Disclaimer: As Chapter One; so please, for the love of God, do not make me keep writing it out people!

Letocetum is now part of Lichfield in Staffordshire, and was occupied mainly around the time of Marcus Aurelius. It had also had a large fort built along the lines of Trojanic/Hadrianic architecture (i.e. Hadrian's Wall) according to the site I found. As a Staffordshire dweller I felt that I should stick to an area I know hence Arthur going there. I will not be calling the city Camelot I will keep it as Letocetum, as I feel that is more legend that reality so it will basically be another fortified village.

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.

'Thoughts'

"Speech"

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Bethan & Lucan

Chapter Six – Feelings.

She spent the night wrapped in Lucan's arms, held possessively against his muscular chest – and she felt safe.

She wondered if he knew how safe he made her feel? She should tell him…."Lucan? Lucan! She prodded his shoulder.

She could tell from the change in his breathing that he had woke up, but was ignoring her.

She grinned "I know you are awake, I heard the change in your breathing."

"Oh, the joys of being married to a scout; go back to sleep!" He grinned, his eyes still shut.

"Lucan, I have aught I want to tell you."

"You are not going to let me sleep until you do, are you?"

"Nay."

"What is it?" he sighed.

"You make me feel safe……."

"What?"

"All the time you are with me, even being together like this; I feel safe. It is a good feeling." She smiled against his chest.

He tightened his arms protectively "Really? I make you feel safe?"

"Why should you not?"

"You are the warrior and I am only a smithy."

"Nay; I am a fighter, and so are you when you have to be.

You are a smithy…true…but think about what that entails; you beat metal into submission for hours each day, and have been doing so since you were 12. You have muscles I know for a fact Galahad envies……" she grinned.

"I do?"

"Aye, I heard him telling Alisia not so long ago. Plus you are my husband; I love you and I know you love me – so I feel safe all the time I am with you, but especially now when you have these strong arms wrapped around me. I feel like nothing in the world could hurt me. You know, all you ever really have to do to get round me is this…" She sighed contentedly and patted his arms.

"But do not say you are a smithy like it is something bad. It is not – without you we would have no blades, arrow heads or shoes for our horses. Your job is very important Lucan." She said proudly, and tapped a finger on his chest "Never forget it."

"I love you; I love you so much." He muttered into her hair. He felt 10 feet tall, he made her feel safe. She admired him for his work; she had sounded so proud. He knew she was not just saying it either. He knew from her voice when she was being honest, and when she was just trying to make him feel better "I will never leave you Bethan; never."

"Good - because I do not want you to" she snuggled so close it was almost as if she was going to burrow inside him; he had wanted this, on the Gods how he had wanted this….this closeness.

It had been so long, she had been so independent…..never really needing him, not like he did her. But now, now she says she did…..does.

"I have aught I wanted to tell you; it might make it clearer why I ma like I am."

"Why you are like you are what?"

"Possessive….worrying…."

"But you are trying not to be; you did so well today." Her heart clenched at the reason why she had caused him to worry, but she buried the feeling.

"Aye, but it is hard and I want you to know."

She looked up at him "Tell me…" she said softly.

He took a deep breath "You know I was kept in Marius' dungeon?"

"Aye. Dagonet found you."

"Well they tortured me as well as Guinevere and the others. They did not only starve us. They broke my arm, they hurt me…."

"But you were just a little boy!" She sat up on the pelts they were using for a bed, anger contorting her features. The one thing she loathed was people who hurt children, that was why she hated the Saxons so much – they would kill and torture all; men, women and children.

He pulled himself up a little too, leaning against the wall "I know, I know; but it was what they did. I was not the only child there to start with. Remember Germanius' village; remember his dungeon?"

"Aye, Papa told me what Mama found there, after she got so protective with me on their return that it drove me mad - I understood after that."

"Well Marius did the same things. He killed my family; all of them.

My grandparents, parents, my older sister and my baby brother all died; all whilst I was in that little hole. They left; they left me alone - in the dark, in that smell, in there. I would hear them screaming and then it would stop, each time their cries grew fainter and eventually they stopped altogether. Finally, I was alone."

She leapt up and stormed round the room "I wish I could kill that bastard myself!" her face was furious, but also hurting for him "that bastard! How could he? How?"

He got up and grabbed her shoulders "hush, hush; it was a long time ago Bethan. I am alright am I not?"

"Nay, you are not! It haunts you, like it haunts Mama! Physically she survived, as did you….but it does not make it alright. I wish they had all been killed, even that bastard Alecto!" She put her arms round him, and he felt wetness of tears on his chest "I am so sorry, Lucan, so sorry…."

Feeling her relax and begin to calm, he picked her up and carried her back to their makeshift bed.

"hush, so protective of your man, my tigress; it warms my heart!"

"I would defend you to the death, Lucan – you believe that do you not?"

"Bethan knowing you for the warrior you are, I would believe naught else." He hugged her to him.

"How long were you alone there?" she clung to him, trying to reassure him that all was well now.

"Only about a 2 week, I think; it was hard to tell. All I remember is Dagonet calling 'Arthur!' and lifting me out. He pointed a finger at me and his first words to me were "You must not fear me"; I never did, and I never have." He smiled at the memory of the giant knight being so kind to him.

"He protected me; even when Marius attacked after we had camped that night – he tried to protect me. I loved him; I loved him as a son loves a father. He set my arm; I had a fever - he nursed me, called me a "brave boy". All what a parent would do; when I got well he looked out for me. I know that sounds mad, he became not just my friend in the short time I knew him, he became my father….

Then he died, he left me….." He closed his eyes against the remembered pain of that loss. "It seemed worse somehow than when I lost my other family. He was such a good man."

Bethan grasped what he was saying "All you love leave you. That is what you are saying Lucan is it not?"

He nodded. "When he came back; when San brought him back, it was wonderful. I could not believe it; but I was so happy. For a week I never let him out of my sight; if he went to the latrine I stood outside, if he went to bathe I would sit in the bathroom with him. When he slept I would sleep holding onto him. I was terrified if I let him wander he would leave again; or I would find it all to be a dream."

"I will never leave you Lucan…never….." she clung to him; wiping the tears from his eyes, smothering him in kisses. "You are my heart; I would not lose you for worlds." Her own tears mingled with his.

He buried his head in her neck "You are my light Bethan; you are all to me, I will never leave you - I will never, ever leave you."

They hugged each other for some time, silently giving and taking comfort from each other. "Does Dag know?" she asked eventually.

"Nay. You are the only other soul I have ever told."

"Then I know how much you love me to share such a secret with me; and I understand now why you feel about me as you do. I will try to be better; I will try not to make you worry so about me."

"Then we will try together, and what is it your mother says?" they intoned as one "Those who try hard, usually succeed!" They grinned at each other.

She lay down again and once again his arms went round her. She pulled his hands up to her mouth "I love you, just never leave me."

"I love you too, and I never will." He changed the subject "So, all I have to do is this and you will let me get round you?" she could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I should not have told you that, should I?" she sighed with a smile.

"Probably not; but I promise to only use it against you, occasionally." he laughed.

They fell asleep in each others arms, a smile on both their faces.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan opened the door and walked stealthily in before dawn the next morning, Gawain behind him. He had promised Tristan he would watch over Bethan, and he was going to keep his word.

Tristan looked at the sleeping couple, wrapped in each others arms. Lucan's protectively wrapped around Bethan, she clinging to him even in sleep.

It brought a lump to Tristan's throat; this was a side to his daughter that he had rarely ever seen, the vulnerable side – she looked so young…..so did her husband.

No longer was she a warrior, she was merely Bethan - his daughter, and wife to one of his best friend's sons.

He went to touch her; before his hand reached her she opened her eyes "Papa!" she whispered "it is time?"

"You were awake" a statement.

"Of course, what sort of scout would I be if I could not hear Gawain clumping across the floor?"

"I do not 'clump!" He hissed with a grin.

"Shh, do nott wake him!" She stroked Lucan's face; her face lit with both love and sadness.

"What is it?" Tristan was concerned "is he well?"

"Aye, but he told me something of his life, before Dagonet found him, last night. I understand him so much better now. He has had a bad time Papa".

"Ah…I see."

She turned to the other two men she adored in the all the world, next to Lucan and Milo "I will meet you outside. I will wake him as I do not wish to leave him without letting him know where I will be…."

They left with a smile and a nod.

She donned her clothing and stroked his face "Lucan? Lucan, I must leave…."

He opened his eyes "Are you alright?" he asked his voice thick with sleep, as he wrapped his arms round her and pulled her down for a kiss.

She kissed him back deeply and wrapped her arms round his bare top….."Aye, I am alright. But I must leave; everyone is rising to make ready for the long journey Lucan - you must get up also, all will be gone in an hour."

He stood, she ran her hands up his bare body causing him to grasp her to him "You can stop that, or we will no be going anywhere!" he laughed "we shall be moving non-existent furniture!"

"You will have to wait a while yet my husband…." She smiled sadly.

He blushed again as he remember it was her 'time' "Oh, aye…."

She kissed him fully on the lips, as he went to pull back, she deepened it "Never leave me…."

"I will not…you know I will not. Have I not loved you since you were 7 and I 9? I will never leave you Bethan."

She wrapped her arms tightly round him, he hugged her back "I will miss you…" she whispered in his ear, her face as passive as always but her voice heavy with love.

His heart lurched, she had never said that to him before….never. She had always been so keen to be onto the next adventure that sometimes he felt she forgot he was not even there.

But now….now she would miss him. She would return to him, because she would miss him when she was gone. His arms tightened around her "and if you do that I will crawl back to sleep with you, for I cannot resist those arms – remember how safe you make me feel" she said with a smile, but with eyes full of emotion.

He nodded "I will; and you will sleep in them every night and I will hug you whenever you want."

A wind blew through the open door, Bethan shuddered suddenly and glanced uneasily round to it "I will need one at the end of this day Lucan…I will. It is an ill wind…"

Fear clutched at him, he knew those feelings of hers. They were like her mother's – both were elementals and listened to nature "You?"

"Nay….none of us….but others; aye, others will perish this day." She sighed. "I must depart; be safe for me?"

"Always."

"I love you…"

"As I do you."

He pulled on some clothes as she went down to meet her father in the stable…..as she got there, he and Gawain were waiting by the doors. Lucan stood on the gallery and, on an impulse something made him call out "Be happy, Bethan….be free!"

She swung round and he saw even from there her mouth fall open; she looked to her father who nodded and she tore across the compound, up the stairs and into his arms; literally knocking him off his feet "thank you, thank you, thank you…." she cried, smothering him in kisses as he lay on the floor with her on top of him "I will always return to you, as Faith does to me!"

"I know, I do know that now. I am learning…."

"You have learnt" she held his face in her hands "I do not deserve a man as good as you Lucan; but I am glad you do not realise that…." Before he could say anything she was gone.

He loved her; oh, how he loved her.

0-0-0-0-0

Minutes later they rode out, the other knights gathering in the compound – Lucan would normally have stayed upstairs, but this day he went down to them; Dagonet smiled, so the ice was finally broken.

She thumped her chest with her fist "RRROOUUSS!" she cried as they rode out.

"RRROOOUUSS!" cried the other knights in return.

Milo came running "Befan, let me ride to the gate?" As she rode past him he put his arm up, she leant low in her saddle and grabbed it and swung him up in front of her without slowing.

Soon they were at the gate, she kissed Milo and hugged him "I will return to my little man; your sister will never desert you…"

"Look after yourselves, my Kêmtir Mader!" he called.

She grinned "Do not we always!"

She left him with Ganis "I will miss her…." He frowned.

"What is it?" asked Ganis "She goes scouting all the time, it never usually bothers you?"

"Aye, but this time she is expecting trouble; I could feel it in the way she hugged me." The little boy wandered back to the other knights. This was one time he wished he were old enough to ride with her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"She is expecting trouble….." murmured Gawain.

"How do you know?" asked Galahad.

"She would never do the battle cry otherwise."

"Nay, that is true. Do think we should ride with them?"

"Nay, I do not think she is expecting it now….."

"She is not…." replied Lucan.

"What has she said to you?" Gawain turned.

"Well, it was the wind……" he told them what had happened just before she left.

"Oh bugger!" said Galahad, with a rueful smile, "I always hate that when that happens!"

"Well, I would rather know" said Lucan "at least now we can go from here prepared."

"True enough" conceded Galahad "that is true enough. But sometimes ignorance is bliss!" he laughed and returned to his family.

Gawain and Lucan exchanged a glance and stood staring towards the gate. Both had an uneasy feeling…….