angrily, stabbing the saurian digimon... But as a hole was ripped in the suit, the darkness inside was unleashed!
Darkness beyond blackest pitch, deeper then the deepest night... Well, it may not have been a Giga Slave, but it certainly seemed deadly enough, and as the ball of darkness moved, everything around it dropped dead... "So that suit was its' seal?" Holy Angemon asked.
"Duh." Taichi responded, and held up his digivice at the evil from within Ex-Tyrannomon, where it promptly cracked from its' Superior Power.
Saotome style secret technique, the courage of Sir Robin, French battle tactics, call it what you will, but the chosen ran away in fear just the same, until they somehow wound up in Vamdemon's castle. But Vamdemon's castle made no sense and was destroyed in a terrorist attack five minutes before they arrived at the intact castle, so they instead went to a magical land far beyond, a land known only as "That random place where we defeated Etemon the Annoying."
"That random place where we defeated Etemon the annoying" (Which will henceforth be referred to as "The people's republic of Numeland." Or Numeland for short, to make typing it out easier) was, to be blunt, a sinkhole... The economy was entirely dependent on running through the gate to the human world and stealing things from it, but anything could be swallowed by the vortex at any time... The rubble and massive devastation didn't help either, so once more, the chosen found themselves in a shattered part of the digital world...
Then they were mystically transported to a world of horny catgirls, so we will switch back to the aftermath of the yuri scene now...
"Hikari-chan... No wonder Miyako wanted you so badly..." Angewomon said, continuing her OOCness... But then the author's perversion waned, and so they stopped with the yuriness and went back to whatever it is they usually do, which would probably require defeating the ultimate evil, but at a cost so terrible that those who witness the battle could only weep... But the Ultimate Evil was tentacle-raping various anime females or lying dead but dreaming somewhere in Ry'leh, so they resolved to instead find where the hell the other chosen had gone...
"Wait, the number of chosen has been ever-dwindling, right?" Miyako asked.
"Yeah, the author still refers to the group as "The chosen", but only Taichi, Ken, Sora, and Takeru are left." Hikari responded... "Come to think of it, maybe we should go to the human world, it has half the chosen in it, right?
"Sure, but those lack the incredible comedic potential of the group still in the digital world!" Angewomon yelled out in protest, and so after having sex with Hikari, Angewomon flew out with the rest of them in hopes of finding where the heck those four chosen had ended up...
So after crossing the Sea of Death and going on a long and arduous quest to find the four Sacred Crystals of Hot Yaoi, they finally found themselves at the last place Taichi, Ken, Takeru, and Sora were seen, the people's republic of Numeland! It was a ruinous place which was recently described already, but now it had also underwent 3 military coups and found itself ruled by the wise King Sukamon, whom Hikari I of the Numemon found herself in an audience with.
"King Sukamon, I trust you are treating these Numemon kindly?" Hikari asked, glowing in a white light and speaking in a far more serious voice...
"Hikari, get to the point already!" Miyako yelled angrily, unable to use any SD violence due to a spell recently cast on her...
"But I have to be kind to all digimon, it's in my crest!" Hikari replied in protest, and then King Sukamon spoke...
"I regret that we are unable to assist you at this time... Please try again in half an hour." The King spoke, his loud, booming voice reverberating across the halls...(As opposed to ACROSS the halls, for though we know not what Il Palazzo's organization means in that context, it can't be good...)
"Let me remind you that I am Queen of all Numemon and it would not be wise to delay me... I have but one request of you... Where have the chosen that came into your kingdom gone?" Hikari asked, still glowing with white light.
"I have no idea." King Sukamon replied, his voice loud enough to shatter the fabric of the space-time continuum... Thankfully, it did just that, and Hikari, Angewomon, and Miyako found themselves with the other chosen, in the Land of Catgirls...
Full title: "The republic of being raped by aggressive, horny catgirls..."
Now, back to the fic, and with it back to what would be massive fanservice if this were an anime!
Error: Fic not found
"What do you mean the fic's not found!" His Highness The Author screamed at the computer. "Besides, they're not in the digital world, so this can't have any effect on the story anyway!"
"Right..." The computer responded, and then loaded up the fic...
"Okay, so Miyako's currently in a threesome with two purple-tailed catgirls? I can't write that in detail!" The author screamed, bemoaning his lack of lemon-writing ability...
"Well, you could end the fic now." The computer pointed out.
"No, the fic's chapters are supposed to be progressively lengthening, I was hoping to hit 2500 words on this one!" The author yelled out in protest.
"Okay, the lemon scene now?" The computer asked.
"No, a bit of useless filler involving Cthulhu, the four gods, and a few random dictators..." The computer responded.
And so, Hikari randomly found herself no longer having her clothing being ripped off by aroused humanlike beings with long tails and cat ears (Which she was not drooling at the thought of, despite the urge) But instead in a face-to-face conversation with Cthulhu, with Emperor Norton I and Genbu the neglected mediating.
"You understand that to be revived and eat everyone again, I'll need to take you as my queen." Cthulhu commented, but Hikari was not moved...
"Again, what do you mean again?" Genbu asked, confused.
"Uhh, nothing!" Cthulhu responded, looking as innocent as a multi-tentacled beast can get, while in His mighty stomach, all of humanity cried out in horror.
"But as the bearer of light, I must unite the two worlds and save humanity from the darkness which threatens us all, and I can't do that as your queen, now can I?" Hikari responded, smiling.
"No, you can't, and come to think of it this scene doesn't have half as much comedic potential as, say, an interview with the ghost of Vamdemon." Cthulhu pointed out...
"Yeah, but the author really is losing his grasp of pure humor and resorting to useless filler to fulfill an arbitrary word quota now in hopes of achieving some incredibly quick upload." Genbu said, and then spontaneously combusted...
However, the author did agree, and subsequently switched back to the Land of Catgirls(Teleporting Hikari back in the process), where the chosen were making an attempt at escape from the catgirl legions, as most of them were fearing death by sexual exhaustion...
"Miyako-chan... At least this way you'll die happy... Besides, isn't it said that you don't have to outrun the dragon, just the halfling?" Hikari asked, tripping Miyako, who soon found her clothing ripped off, a breast squeezed to her mouth, and tails and cat-tongues penetrating various other orifices, but the author will "not" go into extensive detail here, and He advises all readers to go find a lemon site if they want that stuff.
Meanwhile, the chosen escaped, and the chapter ended at a word count of 2467 words by Microsoft Word reckoning, which will probably be reduced by around 200 when uploaded to FFN... But the Author got in as much filler as he can, so He shall now leave you with the thought of Hiyako lemons...
