Disclaimer: We don't own Crossing Jordan, we just pretend we do.

Author's Note: This a joint fic. Renee sections were written by the lovely and talented Butterbuns. The Garret sections were written by me, MissDanielle.


Renee let out a soft sigh as she left the autopsy suite. Her hands were still shaking slightly, so she crossed her arms as she walked. That night had terrified her. Not having any choice she'd shot Emmett Parker, and she now felt horrible about it. She saw Jordan and Lily in the hall and slipped past them to the elevator.

When Garret was finally sure he had his nerves in check, he pushed through the door Renee had come through moments earlier. His stomach twisted in an uncomfortable knot, he sat at his desk and pulled the ever-dependable bottle of scotch from its bottom drawer. He poured a shot and let it's burning warmth comfort him the way it always had. Staring at the empty glass a second later, he smiled as he remembered a time when Renee had joined him for a midnight drink. She gulped it down the way he had tonight and it was then that he had first realized that she was unlike any other woman he had known. He poured another shot and cursed himself a fool for letting her walk out again tonight.

When she stepped onto the elevator and the doors closed, she leaned against the wall, her nerves shot. She prayed that she could keep it together long enough to get home and make sure her daughter was down for...well, a few hours anyway. She wasn't sleeping through the night yet, but usually only woke up once a night. Renee's eyes slipped closed for just a moment, before she snapped them open again, an image of his eyes just as she shot him, flashing before them. She took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down.

"What are ya drinkin'?" Jordan asked in her usual chipper tone. Garret quickly capped his bottle and slipped it back into its drawer.

"Nothing," he said, making no attempt to conceal the obvious lie. He was simply in no mood to share tonight. But from the coy look in her eyes as she sat down in the seat across from him, Garret newJordan wanted to talk. To share not his scotch, but the thoughts that were so obviously weighing on his mind. He preferred to keep these to himself as well, but knew his friend wouldn't let him off the hook that easily.

As she walked towards her car she started shaking slightly more. By the time she pulled out her keys her hands were shaking so badly she knew that she'd drive off the road in the state she was in. So she turned around and headed back upstairs.

"You should tell her." Jordan suggested.

"Tell her what?" Garret asked. He knew perfectly well what Jordan was talking about and figured that she was probably right, but was much to stubborn to admit it.

"Tell her everything," Jordan sighed, "look at you man, the minute she steps back into your life, you're the same mess you were when she walked out of it five months ago. She's got some kind of hold on you and if you ask me, it looks a lot like love." Garret's jaw tightened at the mention of 'the L word'.

"Yeah well I didn't ask you," he said with more hostility than was absolutely necessary. Jordan took his tone as her exit que. She shook her head and gave her boss a sad smile. She shut the door behind her and left him alone

Reneeknocked lightly on his door, before popping her head in. "Hey...you busy?" She asked softly.

Surprised at the sound of her voice,Garret spun in his chair, "No," he said, "come in."

She walked in and gently closed the door again behind her. Renee lightly leaned against it, not knowing what to say.

"Have a seat," he offered, realizing too late how formal the invitation sounded, but not knowing what else to say.

She laughed softly as she sat; noticing how forced her laugh sounded. "I can't drive."

The lines in Garret's forehead scrunched together in confusion, "Excuse me?" he asked.

She held out her shaking hands. "Afraid I'll drive myself off the road. And that wouldn't be good for anyone."

Garret smiled in understanding. He wanted so much to reach out and take her hands in his own. To steady her and tell her everything was fine, even though he knew it wasn't. Her reaction to his advances earlier had told him that everything was far from fine. "Do you want me to drive you?" he asked finally.

After pulling her hands back and folding them in her lap, she looked down for a moment. "Would you mind?"

Garret didn't miss a beat. "Of course not," he smiled. He reached forward and turned off his computer monitor. "Let's go," he said, anxious to be out of his office. Renee's entrance had filled the room with years of unspoken tension and he couldn't stand to be in it a moment longer.

She smoothed out her skirt as she stood, walking past him out of his office, her arm brushing lightly against his and she had to swallow hard. "Thanks."

He walked silently behind her to the elevator, watching the familiar way her body moved as she walked. He pressed the down button and waited beside her until the elevator dinged open. Standing uncomfortably in the elevator, he noticed how easily the tension between them had moved from one space to another.

She tried to relax slightly, but her mind and body were having none of it, and she let out a soft sigh.

"You alright?" He asked as the elevator slid to a stop.

"That's a joke right?" She raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at him.

"Right...sorry" Garret said with a sheepish smile. Of course she wasn't all right, she had just shot a man who was looking to kill her. He gave himself a mental kick in the backside and held the lobby door open for Renee to walk through.

She didn't say anything, just nodded slightly, crossing her arms as she walked past him. God, this is awkward. I hate this. Things are so hard and confusing between us.

Garret did a quick scan of the parking lot. His car at one end, hers at the other. "Yours or mine?" he asked.

"Yours is probably more sensible." She said softly.

"Fine," he said, not caring in the slightest whose car they took. Again they walked wordlessly towards his car, the silence punctuated by the sharp click of her high heels against the pavement. The passenger side was closest to them, so Garret, ever the gentleman, opened the door for her and closed it once she had slid into the seat. He took his time going around to the driver side, not wanting to be met with silence, but also not knowing how to break it.

She pushed her hair back as he got in, opening her mouth to say something, and then realizing she didn't know what to say. So again she just stayed quiet.

Garret drove out of the parking lot and down street after street. His stomach tightening with each passing second. The longer he was quiet the harder it was to think of something to say. He wracked his brain for a safe topic and when he could find none, he said the first thing that popped into his mind. "How's the baby?"

Renee's eyes brightened slightly as her lips curved into a soft smile. "She's good. She's getting big." She looked out the window and sighed, before looking at him. "I'm sorry."

Garret's eyes darted from the road for a moment. Had he heard correctly? 'I'm sorry' was a phrase that rarely passed through Renee Walcott's lips and tonight he had no idea why it should. "For what?" he asked, turning his gaze back through the windshield.

"For...everything." She lightly bit her lip and stared back out the window.

Garret swallowed hard and nodded slowly. "Sorry doesn't change anything though does it?" He said cautiously, not wanting to start an argument after the night she'd had. Regardless, there were things that needed to be said and he decided he'd take advantage of the fact that he had her in a moving vehicle and she therefore couldn't run from his questions.

"No. It doesn't." She looked over at him. "I wish it did, but...look, I made a mistake. A big mistake, but I love my daughter with all my heart, whether she's the physical manifestation of it or not." She swallowed hard.

"Then why'd you do it? Were you that unhappy with me that you..." Garret's voice trailed off when he realized how painful it would be to vocalize what she had done.

"It was a mistake Garret. What do you want me to say? Do you think I met him that night just to sleep with him? Hell, he's married." She ran a hand over her face as she sighed.

Garret's whole body tightened with stress. "And what about him, huh?" he asked, his voice gruff with anger, "is he around, or is he out playing happy families while you're on your own?" Garret secretly hoped for her sake at least, that Renee's answer was the former but knew it probably wasn't.

She flinched slightly at the tone in his voice. "He has his own life Garret. He's come around a grand total ofthree times."

"Three times in four months, sounds like a real nice guy," Garret said sarcastically, "I can see why you were in such a big hurry to get back with him," The last part slipped out before he had a chance to stop it. He knew it sounded petty and childish, but it was as if the link between his brain and his mouth had been severed. Instead he was saying all things he'd wanted to say for months. He knew if he kept talking he would hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted to do, but dammit, she'd hurt him more than anybody ever had. The spiteful side of him told hold him to let loose, but the sad slump in her shoulders made him stop.

"Yeah, because losing you was the most important thing I had to do. He has a family. His wife and his sons don't know, and he doesn't want them to. So I'm not going to be saying anything" She swallowed hard again to keep her voice steady, looking over at him with faint tears in her eyes, and knowing he was holding back. "If there's something you wanna say, just say it."

"Are you sure you really wanna hear it?"

"No, but you obviously have something to say, so spit it out." She sighed.

"Fine," Garret said, tightening his grip on the steering wheel, "I think what you did was selfish. You left me hanging for months, all the while you were messing around with your ex-husband right? And then you just show up out of the blue pregnant and rip my heart out. But I'm not sure why I'm surprised. I mean I knew that you were selfish all along didn't I. Everything you do for you don't you? To get ahead in your job. And you don't care whose throat you have to cut in the process. You don't care that there might actually be people that care about you, even when you don't give them reason to. Gulp and run right? That's your motto. Hurt everybody before they have a chance to hurt you. Well congratulations...your plan worked wonders on me." Garret let out a ragged sigh when he'd finished. He turned the steering wheel and saw Renee's apartment building looming up ahead.

"Feel better?" She choked out; glad they were so close to her apartment.

Garret thought for a moment a shot her a sideways glance. "No," he admitted quietly. In fact he felt worse.

She choked back a sob as he parked in front of her apartment. "I have to..." Her voice broke slightly, "go...I'll... see you." She said as she opened the door.

Garret's heart sunk to the pit of his stomach as he watched her get out of his car. He wanted to call out to her, tell her was sorry, that he hadn't meant all that he'd said, but his voice caught in histhroat. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel as she disappeared into the building.

She couldn't wait for the elevator, knowing she had to get somewhere private where she could relax and let her guard down. She forced a smile for the nanny, put Amanda down, and then walked into her bedroom, shutting the door and sliding down it, sobbing harshly.

He sat motionless in his car, letting the constant hum of the engine calm his shattered nerves. He stared up at the window he knew was hers. We waited for the light to come on in her bedroom, for her to give him a sign that she was alright. Deep down Garret knew she wasn't alright and he blamed himself entirely. He sat in his car for an hour and the light ever came.

She got up after a while and went to lie on the bed, leaving the light off, just wanting to be alone, in a quiet room. Her sobs continued, her heart almost completely broken.

A car blazed past Garret's and broke him from his trance. He reached for the key in the ignition. He stopped when his fingers touched it. He was now faced with a choice. The same choice he'd encountered on a regular basis since Renee had come into his life. He could turn the key, restart the car and leave. Leave her the way he had left her dozens of times before. Leave her the way he always did when he felt like he couldn't deal. Or he could take the key from the ignition completely, and go to her. Go to her they way he should have every time he had ever had the chance.

She turned on the light on the bedside table and sat up slightly, picking up her book and trying to think of anything but Garret.

Keys in hand, he ran towards her building. He pressed his thumb impatiently to the elevator button and when it didn't come after only a few seconds, he headed up the stairs. He took them two at once and by the time he reached the fourth floor he was breathless. He stopped at her door and thought for a moment. Excuses for him to turn around and head back down the stairs flooded his brain as he regained his composure. It was late. She's probably sleeping. She's had a long day. The baby's probably sleeping. She won't want to see me. It was this last thought that made Garret knock on the door. He had to know where he stood. He didn't care if she was sleeping or not, he had to know.

She groaned softly as the knock on the door woke Amanda and she started screaming. Renee walked into the nursery and picked her up, snuggling her close, as she went to answer the door. She just sighed when she opened the door. "If this isn't about work, I don't wanna hear it."

Although Garret had never seen her cry before, he could tell right away that she had been doing just that. He looked dejectedly at his feet, as she spoke. "I just..." he started, "I don't want to leave it like this...not again."

"Fine. Come in." She sighed slightly, shifting Amanda a little bit, trying to get her to calm down. Renee stepped back, opening the door wider. "Excuse the mess, I haven't had time to clean."

Garret scanned the room quickly and couldn't find one thing out of place. Some mess, he laughed to himself. Everything seemed the same as it had always been. Without being invited, he sat himself down on her sofa. It was then that he felt the difference. He leaned to his left and pulled a stuffed lamb from between the cushions. The baby was the difference. The baby changed everything

"Give me a couple minutes." She said softly, walking back into the nursery, and sitting in the glider, gently rocking Mandy back to sleep. She carefully laid her back down when she was asleep, and walked back into the living room, sitting down in the cushy chair.

Staring across the living room Garret was again lost for words. He felt like a kid who'd been caught without his homework. He let the first thing that came into his mind slip out his mouth. He gestured to the nursery, "She's beautiful," he said earnestly.

"I know she is. She's also the only good thing that came of all this." She sighed. "What do you want? Because I think I've heard all I want to from you."

Garret sighed, realizing if he didn't get to the point she may kick him out of her home. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He gave her a half smile before continuing. "I know that doesn't mean much. And I know I kind of threw your apology back in your face earlier, but I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for all that stuff I said in the car." He looked her in the eye to make sure she knew his apology was genuine. "I'm sorry...that's all I wanted to say."

She nodded slightly, still smarting from his comments. "I slept with him once Garret. One time. I wasn't with him that whole time I was avoiding you." She paused. "But, you know what? I'm glad I did it." Renee held up a hand to ward off anything he was going to say. "Because I got a beautiful daughter out of it." She let out a wry laugh. "On the other hand, I lost one of the most important people and I regret it more than you could ever imagine." Feeling her eyes tear up she swallowed hard.

The sight of her tears propelled him into action. He quickly closed the gap between them. He knelt before her and took her hands in his own. "Hey,hey, hey" he whispered. "C'mon, don't cry," For a moment he felt as if her tears might be contagious, the closer he got to her the more he could feel his own tears burning behind his eyes and threatening to spill over.

She slid onto the floor beside him, and gave him a brief hug, before pulling away. "I can't...I can't do this. Not tonight. Please."

Garret pressed his hands to each side if her face, forcing her to look at him. "When then? Months from now when you happen to stumble into my office again? That's not going to work for me. "

She reached up and pulled his hands down, not letting them go, her shoulders slumping slightly. "No...just...it's been a long night."

"I know...you're right... I'm sorry," Garret stammered, feeling like a jerk for being so hard on her after all that she'd been through today. Looking away, he pulled his hands from her grasp and pushed himself from the floor. "I shouldn't have come," he said in a near whisper before heading for the door.

"Garret, wait." She stood up and walked over to him. "Don't go." Renee sighed. "Let's just do this. Please."

He smiled and turned to her. "No, I should really go," he said quietly "You've been through more than enough today. You don't need me here digging up our past. Why don't just call me when the dust has settled, huh?"

"Fine." She nodded slightly, looking down. "I'll see you."

"Fine," he agreed, reaching for the door handle.

She put her hand on the doorknob. "Wait." She looked up at him. "Stay. Please. I really want you to."

Garret's heart jumped into his throat at the touch of her hand. He looked down into her pale blue eyes and found them screaming for him to stay, louder than her mouth ever would. He nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Thank you." She whispered, not pulling her hand away from his yet.

With her hand firmly in his own he led her to the sofa and sat down beside her. For what felt like the hundredth time that night they were engulfed in uncomfortable silence. He had said what he had come to say and feared that anything else he said might elicit an argument. He was finished fighting, so he remained quiet.

She didn't know what she wanted to say, so she said nothing, and let the silence go on.

The longer he sat there beside her the more he remembered how things used to be. Before everything had spun so out of control. He loosened his grip on her hand and slouched further into the couch, leaning his head against the back so that all he could see was the ceiling. He stretched his feet out in front of himself and let them rest, with their ankles crossed, on the coffee table. "What now?" he asked with a sad sigh.

"I don't know. I mean...I...care about you but there are so many issues there now." Renee tucked her legs under her and leaned against the armrest, half closing her eyes.

Garret kept his eyes fixed upwards while she spoke. For the first time he realized that Renee had a textured ceiling. He'd been here countless times but had never noticed before tonight. He smiled to himself and wondered why he was thinking about such mundane details at a time like this. "Issues," he said with an airy laugh, "we've got enough of those to sink a battleship don't we?" he joked. He rolled his head along the back of the sofa so he could see her.

"Yeah, we do." She sighed. "I miss you."

At this last remark, Garret pulled himself from his slouched position so he could look her in the square in the eyes. "Yeah?" he asked, foolishly trying to convince himself that what he heard was truth, all the while knowing that Renee would never lie about something like that.

"You think I'd lie?" She opened her eyes, and just looked at him.

He moved closer to her on the sofa and laughed softly, "no," he admitted, "I miss you too," he added after a moment.

She shifted towards him slightly. "So what are we going to do?"

"That's completely up to you," Garret said slowly, "I mean, you've gotta think for two now right?" he explained, his glance sliding to the nursery door for just a moment.

She sat silently for a few minutes, thinking. "What are your feelings about dating a single mom?"

"I think I can handle it," he nodded, a smile creeping across his whiskered face.

"Good." Renee could feel a smile tugging at her lips, and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Garret turned his head ever so slightly and caught her lips with his own. As if by instinct, his arms reached out and pulled her body against his. He deepened the kiss, slowly reintroducing himself to the lips and the body he had missed for months. How long they stayed wrapped in each other Garret had no idea, he only knew that if they stayed that way forever, it wouldn't be long enough.

She gently cupped his cheek as they kissed, getting completely lost in it. The kiss brought all her feelings for him back to the surface.

Garret let himself drown completely, and was finally brought to reality minutes later by the shrill scream of the baby in the next room. He broke away from Renee and smiled. "This is it, huh?" he asked.

"Guess so." She smiled slightly. "Excuse me." She said as she got up and walked into the nursery, picking up Amanda and going to sit in the glider with her.

Garret followed her a moment later. He stood in the darkened doorway of the nursery and smiled. When Renee noticed him he crossed the room and knelt beside her chair. He pressed a kiss into her hair before turning to the tiny baby in her arms. "Hey," he whispered. Amanda cooed as he ran the back of his finger over her cheek.

"Hey." Renee smiled softly, lightly rubbing Mandy's back.

He stared at the baby a moment longer before turning back to Renee. He smiled and fixed her with a knowing look. "We're gonna be okay," he promised quietly, "it's gonna work this time."

She smiled softly. "Maybe."

"No," Garret started, his voice dripping with urgency as he tried to find the words that would make her understand, "this is it."

"If it works out this time, it works, and if it doesn't..." she sighed, "it doesn't."

"I'm not going to walk away this time," he said earnestly. He waited a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. "After every time we have fallen out, I always knew, in the back of my mind, that somehow we'd find our way back. Somebody tried to kill you tonight, Renee. And I almost lost my chance to tell you how much I love you." Garret's eyes sunk to the floor as he uttered the last words, not because they weren't true but because he was petrified of the reaction they would cause in her.

"You...really..?" Renee was stunned. Just stunned.

"You think I'd lie?" he asked mimicking her earlier tone, "I love you," he smiled "I'm not going anywhere...I'm afraid you're stuck with me

"I love you too." She said softly, getting up to put Amanda back down as she drifted off.

"Good," Garret said quietly when she turned back to him. He pressed a slow kiss to her lips and led her from the nursery.

She walked over to the couch and pulled him down beside her, leaning over and kissing him gently.

He draped his arm around across her shoulder and held her close to him as a warm wave of contentment washed over him.

She laid her head on his shoulder with a smile, melting into him.

Garret buried a kiss in her hair and let his eyes fall shut with a sigh. This is it he thought to himself.

She could feel herself drifting off and looked up at him. "You wanna stay tonight?" She asked quietly.

"You sure?" he asked, ever the gentleman.

"Yeah. I wouldn't have asked otherwise." She laughed softly, before yawning.

Garret smiled. Of course she wouldn't have. "Okay," he said after a moment.

She smiled softly and kissed him gently. "I love you..."

When she pulled away he reeled her back into him with a new found urgency. He kissed her hard and let his hands roam over her entire body, reacquainting himself with every curve in her frame.

She cupped his cheeks, kissing him deeply as she let out a soft moan.

He lay her down gently on her back and moved over her slowly. He leaned down and kissed her once more before tugging lightly at the top of her skirt. He fixed her with an 'are-you-sure' look and a coy, boyish smile.

"Bedroom first?" She laughed gently, lightly pushing him off her before standing up. "Come on."

Garret smiled and gabbed at her hand and followed her down the dark hallway. They had made that same trip countless times before, always with the same outcome, but still Garret found himself feeling as if this was the first time he had ever touched her.

Her stomach fluttered with every step they took towards the bedroom. Turning around with a smile, Renee kissed him again as she walked backwards towards the bed.

Garret kept his eyes fixed on hers as he unbuttoned his shirt and stepped out of his pants.

She slipped off her skirt, and peeled off her blouse, beckoning him over with a crook of her finger.

He moved slowly towards her, forcing her further onto the bed before climbing onto it himself. He reached outfor her middle and pulled her close to him. He slid his hand over her hip and down her leg, removing her functionally simple panties in the process.

She kissed him softly. "Just be gentle. It's been a while." She lightly dragged her nails down his back

Garret smiled and promised he would be. He slowly unhooked her bra and tossed it aside before removing his favorite blue boxer shorts.

She let her eyes wander down his body with a smirk.

He reciprocated her smile with a laugh of his own and moved slowly on top of her. His body trembled as he gently moved inside her. He made love to her softly and carefully until his he was too exhausted to do anything but collapse next to her. He turned her on her side and spooned his body against the curves of her back, wanting to be as close to her as he could.

She let out a contended sigh, rolling over after a few minutes, and cuddling into him, one leg tossed over his hips.

Garret breathed deep and brushed his lips against hers just as Amanda wailed from the next room. Garret laughed and shook his head. It had been years since he had had a romantic interlude interrupted by a crying child and it had happened twice tonight. But he didn't mind in the least. "I'll go." he offered when Renee started to move from the bed.

"I got her. She's probably hungry anyway, I don't see you being able to help in that area." She smiled, sliding off the bed and grabbing a long shirt to pull on.

"Okay," he relented, and watched her with an admiring smile as she left the room. He folded his hands behind his head and tried to name the feeling he was experiencing. It was altogether foreign to him and he was inwardly glad that it was Renee who had summoned it. His thoughts shifted when he overheard Renee talking to her daughter in the nursery. Although the quiet voice was meant to lull the baby to sleep, it had the same effect on him. Within minutes he was sound asleep.

When she walked back and found him dead to the world she smiled softly, and crawled into bed with him, curling back into him.

She smiled as she watched him sleep, thankful that things had turned out better than she'd ever hoped. She'd never thought that he'd still want her, nor that he loved her. Her assumptions had been proven wrong and she was ecstatic about it.