Hello again! I'm so happy that this story actually gets some reviews! collects roses from screaming fans lol But lately I've run out of ideas, and no I am NOT going to have Hermione and Ron hook up! Sorry peoples, but noooo way! If you have any other ideas please tell me, cause I'm desperate for 'em!

Ch 3 Episode 3:

Jerry Springer music in background

Crowd: JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Announcer: And now, the worst show in the history of television, amazingly in its 13th season… JERRY SPRINGER!

Crowd: WHOOOOO!!

Jerry Springer: Hello there, and welcome to today's show. We will be having several guests who think they can sing, but their friends say they can't. Our first guest says that his best friend can't sing at all, and he's here to prove it! Here he is, James Potter!

James walks out while waving at crowd.

Jerry: Hey James. So, you say that your friend can't sing? How bad, exactly, is he?

James: Bad. I even saw him break a mirror once. Literally.

Jerry: Wow. So he can't sing and he's ugly.

James: That's about right.

Crowd laughs

Jerry Springer: Well, lucky us, we get to hear him sing today!

James: Do you mind if I leave the building during that part of the show?

Jerry Springer: I'm sure we all wish we could. Lets bring him out! Sirius Black!

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Sirius walks out and sits down in a chair beside James.

Jerry Springer: Hello Sirius.

Sirius stares at the cameras.

Jerry Springer: Sirius?

Sirius sits and stares at the cameras more, then jumps up and starts screaming and bouncing around yelling "Oh my god I'm on Jerry Springer! Oh my god I'm on Jerry Springer!" James watches in disbelief, then buries his head in his hands.

After Sirius calmed down:

Jerry Springer: So, I guess you never really wanted to be on Jerry Springer then?

Sirius: It's been my life objective.

Jerry Springer: James says that you can't sing. Is this true?

Sirius stares at the cameras. Just when he's about to jump up and start screaming, James grabs him and whispers something in his ear. Sirius calms down and acts cool.

(James had whispered "Imagine all those hot girls out there that are gonna see you making such a complete fool of yourself. Twice.")

Sirius: Well, we all have our different opinions. I say that I can sing perfectly well. I might even try out for Wizard Idol.

Jerry Springer: Then show us what you've got!

Sirius steps up on a small platform and the music to Britney Spears "I'm a Slave for you" starts playing.

Sirius: I know I may be young
But I've got feelings too
And I need to do what I feel like doing
So let me go and just listen

All you people look at me like I'm a little girl cough-boy
Well did you ever think it'd be okay for me to step into this world
Always saying, "little girl cough-boy don't step into the club"
Well I'm just tryin' to find out why cause dancing's what I love

Can you get it, get it get it, whooah
Can you get it, get it get it, whooah (Do you like it)
Can you get it, get it get it, whooah (This feels good)

I know I may come off quiet
I may come off shy
But I feel like talking
Feel like dancing when I see this guy cough-chick

What's practical is logical
What the hell, who cares?
All I know is I'm so happy when you're dancing there

(starts crawling on floor in a sexy way)

I'm a slave for you
I cannot hold it
I cannot control it
I'm a slave for you
I won't deny it
I'm not trying to hide it

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!!!

Sirius walks off stage and sits in chair.

Jerry Springer: Well, that was…. different. Ok now we need to have the crowd vote. We have a "Volume Meter" that will measure your claps. Now please realize that this is NOT judged on looks, but actual singing abilities. So lets hear what you think!

Crowd: Whoo!

Jerry: And our meter says that's a… 4!

Sirius jumps up and starts cussing out the crowd.

Sirius: What the BEEP?! You BEEP mother-BEEP cant even BEEP give me a BEEP five?! I'm not even BEEP half-way good enough for your stupid BEEP?! This is BEEP!

Steve restrains Sirius.

Commercial Break

Jerry Springer: Welcome back! Our next guest says that her boyfriend only sings in private, but she wishes that he sang in public just so somebody would… (to manager quietly) does this say "curse him back to the first Warlocks Singing Convention? Hmm… (to crowd) curse him back to the first Warlocks Singing Convention! Here she is, Pansy Parkinson!

Jerry Springer music in background.

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Jerry Springer: Hey Pansy, how are you doing today?

Pansy: Ok, you?

Jerry Springer: My ears are hurting a little, but other than that, I'm good.

Pansy: Then you might want some earplugs.

Jerry Springer: You're saying this about your boyfriend?!

Pansy: (shrugs) I like the truth.

Jerry Springer: Well lets see how your boyfriend feels about that!

Draco Malfoy walks out.

Crowd: WHOOOO!

Jerry Springer: So, do you think you can sing?

Draco: HELL YEAH!

Jerry Springer: Let the show begin!

Draco walks up onto the small platform and the music for "I'm too sexy for myself" starts playing.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts."

(Rips off shirt.)

"I'm too sexy for my pants, too sexy for my pants, so sexy it hurts."

(Rips off pants)

"I'm too sexy for my underwear, too sexy for my underwear, so sexy it hurts…"

(Rips off underwear)

Crowd gasps and starts whistling and cheering.

Jerry: Now remember this is on voice, not… proportion. Looks down his pants sadly

Jerry: And the crowd gives that a 10!

Pansy: He never sang like that for me!

A crowd of screaming girls fills the stage.

Commercial Break

Jerry Springer: Our third guest today has brought one of his employs on the show. He says that "when he sings the Mirror of Erised quivers." So here he is, Albus Dumbledore!

Jerry Springer music in background.

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Jerry Springer: Nice to see you again, Albus!

Albus: The same to you.

Jerry Springer: So what brings you back to our show?

Albus: Well, one of my employers frequently shuts himself in his room and tries to sing, unsuccessfully of course. I can hear him all the way up in my office, and the students are always complaining about "That ghoul singing the Beach Boys." It sounds funny until u have to live with it for a while.

Jerry Springer: I see….. Well lets bring him out! Here's Severus Snape!

Severus Snape walks out.

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Snape sits down in a chair and looks at the cameras distastefully.

Jerry Springer: Hello there Severus! How are you doing today?

Severus: Could be better. Being taken onto a muggle show because your vocal cords are wanted by everyone is not exactly how I planned on spending my day.

Jerry Springer: I understand that. Now what's this about an incident involving a pink thong and a razor?

Snape blushes brightly and starts muttering spells in the direction of Dumbledore, who is gazing cheerfully at the cameras.

Jerry Springer: How about you go ahead and perform?

Snape walks onto the small platform and the music to Patsy Clines "Crazy" begins playing.

Severus: (Sways back and forth in rhythm to song)

Crazy

Crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy
Crazy for feeling so blue

I knew
You'd love me as long as you wanted

And then someday
You'd leave me for somebody new

Crowd: BOOOO!

Steve and company drag Severus off the stage.

Jerry Springer: I'm sorry to tell you this Severus, but the crowd gives that a…..10….. murmers to manager I could've sworn that said 1…..

Albus looks at Severus, who sighs.

Jerry Springer: Sorry about that Severus, you actually made a 1.

A single tear falls down Severus' face.

Commercial Break

Our final guest today has brought his two best friends to our show. He says that the combined forces of them are truly horrifying, and he only hopes that this will help them see that. Here he is, Mr. Harry Potter!

Jerry Springer music in background.

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Harry walks out and waves at crowd.

Jerry Springer: Welcome to our show Harry! What brings you here?

Harry: What I like to call the Cacophony Couple.

Jerry Springer: These are your two best friends, right?

Harry: Yeah, but not for long if they keep singing like that.

Jerry Springer: Let's see if they're as bad as you say they are. Here Ron and Hermione!!!

Ron and Hermione walk out. (Ron is in big baggy jeans and a jersey with lots of "bling" and Hermione is in a tight jumpsuit with "pimpin'" written on the butt and boobs)

Harry looks at them funny.

Jerry Springer: Hello Ron and Hermione!

Ron cuts him off. It's Lil' Ronnie and Missy Granger.

Jerry Springer: Right….. Do you think your best friend is right?

Ron: Bloody Hell no!

Jerry Springer: Then go up there and prove him wrong!

Ron and Hermione walk onto the small stage and the music for Ciaras "Goodies" begins playing.

Ron: got a sick reputation for handlin broads
All I need is me a few seconds or more.
And in my rap
Tell valet to bring my 'Lac
And I ain't comin back
So you can put a car right there.
I'm the truth
And ain't got nothin' to prove.
An you can ask anybody
Cuz they seen me do it.
Barracades, I run right through 'em
I'm used to 'em.
Throw all the dirt you want it's no use.
You still won't have a pinup in a fabulous room
On her back pickin' out baskets of fruit.
(I love you boo)
Yeah freak and Petey love you too.
Ha Ha
You know how I do…

Hermione: You may look at me and think that I'm
Just a young girl
But I'm not just a young girl.
Baby this is what I'm lookin' for:
Sexy, independent, down to spend it type that's gettin' his dough
I'm not bein too dramatic that's the way I gotta have it.

(Chorus: Ciara)
I bet you want the goodies.
Bet you thought about it.
Got you all hot and bothered.
Mayb' cuz I talk about it.
Lookin for the goodies
Keep on lookin' cuz they stay in the jar
Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh

Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Jerry Springer: Well, I guess that decides it! Hermione and Ron, you win!!!

Harry looks flabbergasted.

Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The rest of the guests pour onto the stage and start dancing while Hermione and Ron start singing again.

YAY! Ok, I think that TOTALLY ROCKS!!! Hope you agree. That's the biggest Ron and Hermione match up ya'll are gonna see, so I hope you enjoyed it!! You know what, why don't you tell me how much you enjoyed it! In a review, perhaps? Yes I think that's a VERY good idea!