"Considering how long things are taking, you probably expect two chapters in this span of time." Chibi-Miyako began. "But humor often comes in short bursts, and there is no force stronger then human laziness, so the delay was inevitable! That said, we now bring you the ninth chapter of the Penultimate bizarre digimon humor fic!"
"Please ignore the civil war raging outside, this fic is what you should pay attention to." Chibi-Hikari added, and teh chapter began!
But it was not an easy chapter to write, nor a well-plotted chapter, so it would have to resort to an overused cliché that could only be avoided if certain idiots would start with the "Wooden stake through Vamdemon's heart" stuff.
(Note: The statement calling the chosen children, noble heroes who sacrificed their innocence and fought so hard to save this world, suffering so much in the process, idiots, was not intended as a show of disrespect for the saviors of this world.)
(Addendum to Note: Putting author's notes in the middle of fics is horrible practice that pisses everyone off, but sometimes it has humor value.)
(Addendum to Addendum: I'm adding a second addendum for the heck of it. Let the fic resume.)
And so, Vamdemon returned from the grave again and killed a bunch of digimon, Tailmon got pissed off, Wizarmon's ghost appeared and did something ridiculously cool and heroic, the conflict spilled over to the human world, Luxembourg was reduced to rubble, and the run-on sentence with far too many commas ended. In the end, a great showdown commenced between Hikari and Vamdemon atop Tokyo Tower.
"Are you EVER going to stop doing this? I've heard of eternal struggle, but isn't this going a bit far?" Hikari asked, wondering whether she'd have to deal with this every year for the rest of her life.
"The gods aren't willing to reincarnate me as something else, and there's really not much more for a vampire digimon to do." He responded sadly.
"Very well then. I'm sorry, but as the bearer of light, I must defeat you!"
"You, defeat me? Just because I'm a vampire that averts my eyes whenever noticing bright light? I'm still stronger then ever before, I have a chance this time." Vamdemon responded, spewing an improved night raid of Pico Devimon at her. "You think YOU can avert the end?"
"No, not really." Hikari responded, enduring the pain. "But I can easily divert your attention while Takeru-kun averts the end!" She yelled angrily, shooting a mighty burst of light out.
Vamdemon ignored said burst of light, his eyes scanning the air for the one who held the crest of hope… Were Hikari not lying about not being able to avert the end, this would be a wise decision, but instead it just led to his defeat… But not his death, for digimon was always greatest when Vamdemon lived, and recurring villains tend to be really good at escape…
Of course, villains that aren't good at escape tend to either be very powerful or not very recurring.
So Vamdemon escaped and lived happily ever after, spending the rest of his immortal life killing innocent digimon, and all was well in this world, unless you happened to be one of the weak digimon that became his prey.
That said, this world was an interesting one indeed… The coupling wars would resume once more in this bittersweet land of crotch-demons, Fushigi Yuugi references, and heavy shounen-ai subtext, and even if it lacked yaoi incest save on the so-called "Frontier", it was an interesting place, and it was one of the few series in which the fans could refer to "The Angekeru episode" and people would know of what they speak.
That said, it was not a perfect world. It was a world lacking in bishoujo of any sort, with nowhere near enough winged bishounen. And it could not develop a strong fandom to protect it, mainly because in a dimension far beyond it had a crappy dub.
But now was the time for rampant infighting, for Takari and Daikari supporters alike to kill each other while the Hiyako fans looked on, sweatdropping, and Takeru angsted over Angemon's inability to love, because continuing one-sided Angekeru from Angemon's side implies internal continuity.
"Angemon… I'm sorry…" Takeru said meekly, remembering…
"What for?" Angemon asked, as the statement was cryptic and somewhat out of the blue.
"I've always been weak…" Takeru responded, blushing… "You've been hurt so many times to protect me, and I never could make it up to you…"
"Takeru-kun…" Angemon answered, gently rubbing his cheek… "I don't mind, I want to protect you…" He said, finally cracking a smile.
"Yay! Finally a decent yaoi scene!" Miyako yelled out fangirlishly from the window below, committing the scene to memory for usage in later doujinshi.
"Thanks… For everything you've done for me, for protecting me through all these years… I thank you…"
Angemon wondered why the heck Takeru was being so serious all of a sudden, but as usually happens during fluffy scenes in humor fics, the floor collapsed due to the work of a slightly evil Drimogemon, and the angel digimon of course had to grab Takeru and fly him out of there.
A flower… What difference does it make if a single flower lives or dies? Black War Greymon's spirit continued to wander, wondering if the flower he saved, only to destroy so soon after was a showing of his heart, symbolic of Iori, or something different entirely… His soul would never find peace.
Agumon, Iori, both trying so hard to help him. But was it out of kindness, or merely to prevent his power from ruining the world? Souls like this typically get tracked down by some sort of afterlife beings and helped out/slaughtered, but no one liked Black War Greymon… And so his tears would not cease, not until he met Iori once more…
And so he continued to angst, randomly regained physical form in a freak accident, and tried to obtain the title of strongest again, thus giving this fic a much-needed villain.
That is, until the coupling war came over whether to pair him with Iori or Fladramon, and he became too distracted to do evil deeds. Meanwhile, in a horrid dub far away, Ankylomon made an unintentional homoerotic double entrede.
Then the holy stones were destroyed again, the past continued to repeat itself, and save Takeru and Angemon, all was lost.
But the digital world's last hope was engaging in a shounen-ai scene with his digimon partner, so all would just have to be lost.
"Wait a minute, who the hell destroyed the new holy stones?" Miyako asked, continuing the tired running gag of berating the author, along with the self-depreciating humor that is surely getting old by now.
"A pissed-off Numemon." He responded, as if this were the most logical thing in the world, and then for the third time in this fic, the world ended.
For some values of "third"
Then the revolution came.
As a rule, revolutions tend to be spontaneous things, things that happen when a lot of people are reasonably pissed off with the current government, and there's a decent-sized protest to join in, use to take over a city, and eventually overthrow the government, then kill each other arguing over where to take the new society. But this was not a normal revolution.
As for how it differed, that was a secret, but this author has used the theme of yaoi fangirls violently overthrowing the government too often already, so the revolution shall be skipped, save as backstory on how Directory Continent got such a weird government. And sadly, it was directory continent that the chosen were needed on, and proper armed guards for bishies are hard to assemble.
What ended up happening did not need to be stated, but it was far more absurd then expected and had a slight Fushigi Yuugi crossover and a VERY angry Genbu.
Meanwhile, Black War Greymon's soul was still tormented, so he killed things to ease the pain. Some digimon got annoyed with this, so he killed them too, as the all-powerful can get away with anything.
Imperialdramon's so-called Paladin Mode is something that very rarely appears. This is mainly because actually getting an Omegamon and Imperialdramon together is hard enough in itself, and finding a villain powerful enough the two need to jogress is all but impossible these days.
This is a random tidbit of information having nothing to do with the story, which has little to do with anything to begin with.
There are some things in any world that are simply a Bad Idea. In the human world, for instance, it would be criticizing the government, trolling on certain forums, or strolling down Yawkey Way wearing a New York Yankees hat.
In the digital world, one of the major ones was "Glomping Black War Greymon." But as if said fangirl was just some annoying Mary Sue, Black War Greymon hesitated to bring up his mighty claw and impale the fangirl…
However, this was not out of any fickle kindness or finding all humans, not just Iori, to be like that flower long ago… No, he just had an annoying boulder dropped on his claw which he had to smash first, that was all… Really, that was all, he did kill the fangirl as soon as he smashed it, after all, so don't be ascribing kindness to him or you shall meet a similar fate!
Meanwhile, Takeru once more tossed in his sleep, screaming out in horror and cold sweat, though from what he was saying he might as well have been being raped by his digimon partner… Though then again, if he were being raped by Angemon, he wouldn't have minded so much.
No, he was just worrying about the growing powers of darkness and willing to do horrible and slightly depraved things to stop it. So the disjointed semi-parody of the Black War Greymon arc continued, until Seiryu smote everything and Takeru smiled cryptically as it ended.
Anger or kindness… A split personality, with a slightly psychopathic edge and a suppressed desire to (CENSORED) his digimon partner.(As opposed to wanting to (CENSORED) one's jogress partner, as is common among the chosen.) And this was our world's last hope.
That said, our world's last hope was VERY pissed off as he slowly approached the viral nightmare soldier, Black War Greymon intervened on his side in a way even more reminiscent of Aoshi Shinomori then usual for him, and the world went straight to hell, or good triumphed over evil, depending on your point of view.
The people of the future, of course, believed that good triumphed over evil, because the winners write the history books. This did require a bit of suspension of disbelief though, as considering Devimon the good guy is quite difficult indeed, though they managed to do just that.
But this scene had virtually no more comedic potential, so things would shift once more!
But where? Ioblacku jokes were the first thing that came to mind, but the author was hellbound enough already. And a transparent attempt at spoofing the most recently watched effort could only go so far, so more thinking would have to be done!
"C'mon, oh mighty author, that's a pathetic way to fill space! Breaking the fourth wall's trite and overdone by now, and it really adds nothing!" Chibi-Miyako yelled out, and was oddly enough struck by lightning right after, despite the utter lack of any nearby thunderstorm.
If this chapter were to remain true to traditional format, the author would get into an argument with Miyako about the ending with plenty of self-depreciating humor. But the normality of old was far, far gone, why, even the chapter length made little sense!
So instead it ended not with that, nor mindless explosions, but with something that might be somewhat original, though it probably isn't.
"Death by banana?" Miyako asked, but while that was original, he wanted the chapter ending to be more fundamentally digimon-based. For that reason, a revolution was also right out, fun as it may be.
But as far as this author knows, no chapter of anything has ever ended with the death of Aquilamon, though this may just be because no one ever cares about the giant horned eagle. So Aquilamon was struck by a falling sword of death, Miyako suffered many severe injuries, Takeru bemoaned the powers of darkness, Daisuke cursed at the heavens, and the ninth chapter ended once more!
