Oh, also, this is slash. Don't like, go cry to your mommies.
In those dark days of darkness, the shodowy shadows of shadowness would shadow the picture of my achey breaky broken heart that was broken. One of the reasons my heart was broken was because my sister had just died. I never liked her very much because she was very unlikable in a rude, unlikeable way that made me not like her, plus she had bad hair and toe fungus. Although that's not the point so it is really pointless to tell you something that is not the point, for my broken heart was broken for many reasons and one of them was that my unlikeble sister that I did not like was dead, and her fiancé, who most thought was charming, though I didn't think he was very charming but everyone else did, was showing signs that he fancied me. I did not like him at all and just the thought of him even kissing me was very gross indeed, and so I guess my achey breaky broken heart wasn't as broken as I thought it was, I was just grossed out. But this story begins long before this time. It's not even about me, which is why I have not told you my name. I have a part in this story, but a very small part. I'm just telling you how I saw this. It may not be exactly right, but this is how I saw it...
It started many years ago, long before the fellowship. I and my two friends, Legolas and Aragorn, were camping in the woods. Legolas was getting fire wood and I'm not quite sure what Aragorn was doing. I didn't pay much attention to them. Anyway, while they were away I was getting bored so I decided to read my romantic (and slightly pornographic) novel. I read a couple sentences and realized this wasn't my book. I looked at the back of the book and saw the name "Endo", my brother's nickname.
"Woah!" I said aloud.
"What?" Legolas & Aragorn asked in unison.
"I picked up my brother's book by mistake. It's gross. It's about these two gay guys who spend all their time going to orgies and stuff. Ick!"
"Gay? ...Orgy?" They were confused.
"Gay's just slang." I explained. "It means homosexual."
Legolas & Aragorn looked at each other. "Homo-what?"
"You guys are hopeless!" I smacked my forehead with the book just hard enough to get a concussion. I passed out. Actually, I really just pretended to pass out to see what they would do. If I'd known before hand what they'd do, I would've hit myself harder.
"You think she's out?" Legolas asked.
"Yup," Aragorn answered.
"Good"
Legolas took my brothers book out of my hand and (must of, I don't know for sure, my eyes were closed) opened it up to the bookmark. "What are you doing!" Aragorn exclaimed.
"I'm going to find out what a 'homosexual' is"
Aragorn sighed. "Whatever, I'm gonna go get more fire wood"
This confused me a bit. Wasn't Legolas supposed to get fire wood twenty minutes ago? If he didn't get firewood, what'd he do...and where did Aragorn go?
I heard his foot steps start away from camp but before he could get to far away, Legolas called for him.
"Aragorn! Halt! Look at this!"
I heard footsteps come closer, so I suppose Aragorn came back.
"What is it, Legolas?" I was right!
"Look at this book. These men are homo… gay."
There was a moment of silence where I guess they're reading. I couldn't believe they didn't know what a homosexual was! Haven't they ever stepped foot in Gondor? There are people of every gender grinding in the middle of the streets!
"Woah!" Aragorn's exclamation cuts off my self rant.
"A-Aragorn," Legolas stammered, "Do you think… do you think we could be homo… homosexist?" Moron…
"Well, it does look like it my friend." Wait, what?
"But we've never gone to an… orgy or something."
"Look. We have done what these do. We've smeared berries over each other and licked it off."
They might have said something else but I can't be sure because at that statement, I really did pass out.
