Chapter Nine
She stood before his apartment door, pulling all her courage together to knock. She knew once that door opened and she went inside, their relationship would change one way or the other…for the better or for the worse. It was past the point of standing still.
She knew how she felt. That hadn't changed. Like Joey, she was in love with her friend. Her best friend. And tonight….either he would remain her best friend and she could also count him as her lover.
Or she would leave and he would be neither.
She swallowed hard and made herself knock. A few seconds later, he answered.
And nearly forgot to let her in when he registered just what he was looking at.
Jordan was beautiful. He had always thought so. Even with her hair pulled back in a messy bun and her scrubs riding low on her hips, she was the most gorgeous woman he thought he had ever seen. Anywhere. Anytime.
But tonight….dear Jesus. It was a short, halter dress. A casual, black, denim halter dress with a short jacket. Nothing like he had ever seen her wear before. And she had pulled her hair up on top of her head…just a pile of chestnut curls, with wisps softly framing her face. He guessed he looked a little too long. She cleared her throat and asked, "Can…can I come in? Or have you changed your mind about dinner?" She nearly sounded like a timid child.
"What? Oh…sorry….yes…come in, Jordan. Can I take your jacket?"
"Thanks," she said shrugging out of it and handing it over. That was his first mistake. Taking her jacket. Now all he could concentrate on was the curve of her neck and her bare shoulders. He shook himself mentally.
"Would you like a glass of wine?"
"Sounds good."
"I'll get it. It's in the kitchen. You can drink it while I finish dinner." She followed him into his small kitchen area and propped up against the counter while he tried to finish the salad. She and her outfit were proving distracting. He was having a difficult time concentrating on the task at hand when his hands just wanted to reach up into those curls on top of her head and….
"Something's burning," she said, bringing him out of his salacious wonderland.
"Oh, damn. The bread." He pulled the baking sheet out of the oven, eyeing the charcoal slabs with regret. "Sorry…"
"It's okay, Woody. I'm sort of doing the Atkins thing anyway."
"The last thing you need to do is worry about your weight."
She chuckled. "I just don't want my ass to get as big as a city bus."
Woody tried to casually glance at the ass in question. "I don't think that will happen."
He managed to get the chicken and pasta together while she finished the salad and set the table. Then pouring himself a glass of wine they sat down to eat. Or rather he ate and watched her mainly push her food around her plate, only taking an occasional bite. She was nervous and he knew it. So he did what he had to. He plied her with wine. Not enough to get her tipsy, or even light-headed, but enough to help her relax. When they were done, she got up and made to do the dishes. "Leave them," he said, his voice just a bit husky. "They can wait until tomorrow. Let's go into the living room and talk."
"It won't take but a minute to stack them in the dishwasher," she protested. She was still a little nervous. He picked up his glass and hers and steered her toward the couch.
Things couldn't go on as they were. They both knew that. But confronting that issue…how do you feel…how do I feel…do we feel the same way….was difficult when you weren't sure what the other was feeling. And Woody wasn't exactly sure how Jordan felt. She had honored his request to leave him alone while he was recuperating. As a matter of fact, he had to seek her out. And since the debacle with Santana, Woody had hardly seen her at all…but the look on her face when she saw them in his office haunted him. It had been quick and fleeting, but full of pain. And she had repeatedly told him she knew it was over between them – echoing his words to her on her birthday.
Ah. That's when it started. That's where he needed to begin tonight. Nothing like diving right in. They both knew what was coming anyway. "Jordan….about this….between us. We can't go on like this."
"I know…that's why…"
"And I know it's my fault," he said, cutting her off. "I shouldn't have tried to give you that ring. Even though it was a friendship ring, I shouldn't have … maybe if it wasn't a diamond ring…it would have gone over better. Maybe it signified more than friendship to you…maybe it meant a commitment you weren't ready to give yet…"
"Woody…"
He cut her off again. "But that's all it was, I swear." He was silent a minute. "No it wasn't. I'm sorry, I lied. To me it meant more. I knew I was ready to move our relationship along…pick up the pace. I had to do something to jump start it…I should have chose something with a lower voltage. But to be honest, I didn't expect you to wear it. Accept it, yes. Wear it, no."
Jordan was confused. He was making no sense to her at all. "What? Take it and not wear it?"
"Jordan. I've seen the way other guys look at you. And it bothers me. I guess….I guess I just needed some assurance that I was important to you. We were important to you."
She took a deep breath. She had never thought of that…Woody being bothered by other men. She wasn't a flirt. "Oh…but Woody, I've never…I mean the whole time we've been trying to work through this relationship thing…over a year now…I've never…"
He gently pushed a stray curl behind her ear. "I know," he said softly. "I do know. I just didn't want any of them thinking you were available."
"But if I didn't wear the ring…"
"I wanted you to take the ring…and when you felt comfortable with it….slip it on. When you were ready to acknowledge publicly that you were something a little more than a friend…but not quite my lover yet …. Only then did I want you to wear it."
"Instead I over reacted and didn't give you time to explain…"
"And then I cut you off and ran all over you later. What were you going to tell me anyway?"
Jordan swallowed hard. "I was going to ask you if you would have a problem if I changed my mind…could I wear the ring? I had judged and over reacted badly…you just surprised me."
"So you wanted the ring."
She nodded.
"I have been such a fool."
Jordan ran a finger lightly down his cheek. "You just thought you knew me too well. I had said that 'friends' line so many times to you that you just assumed that was what I was going to say and you beat me to the punch."
"But here we are now…."
She nodded. "I know…."
"So…."
"I need to tell you something, too. You've said what you wanted to say. It's my turn."
"Okay…."
Taking a quick sip of wine and a deep breath, she began. "I was hurt when you left my office that night without listening to me. I didn't know what to do. You had made yourself clear and I knew you were really trying to believe that if we ever did hookup, we'd end up killing each other in a week. We both know that's not true. We knew it them. We know it now. I know it now.
"But when you were shot…and nearly didn't come back to me…you have no idea what that did to me, Woody. None. The person that I care about most left me…even if was only for a short while. You'll never know how happy I was to hear a heartbeat again…see you come back to the morgue and the Boston PD. Even if you didn't want to see me again…it was so good to see you. I knew I cared about you…more than you knew…but I didn't realize how deeply my feelings for you ran until then. I'm not sure you do now."
They were sitting on the couch facing each other. Jordan had one of her arms along the back of the couch and the other in her lap…one leg curled under her and the other hanging off the couch. Her shoes had come off sometime ago when they were cooking dinner.
Woody nearly mirrored her….one arm along the back of the couch, casually resting against hers…he moved in a little closer at her last comment.
"I know you cared enough to do CPR on me…that it was you that saved my life…and it was you that sat up with me during the nights while I was unconscious," he said, softly stroking her arm with his thumb.
Jordan looked at him with wide eyes. He wasn't supposed to know that….ever. "Who….who told you?"
"The nurses."
"I didn't want you to know," she said somewhat sheepishly. "I figured it might make you mad after what you told me."
"Nah. You saved my life. How mad could I get?"
"Oh…"
"I do have another confession to make, Jordan."
She raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"That night you came into my room… the night before you began two work doubles for Sydney…I was awake…I just didn't open my eyes."
Jordan was completely quiet and still for a moment, the meaning behind his words slowly beginning to sink into her reality. She felt her cheeks begin to flush just a little. Dropping her head so they no longer had eye contact, she said, "So then you know… you know that I love you."
Gently he cupped her face and raised her eyes to his. "Yeah. I know…"
"I guess that's probably not a wise thing right now, with us just beginning to get this relationship back on track…." She was silenced by his finger on her lips.
"It's okay…because I love you, too."
Once again she got quiet and her eyes got big as the reality of what he just said began to dawn on her. "Oh," she breathed out as she felt him begin to plant soft, little kisses at the corners of her mouth and then work his way over to her lips, kissing her deeply and fully. She responded by opening her mouth to his questing tongue and kissing him back with a passion that could only be described as hungry. When the kiss finally broke, she leaned on his shoulder and felt his arms go around her. They sat there for long moments, just holding each other, until Woody pulled back and took the ring from his pocket. "Do you still want to wear it?"
Jordan nodded, feeling the tears come to her eyes. "Yes, please.." Woody slipped it on the ring finger of her right hand. "So I'm your friend right now…but not quite your lover?"
"That's what the lady at the jewelry store said…"
"So, what happens when it…the relationship…changes again…and I am ready to be your lover?"
Woody swallowed hard and loosened his tie. The room suddenly felt warmer and smaller. "You move the ring from your right hand to the ring finger of your left hand."
Deftly, she slipped the ring from her right hand to the left, holding it up for him to inspect. "I think it looks better over here, don't you?"
"Oh, definitely…."
