Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – Greatest. Game. Ever.

"Alright, we've got six players for PTPSTB, and Moony who was too scared to play but he offered to referee." Snatch explained.

"What the heck is there to referee?" Horny asked.

"No clue but he was adamant. I thought about seeing if Gred and Forge wanted to play but quite frankly I don't think they should know about the Lair yet. That and Ginny, if she was lucky enough to get a male, would still have a 75 percent chance of snogging her brother."

"Definitely not. Not to mention you and I get much better odds this way."

"Welcome Marauders and guests." Moony introduced the game. "Our first official round of Patil Twin Polyjuice Spin the Bottle is about to begin. Here's how it works. The six of you will each walk into your own closet. In there is a vial of polyjuice. You must undress completely, and then you will drink the polyjuice and turn into a Patil twin. For the sake of nipple fairness, it will actually be all Padma's for this first round. You will then open the cabinet and get out your clothing or perhaps uniform. Now you will all look identical and sound identical. While you are in your closet, the closets will be moved randomly, so you should have no preconceptions about who anyone else is."

"Eventually you most likely will notice mannerisms or speech patterns that may indicate just who a particular Patil twin is. If at anytime you vocally or otherwise indicate correctly or incorrectly another's identity you must take shot of firewhiskey. From there on, standard Spin the Bottle rules apply. And everyone always gets to snog a Patil twin. And as an outside observer, not as a member of Hogwarts' staff, but as a Marauder, I would like to say this game is very well thought out and were it not so damn illegal and pervy I would love to join in. Naturally the auror need not have the same respect for the law." Moony said rolling his eyes and nodding at Tonks.

"Alright contestants go in a closet and turn into a naked Patil twin."

Snatch, Mini-Minnie, Horny, Cottontail, Luna, and Tonks all went into closets and got naked. They drank their polyjuice and opened the cabinet to get their clothes.

A Patil twin's voice was heard "Hey this is only a pair of pajamas bottoms and a Slytherin necktie."

Another added "I've only got the tops."

"Is that a thong?"

"Am I supposed to be a French maid or a hooker?"

"Are you kidding me? Snatch's quidditch uniform? This thing is going to be so tight - … oh."

"Okay someone has some serious issues. Do I really have to wear a diaper?"

A clearly amused and laughing Moony yelled out "Yes! You do!"

"Fuck you, you French piece of twat!"

"Luna! Bad Luna, bad! Remember what we talked about? He's not French at all. He lost all his humanity, even his French humanity, and became nothing more than a dark savage beast when he was bitten."

"Watch it there Patil twin number five. No real names or you're drinking. You're lucky you haven't come out yet."

"Everyone get out here, have a drink, laugh at the others and play the game."

Six Patil twins came out of their closets and sat in a circle on soft plushy rug that had been conjured for the occasion. They were all chuckling quietly looking at all the others. Patil-twin-diaper looked a bit embarrassed but was clearly enjoying herself more than she wanted to admit. Patil-twin-thong seemed less than informed on proper thong wearing procedure and had pulled it way too tight. Moony thought it had to be painful. Most likely painful in a very good way though. The bottoms with the Slytherin necktie was an excellent combination. There was something inherently naughty in the Slytherin-ness. Tops left all but the bottom two buttons unbuttoned and seemed to be enjoying herself greatly. The French maid hooker seemed awfully fascinated the way she was staring at herself and often Patil-twin-diaper as well. But the one that really caught Moony's eye was definitely Patil-twin-quidditch. That uniform was working like a girdle and a wonderbra in one. All sorts of crude thoughts and comparisons to quaffles and bludgers came to mind. This looked like it could be a fun game.

Patil-twin-quidditch reached over to Patil-twin-tops, pinched her nipple hard, and said "Patil twin powers: Activate. Form of Sporty Patil with a chest trying its best to burst free."

Patil-twin-tops just goggled at Patil-twin-quidditch.

Patil-twin-hooker said unthinkingly "Bloody hell."

"Language!" Patil-twin-bottoms admonished.

"Christ Mini-Minnie you've been swearing like a sailor yourself lately." Patil-twin-hooker complained back.

"Horny! Don't say my name! Crap!" Patil-twin-bottoms recognized her error a moment too late.

"Drink Patil-twin-hooker! Drink Patil-twin-bottoms!" Moony happy exclaimed.

"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen!" Patil-twin-quidditch happily sang.

Patil-twin-hooker and Patil-twin-bottoms drank their shots, sputtered a little, and continued glaring angrily at each other. Though they would both drift off occasionally realizing they were looking at hot half naked Patil twins.

"Okay, Patil-twin-tops, since you were the lucky one to be first manhandled and violated, you get to go first."

Patil-twin-tops span the empty butterbeer bottle and it landed on Patil-twin-diaper. They crawled towards each other and had a pleasant brief open mouth snog. Patil-twin-diaper was blushing and smiling a ton. "I just realized I can pee myself and it doesn't matter."

Patil-twin-diaper and Patil-twin-hooker both went into brief spasms of desire. Patil-twin-diaper took her turn and span the bottle. It landed on Patil-twin-hooker. They locked eyes and ran to embrace each other in a forceful snog. Moony and Patil-twin-thong let out simultaneous shivers and exclaimed "Eeeyurgh."

Patil-twin-quidditch looked over and tilted her head. "What?"

Patil-twin-thong had distaste visible on her face. "That's Ron, it's just that's -"

"Drink!" Moony exclaimed.

"That's wrong. It's just that's so wrong." Patil-twin-thong finished looking innocently.

"Did you say 'Ron'?"

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

"Take a drink."

"Okay."

Patil-twin-thong took her drink and Patil-twin-hooker span the bottle. It landed on Patil-twin-thong.

Patil-twin-thong held up a finger to shush Patil-twin-hooker. "Please don't say a word and make this more difficult than it already is."

Patil-twin-hooker leaned forward for what she believed to be a long deep kiss. Patil-twin-thong gave a quick closed mouth peck on the lips and pushed Patil-twin-hooker away. Unprepared for this, Patil-twin-hooker began to jump up and back. Instead she just got pushed back on her chest. "Hey! Easy on the merchandise. Need to keep these milkbags tender incase Patil-twin-diaper-baby gets thirsty." Patil-twin-hooker said with a wink at Patil-twin-diaper. Patil-twin-diaper blushed and avoided eye contact though her mouth may have been watering. Patil-twin-thong was getting a bit uncomfortable now. But at least it was her turn. She span the bottle and it landed on Patil-twin-tops.

Patil-twin-tops seemed quite happy to play again and leapt at Patil-twin-thong, wrapped her legs around her and snogged her as hard as she could. Patil-twin-thong simply stopped thinking at this point as a thorough understanding of the situation would provide an equal measure of extreme pleasure later when her brain would decide to turn back on.

After being forced apart and Moony threatening to get the hose, Patil-twin-tops composed herself enough to spin the bottle. It landed on Patil-twin-quidditch. Patil-twin-quidditch turned to look at Patil-twin-tops and slowly moved forward to claim her in a kiss. Patil-twin-tops was quite startled when Patil-twin-quidditch attached her mouth around Patil-twin-tops' nose and proceeded to lick, kiss, and suck all the parts of her nose. Patil-twin-tops was a bit hesitant at first but once she gave into the ministrations her nose was feeling her eyes began to roll back in her head to the sound of pleasurable moans.

Patil-twin-thong looked over at Moony "Kinda doubt the original Marauders got around to making up a game like this."

"Patil-twin-thong, if the original Marauders played games like this one then Snatch, whichever one of you he is, would never have existed. We were four unrelated teenage boys. It takes a certain kind of man to want to play this game with only other males. You guys at least are 2 males and 2 females. Including a brother/sister combo that just increases the perviness. And you brought in two more hot females. There'd be some major differences if the original Marauders tried this game." Moony looked away with a pensive frown. "Although maybe Peter would have gotten what he wanted then and not betrayed us all."

Patil-twin-diaper was staring in rapt fascination now at Patil-twin-hooker. Hearing the term 'milkbags' was so terribly crude and descriptive, that Patil-twin-diaper could not tear her eyes away from the offending body parts.

Patil-twin-quidditch was composing herself post-snog by pinching and twisting her own nipples quite hard, if the redness and irritation was any indication. She took her turn spinning the bottle and it landed on Patil-twin-bottoms.

Patil-twin-bottoms smiled in relief at finally getting to play. "Wotcher! It's about time I got me some Patil loving." She responded with a forceful kiss and some friendly but obviously inappropriate groping.

"Bloody hell" Patil-twin-hooker and Patil-twin-thong said together.

"Language!" Patil-twin-bottoms and Patil-twin-tops said in response in unison.

They all looked at each other and were cracking up. Snogging and groping continued until their hour was almost up.

Patil-twin-thong spoke up "Alright Moony. Have you figured out who we all are yet?"

Moony just shook his head. "I have some suspicions, and if I'm right, then I definitely do not want to know that. Let me stew in my uncertainty please."

"Alright. Let's end with a lightning round, where you all strip naked and ride the water slides. Mix yourselves up enough and no one will know who was who. That's the only way you'll be able to look some of these people in the eye again. You can all assume the most deviant acts were performed by Luna."

Patil-twin-tops and Patil-twin-hooker exclaimed indignantly "Hey! You should drink for that!"

Moony agreed, knocked one back and tried to forget a few things while permanently etching others into the forefront of his mind. 'Something's gotta power a Patronus.'

They all were riding the slide a few more times, before they started shifting back. As soon as they realized they were looking like their old selves, all four Marauders popped into their animagus forms and went off to their own rooms to get dressed again. Luna was quite comfortable to be nude and was unconcerned. Tonks decided it would only be fair, so she quickly adopted Moony's form in the nude rather than one closer to her own.

Moony blushed at the sight and exclaimed indignantly that he wasn't that hairy. His lack of comment on other parts of anatomy had Tonks guessing she was may have been too generous. She headed off to the room she knew was her Snatch's and got some clothes to wear.

"I really think the Patil twins should get an Order of Merlin for this. You all want to play this game again?"

"Mmm-hmm." four voices said in unison.

"Come to think of it, next time we play we should invite Padma and Parvati."

Moony was heavily considering resigning if it let him play with a semi-clear conscience next time.