A/N: Here's chapter 9. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to tell me what you think. I really love to read your guys' opinions, whether they be good or...not so good. LOL! So let me know what you think. I'll be much more inclined to say... update regularly then ::tries to bribe you:: I'm so evil aren't I!?
Chapter 9
You'll Never Live The Life That I Live
It was two weeks to the day he and Haley had their encounter in the classroom, before she spoke to him again.
Nathan was coming out the gym after one of their home games. Most of the team had already left and Brooke was over at her place getting ready for the regular Friday night party. Nathan had gotten dressed and was coming out of the locker room when his father stopped him. For some reason Dan Scott had deemed tonight of all nights appropriate to ream on him for twenty minutes after the game because he intentionally gave away two points to Terry. It wasn't as if Nathan wanted to give the points away. But he was being double-teamed hardcore and he could've either held onto the ball and lost the point for their team all together, or he could pass the ball and give away the point. Terry just happened to be the one open both times. His father's aggravation upset Nathan even more because he knew his father was irritated not because he gave the points away but, because they happened to both go to the same person. If he had given one away to Terry and another to Jake, there wouldn't have even been an argument.
Gah! Sometimes Nathan loathed his father with every fiber of his being. He wondered how him and Dan Scott came from the same gene pool. Deep down he also feared that he would turn out just like him, because as it was now, there was absolutely nothing stopping it from happening.
For Nathan, party, or no party the night was already a total bust. His father had genuinely ruined his after-the-game/win glow. Now all that was left was this hollow numbness that nothing he did was ever good enough. He was never good enough. The only advantage that would come out of tonight, he knew, was that when he arrived at Brooke's, he would be able to drink himself into a nice quiet oblivion.
So Nathan trudged out of the gym and got half way into the parking lot, plan set in motion when he saw Haley standing by his car. He paused, and then continued to walk. He hadn't the foggiest idea why she would be waiting around for him after a game. He didn't even know she came to the games. He found it oddly fascinating that the thought of her in the stands that night and waiting for him now left him feeling somewhat content.
When he got up to her, she didn't look half as pleased as he expected her to be at the sight of him. Instead she looked emotionless and cold. She had a bag in her hands and held it out for him to take.
"Here," she said and jangled the bag in front of him, when he hadn't moved.
Nathan was too tired from his father's hammering and too curious to see what this was all about to play any games with her. He opened the bag and pulled out a new, yet familiar looking white shirt.
"What's this?"
"A replacement for your stained shirt," Haley stated firmly. " I was thinking it over and I decided you're right. Ruining your shirt only makes me feel guilty and indebted to you, which is the exact opposite of what I want."
She stood still and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked so stern and professional, nothing like the nervous, quirky girl he'd met that summer. He didn't know if this was a facade she was putting on for his benefit or not. He didn't care at the moment. He was tired and pissed off, and he really didn't need another person making him feel like shit right now.
"Am I supposed to say 'thank you' for this," he replied coldly, holding the bag with distaste. He was doing it on purpose and Haley could tell.
"No," she shook her head adamantly. "It's better that you don't. Because then I might actually feel sorry for you, and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything from me."
Ok that stung just a little bit. More than he'd liked. Nathan brushed it off quickly. He'd had much worst said to him than that.
"I've got two more just like it at home. So it's appreciated, but I think I'll pass," he tried to hand the bag back to her, the shirt half hanging out in disarray. Haley bit at the bottom of her lip, and felt the cold breeze slap against her face. She couldn't understand Nathan. It felt like no matter what she did or said, if she was nice ore if she was mean, nothing ever got through to him. She could feel all the hurt and pain swells up in her as she stared back at him, desperately trying to hold in all her emotions. She figured this was finally it. This was her chance to be honest, if there was going to be one again.
"Be a jerk if that's what makes you happy Nathan. I'm not going to stop you. I wanted to...so badly....but I got burned just like everybody else in the end. Sometimes I wish I could be there for you. That you'd let me be there for you. But you're too busy putting up walls to let anyone in."
Nathan scoffed at her, despite the truth in what she said. "Well I guess you've just got me all figured out."
Haley shook her head sadly, her eyes betraying what she was trying so dearly to hide. " No, I don't. But I would've liked too."
She walked away then, her arms still wrapped around her body, her eyes big and beautiful and sad. Nathan couldn't bear to watch her go. He just stood there, her words echoing in his ears, the bag still in his hand.
………..
It's like deja vu when Nathan walks out of the gym after the Honors Ceremony to see Haley pacing by his car. She's trying to look inconspicuous, aloof, but to Nathan she is neither.
He can't help but check over his shoulder to make sure no one's behind him, and he glances down at his watch and figures he probably has anywhere from five to ten minutes before people will start searching for him. He quickens his steps through the parking lot until he reaches her.
She's wringing her hands, and pacing back and forth. She doesn't notice when he approaches.
"Still mad at me," he leans over her shoulder and whispers into her ear. She involuntarily jumps forward in surprise, her face lighting up with a smile, when she sees that it's him.
"Do you think I would've come tonight if I was mad," she asks with a flirtatious grin.
"Knowing you? Yeah," Nathan jokes and Haley turns away in mock hurt. Nathan laughs and his hand strays for hers, their fingers link loosely together, and despite the already pleasant spring weather Haley's body warms as Nathan's calloused fingers graze over her own fingers and up her hand. The simplest of touches from him are enough to make her skin sizzle.
"Was that supposed to be an insult or a compliment," she says through a hazy mind. All of her attention is focusing on his hand and how it's rubbing soft, gentle, circles up her wrist.
Nathan shakes his head in amusement at her question and watches both her and the parking lot out of the corner of his eye. It's hard to keep his attention diverted to more than one thing whenever she is around, and he knows if he keeps touching her much longer he's going to want to kiss her, and that can't happen here.
"I'm glad you came tonight," he adds and Haley's smile widens. "My mom didn't even come...."
It's a mumble and Haley knows if there were anyone else around she wouldn't have heard him say it. It hurts her that his family has the ability to affect him so. His mother at one end of the spectrum and his father at the other. She doesn't have any solutions for him, her only family is just as screwed up as the next persons. But God she wishes she could help.
"I'm sorry Nathan," is her only reply, and Nathan seems to accept it.
"Whatever," he nods like it's not a problem. "You're here, that's all that matters."
Haley briefly wonders if being with Nathan is a drug, because he has the most incredible ways to make her feel high by just the simplest of words. She hates to ruin the almost perfect moment Nathan has given her, but yesterday's argument is still lingering in her mind, and she knows if she doesn't bring it up now, then they won't ever talk about it.
"You know I still meant what I said in the darkroom?"
Nathan stops moving his hand within hers and slowly lets it drop. Something else farther away seems to catch his attention, but when he answers he doesn't look upset at her. "Yeah I know....Look there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I don't have time to talk about it right now. Meet me at the River court tomorrow at four?"
Haley doesn't get to answer, because his lips are against hers, his hands cupping her cheeks. The kiss is brief but sweet. Haley can taste him in her mouth all the way home.
……….
Friday after school Haley goes to Mrs. Sheldon's office as planned.
For some reason she forgot about her meeting with her counselor until the bell rang for her final class to be let out. She was practically frantic about it on Wednesday, wondering what on earth Mrs. Sheldon would want to talk to her about. Nathan, of course was the first thing to pop up in her mind. She probably has all kinds of questions, Haley thinks. She already gave her that previous warning about him and then to see him and her come out of the dark room like that...well Haley wonders how she's ever going to finagle her way out of a mess like this.
Mrs. Sheldon is sitting at her desk when Haley knocks to be let in and the older woman gestures for her to sit down.
"So I know I asked you hear to talk Haley, but I'm running rather late, so we'll have to make this short I'm afraid."
Haley watches as she pulls a drawer open on the side of her desk and rifles through it. The room is eerily silent and it makes her even more uncomfortable. She plays with the hem of shirt, and tries to think of what to say.
"About the other day I um......" words fail her, and she tries to think of another approach. "What you saw the other day wasn't exactly what you think—
"---What I saw the other day is none of my business Haley. I asked you to my office because I wanted to give you this," Mrs. Sheldon pulls out a white envelope with a letter inside, her face bright with excited. "It's from NYU......You got in. Almost a complete scholarship too. And I'm know whatever the scholarship doesn't fulfill we can make up for in financial aid and grants."
The earth stops moving for about half minute, and Haley blinks her eyes open and shut in utter amazement. She's sure she looks like a shock victim post trauma, but she doesn't care. Suddenly everything feels like its going to be ok. She's going to be ok.
"I got in," she mutters back to Mrs. Sheldon her voice meek, but hopeful.
Mrs. Sheldon smiles a soft genuine smile and hands Haley the letter she's waited eight months to read. Carefully Haley takes the parchment in her hands and holds it more gently than she's ever held anything in her entire life. It feels like gold within her fingertips.
"Congratulations Mrs. James. You should be proud of yourself."
"Oh I am," Haley laughs with joy. "Thank you. Thank you so much!"
She feels like she could repeat those words over and over. They'll never seem sufficient enough.
…………
Haley practically runs straight from Mrs. Sheldon's office straight to The Rivercourt and into Nathan's arms. She wraps herself tight around his neck and buries her face into his shoulder. She feels like she could burst from the joy that is radiating out of her. She doesn't care if anyone sees them together. She just wants to revel in the moment with Nathan. Just the both of them....and the future.
She can smell the soft hint of aftershave on his face and it mixes with his cologne to make an intoxicating smell that is just pure Nathan. "Mmm......You're never going to believe it," she squeals into his ear happily
He stumbles back at bit at the force of her jump, but smiles. "Believe what?"
"You remember back in the fall when we were filling out all of those applications and I told you I wanted to go to NYU? Remember how I spent hours and hours making sure I had everything perfect, and you'd finished almost all of your application by the time I got done with just that one?"
Nathan leans his head back, but keeps his arms firm around her waist. He looks at her like she's grown a third eye on the top of her head. He remembers it all too well.
"Forget? How could I forget? That was the week from College Application Hell."
Haley rolls her eyes. She remembers how he pouted every day about how 'boring' it was, and 'it didn't matter because when the scouts came they would just recruit him' Haley knew he was partly right, despite his inflatable ego, but she still wanted him to have a back up plan. Everyone should have back up plan. She's glad she'll never have to use hers.
She shrugs off his comment, and the squealing reemerges full force. She knows she sounds like an ecstasy-induced cheerleader, but she can't stop herself, she has to share her news."Well it paid off. I got in! I'm going to New York!"
For some reason Nathan feels like the wind has been knocked right out of him. He loosens his grip around her waste, letting her land softly on the ground. He blinks his eyes open and shut, and forces a smile.
"Wow. That's great Hales."
"I know, isn't it," she laughs with enviable ease.
"But you knew you were going to get in right?"
Haley shrugs, and ponders the question. "I had doubts."
"I didn't," Nathan replies. It's the most honest, beautiful thing he's ever said to her, and Haley's chest constricts. Nathan has been so sweet with her the last few days, so careful of her feelings, almost on the edge of being sensitive. She doesn't know what brought about this change in him, but she likes it.
Her mouth spreads into a wide smile that covers her whole face. She knows if she doesn't say something to him soon, he'll think she's gone mute, so she shakes off the tears that threaten to brim up in her eyes, and inhales a heavy breath. "So...what's this news you've summoned me here for. Don't keep me suspense."
Nathan looks at Haley with a strangely blank look; the afternoon sun draws a thin veil of light over his face and paints him clear and dark. "I found out today that I got into Brown," he says, and watches Haley jump back up into his arms.
"Are you serious?! That's fantastic Nathan. God....I'm so proud of you!!....This is sooo the point when I get to say 'I told you so,'" she budges her finger into his chest. Nathan tries to smile and fails. Her humor about the situation falls flat on him in this moment.
"I also got into Penn State," he adds, letting her go again, and pacing around the empty court.
Haley sees his eyes darken and is confused at how to take his reaction.
"Really?...um....well that's great too Nathan. That's wonderful...but it's kind of a no-brainer right? I mean you're going to Brown, aren't you......Nathan?"
"I don't think so Haley," he sighs heavily, his body tense. He doesn't like the way Haley's looking at him, and he thinks telling her the truth might not have been the best idea. He doesn't need to have Haley and his father pulling at him from both angles. It's just so hard to keep things from her though. She's so easy to talk to. And he finds telling her this is even harder than he imagined. "My Dad wants me to go to Penn. He kind of insists on it actually."
"So just tell him you want to go to Brown more," she says and he wishes that he could.
"It's not that easy. If I don't go where he wants, he'll just cut me off."
"Did you get a scholarship to Brown," Haley is quick to ask and Nathan nods in lament.
"Yeah, but not a full ride, and I can't work to pay for school and play ball Haley. I don't have a lot of options here."
Haley steps up to him until their bodies are touching. She places her hands on the sides of his body and stares up into his eyes. She's scarily serious, and Nathan can only remember ever seeing her this way on a few special occasions.
"If Brown is what you really want Nathan, you should at least try to talk to him about it."
Nathan presses his lips together and swallows the dry lump in his throat. He wonders how someone so small, can make him feel so big....how she can make him believe anything is possible.
It's better not to believe, he thinks. Nothing can ever let you down that way.
