Hello! I know it's been a long time since I updated, but I had serious writers block! Thanks to GlitterGreen I have recovered and am able to write this chapter. Remember, your suggestions and compliments are what keep this story going!

Ch. 4: Episode 4: My Babies Daddy

Jerry Springer music in background.

Crowd: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Announcer: And now, the worst show in the history of television, amazingly in its 13th season… JERRY SPRINGER!

Crowd: WHOOOOOOO!

Jerry Springer: Hello, and welcome to Jerry Springer. Today our guests have serious problems on their hands. The outcomes of this show will not only change their lives, but their children's. Our first guests today are all having problems with one man. When they found out that they were all having trouble with him, they decided to take action. So here they are, Cindy Jones, Olive Green, Candice Cornwell, and Jennifer Kline!

Crowd: Whoooo!

Cindy, Olive, Candice, and Jennifer walk out.

Jerry Springer: Hello girls! Do you mind telling us why you're on Jerry Springer?

Cindy: Well, it's quite a long story.

Jennifer: But we can tell it, even if it is very emotional. (Tears swell up in her eyes)

Candice: Girl, we need to get this off our chests! You see Jerry, we know this playa, and he got us all to screw him. And then we all got pregnant.

Olive: The thing is, he continuously denies it. We want to solve this horrible problem.

Jerry: I see. And what will you do if he isn't the father of any of your babies?

Candice: Honey, that aint going to happen.

Crowd: Whoooo!

Jerry: So you expect him to pay for all of your children?

Candice: He better, or else I'm going to open a can of Whoop Ass!

Crowd: WHOOOO!

Jerry: Then lets bring him out! Here's Sirius Black!

Crowd: BOOOO!

Sirius waves at crowd and smiles.

Jerry: Welcome back, Sirius.

Sirius: Glad to be here.

Jerry: I see you have some very mad exes…

Sirius: I don't see why they're mad at me.

Candice: Honey you better recognize! You are the daddy of all our children and you don't think you're at fault? Pu-lease!

Crowd: Whoooo!

Sirius: I have good reasons.

Jerry: Really?

Sirius: Yes. I happen to know for a fact that Candice was screwing Robbie Jacobs at the same time as me.

Crowd: Gasp!

Sirius: And Jennifer broke up with me for Nolan Grey.

Crowd: Gasp!

Sirius: And I know Olive has been messing around with Professor Militello for months. And Cindy is just a hoe, so her baby could be anyone's.

Crowd: OHHHHHHH!

Jerry: Wow, sounds like you have a good point to me!

Olive runs off stage crying.

Jerry: But we should still check the tests, just in case.

Sirius: Ok.

Jerry: When it comes to 8 week old Maria Green, you are NOT the father!

A wail is heard throughout the building.

Jerry: When it comes to 1 month old Laura Kline, you are NOT the father!

Jennifer runs off stage.

Jerry: When it comes to 3 week old Julie Jones, you are NOT the father!

Cindy says YES and does arm movement that expresses great joy.

Jerry: When it comes to 10 week old Virginia Cornwell, you are NOT the father!

Candice: What the BEEP?! Those BEEP tests are full of BEEP! That BEEP BEEP is the father of my BEEP baby! I want a BEEP refund!

Sirius jumps up and down for joy.

Crowd: WHOOOOO!

Commercial Break

Jerry: I'll tell you what, that was very interesting! Our next guest says that she predicts that her lover is her baby's daddy. Let's bring her out. Melissa Trelawney!

Crowd: Whooooo!

Melissa: Hello Jerry.

Jerry: Hello, and welcome. Now tell us about your problem.

Melissa: Well it was late at night and I was doing a bit of Crystal Ball gazing, when I had a revelation. I know who my child's father is! Unfortunately, he denies it.

Jerry: I love those revelations! Always catch you by surprise!

Melissa: Oh yes.

Jerry: So lets bring out your lover! Here's Severus Snape!

Crowd: Booooo!!

Severus walks out looking quite befuddled.

Jerry: Welcome back Severus!

Severus: What the hell—Oh no not Trelawney again!

Melissa: Hello Severus. (Bats eyelashes flirtatiously)

Jerry: Melissa says you're the father of her child. Is this true?

Severus: NO! I barely even talk to the stupid woman, let alone have sex with her!

Jerry: Hmmm….

Severus: She doesn't even have a child!!

Crowd: Gasp!

Melissa: Yes I do!

Severus: Who?

Melissa: Ronald Weasley.

Ron, who apparently works on the show, takes off his little speaker-phone-head-band thingies and says: What the hell are you talking about lady?! I'm not your son, I'm your student!

Melissa: Oh….

Severus: HA! I told you so, you crazy old hag!

Crowd: Whooooo!!!

Commercial Break

Jerry: That certainly was… different… Our last guest says that there are two possible fathers of her child. She is in love with only one, who does not know that their child might not be his. So here she is, Minerva McGonagall!

Crowd: WHOOOO!

Jerry: Nice to see you again Minerva!

Minerva: Yes it's nice to be back.

Jerry: So you have a child with two possible fathers?

Minerva: Yes, I can only pray it's one and not the other.

Jerry: Would you like to bring your lover out?

Minerva nods head sadly.

Jerry: So here he is, Albus Dumbledore!

Crowd: Whooo!!

Jerry: Welcome back, Albus!

Albus: Thank you.

Jerry: Minerva has something she needs to tell you.

Minerva: Well… (Sob)…. The baby might not be yours.

Albus: (gasp) You don't mean…

Minerva nods head sadly.

Albus: Oh dear this really is a bit of a problem.

Jerry: Would you like to bring out the other possible father?

Albus nods head sadly.

Jerry: Ok, here he is, Tom Riddle!

Crowd: Combination of "Whooo" and "Boooo!"

Jerry: This is just like a great big reunion!

Tom: Does somebody mind telling me what's going on here?

Jerry: Minerva, would you like to tell him.

Minerva: sobs

Tom: Come on Minnie, you can tell me. (Pats her back)

Minerva: Don't touch me. I just brought you on this show to say that I have a child and it may be yours!

Tom: But that's impossible…

Jerry: And why is that, Tom?

Tom: I'd rather not share that information.

Albus: What, scared Tom?

Tom: No!

Jerry: Then why don't you tell us why the child isn't yours.

Tom: (mumble-mumble-mumble)

Minerva: What was that Tom?

Tom: (whispers) I have no balls.

Minerva, Jerry, Albus and Crowd: WHAT?!

Tom: (sobs) I was born that way ok! Gosh, why is my life so horrible?!!

Tom runs off stage.

Minerva and Albus jump on each other and start messy make-out scene.

Crowd: WHOOOOOOO!!!!

Commercial Break

Jerry: On today's show we learned that sex is very dangerous. You should always be loyal to your partner, or there may be some major consequences. Thank you and I'll see you tomorrow!

Yay another chapter finished! I don't really like this chapter, but as long as you guys continue to not give me any suggestions they're gonna continue to be slightly boring and extremely far apart! So go review and give me a suggestion! Please?