Disclaimer: As chapter one; so please, for the love of God, do not make me keep writing it out people!
The rather useless poems for Bethan's ' songs are mine – sorry!
WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE AND SOME SEXUAL REFERENCES (though not too graphic) SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.
'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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Bethan & Lucan
Chapter Sixteen – Watch Your Back
A few days later they were all outside the tavern when Bors grabbed Bethan and demanded she sing. She refused but all the knights kept on, and so she sung the song she loved the most, the one her mother had taught her when she was small:
"No matter how sad the future seems,
Or how dark the sky above –
Remember that a heart is out there,
Looking for your love.
You will find it one day,
When you are lost and low –
A heart that takes you by the hand,
And shows you where to go.
So turn your back on heartache,
You are alone no more –
A friendly heart is knocking,
To take your hand once more.
To take you from the sorrow,
To leave all tears behind.
The heart and soul that calls to yours,
Will always now be mine.
So let your heart keep looking,
Allow your soul to see –
The heart that yearns to love you,
Belongs alone to me."
At the end of the song, her soft lilting voice faded and all present had tears in their eyes. Tristan wrapped his arms round San's waist and pulled her tightly back against his chest, she reached up to caress his cheek and he nuzzled her hand….grateful that he had found that heart.
Lancelot and Dagonet did the same with their wives…..these three who had once been dead, now had so much more than they had ever thought possible.
"Why did you choose that?" asked Bors, wiping his face.
"It is a sad song, but filled with hope for love – and is that not us Bors? Do we not all hope that love will ultimately find us?"
"You are becoming wise my Little Scout" he replied gruffly and then hugged her so tight she could not breathe hardly, but she smiled and hugged him back.
"And you grow an old softy my brother!" she grinned.
"Aye, and if you tell anyone I will kill you!"
Gawain watched from the corner and sighed - it was a sad song that much was true…what heart would find him now, when all was lost and gone?
He hoisted Darry and went to fetch her some dinner, colliding with Bethan as he did so. "What is it Gawain? You look so sad…" she took Darry from him, who immediately snuggled into her arms, cooing at her second mother.
"She misses her mother, as do I; I have not seen overmuch of you these past few weeks Little Scout." his eyes met hers and he smiled sadly.
"What ails you friend? Will you not tell one who is closer to you than blood?"
"Naught that you should concern yourself with Little Scout….." he went to step past her, but she sidestepped also and intercepted him. She took his arm and drew him away from the rest.
"If you will not tell me Gawain, I can make it my business to find out." She sounded stern now and he could not help but smile once more.
"Am I a child to you also now?" he asked in an amused tone.
"Aye, if you wish it so; now tell me what ails your heart to make you look so sad?"
"The song was sad, naught more than that."
"I do not believe you; Gawain, we cannot lie to one another – you told me once our souls talk to each other. But if you do not wish to trust me, I will not pry." She sounded hurt as she handed Darry back and went to leave. The young child began to whimper, arms outstretched to Bethan and Gawain caught the young woman's arm.
"Bethan, it is not as you think; but it is also not aught you should concern yourself with. I am happy alone" he sighed. "Will you sing again? I do so love to hear you sing Little Scout."
Bethan nodded; she did not like singing, though they all said she had a good voice – but she could refuse Gawain nothing.
He seemed so alone lately……she was worried – they had never had secrets from each other before. She made up her mind to speak to her father, she knew he was the only other that Gawain might confide in.
Gawain called out with a grin "I have persuaded Little Scout to sing again!" All clapped and stamped their feet.
Bethan cleared her throat, wondering what song to sing…..one immediately sprang to mind as so fitting for Gawain:
"When you look at shadows,
I will be the sun.
When you seek a playmate,
I will be the one.
If you only look about you,
you walk with another in the rain –
my heart is right beside you,
shielding you from pain.
Please do not despair of life,
You have my oath it is true –
That every step you take each day,
I take the same with you.
So look now for the promise,
Each new day brings –
Look for the hope,
And let it take wing.
Let it soar in the heavens,
Let loose in the sky –
Let hope be your guide,
For it never can lie."
Gawain wiped a tear as she had locked his gaze throughout the song; he knew what she was telling him; the only way to move on with his life was to seize the day and find what he really wanted now, but that whatever happened she would always be there for him. Of course if only he knew what he wanted, he would do just that.
She came across "I see my message hit home?"
"It did…"
"So will you tell me now?"
"If I knew what I wanted Bethan I would - but some thoughts must remain my own!" he hissed at her.
She looked as if he had struck her, then her eyes darkened "I am sorry if my concern for my closest friend is irksome to you, Gawain!" before spinning on her heel and storming off.
He sighed and went after her - he knew exactly where she was going; where she always ran to when she was upset or angry.
He was right, she was on the battlements"Leave me alone!" she barked at him "You are not the only one with thoughts of their own Gawain!"
He stepped up and pulled her to him, hugging her as did little Darry "I am sorry Bethan; I do not mean to hurt you. But things have been difficult lately." He paused "Darry gets fractious without you, and I get jealous."
"Of what?"
Again a small pause "She is my daughter and I know she adores me, yet you are still the only one who can settle her most times."
"Ah, I see." She still would not look at him.
He tilted her head up and saw tears on her lashes "I have made you cry!" he was angry at himself.
"Nay, nay….it is me. I hoped I was with child again; but my cycle starts as usual."
"Why is it important to have another child now?"
"I know not…I feel…." She sighed and rubbed her face "I feel that time is running out; there is so much I wish to do Gawain……" her voice tailed off.
"Do you ail - do you feel as if you will die? Come tell me!" He was anxious now.
"Nay…but I feel…." She hunted again for the right words "as if the very air we breathe is waiting…"
"For what?"
"I know not, that is what frightens me Gawain - for the first time, I do not know…there is no breeze to guide me." he held her close for some time.
"We should go back before we are missed….." he murmured.
She tutted at herself.
"What is it?" he asked as they returned.
"There was I trying to offer you comfort, and you ended up comforting me!"
"Is that not what friends are for?" he grinned.
She smiled back "aye, and lucky I am to have you as such."
As they reached the Tavern, Lucan drew Gawain to one side. "Have you found out what ails her, for she will not tell me?"
"All she said was she had hoped to be with child again; but her cycle has started as usual." He felt the other that Bethan had said, had been for his ears alone.
Lucan smiled "She is much keen for more babes it seems - but I do love the practice of moving the furniture!" Both men laughed out loud, concerns forgotten at the mention of their old phrase.
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Time continued to march and another two weeks had passed when the call to arms came. The roaming band of Celts had grown ever bolder, and Arthur was concerned that more of their countrymen were coming to their aid - better to put a stop to it now.
They had been raiding some of the farms around the fort and had been stealing livestock. But it was the attacks on the people that had incensed Arthur the most.
He had given his word to protect them and protect them he would. "Knights, we ride to rid our land of this most recent Celtic nuisance. We cannot allow them to harass our people any longer."
"It is about time we were able to have a bloody good fight, eh Little Scout!" Bors turned and slapped Bethan on the back, who just grinned at him evilly. Her hatred of the Celts was well known ever since they had hurt Gawain.
"When do we ride?" she asked.
"In one hour…."
They all rose and left to prepare "we will see if Vanora, Alisia and Ilara can have the children, as Amila and Guinevere want to ride with us too…" Bethan told Gawain and Lucan.
"Why?" Lucan asked, as Amila did not always ride with them these days, nor did Guinevere.
She shrugged "Merlin said they ought to."
She went to the stables "Well Charity my friend, up for another fight?" the horse threw its head around as if nodding; Gawain and Lucan marvelled at her connection with her animals.
She looked at Faith "What of you my feathered friend? Do wish to fly while I fight or remain here?" The hawk flapped its wings as if stretching for flight and then hopped on Bethan's shoulder; she walked outside and lifted her arm, Faith moved to it and then took off "Be happy my friend, be free!" Bethan called to her. The bird circled once, screeing her reply and then flew into the trees; the young woman watched until she was gone and then walked sighing back into the stable.
"What is it?" Asked Galahad as they tacked up.
"Not sure….I just feel like I am not minding aught that is important." She sighed again.
"What?"
"That is just it, I do not know - you know that feeling you get when you know something is going to happen only you just do not know when?"
"Not really" Galahad shrugged "do not worry Little Scout, all will be well! It always is when you fight!" he grinned.
Sandrina looked over to her husband "Be safe Tristan."
He nodded and kissed her, "You too."
"I will be alright, so long as you are….my heart beats with yours." She pushed his hair out of his eyes "Still so handsome…" she murmured against his lips as she kissed him again.
He flashed a smile "Flatterer!"
Lucan stepped forward "If you and I are separated have a care Bethan, my heart would wither without you."
"Likewise to you my husband; remember your promise to never leave me, and watch your back – you are terrible for never watching your back!" they kissed passionately and she smiled at him.
Bethan could see all that were riding with Arthur had words of love from someone close; all except Gawain. He was saying goodbye to Darry who was with Tris in Van's arms.
Bethan walked over and kissed her son and surrogate daughter goodbye. She then fiercely hugged the young knight.
"Have a care Gawain; remember if you die I will follow, and what will become of our angels then?"
"You too….." was all he said gruffly, hugging her as tightly.
Within the hour they were on their way……
Merlin watched from the battlements "Goddess of Destiny, I only pray that you make the end swift and the revenge swifter still……"
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There had been more of the Celts than they had expected and the battle had raged for almost an hour, but they were winning; Bethan had stuck to her rule and cleaved heads as she went.
Arthur had caught sight of her and still marvelled at the ability and enjoyment she took from killing; she was truly her father's daughter.
Amila, San and Guinevere had become separated from Bethan and Lucan. Merlin had insisted they go…he had not said why, only to watch for the young couple as much as possible. He would not question destiny's plan, but he would give them a fighting chance.
It proved to be all for naught.
The fighting was still fierce but the tide was turning in their favour; within a few minutes they had the Celts on the run. But it was not quite over yet; Gawain and Tristan could see Lucan was in trouble - he was being quickly overwhelmed by the retreating Celts, who seemed keen to kill as many of Arthur's men as they could to save face as they fled for their lives.
Gawain saw one level a Claymore at the young man's back……"LUCAN" he screamed running full tilt towards the other. 'Please let me save him…please do not let her suffer as I did….' He thought as he ran.
But he was too late…..the younger man looked to him in confusion as the claymore bit deeply into his back. Another Celt seeing the prize of a quick kill, lunged towards him stabbing him in the stomach. At the same time Gawain and Tristan were there and felled the two men who had brought him down.
Dagonet, who was close by, heard Gawain scream and saw it all….he ran….."LUCAN!"
Bethan heard all the commotion and looked across as she saw Gawain cast an agonised look her way; she saw Dag drop to his knees, his face in his hands.
She knew, in that one crystal moment, she knew; and her heart broke - he was dying…her Lucan….the best part of her….was dying. She ran…..
The Celts were routed and others came "Gawain…" Lucan gasped "Gawain…tell her…I am sorry….for leaving…..for breaking my word….she was right…I was terrible…at watching…my back…" blood trickled from the side of his mouth as he tried to smile "tell her I loved her so….look after her for me Gawain….you alone can do that now…." He grasped Dagonet's hand "You were the best of me father…I loved you as my own blood…." He shut his eyes as Bethan skidded to his side.
He went limp in Dagonet's arms. "NAY…..NAY IT WAS ME! It was meant to be me! Not him….not my Lucan…..he was too good to die out here amongst this filth!" she shook him "Do not leave me Lucan….oh please, please do not leave me…." Her voice was heavy and thick with unshed tears; but he did not move, did not breathe – he was gone.
She stood……her eyes were black, no tears fell, and even Gawain sat back from her - revenge would be hers and it would swift and terrible.
She looked to the men; her eyes dead and emotionless "If you ever loved me and call me your own you will help me…." She hissed.
Every single one stepped forward – except Dagonet "He would not wish it Bethan…." he murmured, but he too quailed at the devastation and hate in those eyes; she was beyond reason and would do as she must.
"HEAR ME CELTS! I CURSE YOU….I CURSE YOU FOR GENERATIONS….YOU WILL FEEL THE BOOT OF MORE THAN ONE MASTER ON YOUR NECKS….LONG AFTER I AM DEAD YOU WILL LIVE AS SLAVES! YOUR PEOPLE WILL STARVE IN THEIR THOUSANDS!
YOU WILL SHED YOUR OWN BLOOD IN BATTLES AND WARS…FREEDOM WILL NOT BE YOURS FOR GENERATIONS….." She spat in hate; the retreating Celts stopped dead as the words hung like ice in the air…..
A strange fog was forming and rolling in front of Bethan and the others. Her screams of hate and anger were all that could be heard emanating from the cold fog that rolled around the now terrified Celts.
Those that went with her could see where they were going, but the Celts could not…..within minutes not one was left alive.
She returned to her husband caked in the blood of the slaughtered; only 20……he had been only 20……she bent over his still form, the only words that could be heard, that clutched at the heart of one knight in particular, were "I never said goodbye….I never had time…."
Gawain dropped to his knees beside her and held her – his own heart tight with pain. "I am sorry…I am sorry I was too late….I was too late" he whispered.
She began to weep; and as she did, the sky darkened and it began to rain. Thunder rumbled and the hawk cried forlornly above her…..
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Back at the fort, Merlin hung his head - and wept.
