Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of God, do not make me keep writing it out people!

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.

'Thoughts'

"Speech"

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Bethan & Lucan

Chapter Fourteen – New Knight

It had been six months since that fateful night and Gawain was almost back to his old self; almost but not quite, he was still terribly clingy to Bethan but was getting better and he was a wonderful father to Darry who seemed to idolise him already.

The final turning point for Gawain had been his talk with Bethan on how to cope without his darling Ysabeau. "I want to survive; I do not want to drag you back down with me. But I do not know how…."

"Mama told someone once that you take a moment and turn it into a second; then you turn the second into an hour, the hour into a day and the day into a week. You can watch the week become a month and finally a year has passed and the pain, though never gone, has faded and you find you can remember them without the heartache."

"Have I told my Little Scout how wise she is recently?" he whispered as he pulled her into a hug.

She grinned "Only about 10 times since you met me; but I will take it as a given shall I?"

"I do not know what I would do without you." he ruffled her hair with a smile.

"You will never have to find out!" She grinned up at him.

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Lucan had given up on ever seeing his wife alone again, at night at least. But two months after Ysabeau died, Bethan put her foot down and told Gawain that she would have to start to spend her nights with her husband; or else they would be the talk of the fort, no matter how innocent it all was.

Gawain had agreed, albeit reluctantly – it had meant he would be entirely alone as Bethan was feeding Darry and would have her with her. It had been awful and so he had taken to sleeping in the stables just to know some other living entity was close by.

It was not the same; he missed the gurgles in her sleep from the baby, and from Bethan. He smiled, though she denied it; and it mayhap was not the snoring of a man, but it was little snuffling noises that blew in his ear and kept him awake. She also talked in her sleep……..and that was how he found out about her lie.

She had been mumbling one night about a month after Ysabeau had died, aught about being sorry for deceiving him and had called out his name and "please do not hate me" in such an agonised voice that she half woke herself up.

Galahad was the first to the door, along with Tristan "She alright?" nodded the scout, seeing Bethan, Tris and Darry all encircled in Gawain's arms.

"Aye it was a nightmare, something about being sorry for deceiving me and then she yelled my name and said "please do not hate me" - what would she have deceived me over, that she would think that I could hate her?" He looked at his two fellow knights.

They exchanged a look; Tristan as usual was calm and his face passive, but Galahad looked extremely shifty. "Ask Bethan" was all he said as they left.

Bethan was looking around the faintly lit room a little confused until she got her bearings; she had completely missed Galahad and her father coming in. Thinking Gawain was asleep, she snuck a look at him…..two deep green eyes glittered in the faint light of the candle.

She immediately felt his arms round her tighten "What is it?" she whispered afraid she might wake the sleeping babies.

"Why were you apologising in your sleep for deceiving me? Then you yelled out my name and said "please do not hate me", why?" he whispered back.

A cold chill ran down her back, as she looked down"it was merely a nightmare Gawain, give it no more thought."

"You cannot lie to me Bethan" he tilted her chin to look at him "our souls talk to each other, so tell me…"

So she told him of her plan. She had expected him to be incensed, hurt even, instead he laughed n- he laughed so much he woke the children.

"Gawain! What on earth is the matter with you!" She exclaimed angrily trying to settle the little ones again.

"Only you, Little Scout, could be that bloody devious and evil minded! No one else would have thought of that as a way to deal with me!"

"Are you not angry and hurt with me? In my dream you cast me off; told me you hated me and would no longer be my friend…" Tears sprung unbidden to her eyes.

He clasped her to him, all mirth gone now "I would never be able to hate you Bethan - you saved me, and Darry…" he squeezed her as she finally got the babies settled again "that is one thing in this life you would never need to fear. My friendship is as constant and faithful as the seasons."

"Thank you Gawain….I did so hate lying to you. You are one person I would never intentionally hurt or hinder in anyway….but I felt I had no choice." She sighed.

"It matters naught, the outcome is what you wanted?"

"Aye, you are better with Darry….and I could not ask for more…"

"The napkins are still evil though!" he chuckled.

"Well now you are putting them on so they stay, it is a big help!" Bethan remembered that first night…..the clean up after the napkins had come off was horrendous!

He smiled at her"I was pretty awful - but I am much better now."

He picked Darry up and laid her on his chest as Bethan had shown him. The small girl immediately quieted and clutched his shirt in her little hands "you love your Papa do you? Aye you do!" he cooed at her.

He slung his free arm round Bethan's shoulder and pulled her to him, she snuggled against him with Tris. This was what she had been striving for….she could only thank God it had happened.

She had needed reassurances for a few days that he was genuinely not angry or hurt about what she had done; but he had constantly soothed her, telling her he was fine and all was well between them. It was only then he realised how much he truly meant to her….it made him feel loved and less alone in a small way. Lucan was lucky man, if he but knew it.

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When the knights had found out that he had been sleeping in the stables for two nights it was decided that each would take a turn with him until Darry was weaned and back with him; this included Bethan and Lucan, at least that way he could sleep in a proper bed and still have company.

Gawain looked forward most to the nights he shared with Bethan; for a few short hours she helped him forget his pain and heartache. He could not explain it, but he did; when she was with him a peace stole over him that he could not understand but was eternally grateful for.

This went on for two weeks, before Bethan came up with a better idea. Gawain should have Darry and fetch her if she needed feeding; Darry was nearing 7 weeks now and was pretty good at night only waking for a feed twice.

So life moved on………destiny watched her plan play out and people went on as they had been.

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So the six months had flown and now Bethan was staring at her 18th birthday. She marvelled; had it really been 11 years since she and her mother had arrived at the wall and met these knights. Raising three from the dead to boot; one now her father another as good as an uncle, and the rest brothers….except for Gawain.

She smiled and thought for a moment; she had puzzled what to call him for some time. He was not a brother; their friendship ran too deep for even that…..

She sighed as she spotted him walking towards her with Darry in his arms - she would think some more on it. For now; well, for now she was just grateful that all had turned out well.

The little girl held out her arms as soon as she saw Bethan, and started bouncing in her father's arms to get to her…..likewise Tris was holding his arms up for Gawain.

As they swapped offspring for a cuddle, they heard a little voice "dada, dada!" they looked at Darry - but then with surprise they realised it was Tris and he was patting Gawain on the cheek.

"Well, it is only to be expected as you spend so much time with him when I am with Darry – but we must rectify it or Lucan will kill you!" Bethan laughed.

They managed to sort it before Lucan noticed; and if Tris ever tripped up on seeing Gawain, either one of them would cough loudly to cover it or pretend he was talking to Lucan.

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Arthur had plans for Bethan; both he and Tristan felt she was now ready to join them as a knight and a scout. She was older than they all were when they were conscripted to train; ranging in age from 8 to 15.

She had certainly earned it. The way she had saved Gawain, twice….took on the care of his daughter; amongst the myriad of other things she had done.

She could scout almost as well as her father and would one day better him, Tristan said so himself; and she fought like a demon, giving no quarter and as such expecting none. She would be a true asset to them.

He held a meeting for all the knights and their wives. Everyone agreed that it was time; Dagonet's was the only word of caution "Lucan is not going to be happy he really does not want her to be a knight. She has calmed down a lot over recent months and he worries if she has still got that killer instinct."

"Huh! After she made me think she would die so that I would look after both the babies - trust me she has got it!" snorted Gawain in humorous derision.

"Aye, go ask Gilly who had his nose broken for the 5th time this day, still over Milo and Eight, about her bloody 'killer instinct'! Only now she gets Eight to hold the baby whilst she beats his bloody brother up!" Bors roared with laughter.

"She trains like a demon too" commented Lancelot "Those two swords of hers now are bloody deadly, and that whole wind thing is a major unfair advantage if you ask me!"

"You are just sore because she beat you!" laughed Gawain.

"Aye, and I am sore in a lot of other ways too because of it!" grimaced Lancelot with a grin.

"Nay, the old Bethan is definitely back, maybe a little quieter and more thoughtful – but she has still got that fire in her belly and I for one cannot wait to get out into a good fight with her - at least she will be on our bloody side…wind thing and all!" Guffawed Bors.

"I agree" smiled Dagonet "But I am just warning you not to expect to see Lucan looking thrilled."

So the celebrations for her 18th went ahead. The feast and festivities were a great success….she had many friends in the fort, more than the knights realised.

Her healing skills were called on quite a bit now and if anyone was in trouble she would always try and help; though sometimes her temper got the better of her and Gawain and Tristan would usually end up separating a fight.

She had up stuck for Gilly, not so long ago, with one of the tavern girls. Gilly had been sweet on Claudia, and she had led him to believe she felt the same. But she led him on and then dropped him; he was heartbroken and had come to Bethan as a shoulder to cry on.

All the knights' children had one rule and one rule alone; they could fight amongst themselves as much as they liked, but if an outsider attacked them then they closed ranks and went in for the kill.

This situation was no different and once the two women had been separated by Gawain and Tristan, as usual, Bethan had a split lip and cut cheek but the other girl had a broken nose and suspected fractured jaw.

"She fought like a girl!" crowed Bethan in derision, as her father and her best friend led her away from the healer's room where the other girl had been taken.

"That is because she is one, Little Scout!" smirked Gawain.

"Well someone should teach her to fight like a man then, that way maybe next time she will put up a better fight!" She snorted in disgust.

Gawain chortled as they went back to his room to patch her up.

Her pet subject was the children; the children of the fort adored her and she could often be seen trailing hoards of them with her as she went on her business. Milo, now 9, was fiercely proud of his sister and would tell everyone who would listen that he would be just like her when he grew up. As Bethan had copied Tristan to the letter, so Milo was doing the same with her.

He also told everyone he was an uncle to two - Darry and Tris. He had long since accepted that Darry was as much Bethan's daughter as if she had birthed her herself.

The celebration was going well; all were pleased to see Gawain and Bethan back to themselves. Although the young knight looked lost without his lady, his young friend did her best to ensure he was not neglected and they danced with all the children for a while, before she returned to her husband who stood glowering on the side lines -knowing what was coming as Dagonet had already told him.

Arthur cleared his throat "I would like to thank all for coming on this auspicious day. We never thought Bethan would make it to her 18th birthday…..not because an enemy might kill her, but because one of us might! She damn near drove me to murder on many occasions!"

He looked fondly at the young woman in front of him "and I hope she will for a while yet, as we missed the fiery Bethan when she was grieving so." She smiled in return and nodded.

"Well, knights!" he said "I think it is time…." All the knights including Gawain walked to the front and stood in a line, Arthur walked along with a dagger and cut each palm, only Gawain refused as he held Darry.

Arthur raised an eyebrow "I am her friend, not her brother." Was all Gawain said by way of explanation. The others all looked at each other and grinned, Bors called out with a laugh "There is no need for that Arthur; he is already closer to her than we will ever be!"

The king beckoned Bethan over "You must put your palm to each of theirs when I have cut yours and then twist it to mix your blood. You will say: I pledge my blood to protect you; you are my brother in blood as well as heart. They will say the same, obviously with sister!" he smiled "It will make them your brothers for all time."

"Did you do this?"

"Nay, I was their commander…but they did it with each other."

She walked down the line and did as Arthur bid, kissing each knight on the cheek as she passed. She looked up at Gawain "we do not need this do we?" she smiled at him.

"Nay…we do not."

"Then we will stay as we are, soul tied as friends." His eyes glittered as she kissed him on the cheek, and he hugged her to him.

Whilst she had been talking to Gawain, Arthur and Tristan had left and were now returning; gesturing for the others to keep her talking. All the knights swarmed round her, chatting about her being their sister and laughing at Gawain for not taking the blood oath.

Finally Arthur signalled Gawain that they could stand back and he nudged the others "I wish to make Bethan a knight and scout of my court!" Arthur said loudly for all to hear.

A cheer went up, and all around people started clapping; save one, Lucan - Bethan's mouth fell open.

Gawain turned Bethan to see her father and Arthur propping up the most spectacular set of armour and weaponry she had ever seen in her life.

She stepped towards it with reverent hands, almost afraid to touch it. The motif on the breastplate had a figure on a horse with a hawk on the arm….it could have been her father, except for the long hair flowing in what seemed to be a breeze, behind her.

The leather scabbards for her weapons all had the same motif in miniature, and the cloak was black like the leather of the armour.

Bethan began to cry - softly at first and then great heaving sobs, before anyone could move Gawain was at her side his arms around her; concerned at her obvious distress "It is so beautiful and I never thought….I thought….you would not want me…not now….not after I could not save her…..I felt I had failed you all….especially you." she looked finally to Gawain, tears on her cheeks.

At last all became clear, she had blamed herself for Ysabeau's death; thought they would hate her or at least blame her, especially him - Gawain's heart contracted tightly and he clasped her to him, wiping the away the tears from her cheeks "None would ever think that Little Scout, not and live. For I would cut down any that blamed you!" he ground out into her ear.

"Little Scout! Why would we not want such a fierce wild creature like you as a knight? Are you not our sister now!" Cried Bors clearly moved at her tears and rare show of emotion, not since all the trouble with Gawain had she broken down so. That rigid control had asserted itself again, or so they had thought. Many in the crowd that had gathered to witness the making of a new knight were wiping their eyes.

Gawain helped her dry her tears and she went closer to inspect it; trying out the tridents she swished them through the air, then removed the sword from its sheath.

It was an exact duplicate of her father's…..her eyes flew to his and she saw the love in them as he nodded. It was his gift to her, he had watched it made by Thurston, before the good man had died, and had ensured it was the exact copy of his own.

She looked at the work that had gone into the other blades. "Who did this?" she asked expecting Lucan to step forward. Instead Gilly did "I did Auntie!" He rolled with laughter, "For as you are my father's sister, you are now my Aunt are you not!"

The tackle took them both off their feet and but she was laughing and instead of a broken nose, this time she tickled him. He had heard what she had done for him, and he knew that despite their disputes she loved him dearly and would defend him to the death, as she would all the knight's many offspring.

She helped him up and punched his arm "You ever call me that again, and the next thing you will be saying is: "Bloody hell Goddess – how did I get here?' as you strum on a harp in Heaven!"

Everyone roared with laughter and even Lucan smirked…he had missed that fire. She turned to him "did you have no hand in this?" she asked sadly. Gilly nodded at him to show her.

Lucan brought his arms out from behind his back "Nay, but I did make these….." he held four daggers in his hands.

The two larger ones had the same design on the scabbard though not as detailed as the others, but the blades were stunning; the same with the small daggers - he had copied the girl on the horse, but there was so much detail you knew it to be her….his heart had been poured into those blades as well as the steel.

"I cannot say I am happy about this Bethan, for I am not. But I know it is what you have yearned for since we were children, and I would not stand against you" he smiled then, the scowl dropping away.

She ran at him and knocked him over too. "I love you Lucan, I love you so much!"

"Then I can stand anything; only do not ever scare me like that again!" he murmured hugging her to him.

"Well, we seem to have a bull here from the way she keeps charging us and knocking us all to the floor!" laughed Bors.

"I could never take you Bors!" she laughed as Gawain helped her and Lucan to their feet. Lucan gave the knight a strange look, but they shook hands and Gawain wandered off to fetch Darry back from Van who was having a hold….

"Mama, mama!" she called as she caught sight of Bethan. The young woman's face lit up "Did you hear that! She called me Mama!" She exclaimed and raced over to take the little girl from Gawain.

She swung her round making her giggle "Your mama in heaven would be so proud of you little one - she would too. I still miss her so" she whispered into the soft downy hair in a voice so low that only the knights close to her could hear her.

Gawain felt the familiar pain clutch at his heart; but she was right, it was not as severe as it had been. He could think of Ysabeau now without tears or anger at her leaving, and it did not pain so much that Darry looked like her. In the beginning he had had to focus on the eyes that were his to be able to learn to love her, he missed Ysabeau too much to see the constant reminder in everything else about the child.

But slowly it had eased and he had seen so much to love in the small girl, and she was as devoted to him as Bethan was to Tristan.

He looked to Bethan, her and her mother were all to them; had saved them so many times "Well, it's only to be expected as you spend so much time with her" they laughed at their private joke; both remembering Tris.

Bethan gave him back his daughter and touched her own chest "In here she is mine, Gawain…truly." She kissed Darry's cheek and then Gawain's. "I will be back little one, but my husband and son are feeling neglected!" she grinned at Lucan, who held out his hand – his eyes overflowing with love. No matter what she always came back.

Gawain held his suddenly fractious daughter close to his face "Aye, I miss her too when she is not with us – but we must not be greedy!" He grinned "Come little Daralis, my most beloved, let us dance!" And he went to where the others were dancing.

Sandrina, watching them with Merlin, from the battlements; seeing Lucan twirling Bethan, Tris in his arms giggling, and the other knights, including Gawain and Darry dancing about like madmen all laughing. "It will not end well, will it my blood?" she asked suddenly.

"She will not die now." He sighed and shook his head "But her path is set; though the ending will be the best for her" was all he said as he walked away.

Sandrina sighed and rolled her eyes; she loved the old man, she really did - but why did he always have to talk in such bloody riddles?

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Back at the festivities a drunken Lancelot was trying to get Amila to dance. "Lancelot I do not want to…" she pleaded.

"Oh, come on - you do!" he wiggled his eyebrows

She chuckled "You are drunk!"

"Nay! I am slightly inabr…enebr…..inerb….okay, I am tipsy!" He grinned; then stared closely at her face "Are you pregnant again!"

"NAY! Ye Gods why are you so obsessed with children!" She laughed.

"I love them, our own are wonderful of course, and all down to my careful parenting." Amila snorted, but he ignored it "and I just want to eats them…." He glanced round and saw Gawain standing cooing at Darry as they watched Bethan dance with Tris and Lucan.

"I mean look at her….is not just so cute? Could not just…coochie, coochie coo!" he gabbled staggering over to Gawain "Gissa hold Gawain, go on!"

"Get stuffed Lance, you are as pissed as a fart! I am not letting you hold her, you will drop her!" He laughed.

"Nay, I will not - go on gissa hug of the little coochie! Anyway I am not the one that is weaving around!" he accused as he stood swaying slightly in front of his friend.

He suddenly swung round and saw Bethan "My sister, niece…whatever…will give me a love of my nephew……great nephew….…oh, who cares…."

Bethan was moving deliberately away, having handed Tris to Lucan. "Where she going?" asked Lancelot.

Lucan looked warily at them "She felt a breeze….."

"Celts?" Asked Bors, as Gawain fell into step beside her, handing off Darry to Van.

"Nay, I do not think so…."

They all moved off after her. Following her round a corner, they all saw Claudia trying to get off with Gilly again "Oh go on Gil, just a few coins; I need to start saving for our wedding…." She wheedled, but she did not get any farther before she was yanked off.

"Do not start on me, I have some friends now!" grinned Claudia maliciously, indicating some drunken men nearby.

"Aye? Well, so do I and I have more than one brother now too!" Bethan let out a low whistle bringing the knights round the corner "and one of them happens to be his father!" she nodded at Gilly as she eyed the girl "So do you want to start a pitch battle, or do you want to finish it just you and me?"

The other knights stood and watched.

Gawain leant forward to Claudia "If I were you? I would walk away."

"I never walk from a fight."

"Well, do not say I did not warn you" he shrugged "Wipe the floor with her; cocky little cow!" he whispered into Bethan's ear with a grin.

"With pleasure!" Bethan looked into his face with a smile before turning to the others "Her arse is grass!"

She threw her arm out as if to punch Claudia from the left, a trick her mother had taught her, but in actual fact punched from the right. The blow knocked the girl to the floor, she quickly got up, and grabbed Bethan's hair "You honestly think pulling my hair will hurt me?" she asked in amusement, the other knights all laughed "I am a knight!"

She twisted round and under letting her hair be pulled from her scalp, not even flinching. Then she punched the girl again, as the other looked in horror at the clump of bloody hair in her hand.

Two more blows to the face and a head butt finished it; Claudia lay unconscious on the floor blood streaming from her nose. Bethan looked at Gilly "Looks like I broke it!" she grinned.

He hugged her "She was being a right pain! But I did not like to hurt her; Dad says no hitting girls unless they are your sister" he hesitated "I s'pose you count…" he mumbled.

She hugged him "Well, you feel like a brother to me!" She grinned as he hugged her back "But I will still fight you…."

"I would not want it any other way!"

Gawain surveyed the damage on Bethan whilst Dag checked over Claudia "Your head is going to be sore for a few days and you have a cut on your chin; as well as the usual split lip, and your hands will need soaking to take the swelling down.

By the Goddess you did not pull the punch on her did you! But apart from that you will live!" he grinned and hugged her "welcome back Little Scout, it is good to finally see the old Bethan return!"

"Aye it has been along time coming! I knew you still had that fire in your belly; and you defend your own too - I like that!" cried Bors, slapping her on the back "Good lad, for not hitting her like - no real man beats a woman, good lad!" He slapped both Bethan and Gilly on the back again nearly knocking them both over.

"You know what Bors, one day I swear to God you will finally smash my back doing that!" Bethan laughed.

"Helloooo, look who I got!" cried a slurry voice behind; they all turned to see a drunken Lancelot holding Darry and Tris "Oh did I miss all the fun? Shame….anyone want another little drinky?" he started to wobble; Bethan and Gawain leapt forward rescued their children just as Lancelot fell backwards and hit the dirt "I think I might just sleep here for a bit."

"Oh wonderful - you will probably sleep there all night my husband, for I am not carrying you to our bed!"

Dagonet and Tristan exchanged a look, the bond was still there "We will get him there and sort him out for you Amila" sighed an amused Dag.

"Thank you" she smiled.

"Are you going to shout at him?" asked Bors suspicious that the knight was getting off too lightly. His suspicions were justified.

Amila smiled innocently "nay, there is merely naught point tonight; aught I say will not go in and even if it did he would not remember it on the morrow! Nay, the children and I will play at being musicians with the pots and pans…….probably about dawn!"

They all roared with laughter, all knew what this meant; banging pots and pans and general mayhem - not good on any day, but with the hangover their brother would wake up with…..ye Gods how he would suffer!