Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.


CHAPTER TWENTY – Little Orphan Minnie

"HARRY BLOODY POTTER!" a loud voice echoed throughout the castle. "Get in my office now!" He sounded drunk. "Bitch!" Yup, definitely drunk.

Harry looked around completely innocently before asking his friends, "You think he means me?"

Ron and Ginny both looked at him. Ron answered. "Yeah Snatch, I'm pretty sure he means you."

Ginny added "You might wanna take Moony with you."

Harry sighed and nodded. He walked up to the staff table, and grabbed an unconscious Moony by the hair. He walked out of the hall dragging the man behind him. A number of students had their eyes wide and curious wondering why Harry 'Bloody' Potter was dragging their unconscious Defense professor by the hair.

Along the way, Tom and Sirius both appeared. Tom asked the question on everyone's mind. "Is your middle name really 'Bloody'? Cuz that would make so much sense."

Alright, so maybe that wasn't the question on everyone's mind. Certainly not Sirius's mind, as he responded by cuffing Tom upside the head. 'Got to take advantage of being the only one able to smack this ghost of a Dark Lord.' Sirius felt it was his duty. That and thinking of the word 'duty' was always good for a snicker from the elder Marauder.

Harry rolled his eyes. Sirius, if left alone, would just break out into silent sniggers and occasionally loud barks of laughter. Harry wasn't sure how much was attributable to Azkaban and how much was just normal demented Padfoot. "No my middle name is not Bloody. It's James. And before you say anything, remember this: Marvolo? Yeah."

"Hey now. That's grandpappy you're making fun of." Tom defended.

"This the grandpappy you never met? Or the one who kept making you sit on his lap?"

"The one that made me….arg. Shut up Bloody Potter." Tom fumed quietly until they arrived at their destination.

Harry was still dragging the unconscious Moony, gave the gargoyle the password, and told Tom and Sirius to stay invisible until the Headmaster and Moony were prepared.

Harry knocked on the door.

"Yes, yes, get in here already." An aggravated gruff voice yelled back from inside the office.

Harry slowly entered, pulling Moony with him. "You wanted to see me sir?"

"So it's 'sir' now? Not 'barmy old coot'?"

Harry smiled. "Can't it be both, sir?"

"I'm warning you: watch the cheek. Now I see you had the forethought to drag your unconscious DADA professor with you, so obviously you're going to explain this to me. So let's hear it."

"Perhaps we should wake Moony first?"

The Headmaster rolled his eyes and waved him on. A quick ennervate, and Moony woke up rubbing his sore head. He was brushing off a lot of dust and sand that covered the front of his body. He looked around at his surroundings and remembered what caused him to go unconscious. Albus was clearly agitated and a little inebriated. And Harry bloody Potter was looking innocent and whistling quietly. "Dammit Snatch, couldn't you have used a mobilicorpus?"

Harry just shrugged. He didn't think Moony would appreciate any of the answers he had to that question.

Moony yelled at Harry. "Why the heck did I see Padfoot?" Albus raised an eyebrow at that. It explained his DADA professor's presence. Albus added "And why did Tom inform me 'he was back'?"

"Because you'd been drinking and hallucinating?" Harry suggested.

"I hardly think I would hallucinate a prank against myself. And certainly not one against Remus after I had left the Hall. Try again. And perhaps address the issue that the two most likely dead spirits linked to you both appeared at lunch today."

"Alright. Don't scream or anything, but you two, go ahead and make yourselves visible."

Tom and Sirius apparently had been planning this and both appeared and were dancing a small routine together with big smiles on their faces. Sirius pretended to have a cane he was twirling and pumping his arms forward. And it certainly appeared Tom Riddle had had some tap dancing lessons, as he was kicking up a storm. A few jumps and heels snapping together and they finished with jazz hands and smiles towards Moony and the Headmaster.

Albus just reached into a drawer and pulled out two bottles of firewhiskey, handing one to Remus.

Harry was beginning to wonder if he would have to go through this explanation a few times. The Headmaster's current drinking pace would indicate a 'yes'. His ponderings were interrupted by the man in question. "Harry, I thought I told you to come to me with any pickles. This situation is the very definition of the sort of pickle you need to bring to me. A tap-dancing Dark Lord haunting you to the end of time could be a delicate situation for you."

"Yeah, but he can be a respectable prankster too. And it's not like he's a Dark Lord anymore."

Sirius was looking at Moony. "You okay there Moony?"

"Padfoot! What in the-… I mean why-… You shouldn't-… oh geez. Why are you a ghost now? I thought ghosts stayed here if they had some sort of unfinished business before passing on. You passed on!"

Sirius smiled a big proud smile. "Yeah I know! And that cheeky lil bugger of a godson pulled me back! Isn't this great!"

The Headmaster's eyes widened. "Harry! Please tell me you haven't been practicing black magics."

"Sirius! Ix-nay on the explanations-err-ay." Harry finished with a sigh. "Ap-cray."

Tom just had a proud look on his face. "Ahh come on Potter, you should be boasting! When I first tried necromancy it failed miserably. And on your first try, you not only succeed, you hit the double bonus!"

The Headmaster was looking oddly at Tom. "What changed you Tom? Why are you so … agreeable?"

Harry laughed a little while Tom had the decency to blush. He quietly mumbled and looked up. "My mum." And finally the Headmaster gave in and started laughing loudly at the former Dark Lord. He was pointing at him and kept chuckling whenever he made eye contact.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laugh it up old man." Tom was getting a bit irritated at being a source of mockery.

Harry admonished him. "Now, now Tom. Don't you have something you want to say?"

Tom snapped his head towards Potter. "I hate you!" he hissed out before mumbling some unintelligible curse words Harry's way. "Fine." Tom gave in.

"Professor Dumbledore, I'm…I'm sorry. You were right and I apologize."

The Headmaster paused and listened to the ghost in front of him. He briefly thought about the obvious remorse Tom Riddle was showing before going back to his loud laughing and pointing. In between his fits he managed to get out "Somehow, 'I told you so' seems insufficient."

Tom looked over at Harry with angry narrowed eyes. "This is exactly what I told Dr. Melfi would happen." He started sniffling. "I'm just not ready to deal with this." And his sniffling turned into outright sobs.

Sirius just shook his head. "Come here Tom. Let it out. Let it all out."

The Headmaster looked at the sad faces Remus, Harry, and Sirius were all giving him. He responded the only way he could. He drank. He tipped his bottle back and finished it off. He slurred out at Harry. "Harry, all I ask is, please don't kill us all." The Headmaster grabbed another bottle and made his way back into his private chambers. A loud thump and no cursing indicated he had fallen to the floor unconscious.

Tom lifted his head off Sirius's shoulder. "He bought that?" Sirius just nodded and smiled. "Yeah! This is going to be great."

Moony briefly looked appalled before realizing he wanted to be on these ghosts' good side and just smiled and chuckled with the rest of the room's occupants. Harry spoke up. "Let's see how the other Marauders are doing. I want to see how frustrated and angry Mini-Minnie is."


A long time ago or at least a little bit earlier, in a transfiguration classroom far, far away, a very inquisitive Marauder was enjoying a lunch and interrogation with her favorite professor.

"Thank you very much for having me for lunch Professor. There is a somewhat private matter I was hoping to discuss with you."

Minerva McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? What would you like to talk about Miss Granger?"

"Please call me Hermione. I was wondering what your youth was like Professor."

"My youth? Erm well. That is a sort of personal question."

"I apologize if it seems like I'm prying Professor, it's just I look up to you so much, I want to know how it is you became such a great instructor."

Professor McGonagall had the decency to blush. "Well I never said I wouldn't answer it, it's just that, I'm not really sure how much I can tell you."

"Would you like an oath of confidentiality Professor? I assure you I'm not looking to uncover your secrets or expose anything about you."

"No, no. It's not that. It's just that some time before I began teaching here at Hogwarts, I was attacked by a dark wizard," Minerva paused briefly before adding "or wizards. They obliviated much of my personal memories away. I get bits and pieces of it, but it is clearly incomplete."

"Oh Professor! I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" Hermione said, although inside this seemed to further prove what she was thinking. "Do you know who did it?"

Minerva shook her head. "No Hermione I do not. That's unfortunately one of the main components of a successful memory charm. For a long time I considered having Albus forcibly remove the charm, but in doing so, most likely I would suffer brain damage due to the severity of the memory charm. It is unclear how much, but I find blissful ignorance to better serve me than a brain dead vegetative state."

Hermione was looking at her with wide eyes thinking 'Harry you lying sack of shit! I'm going to kill you!' She calmed herself a bit and asked "Would you mind sharing with me what you do remember?"

Minerva smiled. "It's only bits and pieces. I remember the orphanage I grew up at and the awful Miss Hannigan there. My friends called me 'Minnie' and we sang show tunes to brighten up our days. It was basically a hard knock life."

Hermione was furrowing her brow. It sounds like whoever obliviated her was a bit of a jokester.

"Times were tough. Other kids went after my mush, and I'd yell at them to 'keep their mitts off my grub.' Well, until Daddy Warbucks came along, oh man did the sun come out that day!" the Professor said with a knowing smile.

Hermione wasn't sure she wanted to break her own old heart and tried to divert the slightly delusional Professor. "Do you remember your time at Hogwarts?"

Minerva shook her head. "I'm almost certain I went, but the Headmaster has no record of it. But since I cannot remember it, it's not like I can prove him wrong."

Hermione sat there in thought looking at 'Minnie' curiously.

Minerva could tell she was thinking something. "Why do you ask this anyway? I recognize that look. You're mulling something over."

Hermione looked at her carefully. "Why don't you show me your animagus form? And I'll show you something that will make this easier." Minerva looked at her extremely curiously. She morphed into her kitty state and looked up at the young Gryffindor. Her kitty eyes widened when she saw her transform into an animagus form that appeared identical to her own. She couldn't hold in the kitty cat squawk, and popped back into her normal Professor form. "You bit Professor Lupin on the ass!"

Hermione popped back into her normal form and blushed. She wasn't sure how the Professor knew that but Hermione was obliged to nod and agree.

Minerva was beginning to piece together what Hermione has been wondering. "Wait, you asked if animagus forms could be identical, and you …. I mean… Do you think you're me!"

Hermione's face scrunched up in frustration. "That's what I was hoping to find out! But it sounds like you don't even know either!"

"Oh dear. That seems….oh my. So all my childhood memories are lies? Implanted by whoever obliviated me?"

Hermione nodded.

"Leaping Lizards! Merlin….I don't….well, shouldn't we have identical magical signatures or something?"

"Yes we should."

"And?"

"We don't. But they're close."

"Are we related?"

"I don't know. But honestly, I think someone managed to change our magical signature."

"How could that be possible? You'd have to be ridiculously powerful and skilled to do that."

"I think we both should ask our best friends that. Because I think they might be the same too."

"What! You think …. You think Albus is-"

"HARRY BLOODY POTTER!" Minerva and Hermione both jumped at the voice booming through the castle. Hermione was about to answer when she heard "Get in my office now!" She waited a second and opened her mouth to speak again. "Bitch!" She snapped her mouth shut angrily and waited through ten seconds of silence.

"Yes I think he might be. They're both ridiculously powerful and have the sanity of an abused house elf. And Ron we think is Aberforth."

"Aberforth! That dirty old goat is always hitting on me!" Minerva exclaimed indignantly.

"You never hooked up with him? Or had a family?" Hermione had a bit of a fearful look on her face.

Professor McGonagall shook her head. "Nope. Without my memories I never knew who I might be in love with. Although, not for a lack of Aberforth's trying. Crazy coot has knocked on my door naked at 1 AM more times than I could count."

Hermione's shoulders slumped. "Crap. That sucks."

Minerva inquired, "What's wrong now?"

Hermione explained begrudgingly to the woman she was convinced was her older self. "Ron was my back-up. If I couldn't have love, I figured I could always have Ron. Now I see I'm playing second fiddle to some goats."

Minerva wasn't sure how to respond to that one. "Yes well, in fairness, Aberforth's goats are very pretty goats. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "If I'm being hard on anyone, it's you Professor."

Minerva just shook her head. "This seems so impossible, but it does make a modicum of sense. I think I need to interrogate Albus once he's thoroughly drunk."

Hermione got up. "I should probably be going. Thank you for the talk Professor. And don't worry. I don't blame me for having to sleep with either Dumbledore brother to get our answers. Or both. At the same time."

Hermione walked towards the door and paused once more. "Sorry we've been pranking you and making you break down. I asked for this conversation now to keep a small lunchtime prank from killing you." She finished with a slight smile.

Minerva paled at that. She shook her head and tried to maintain some dignity. "Good day Miss Granger."

When the bossy little know-it-all finally left the room, Minerva let out a loud sigh and massaged her temples as she felt a headache coming on. 'Some day bitch. Some day I will get my revenge.'