Chapter Two
After he leftthe morguethe day she had resoundingly turned down his ring, Woody had walked angrily back to his office and slammed the door. She had taken his heart and trampled on it for the last time…she had thrown his feelings for her…the deep emotions he held for this woman…in his face.
Did he not matter at all? After everything they had been through together, was he still not good enough to be something more than just a friend? Was she still so unsure of him that she hesitated on moving the relationship forward? He knew the ring was a little over the top…he had admitted it. But he wanted to shake some sort of answer out of her.
The problem was he hadn't gotten the answer he wanted. He slumped down in his office chair and covered his face.
He hadn't really expected her to accept the ring…not yet. But he had hoped to get some sort of promise from her that she would try to move the relationship forward…so that maybe, just maybe, around Valentines Day, she'd put the ring on. He was going to let her keep it…and when she felt ready, slip it on her finger. His earliest vision of the ring on her finger was Christmas. Valentines seemed like a much more reasonable time frame, since it was presently September.
And now it seemed it wasn't going to happen at all. He disgustedly threw the ring in his desk. He'd take the ring back to the jeweler's tomorrow.
But now…now was a good time to re-evaluate. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to do if she turned the ring down. He was hoping to put the ring in the context that it really represented no pressure from him…just "when you feel ready, put it on your finger…when you're ready to be a little more than my friend, but not quite my lover yet, slip it on." He wanted her to know he was ready…had been ready for a deeper relationship.
He also wanted other men to know she was no longer available. He had seen the way some of the male morgue employees looked at her. Some of his fellow detectives had looked at her the same way. Was he afraid he would lose her to one of them? Maybe. Did he think that she believed she was too good for the boy wonder from Wisconsin?
He hadn't before. He wasn't so sure now.
What was he going to do with himself since things were at an impasse between the two of them? Stay in Boston and pine after her? Stay in Boston and try to re-evaluate his life and what was important, all the while studiously avoiding her? Or completely move away…to further his career, forget her and start over professionally and personally? Find another brunette with long legs and honey-colored eyes to lose his heart to? He didn't really know. He just knew it was time for a change. He would begin immediately. He picked up his cell phone and blocked her personal numbers. Then he turned to his e-mail and blocked her there, too. Until he made a decision, he would see her on his terms.
And right now those terms meant not seeing her at all.
She caught an autopsy on one of his victims three long weeks later. Nigel had made the field call, but the procedure, for whatever reason, had fallen on her, much to Woody's chagrin. She had faxed over the reports, but Woody had questions. Reluctantly, he found his feet retracing a familiar route…one that he had taken many times before, but now one he could no longer remember without wincing in pain. He had softly knocked at her door, only to hear her equally quiet, "Come in."
"Hi," he said awkwardly…more awkwardly than he could ever remember…even from their first meeting.
"Hi," Jordan responded, still quiet. She was standing in front of her window, lost in her thoughts, toying with the locket around her neck. Her mother's locket. The one that Woody had recovered from a pawn shop after her apartment had been broken into and she was nearly raped. He didn't know about that. She guessed he probably never would now.
"Ummm… I had a few questions about the autopsy on the Murphey case. I was wondering if you had time to go over it with me?"
Jordan nodded and turned her attention to the reports, clearing up the small details and filling in the gaps for him. "The trace reports won't be ready until tomorrow…so that's probably why you have all these questions. As soon as Nigel is through with them, I'll have him fax them over to you."
Woody nodded. "Thanks," he replied, gathering up his files and getting ready to leave. It had been difficult being with her…but at least they could be civil. That was something. He turned to leave.
"Woody?" her voice called him back. She wanted to tell him now...how much she cared...in terms she knew he would understand...but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth when she saw his body stiffen.
"Yeah?" He didn't turn around. He kept his hand on her door knob and his back to her.
"Is there no way we can at least remain friends?"
He whirled to face her, his eyes cold as ice. "Friends? For four years now we've been friends…and sometimes more…but it always goes back to just being 'friends.' I wanted to be your friend…and something much more. But you've shot me down. Every time. No matter how much you professed to change…no matter how much I thought you were changing…everything stayed the same. I've wasted too much time on you, Jordan. I've waited too long. For me…for my heart…it's just too hard to be your friend."
He turned to leave then, slamming the door behind him, but could have sworn he saw a tear slide down her cheek before he left.
"Hey Nige, you got the trace finished on the Murphey case?" Jordan asked coming into his office later.
"Almost love…what's the rush?"
"Woody was here earlier…he…he needs them as soon as possible," she said, sitting down on the side of his desk.
"Ah. Woodrow. I'll have them ready in about an hour. How is your boy wonder?"
"He's not my boy wonder, Nige."
Nigel regarded Jordan carefully, leaning back in his chair. "What's wrong between you and Woody? He's been asking for me on his calls for three weeks. And while I am flattered by his sudden burst of confidence in me, I have this feeling I'm being used as a mediator."
Jordan turned her head to avoid looking her friend in the eyes. Sighing deeply, she began. "I turned down the ring. Nige. I flinched when I should have stepped up to the plate. Then when I realized I had made a mistake, he wouldn't hear me out."
Nigel sat up and leaned toward Jordan. "You mean you love him." She nodded, still not looking Nigel in the eyes. "Did you tell him?"
"I tried. After the nun case was solved, he came to my office to tie up some loose ends…with the case and with us. He said he was tired of chasing me and was stopping. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise and I was too hurt to even respond. He walked out and hasn't spoken to me since…until today." Her voice dropped to a whisper.
"Oh, Jordan. I am sorry. So sorry. Is there no hope…none at all?"
"None that I can see, Nige." Her voice broke and Nigel knew from past experience with Jordan she was close to breaking down. He got up from his chair and took her in his arms, placing a chaste kiss to the top of her head.
"What if I talk to him for you? Be a different kind of mediator for a change?"
Jordan shook her head. "Thanks, but no. This is between Woody and me. Know what the hard part is?"
"What love?"
"It seems all my life…the people that I love and give my heart to, just walk out on me. Mom. James. Dad….they're all gone. Now I'm ready to turn what's left of my heart over to Woody and he does the same thing. I know it's been a long, slow relationship between the two of us. And he's had the patience of a saint. It's just that I couldn't bear to think of losing him, too. I figured that if I never told him I loved him, he would always be around, for me to love secretly. Instead, I've screwed up again. He's waited too long…and I hurt him bad when I refused the ring. Nigel…what am I going to do? What should I do?"
Nigel hugged her tighter as the tears he had been anticipating coursed down her cheeks and onto his shirt. He was wavering between understanding Woody's feelings and wanting to shake the detective. Above all else, Jordan was in pain…and Nigel didn't know what to tell her to do. Woody's mind may very well be made up. He may indeed be through chasing Jordan. He may very well have washed his hands of anything to do with Jordan.
But he should have at least heard Jordan out. Woody deserved to know the extent of her true feelings. Then, if the detective was still set on giving up on his relationship with the ME, at least he would know what he was turning down….
The unconditional love of a woman who did not love nor trust easily. A woman who was now willing to make herself vulnerable to being hurt in the worse possible way….by having her heart broken by the man she loved.
