Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN – Resolving the Unresolved
Cottontail pulled up her shirt and opened the front of her pajama pants and looked down with a frown.
"I really would have thought it'd be bigger."
Mini-Minnie took a look and compared with her own. "I see what you mean. You're at that level where you call it 'a good size' or 'average' when the truth is that it's disappointingly small. Truly average these days is usually called 'huge' or 'really big.'"
Horny walked down in some pajamas that were clearly not fit for his curvy new body. It was no secret anymore where he hid all that food he ate. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Our new manly bellybuttons. 'Tail and me are innies. Apparently as men we get outties. 'Tail's looks barely like a zit, while I'm at least a swollen third nipple."
Snatch realized his mind has been leaning heavily to the lascivious side. In fairness, waking up with breasts you didn't go to sleep with is guaranteed to drop your mind off in the gutter and leaves it there all day to play. Not to mention the pensieve memories of the Patil twins and Luna, which were copied in triplicate and placed in separate fireproof, tamperproof, and magicproof boxes.
Mini-Minnie spoke up "Let's get to the Lair. 'Tail and I slid down here, so I doubt we're going to be able to get back up the stairs and into our rooms easily."
Snatch suggested "Maybe I could go get your stuff?"
Cottontail and Mini-Minnie's eyes both got wide and yelled "No!"
Cottontail continued pleadingly. "That's not necessary, let's just see if we can fix this in the Lair before anyone else wakes up."
Snatch gave them all a curious face that he tried to make look intimidating. He ended up only looking like a constipated woman.
They all summoned their books and book bags and huddled under the invisibility cloak. Snatch flew ahead since he could fly faster than could be seen and ensure the path was clear.
Once they all had arrived down in their study area they tried to sit comfortably. This led to all sorts of shifting of legs and body parts to feel relatively normal. Horny got caught up touching himself again.
"I'm pretty sure this was the work of Moony and the twins together."
"Unfortunately they're all staff and would easily be able to access the girl's dormitories regardless of their own gender."
"This isn't counterable, is it Mini-Minnie?"
"I'll look into it, but I sincerely doubt they'd do something we could come up with an easy solution too."
Horny spoke up now. "Did they make me pregnant? Because I am really craving some ice cream."
Snatch exhaled loudly. "Thank Merlin it's not just me. I don't know what it is, but I want some too. Dobby?"
A quick pop and an eager house-elf appeared. "Yes Master-ress?" Dobby adopted a quite scared look on his face noticing Harry's appearance.
"Think we could get some ice cream? I'm in the mood for vanilla, how bout you Horny?"
"Chocolate, please." Dobby was back with two pints and spoons before Horny finished saying please.
Dobby still looked a little off. "Permission to speak freely, Harry-ette?"
Snatch rolled his eyes. "You don't need my permission Dobby, I value your input. Go right ahead."
And with his permission Dobby's face broke into a wide smile and he collapsed on the floor giggling unendingly. He was kicking his legs back and forth and joy, and it was making him spin in a little house elf circle on the floor.
"I appreciate the insight Dobby. And it's Harry not Harriet, no matter how succulent my bressesses may be."
Mini-Minnie eyes lit up as she obviously had come up with something. "I just thought of a temporary solution so we can at least keep Moony and/or the twins from thinking they got the better of us. We could pull a Crouch Jr. and carry around a flask of polyjuice."
"You're suggesting we drink polyjuice to make us all look like ourselves? Will that work?"
Mini-Minnie's mind was drifting and she was unconsciously scratching herself. "Hmm? Oh yes. Well it should. It's just none of our polyjuice brews are ready yet. My god, do all men's testicles itch this much?"
Horny felt he was overdue for a snide comment. "I don't know. Why don't you just ask Crookshanks?" he said while making a face. "Maybe take him into a private room and let him lick the answer out of you."
"Think Ron! I'm now part cat. Who do you expect me to talk to about that? Perhaps my cat maybe?"
"Yeah well it wouldn't matter so much if it was just talking."
"What's with you Horny? Take your moron pill already this morning?"
"That's it! I'm sick and tired of thinking you're looking at me like you like me and then you treat me like a bloody idiot!"
"You know Ron when you get all angry like that you seem damn powerful and dead sexy."
"Really?" And with a quick decision he turned into what he dubbed Raging Ron. "If you want me at all then don't be afraid to show it."
"Oh Ron…" Mini-Minnie moaned out. Cottontail and Snatch were a bit freaked out seeing Mini-Minnie as a man attracted to Horny as a woman.
Mini-Minnie let out another deep shuddering breath. And at that sound Ron could only snarl and curl his goofy lips like an angry goat. The fact that his lips were fuller and appeared to have glitter-filled lip gloss on them made for quite an image.
"Damn Horny, if you were a book I'd just skip straight to the end to get to your good stuff."
Cottontail and Snatch were in shock. They both looked straight at each other. Snatch mouthed 'She dirty talks with book comparisons?'
Ron was now barking some sort of goat sound.
Mini-Minnie stared at Horny with hooded, hungry eyes. "Because the good stuff in a book is where I get to see what happens when you climax." She leapt straight on Horny and started kissing him feverishly.
Cottontail and Snatch locked eyes and both decided to take a walk and leave these two alone. Or at least make it look that way and double-back once they got a camera. And they should probably alert Myrtle too. It's only fair.
Snatch set up the camera while Cottontail conjured a couple of seats for them. Snatch and Cottontail scooted over to make room for Dobby, who appeared with his own house-elf sized lawn chair and a big tub of popcorn for the three of them. They all settled in to watch the show.
Unfortunately, swapping their genitals did nothing to change their dispositions. Some forceful snogging with a fair amount of over the pajamas petting occurred before Horny seemed to pull away. "Damn Min-Min could you focus on something other than my breasts?" Horny pleaded with a touch of frustration in his voice.
"What? Why are you stopping this? I know you can feel how I feel about you."
"Yes I can, it feels like you're stabbing my thigh. And I'm getting very confused about how I'm feeling about that. But when all you do is focus on my tits, it makes me feel cheap. Like all I am to you is a piece of meat."
Snatch was thinking Horny was acclimating to his estrogen levels way too easily.
"Ron. Look at me. You know how much you mean to me. But you're scaring me a bit. Do you really have a problem with feeling cheap and like a piece of meat?"
Horny's tense female body relaxed immediately. "No! Not in the slightest! I'll gladly be a cheap piece of meat."
Horny then joined Mini-Minnie in enjoying touching his chest and resumed sucking her face.
Snatch was terribly confused watching the scene unsure if he was imagining himself in Mini-Minnie or Horny's place. And he wasn't sure which one would make him gay. So he decided to get the polyjuice.
"Cissy!"
The Potions professor quickly appeared. And Snatch was quite grateful she was wearing her favorite house elf outfit: the lone tattered pillowcase that barely covered her chest. 'Phew! Now those are safe heterosexual thoughts to have.'
"Masteress Potter! Great pajamas."
"Thank you Cissy. Yours too. I was hoping you had some polyjuice already made up. We're going to need it diluted and split, so that the four of us can sip it all day. It wouldn't do well to go to class looking like we currently do."
Cissy nodded, understood, and got her Masteress what he wanted.
"Thank you Cissy. For everything you do. And wear."
"Cissy loves having a happy Master." And the woman popped back to her room.
This caught Mini-Minnie's attention now. "She's not supposed to be able to apparate in Hogwarts! It's in Hogwarts, a History! Damned house elf cheaters."
Dobby stood up with a defiant look in his eye, "My apologies Mr. Granger. You appear to have got your wand stuck in your pants." And with a snap of his fingers and a smile he popped away too.
Apparently they could no longer ignore the elephant in the room. Especially when the elephant is the tent Hermione is pitching.
"Yeah anyway guys. Got the polyjuice here. It tastes like crap of course, but it's better than letting Moony and the twins win. I say we take it this morning and afternoon, and do some recon to find out when the gender switching will go back. Hide out back in here tonight and hopefully it will wear off by tomorrow."
The four were back with their own proper anatomy and carrying their flasks now. Hermione cast a cooking timer spell into their bracelets to buzz them a reminder every 45 minutes.
Sure enough, at breakfast when they walked in, the twins and Moony both were unable to keep the obvious disappointment off their faces. They seemed to put their heads together to be talking about something.
Professor McGonagall seemed to be in a much happier and healthier state. The Marauders assumed there were a few strong prescription drugs involved to reach this point. She informed Harry that the Headmaster wanted to speak with him after breakfast and to go up to his office. Apparently the new password was "Finite."
Harry and the gargoyle seemed to be laughing just at the sight of each other and Harry made his way up. After hearing the Headmaster say "Enter" Harry walked into the office and found himself staring down the end of the old man's wand.
"Who are you and what have you done with Harry Potter?"
Harry pushed the old man's wand away from him and said "It's me you barmy old coot."
Albus Dumbledore was well-known and quite powerful. Even all the Death Eaters respected what he could do. But only the real Harry Potter could have so little concern and blatant mocking disrespect for the man.
"Harry? Why are you under polyjuice to…umm look like yourself?"
Harry winced and looked sheepish. "I was thirsty?"
"Harry."
"I like the taste? Maybe I needed the protein."
"Mmm-hmm."
"How'd you know that anyway?"
"I installed a detection spell over the entrance to my office after Alastor's ordeal. And you're avoiding the question."
"Okay fine. Moony and the twins pranked the four of us and now me and Ron have girlie bits, and Ginny and Hermione are packing outties."
The Headmaster got a very pleased and wide smile. "As glad as I am to hear this, I was hoping to talk to you about Transfiguration yesterday. You wouldn't believe some of the rumors I've been hearing."
Harry got an equally pleased and wide smile. "You never know, I might believe them."
"Rather than ruin the pedestal a few of your classmates have now put Professor Granger on, I merely wished for a small bit of confirmation."
Harry raised an inquiring eyebrow.
"I merely have never seen a magical animagus. And goodness knows the name Snatch has lost al the good connotations and mental images I previously associated with it."
Harry knew he wasn't going to keep this secret very long and without even rising from his seat popped into a snidget and hovered in front of the Headmaster.
"That is most impressive Mr. Potter."
Harry popped back and sat back down. "I'll even save you from a future surprise and tell you I've got a second form. I just haven't completely mastered it yet, nor could I even show you here."
"A second form too? Good Lord. They should write a book about you!"
Harry scowled and thought about the number of books already out there. "I'm pretty sure I wasn't born with it though. I think I got it when Riddle cursed me as a baby."
The Headmaster looked thoughtful. "I'm very curious what your other form is, particularly if you believe it came from Tom Riddle. But, seeing as how he is gone for good now, I suppose there's no point in lying any longer. He never gave you any powers or passed anything onto you Harry. I completely made that up."
"What? Why would you do that? But it makes so much sense!"
"I was worried you weren't going to be strong enough to beat him. A foolish worry I can see now, but I wanted to give you the impression he made you as strong as he was, to ensure you would have some confidence."
"Craptacular. So the second form really is from my own essence and being? That's … surprising."
"Can I bribe you with lemon drops to get you to share this form with me?"
Harry waved him off. "Keep your candy. I'm a forty foot basilisk."
The Headmaster's eyebrows jumped. "I can see how you would want to attribute that to Mr. Riddle."
"Hey where's Fawkes anyway? I was hoping to talk to him."
"I believe he went flying with Hedwig. Hedwig seemed particularly disappointed about something and Fawkes took it on himself to try and cheer her up."
"Oh well. And you can assure Professor McGonagall that we're going to do our best to respect her mental condition. Though how Luna chooses to dress is out of our hands. And any topless female in the school is always going to be welcome at the Gryffindor table You can tell Professor McGonagall that goes for her too. Actually maybe you shouldn't tell her that."
"I think I may wait to share that with her. But I would imagine Miss Lovegood should help to make this year memorable. Poor Remus. I'm not sure he realized what kind of year he would be getting when he chose to make a pranking enemy out of you. I suspect I may get myself a drinking buddy. Now I believe you need to be hurrying to Charms."
Harry got a smug smile. "Actually I'm doing okay on time. Getting places in this castle becomes infinitely easier when you can fly there essentially invisibly and quite fast. Good day Headmaster."
After lunch, where apparently the polyjuice taste killed their appetites, Cottontail volunteered to try and find out how long their gender switches were going to last.
She waited until they left, and Remus was still in the Great Hall. Keeping in contact with the others on her bracelet, she drank some Moony-infused polyjuice. She ran down the twins and went for the kill before they could suspect anything.
"Gred! Forge! Real quick, I'm in a hurry. How long were their gender switches supposed to last?"
The twins looked at each other and Forge spoke up, "You said you did it right for 24 hours, but I'm not-"
"Thanks. Gotta go!"
And she ran back the other direction. The other three Marauders were listening in on the conversation and relaxed knowing it would be over after today. Cottontail drank some of her own polyjuice and turned back into a female Ginny Weasley.
That night, the kids were relaxing in their Lair. They'd abandoned the polyjuice and were just going to sit out the rest of their time with their foreign anatomy. Horny and Mini-Minnie seemed to be acting like this morning never happened, though some of the unresolved sexual tension had clearly been released.
Myrtle informed them a Mr. Moony was in the bathroom and wanting to speak with them. Snatch flew up and let him in. When Moony arrived in their studying area he saw they were all different genders and the snidget that crapped in his hair popped back into a female Snatch.
"I KNEW I did those spells right! You cheaters!"
Horny smiled and fondled his own breasts. "Yeah, nice one Moony. Thanks for these."
"Crap. I never should have come down here. Now I know my prank worked and it's your turn officially now."
"Fear not, Mr. Moony, we're going to lull you into a false sense of security before we do any sort of retaliation. Though good thing you didn't specify any protection for your outside assistance."
"Cheeky grubbers were saying it was my fault. I knew I'd done my part right. I might even be willing to assist you getting them. Calling me unprofessional. Honestly the nerve of children these days."
Far away, in a seedy muggle hotel room, a slightly off-her-rocker woman and a poor excuse for a man were assessing their current situation.
"I miss him Trixie. I appreciate the Crucio's you cast on me, but it's just not the same."
"I know Wormtail, I know. I miss the way he would tuck me into bed at night. He'd make sure to torture some muggles really loudly until he was certain I was asleep. I doubt we'll see as good a Master ever again."
"There's not even anyone gearing up to take his place is there? Nobody's heard from the Malfoy boy. I thought he might have had potential. Severus was a bloody traitor. But then again he was a traitor to everyone, so it could have been worse."
"Yeah Lucius last I heard didn't want to leave his new cellmate 'Rosie.' It's a lot harder to break someone out of prison when they're unwilling. I've considered trying to rally some of the boys up and lead as a Dark Lady, but I just don't have the mindset for leading. I like being tucked in too much."
"Everyone I've talked to it seems is afraid of Potter too."
"Hmm you know that is one of the most important characteristics in a good Dark Lord. Did I ever tell you he cast Cruciatus on me? It was his first try and probably only try, but it definitely got me all tingly."
"First try? Really? You think we can convince him to lead us?"
"He'd probably be pretty good at it. But I think he might be a bit mad at us."
"Aww crap. That's right. You killed his godfather right in front of him."
"My bad. I can say I'm sorry but I don't think anyone would believe it."
"I think he might be a tad peeved with me too. That whole mess with his parents," Wormtail was accentuating this with quote fingers and rolls of his eyes. "and framing his godfather. Jeezlepeets, that was like forever ago! Be nice if he could quit with the Snivellus impression and get over his grudges. Although I guess the whole taking his blood and killing his triwizard buddy was just a little over a year ago."
"I think I need to write my sister a note. She'll be able to help us out and convince Potter to be our Lord. Or if nothing else she can tell me where her son is hiding and we can get him started on Dark power calling rituals."
"Crabbe and Goyle's sons are both still at Hogwarts. I'll shoot them a note so we got some spies on the inside. Before we do that, how about a little Cruciatus and we can go get some pancakes again at IHOP?"
"Sounds good! Do me first!" Trixie said and assumed the position.
Dear Cissy,
I need your help. I want Potter to be my new Master…
