Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How
Please….enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, however painful it is to type these words, I don't own them.
Chapter-One
How Can I Forget?
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
-Emily Dickenson
Dear Diary,
Today was completely uneventful. As usual, we have had no one to fight or apprehend. Beast Boy and Cyborg have not gotten into a fight over tofu in quite a while. Starfire hasn't baked any suspicious pudding or asked an embarrassing question. And Robin…well, Robin has been locked up in his room. His reclusive nature worries me. As you know so well, diary, I must stay hidden and withdrawn for fear of my father. But, our dear leader has become more and more like…me. He actually came out today. He said he needed more paper; that he wasn't quite done with his work. What a liar. He is never done with his work. I know he is in pain from the return of Red X. I only wish I could help him.
Raven paused. She dipped her quill in ink again and continued writing.
However, if he needed help, wouldn't he ask? Ever since "X" returned, the withdrawn side in his nature has become more pronounced. I fear for him greatly. Should I go talk to him? It is times like this when I wish I could consult my emotions for advice. But lately, the more I go into Nevermore, the harder it is to come back out. And when I do leave, the urge to stay in reality is overpowering. Trigon is rising once again. I cannot fight him alone. But, without the strength of our leader, I'm afraid that Trigon will conquer me and use me to do his evil.
The fight with X was almost a week ago, and the bruises on my ankles from him still have not faded. It hurts to walk. Damn him and his synothium. Damn Robin for building the suit in the first place. Why couldn't he have trusted us? How could he be so ignorant to our loyalty? But I still fear for him. I shall write later.
Raven shut the book and stood up. She wondered how much more of the pain in her ankles she could take as she walked to her door. It whooshed open to reveal the empty hallway. She walked towards the vaults, where they kept all the things they wanted hidden. She came across the unmarked door and punched in the code; 8972235. The optical scanner came out of the wall.
"Step forward for ocular confirmation," said the robotic voice. She stepped up and it scanned both her eyes. The green light flashed.
"Confirmed. Verbal confirmation," the voice ordered.
"Raven," she said.
"Status."
"Secondary commanding officer."
"Access denied. Senior officer eyes only."
"What?"
"Emergency override password required for admission."
"Fine."
Raven typed in the password; 6547231.
"Access granted. Welcome, Raven."
The door flew open to reveal a gigantic room filled with vaults. She stepped inside and examined them. One with Slade's mask printed on the lock; one with Control Freak's, one with Plasmus, Cinderblock….the list went on and on. She stopped in front of the one with the skull. Memories of the night she doubted her leader flashed in her head. She stared at it and tried to imagine someone else's face behind it. Not Robin's. But, it was impossible. She'd seen him remove the mask from his face. The memory was burned into her eyes and mind. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't envision the mask on someone else.
"Damn you," she whispered in her raspy voice. She fell to her knees, wrapped her arms around her and tried with all her strength not to cry. "Damn you."
Robin walked in. He saw someone override the code into the vault room. But, he didn't know it was her.
He walked up behind her.
"Oh, God….Raven."
"I don't care what Starfire said. You made the suit, and you brought this on us."
"Raven, I'm so sorry."
"So am I, Robin."
He put a hand on her shoulder and she shoved it off, standing up.
"I can't believe I felt sorry for you. I can't believe that I pitied you when you locked you're self away in that god-dammed room of yours. And I cannot believe that I worried about you, Robin. Look what you have done. You've created a monster. A monster that looks like you!" Her voice echoed in the room.
"Do you think I wanted this?"
"Do you think that we wanted this? How could you push away our loyalty like that after all we've been through with you?"
"I couldn't have told you. You would have held back, and Slade would've figured it out."
"Is Slade more important to you than us?"
"Of course not."
"Then you should have valued our friendship like you valued capturing him."
"You're right," he said calmly, "I shouldn't have created Red X. I shouldn't have used synothium to power the suit. I shouldn't have destroyed the bonds between us. I shouldn't have locked away the suit instead of destroying it. And, honestly, I shouldn't have obsessed over Slade at all. But, I needed to catch him, Raven." He held on to her shoulders.
"Don't you understand that?" he asked, falling to his knees. "Why can't you understand that?"
"Because, Robin," she said, kneeling down to talk to him, "It isn't meant to be understood. Don't you see? If we were behind you, you would have caught him. But, you made that decision; to leave us out. And that is why Slade is still alive."
Robin pulled her into a hug and completely broke down.
"Please forgive me."
"I can't do that Robin. I can't. But, I can help you rebuild the person you were. I can help you put yourself back together."
He held her tighter.
"Thank you, Raven," he said, "Thank you so much."
Softballtitan009- Okay, this WILL get better. I just need to know how I'm doing right now. This will be a Raven/OC and Raven/Robin when it develops. Please review! Thanks!
