tado:gulp: But I like my head on my neck…
Everyone: It is official! I cannot find anyone who knows what a sigma bond is! And thanks for the lovely reviews!
Rory had finished her shower and was walking back to her room wrapped in one of Jess's towels when he entered through the back door. She gathered he didn't use the front door much.
"Sorry," he said as she jumped, hearing him. She looked up at him, her hand on her doorknob. He was fully clothed. He had the advantage.
"I left my clothes in the bathroom, but I'll pick them up," she said, solely for conversation. He nodded and walked out of eyesight. She sighed and walked into her room, looking for something to wear. She hadn't brought many clothes, and her outfit from yesterday was hanging over the chair. Deciding she wanted to go swimming today, she looked for a suit to throw on under her clothes, and thus eliminate the need to dirty another pair of lingerie. Not even thinking about it, she grabbed the black one. She slipped on another pair of jeans and a white polo over the bikini, and skipped out to eat.
"Can I play on the beach today? Build a sandcastle and try to get a tan and read a book and burry my feet, or even better, you, and try to swim and climb the jetty?" She'd been to a beach twice in her life- once when she'd been five and Lorelai had taken her, and once during spring break her freshman year of college. She felt giddy and childlike just seeing the waves outside.
Jess laughed at her enthusiasm.
"Of course. Though stay off the jetties, I've cut my foot open on one before. And don't go too far into the water."
"Can I burry you?"
"When I die, and only then. Chocolate?" he said, offering her a pastry. She pleaded with him and he refused to be buried in sand the entire light-hearted meal, neither broaching the subject of last night, or the fact that every second they were together without talking was dangerous.
After they were done eating, he cleaned up as she excitedly ran outside, already shedding her pants. He forced himself not to look. Instead he headed into the bathroom to take a shower himself (a cold shower would be beneficial right about now), and found her panties, bra, and bathrobe on the floor. He cursed as he shut the door and went to go sit in a corner and stare at his hands. She was killing him.
Rory shrieked and splashed, marveling at how the water could make her feel. Last night, it had made her grown-up and admirable and, well, let's just say it: horny. Today, it made her five years old.
She waded out farther and dug her toes into the sand, before jumping over an incoming wave. Deciding to venture deeper and dive through the waves, she began singing as she ambled.
Jess watched from the window, wanting to join her. If he did, however, there would be a repeat of last night. He was sure of it. Her in that suit? Suicide. But he hated being cooped up inside. So he took his notes and notebook, and sat in his hammock, trying to concentrate. He came up with a lot of bullshit while his mind was elsewhere. All of today's work would end up being scrapped.
Rory started as she turned around. She'd been jumping and diving into waves for almost half an hour. She had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, working. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, and noticed him routinely looking at her and sizing her up. For the first time, she realized she'd chosen her enticing bathing suit.
He'd changed clothes as well. Now he wore simple kakis and a white button-up shirt. It was long sleeved, which was so Jess. She doubted he wore shorts much, even in the California heat.
She'd caught him watching. He ducked his head and began writing gibberish. The words made no sense even within the sentence. Let alone that he was writing about donuts, while the book was about racial barriers.
She exited the water, watching him. He made no move to indicate that he saw this, but she knew he did. She sat down in the sand and began digging in the tide's wake.
Her sandcastle did not work out. It was washed away, and she was having difficulty assembling it anyway. Scooting up the beach several feet, she bunched her hair up under her head, and lay down in the sun. The sand muffled his footsteps as he approached her.
"You're going to burn."
"I put on sun screen."
"You're going to burn. Your skin is too fair to lie out for unplanned amounts of time."
"I'm napping. Go away you loud person." Jess sighed and didn't move. Rory opened her eyes, shielding them with her hand, and saw him unbuttoning his shirt. What was he up to?
He took it off, having forgotten that he was bare-chested underneath. It didn't matter, Rory was wearing far less than him. But he still shivered internally as her gaze raked his soft flesh and dark nipples.
"Wear this," he commanded gently, giving her the shirt. It was a known thing in California, and everywhere where there were beaches, that a plain white long sleeve shirt is light, airy, and SPF one million.
"It's hot; I'm not putting that on," she whined. He sighed in frustration. Walking to the water, he went in far enough that he could bend down and wet the shirt. He wrung it out, and brought it back to her.
"Lorelai is going to come after me if I let you get sunburned, so please just put the shirt on." She shook her head stubbornly. He felt like kicking the sand. But he didn't, because that would have been childish, and he was trying to prove that he'd grown up. He wasn't the same immature and self-centered guy who'd left her behind in Star's Hollow.
"Hey!" she screamed as he forced her into a sitting position. He grabbed on of her arms and sleeved it, as she fought back. She wasn't even sure why she was fighting. She just didn't like being told what to do. She preferred making her own mistakes and then learning from them. At one point in time, she'd been afraid to defy anyone. That hadn't worked out too well for her.
Jess was a lot stronger than her. He got the other sleeve on, and began to button choice buttons. As she squirmed, his hand brushed her swimsuit top, and she blushed. He pushed her back down and straddled her to finish his task. She'd spend the rest of her trip complaining about the pain if he let her get burned.
In a last-ditch effort to get free, she tried to shove his legs away from their tight position on either side of her waist with the hand he wasn't pinning to the ground. Instead, because of his precariously balanced position, he toppled. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, shining as brightly as the blue skies overhead. Softly, he leaned in and kissed her lips. Unlike last night, this wasn't a passionate exchange of saliva. She parted her lips but he didn't acknowledge it; instead, he planted small kisses on her bottom lip, and sucked at the skin.
As leisurely and impromptu as it had begun, it ended. He buttoned up the second-to-top button on his shirt, and climbed off of her, not breaking their gaze. Then he turned and walked towards the house, her still staring at him. He forgot about his book, and went inside.
Hesitating, she clambered to her feet. They moved of their own account, and followed him. She entered the house and closed the door behind her, already shedding his shirt. She found him lying on his stomach in his room, watching TV from the foot of his bed.
"Can we talk?" she asked softly. She wasn't sure he'd heard her until he wordlessly picked up the remote and turned the talk show he'd been watching off. Or at least trying to watch.
The shirt was unbuttoned and she moved to take it off, but he stopped her.
"Leave it," he said hoarsely. He couldn't talk sensibly if she was just in that little black thing. She nodded, realizing that she didn't have much on under it. He hadn't gotten another shirt yet; taking hers off would have amounted to too much bare skin for a levelheaded talk.
"So. Now we talk," she said, not sure how to begin.
"Last night…" he said tentatively, suggesting a starting point.
"Ah. Last night. Disappointing, in my opinion."
"Disappointing?" he asked, taken aback.
"Ended far too soon," she said softly as he looked down, smiling to himself. For a minute there, he'd gotten worried that he'd done something wrong.
"Just now…" he prodded yet again, still not knowing what had possessed him. Well, he knew what had possessed him- his feelings for Rory. He didn't know what had possessed him to let his guard down.
"Also disappointing."
"Sookie's wedding…"
"What?"
"I want to know if that was as disappointing for you as it was for me."
"We're talking about here and now, Jess."
"Because I was disappointed," he continued, teasing her with his inability to cooperate.
"Okay, I get it! We're very disappointed people!" she said, throwing up her arms. "Back to the topic at hand."
"You came with me," he said with a smirk.
"I did," she answered, her voice dropping in volume and pitch again, but sounding proud of herself.
"Did you come just to talk about old times?"
"I didn't."
"Did you come to build a sandcastle?"
"I didn't. And my castle imploded, anyway."
"Did you come to see if there was anything left to salvage?"
"I might have."
"Did you come to prove something to you, me, or your mom?"
"I might have."
"Did you come for any reason other than the ones which I've listed?"
"I think so." Jess nodded, and became very interested in his CD collection in the corner. Meanwhile, Rory stared at him.
"My turn. Did you miss me?"
"Yes," he responded without having to think.
"Did you ever regret leaving?"
"I don't believe in regrets. But I still did."
"When we saw each other in New York, what was going through your mind?"
"I was thinking that this was my second chance."
"But you didn't do anything."
"I know. I honestly didn't see how it would work."
"And yet, here I am."
"Here you are," he echoed. His eyes traced the collar of the shirt, skimming over her smooth neck skin.
"So this is technically your third chance."
"Some might call it that."
"I missed you too. So much. The entire time I was in Europe I wanted to sit down and write you the longest letter in the world. At my graduation, I kept thinking you'd show up and surprise me. But you called instead. And I lied. I did pine for you. I didn't do it in front of anyone, but I burned your books and pictures while mom was out one day. I cried myself to sleep for a month. I regretted telling you that I thought I'd loved you, because I knew I'd loved you. I didn't get close to anyone else. I tried to, and I screwed up with Dean. I've got a long list of regrets, things I would have done differently. And I cried after I slept with someone else." Rory couldn't seem to stop talking. Everything that had been in her heart since she'd seen him in New York bubbled to the surface and verbalized itself while he sat there quietly. Once she finished, he took a deep, painful breath.
"The entire bus ride here, the very first time I came, I thought of you. Of how I'd seen you on the bus. Of how I'd pretended in my mind that I wasn't going away, and I really would call you later. I thought of all the plans I'd made to keep you in my life even when you went away to Yale. And I thought of what a horrible boyfriend I'd been to you. That was what kept me from turning around and going back to you. I thought you'd be crushed, but once you got over it, you could find someone who could actually be there for you, and who would be good enough for you. It was hard adjusting to here, and I wanted to talk to you so many times, just to hear you say that I'd manage to make everything come together and work out. I didn't talk to you when I called. I couldn't find the words to tell you how sorry I was, how stupid I was. And you said you might have loved me. I knew I'd loved you. I ran from it. I ran from you, and from everything that wasn't working out. And you finally came after me." He watched her wipe a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Was I supposed to come after you?"
"No. You were supposed to go to Yale and have a great life. I was supposed to be the only one who lost something."
"You weren't. I did everything I was supposed to. You worked hard and got to the same place I did. For once, no one can say you're not good enough for me. We're both pretty equally admired. You have money. You have a job. You have a family unit. Maybe things are finally all in place." He nodded, and bit his lip. He wasn't an emo guy, but he was going to start crying if he didn't watch himself.
"What do you want to do now?"
"What do I want to do? Something completely different from what I probably should do."
"The only reason you think there's something you probably should do is because someone put that idea in your head. Look around, Rory. It's you and me. We're completely away from all influences. We've never been this free. What do you want to do?"
She leaned towards him and kissed him, exactly what he'd known she'd do. He kissed her back, but stopped.
"I feel like there should be more to this talk of ours."
"Like what are we and how are we going to make it work?"
"Assuming you want to be something and make it work."
"More than anything."
"Same here. So, what are we?"
"Whatever you want us to be." They met each other halfway.
"Feel free to interpret that however you want to," Jess whispered into her hair as she ran the tips of her fingers down his naked chest.
