Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Oh crap. Umm whoops?

The next Saturday morning the Marauders had managed to pull a few tricks on all the ghosts. Peeves was in charge of getting them all to Great Hall that morning, and apparently the ghosts were too curious about this less mischievous side of Peeves to pass up the opportunity. They were unprepared for their appearance in the Great Hall to shift their own bodies into corporeal states. Myrtle was one of the first into the hall and when she floated into the entrance she fell about a foot and hit the floor with a thud. Realizing she was solid she ran over and placed a big hug and loud smacking kiss right on Snatch.

The Bloody Baron began freaking out thinking he was bleeding still. He wasn't but it took him a while to accept this. When the Grey Lady entered Myrtle was delighted to see she too had taken a corporeal form, but she seemed to have clown make-up all over her face. It seemed the Grey Lady was completely unaware of this and took all the laughter and pointing as people cheering her for her new solid state. The Fat Friar just laughed and enjoyed his present state, but he and Myrtle seemed to have a smutty conversation with their eyes before he took off in a run somewhere outside of the hall. After getting reassurance from Snatch, that their current states would last at least ten hours, Myrtle sprinted after him, and was last seen quickly gaining ground.

The most fun though was Nearly Headless Nick. He was the last one Peeves managed to herd to the Great Hall. When he fell in a corporeal form he had the most shocked look on his face. He just was looking around at everyone staring at him. He began touching his head unable to believe this was real. You could see on his face, the moment he completely processed what was happening, and he grabbed his head as firmly as he could around his neck and under his jaw. With a vicious upward rip he had finally torn his head completely off. It was a grisly sight, but seeing him holding his detached head high in the air, and that detached head smiling and exclaiming "Yes!" was almost as funny as it was disgusting. He held his head in front of him and aimed it to stare at where his head used to be. "Man I have wanted to see you like this for a long while." It was hard to tell if that was his head talking to his body, or where his head should have been talking to the detached head in his hands. He then palmed the back of his head and rolled it out the Great Hall like he was bowling. His body chased after it pumping its fists into the air while the head could be heard saying things like "Awesome!" and "Super sweet!"

With his responsibilities finished now it was Peeves turn to claim his prize. Rather than simply turn corporeal, Peeves instead had popped into an exact duplicate of the Headmaster. He approached the smiling Headmaster sitting at the staff table. His brow was furrowed and he had adopted a thinking mans pose. "I think, Headmaster, that we should have a lot of fun today."

The seated Headmaster responded. "Oh yes, Headmaster. Today should be a good day."

The two Headmasters then did some sort of secret handshake that disconcerted the Marauders.

The rest of the afternoon the ghosts were all having fun with the students actually getting to play around and be solid for a little while. Some ickle firsties had to go see Madame Pomphrey after claiming to have seen two naked Albus Dumbledores running through the halls hand and hand. The Grey Lady enjoyed all the attention she was getting, but it seemed she had yet to even realize her face was painted. Myrtle was seen with a smile on her face and enjoyed her time with the resident Hufflepuff ghost. She affectionately called him Moaning Friar and several people felt that was too much information. She found two new friends in Crabbe and Goyle who were actually asking her for more explicit details.

One of the funnier sights was the Gryffindor Ghost Nick who was apparently quite familiar with American style football. He would lean forward in a crouch holding his head on the ground, yelling out "Drache 58, Drache 58, 24, set, hut, hut, hike!" And then he would hike his own head from between his legs back to the Giant Squid in the lake. Nick's body would go long, and the Squid could hit him in perfect stride every time.

In her research on the spells necessary to force the ghosts into corporeal forms, Mini-Minnie stumbled onto some curious ideas about Death. The one that caught her attention was one explaining some misunderstanding and fallacies about Death. Especially as it pertains to a mysterious archway to the land of the dead. Mini-Minnie was almost certain that was the so-called Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries. Apparently the archway allowed people to travel straight into the land of the dead, without ever feeling the pain of death. Their life ends instantaneously, but it also leaves them a bit more tethered to that exit from mortal plane, and makes communicating with them possible nearer to the archway.

She wanted to find out more information before mentioning it to Snatch. If he thought he could reach Sirius, he'd hop on the first thestral headed out of here. 'Although actually he could fly there a lot faster on his own now.' Like with any great challenge, it's back to the library! She knew Snatch had snuck out to Hogsmeade to meet up with Tonks, so she corralled Cottontail and Horny to help her.


Snatch met up with his Nymphie in the Shrieking Shack. A quick snogging and they were contemplating what they wanted to do today. Snatch told her of his plan to do things he'd never done and go places he'd never gone. Tonks suggested they try and do something new today. Some discussion and more snogging they decided to go find some water. Snatch had never seen the ocean or a beach, and the extent of his experiences with bodies of water were his aunt and uncle hiding him from Hagrid, and the triwizard tournament. Tonks didn't have the power to apparate all the way to the ocean, but she suggested Snatch turn into a snidget and hop into her pocket and she could apparate to a different large lake not too terribly far away. Snatch was giddy at the idea. He gave her one last quick smooch and popped into his snidget form and nestled himself snugly into her cleavage.

Tonks was giggling at the way he was tickling her. She concentrated and apparated right to the shore of the lake she remembered visiting when she was younger. Checking that the coast was clear, Snatch flew out and popped back into himself.

"This is great Tonks. Where are we?"

"We're a few miles Southwest of Inverness. Not sure the name of the lake but I think it's supposed to be some sort of Muggle tourist attraction. Biggest lake in the Scottish highlands if memory serves."

"Wow. It's gorgeous."

"Actually Snatch it's a bit dirty, but since you've never seen clear water, we can pretend. Wanna go for a swim?"

Snatch started acting a bit shy, "I can't exactly swim. Never got taught. I figured out how to keep myself afloat enough, but that was more to upset Uncle Vernon who I think was hoping I would drown."

"Well why don't you let me teach ya then?"

The pair transfigured their clothes into proper swimming attire and waded out into the water. They were smiling and paddling to keep afloat while Tonks tried to give Snatch some pointers on how to swim. A few frustrating failures where they kept clinging close to each other and finally they both pointed out the obvious.

"Tonks it's absolutely freezing in here. I know you're cold too, but my nipples could cut glass right about now."

"Yeah, I will admit this hasn't been the best of ideas, but at least I can rub up against you."

Snatch got a grin and said "I've got an idea Tonks." He grabbed his wand and cast a warming charm on his Nymphie. "Oh yeah! Oops. Good idea there Snatch."

"Actually that's only half my idea. You missed out on our Marauder mayhem in the woods last full moon, so you've never had a proper basilisk ride! Cottontail and Mini-Minnie assure me the vibrations are quite heavenly."

"Alright, I'm going to keep my wand and refresh the warming charms. Actually knowing you I'll need a bubblehead charm too. If you see any muggles or I bang on you when I spot any, you dive so we can keep out of sight."

"It's fun and hold on." Harry checked that the coast was clear and Tonks got situated. Once she was secure, Harry took off with a blast and dove quickly into the depths of the lake. He was going a lot faster and Tonks was having the ride of her life. She had morphed into a younger girl and was squealing with glee yelling a much muffled "Faster, Faster!" The speeds they soon reached had the unfortunate side effect of ripping the oversized swimming suit the young girl was wearing right off.

Once Harry was convinced she wasn't going to be falling off he began to surface and would even jump several feet into the air before landing back with a splash and a shallow dive. They repeated this process many times over both completely enjoying themselves and acting like children.

It wouldn't be until several days later that the Headmaster called Harry into his office to discuss some of the British tabloids. The headlines "Nessie kidnaps small girl!" and "Missing link child tames Loch Ness Monster!" caught Harry's eye, and the matching pictures proved to be a bit embarrassing. Harry's claims of innocence fell on deaf ears.


Having finished their research and understanding just what it might mean, the three Marauders were prepared to explain themselves to Snatch.

Mini-Minnie began. "Alright Snatch. We've done some research and have a couple of ideas you should be aware of. First off, you should know, everything we've found agrees that Sirius is truly dead."

Horny picked up, "But there's a chance you will be able to talk to him. It will really be helped if he had the other magic mirror with him when he fell through the veil."

Cottontail continued, "If he did, then we think if you're close enough to the veil, like within a few feet, you should be able to talk to him in the land of the dead with it."

Mini-Minnie added "We think you should definitely try and contact and talk to him first. But even if you can't there is one other thing you can do. If you have a close connection to someone who goes through the veil, you can cast a spell, that might be a tad bit necromantic, but it can call their spirit back to the mortal plane and make them into a ghost."

Cottontail finished "You should try and talk to him first and see if he can or wants to come back as a ghost. We're all pretty sure he's going to be excited as a poodle in heat to come back and haunt you all the rest of your life."

Horny smiled. "And he can help us prank the hell out of Moony. Umm…you okay Snatch?"

Throughout all this Snatch was just snapping his head back and forth and staring intently at whomever was talking. He was getting all twitchy, just waiting for someone to shout "Go!" and he would sprint straight towards the veil. The other three sat there waiting on Snatch.

Finally he stumbled out. "Are-are you guys serious? Is this possible?"

Horny seemed to fighting the inevitable Sirius-serious joke before Mini-Minnie just cuffed him able to tell what he was thinking. All three nodded and said "Yeah."

"Should we tell Dumbledore or get this little mission authorized? I can wait until tonight but I don't think I will put this off any longer than that."

The other three knew this was coming and agreed. "We know. We figured it would be just us four, sneaking out and doing our thing."

Snatch seemed to settle down a bit and actually smiled. "Well alright then. Sounds like a plan. How do you guys want to do this?"

Mini-Minnie seemed to wince a bit and said "If you're okay with it, we figured what worked last time will work again. Thestrals should still work like a charm."

Snatch smiled. "Yeah they will." Snatch seemed to walk around in a bit of a daze. "I cannot believe this could really be happening. Oh crud I've got to go fix my mirror!"

One fixed mirror, and a couple hours later, it was dark out, and Snatch flew into the forest and found some thestrals. Being able to understand them made it much easier this time. He informed them of his plan, and they were happy to oblige. One of them was looking forward to hitting the dumpster across the street again. Apparently it had some tasty fix-ins last June.

They all mounted the beasts even though Snatch was the only one who could see them and flew off towards the Ministry. Along the way Snatch discovered he had no clue who was Minister anymore. Apparently too much snogging and he wasn't keeping up with his politics or current events. Hearing Madame Bones was the new Minister pleased Snatch, as she seemed like a fair but strict woman. Mini-Minnie went on a bit of rant complaining about the term 'Ministress' being completely inaccurate. Snatch didn't care much. He just hoped having a capable Minister didn't mean security getting into the Ministry and Department of Mysteries was going to be any more difficult.

Luckily Snatch's fears were unfounded. Apparently incompetence in government you can always depend on, and they had no problems at all making their way to the room with the Veil.

He walked right up to it and heard the voices again. No one else heard any voices, so he wasn't sure what was going to happen. He pulled out his mirror and called out "Sirius!"

There was mist in the mirror that seemed to be moving, but no response. "Padfoot! Sirius Black!"

The mist began to clear and there was a smiling goofy shocked looking Sirius Black. "Harry! Holy shit! What are you doing?"

"Sirius! Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I should never have come here. I should have known you weren't here. I should have used the mirror before. I should have-"

"Harry! Stuff it for a minute! I don't blame you, you moron. And I heard you got Voldemort! Nice! So what's been going on? How old are you even now? You look a lot older, although it looks like your partners in crime behind you aren't much older. Albus didn't stick you in some weird time travel training crap did he?"

"No…although that would've been kinda fun maybe. No it's only been about three months since you fell through here."

"You're at the veil! What the hell are you doing?"

"It's only here the mirrors can work. We just found that out earlier today and broke back into the Department of Mysteries just now. Speaking of which, we might want to get a move on. We are kinda trespassing and breaking and entering and stuff."

"Ahh, okay. I was hoping to talk for you a while longer. Your parents love you and miss you though they were a bit pissed hearing about some of the adventures you get yourself into."

Harry blushed and said "Yeah about that…umm we've got an idea, if you're up for it. Since you fell through the veil, I think I can cast this itty bitty semi-necromantic spell and make you a ghost back here. Wanna come haunt Hogwarts with us? You can scare the hell out of Moony!"

"Really? That sounds kinda…dangerous. But yeah! Hold on, just a second."

Sirius disappeared from the mirror and Snatch turned and was smiling brightly at the other Marauders. They'd been remaining silent and enjoying seeing their friend so happy. Mini-Minnie it seemed had a whole lot of questions she wanted to ask, but was biting her lip and saying nothing.

"Heya Harry! I just told Prongs and Lils what was up. They were jealous as all hell, though Lily says she's going to be able to pinch my bum and perhaps be able to relay and talk to each other still. I've no clue how this death stuff works but your mum's usually right so whatever. Now be a big bad evil necromancer and let's get this show on the road!"

Harry smiled brightly, and stepped back. Mini-Minnie briefed him again on what to do and how to do it. The bond and specifically the open connection through the mirror should be sufficient enough for Harry to pull him out. Harry grabbed the mirror in his left hand and his wand in his right and bellowed out the spell.

The Marauders were all watching eagerly and the veil was fluttering up and billowing in some mysterious wind. A swirl of fog blocked most of their view and some indistinct shape was forming. A familiar voice was heard as the mist seemed to settle and they heard "Bloody hell, Harry, that was fun!" A surprising second voice was heard going "ungh."

When he could see clearly Harry saw his smiling ghost of a godfather. As a lovely present from the Fates, who felt he was overdue for a headache there was a second recognizable ghost with him.

Harry's eyes went wide and gulped out, "Voldemort!"


Author's Note: drache5824 guessed all the Patil Twin identities correctly!

Solution to last chapter's logic problem was:
Patil-twin-diaper was Harry.
Patil-twin-hooker was Tonks.
Patil-twin-bottoms was Luna.
Patil-twin-tops was Ron.
Patil-twin-thong was Hermione.
Patil-twin-quidditch was Ginny.