A/N: Thanks for all the reviews...this may be teh last update for awhile...look at my bio in my profile for more info...(sigh) All mistakes are mine...I'm too stubborn and independent to get a beta lol...


Kate slamed the door, as she entered her home. She kicked off her heels and the tears started to fall. She tried so hard to pull herself together, but she just couldn't hold it in any longer. Her eyes clouded with tears, she fumbled her way to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. It was time to stop the pain. She took her razor from off the bathroom sink and stared at it for a moment. She knew it was wrong, but she just wanted the pain to stop, or at least be subdued. She drew the blade across her pale skin, and watched as the skin flushed, before pooling with deep red blood. She rested her back against the door and slid to the floor, tears still falling. She remembered a time much like this one.

Flashback:

Kate shut her bedroom door as she listened to her parents scream. She listened as they called each other nasty names, and she heard her mother's cries from down the stairs. Kate cried as she heard the front door slam and her mother crying in the living room. Kate took the pair of scissors from her desk and carefully pushed up the sleeve of her sweatshirt. It started with a small cut on her forearm one night, after an especially hard breakup. Now it had become a ritual for the normally strong girl. She was only 13. She watched as the blood dripped to the floor. She carefully held the tissue to the cut until it stopped bleeding. It was just another night in the life of Caitlin Todd.

End Flashback

It had been so long since the last time she had done this...she had worked so hard to stop when she was 15. And now, she was afraid of falling back into that pattern. But for now, all those thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind. All she cared about was the pain. It had to end. Carefully, Kate held a towel to the cut, and waited for the blood to stop. She then took a sleeping pill, and climbed into her bed to cry herself to sleep.


The next morning, Kate called into work. She wasn't ready to face Gibbs or Tony after yesterday's display. She took a long, hot shower, and dressed in a pair of grey sweatshorts and long-sleeved t-shirt, not to hide the scars from anyone but herself. She then tried to busy herself, by cleaning out her closet and doing other household chores. She pushed all the thoughts from her mind, but deep inside, they still remained. She was trying to forget, but she was immediately reminded everytime she bumped her arm. She felt so ashamed of herself...but somehow, she did it again. Only a small cut, but a cut nonetheless. She hated herself so much. She didn't ever want to be this weak again, but here she was, being that girl that she never wanted to be again.
Tony was worried. When he heard that Kate had called into work, he was genuinely concerned. After her breakdown teh day before, he was afraid that something was seriously wrong. He tried to put it out of his mind, but that uncomfortable feeling kept coming back.

"Boss?"

"Yeah DiNozzo?" Gibbs looked up from his desk.

"I'm gonna head to Kate's. I want to check up on her."

"Tony, she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself." Gibbs was telling himself that more than he was telling Tony.

"I know she is boss, but something...something just doesn't feel right." He waited, silently pleading with Gibbs to let him go. Gibbs thought for a moment, and because he was just as worried as Tony he finally gave in.

"Alright DiNozzo. But you had better call." Tony nodded as he grabbed his coat. He realized that Gibbs was worried too. He would have thought it was sweet if he hadn't been so worried himself.

"I will." Tony made his way to the elevator, his eyes meeting Gibbs' equally concerned ones just before the doors closed.


A/N: This chapter was especially hard for me to write. I am very familiar with the subject matter in this chapter, seeing as I am a recovering cutter myself. I've been clean for 10 weeks and I'm hoping to continue my progress. Please keep me in your prayers because I need all the help I can get.