Am I like my sister?

Dear Diary,

I knew I was in love with Riley the first time he stepped into our house. Of course, I knew he was Buffy's boyfriend, but I couldn't help wishing he was mine. And now he's here, spending time with me, and my sister is dead. I never thought I would stand a chance with him, I mean, I'm only seventeen and he is twentyfive...but sometimes...I don't know...there's something in the way he looks at me. Could it be? Could there be a chance for him and me? Am I like my sister?

Am I like Buffy?

It was a question Dawn frequently asked herself.

She knew she didn't look like her sister at all, but sometimes her own laughter reminded her of Buffy a bit. She didn't know how she felt about it.\

She didn't want to be like Buffy at all, because Buffy drove Riley away, but she felt like she was forgetting her sister already.

The little things, her smile, her voice...sometimes she couldn't even remember her face.

Those things made her sad, but Riley was there to make her smile.

She knew he thought he wasn't helping her, but he really was. It were the little things, just going out and seeing a movie, or talking to him over a cup of coffee.

She was making dinner and thinking of him, when he suddenly appeared behind her and scared her.

She almost jumped and her heart was racing.

'Don't ever do that again'

She couldn't help smiling.

'Thinking of someone?'

His voice sounded playful.

She almost started to blush.

**if you only knew**

She started to put dishes on the table to have something to do.

'Yeah, there's someone I think about'

The way it came out made clear that it was a boy-someone and not Buffy.

'He must be very special if you think about him that much'

Riley sat down at the table and started playing with his knife and fork.

Dawn put the saucepan on the table and sat down opposite to him.

'Yeah he is. He's very sweet and handsome'

'Do I know him?'

For one second she thought she heard jealousy in his voice.

She played with the thought of lying to him for one second.

'Yeah'

She simply replied.

He would have known if she lied, so it was no use.

She saw him nodding out of the corner of her eye. She automatically picked up her knife and fork and starting eating.

It was quiet for a while before he spoke again.

'Who is it?'

She looked up and he quickly came up with an excuse

'I have to approve him, right?'

She smiled.

'You would approve him I'm sure'

She carefully chewed on a piece of meat.

Riley looked up and smiled. For one second she got afraid. Could it be that he knew? She held her breath until he spoke.

'Well...don't go out with him before I've seen him okay ;)'

She laughed and promised. It was an easy thing to promise.

~~

Together they painted her bedroom. She wanted it to have a different color. Ever since Buffy died she was sad, and her bedroom was painted some sort of grey. A color which now made her depressed. She bought yellow paint and asked Riley for help.

It was a lot of fun being around him. She made sure he didn't know she liked him though.

She felt paint dripping into her sleeve and giggled. Riley was totally covered in paint too, but the room looked good. Cheerful. She smiled at him and invited him to dinner.

'I'm just going to jump in the shower. Let's get pizza afterwards okay?'

He nodded and wrote down what pizza she liked while she walked upstairs and pulled off her clothes in the bathroom.

While the hot water was running down her body she once again compared herself with Buffy. She knew she was pretty, but in her eyes Buffy had always been the most beautiful of the Summers girls.

She wondered if Riley would ever look at her like he had looked at Buffy. Like she was the most beautiful creature in the whole wide world. Like nothing could keep them apart.

She stepped out of the shower and picked up the towel she put on the chair.

After drying herself with it she put it around her and brushed her hair in front of the mirror.

She smiled at her image and saw Buffy's smile on her face.

Walking out of the bathroom she bumped into Riley. She wanted to walk away when she noticed the look in his eyes. Suddenly she felt like she couldn't move anymore. His blue eyes were warm and she felt like she was drawn to him.

Dawn couldn't stop looking at him. His hair was messy and there was some yellow paint on his face. He looked absolutely adorable.

And for some reason he couldn't keep his eyes off her either.

They both didn't move for what seemed like an eternity.

Two or three times it looked like he was going to say something, but before the words left his mouth he stopped them. She was wondering what was going on with him.

She was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

She opened her mouth to say something when suddenly he moved.

Before she could fully understand what he was going to do she felt his lips pressing on hers.

And as she kissed back she wondered once again.

Am I like my sister?