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Actual Happenings

Diary Writing

Darkness: my new friend; my new foe. I hid deep within its warm velvety folds. So do my enemies. It conceals, it protects, it traps, and it kills. But I think I'd rather be in this encompassing darkness then in plain view. It's safer for now.

I sit here in my dorm at Hogwarts. The holidays are over and class has started again. I'm skipping out today. I'm breaking my perfect attendance record. I just can't find it in me to care for such trivial things right now. Now that I am a death eater it's all different.

It was so intense, the initiation. Sweet Merlin, I didn't think I was going to get out alive. But, hey, look; here I am, alive but not so well. In fact, I kind of wish I didn't make it out alive.

On December eleventh at eleven at night my parents and I apparated to the Dark Lord's fortress. Once there I was put into a line with the other potential's. Next, without notice He strode into the room and stood in front of us. The adults behind us bowed lowly and murmured a greeting. I followed suit, bowing to the ground and murmuring, "My Lord."

I, fortunately, was among the few who did so and therefore wasn't blasted to pieces with dark magic. "Rise," He commanded and the sound of movement seemed deafening. Then he started greeting us all separately, but I wasn't paying attention to much else then keeping my mind clear, breathing steady, and face blank.

Soon he was in front of me. I bent my head slightly as a sign of respect and He acknowledged me, "Miss. Parkinson, a pleasure I'm sure, you have potential."

"Thank you my Lord, you are too kind," I replied in a respectful tone.

He nodded then asked me, "Are you ready to pledge yourself to me and be forever loyal?"

"I am my Lord," I responded struggling internally to keep my voice steady and mind from screaming my dissent.

"Your arm then Miss. Parkinson," He stated mildly. I glanced up and so a wicked gleam in his eyes but did not let my mind comprehend the fact as I offered my arm to him. He then muttered something, an incantation I did not catch, and fierce pain exploded through my arm where his wand was touching it. I then separated my mind from my body. I was elsewhere watching as this poor young girl was tortured so. As I did so I concentrated on the phrase, "I will be forever loyal."

Then, just as suddenly as it began it stopped and he had released me. I immediately slammed back to Earth and lowered myself into a gracious bow, deeper then the ones before, "My lord," I spoke softly. He then moved on to the next person.

After that was the questioning. I didn't allow myself to watch the others but instead focused straight ahead. Before I knew it, it was my turn. "Miss. Parkinson," He began.

"My Lord," I bowed once again as I said this.

"You have joined my ranks now. You need to prove yourself. How would you recommend I have you prove yourself?" He asked me.

"Whatever you wish me to do, my Lord, I shall do without question for I live to serve you and to do nothing else," I replied steadily.

"Then I wish for you to choose how to prove yourself," He countered smartly.

"My Lord is very kind for allowing me to choose how to prove myself worthy. I believe, considering the cause, I should do a task involving confirming my willingness to do whatever you bid. Possibly, a good area to do this in would involve harming those whom are not pure enough," I answered focusing on nothing but the words I had spoken.

"Are you saying you wish to torture the tainted to prove yourself?" He asked me.

I nodded my head, "If that is what you will me to do my Lord."

"So be it, bring out a prisoner!" He called into the room.

In the blink of an eye someone was brought out and shoved at my feet. "You may begin," the Dark Lord told me. Then he took his seat and I looked down at the muggle or wizard of un-pure blood. I pushed everything aside then and there, I had a part to play in this insane performance and there was no warm for mistake.

Then the man looked at me, fear shone wildly in his eyes. "Please, please," he begged, "have mercy! I have a wife and a new child. They need me. Please, please, show mercy."

"Mercy?" I asked. My voice was cold and indifferent it seemed foreign to me, as if it were someone else's. "How dare you ask me for mercy you filth," I continued glaring at the man. I then drew my wand and twirled it around in my fingers. "Cæcus," then said and a jet of violet light flew from my wand and hit the man in the eyes. He screamed as his eyesight dissolved away.

"There is your mercy," I hissed at the man once his scream died down, "now, if you are squeamish, the sight of your blood streaming down your body will not make you sick." The adults in the back of the warm chuckled lowly as if they were afraid if they laughed too loudly they would be punished. They probably would be but that was not the time to focus on that.

At this the man at my feet dissolved into tears. "You disgust me," I said to him. "You filthy thing. You scream and you cry. No dignity at all. But what did I expect. Well, I did expect you wouldn't act so weak in front of your wife and child. They look so scared, so disappointed. Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"They're here? Where? Let them go, please I beg of you," he pleaded wildly unaware of the fact that I was toying with his mind.

The next thing I did surprised even I. I laughed wildly, "Yes, yes, you should be begging me. That is your place you filth. You place is to beg then to die; just like your wife and child are dying now. My friends have slit their throats now you know. They are lying there bleeding unable to scream."

"No!" the man bellowed. For this I kicked him in the gut.

"Shut your mouth filth. I do not wish to here you speak, I only wish to hear you scream," I yelled. Next I pointed my wand at him and yelled, "Patiri!" Then the man screamed and screamed. I was unaware that a person could scream that long. I held the spell of suffering on him until the Dark Lord said, "Enough!"

I immediately released the spell, took a step back, and then bowed as I said, "As you desire my Lord."

He then hissed, "Avada Kedavra," at the man and the man became eerily still. After that he turned to me and I was unsure for a moment whether my life was over or not. He then surprised me by bringing his hands together in applause. Soon the whole room was filled with the sound. The Dark Lord then said, "A wonderful job my dear. You have potential indeed."

"My Lord you are much to kind to me," I replied as I risked a glance upwards. He nodded, gave a slight half smile, and cocked his head to the side.

"I do have one last question though Miss. Parkinson. Why was it you refrained from either killing or casting an Unforgivable?" He asked this of me immediately after telling me I was in.

"My Lord, I was not sure whether it was my place to or not," I offered hoping dearly that it was enough.

"Crucio." Was the last word I heard before my world dissolved into pain. I fell out of my bow and thrashed about on the floor as I screamed inside my head. I was determined not to scream. Not now, not ever.

Finally I was released from the curse and as gracefully as I could manage I got up and bowed once again, "My Lord," I gasped out.

"Stand Miss. Parkinson," He told me and I did so as he said, "You must be sure of yourself from now on. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, my Lord, I do," I replied, my breathe still coming in gasps.

"Good," was His final word to me that evening. He then moved on and finished questioning the others.

Once that was over He dismissed us and my parents came to my side, "You are going back to Hogwarts with Professor Snape now Pansy. Be good, we'll owl you." Then they left and I walked over to where Professor Snape was standing. He then walked out of the room and I had to jog slightly to keep up with him. Which, mind you, was no easy task considering I was finding it difficult to limp across a room never mind jog through a fortress.

When we were past the apparition wards he took me roughly by the shoulder and we whisked away to the Hogwarts gates. Not a word was said between us as he led me up to the Hospital Wing. There Pomfrey made a fuss and I had a right time convincing her all I needed was a post-Cruciatus potion. I finally managed this when the Headmaster came into the Wing.

"I trust you did fine?" he asked me and I nodded wearily. "Wonderful. Now off to bed with you."

I got up and made my way to the exit of the Hospital Wing feeling their eyes glued to me making sure I was capable of the journey by myself. "Just as rigid as you," I was able to hear Pomfrey say as I turned the corner round the door. I just made out the huff Professor Snape made as a response before I went out of hearing range.

I was able to make it into my room and collapse on my bed without anyone noticing me quite easily. There I lied staring at the ceiling. I didn't sleep. I haven't slept since that night almost a month ago.

You don't understand.

I tortured an innocent person.

I tortured them…

And I liked it.

A/n: Hey, kind of disappointed with the extreme lack of reviews for the last chapter but here's the next one anyway. Hope you enjoy and review this time. Cheers! Also if anyone's interested in maybe beta-ing this I'd greatly appreciate it. Though, it would probably push the release date out a few days...