The Angst And The Analyst

From the Journals and Papers of Dr. MorningGlory Gaeston

Rated R-17: Adult themes, mild language, mild violence, brief nudity

Chapter IX

"YOU'RE WHAT?" Father's booming voice echoed resoundingly through the great house. Had the windows not been reinforced, they would have rattled precipitously in unison.

"Father, please, do not yell. Please sit down and just listen," I calmly coaxed the shaken man to his favorite chair in the lounge and I seated myself on the adjacent footstool. Hendak stood fidgeting near the doorway, fully prepared for any magical retribution Father might send his way once shock subsided and genuine anger settled in.

"Father, I am pregnant," I repeated, "Or, rather, Hendak and I are pregnant. And the expected date of arrival is approximately three months from now." He sat and stared at me, still in a quasi state of disbelief, shock, and bewilderment.

I had decided beforehand that I was going to operate on the need-to-know basis with Father. Right now if I told him it was twins, he would want to know how I knew, and it was just not time to tell him. And the news about who the paternal grandmother was.. Well, it was just going to have to wait, also.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him before he began.

"Father, we have moved the wedding up to two ten-days from now. So, I am asking that all the beautiful and wonderful arrangements you have made for both the engagement party and the reception be moved up as well. Would that be possible?"

Still absorbing my announcement, he sat staring at me. "Three months from now? I'm going to be a Grandfather three months from now?" He looked as someone just recovering from a spell of confusion. The color began to return to his face. "When did you find out, Glory? You...you don't even look like you could be with child at all, much less so close to term. Are you sure?"

"Yes, Father, I am sure," I nodded as I picked up his hands and squeezed them.

"When did you find out? Were you keeping this from me? Why were you keeping this from me?" His face showed he was hurt at the possibility.

"No, Father, I only found out the other day and I have not been keeping this from you, I assure you. This is the first opportunity we have had to tell you."

"But how could you have not known before now?" he asked, his shock now subsiding, but his confusion growing exponentially. "After all, as part of your training, you know medical aspects. The physiology of all of this, Glory… You know all of this. How could this have escaped you for so long?"

"Its..its just one of those rare anomalies, Father," I replied. "They are very uncommon, but they do exist." Well, that wasn't a lie. It was rare and it was an anomaly. And I didn't really want to just unload the whole truth on him at once. His own personal physician and healer, Dr. Bey, had cautioned many months before that his heart might not be as young as it once was.

"And, Father Tabor – " Hendak began but was cut short before he could continue.

"QUIET!" Father's ire flared instantly and he glared at him.

"Father, do not yell at Hendak. Think of your grandchild. Think of me." I paused a long moment. "This is a very happy time for me. And I want you to share it with me, with us, as you have been there to share all the other happy times in my life."

"But, Glory, this is such a shock. It is so much to take in such a short span of time." He was starting to appear somewhat calmed. "First, you become engaged to Hendak less than two ten-days ago, then you make plans for a union ritual in a Church and forsake your home for the ritual, then you tell me we're moving the wedding up because you are with child before you even have benefit of the ritual of union." He threw up his hands. "Not that I care what the raving public thinks or says, but, by the Gods, it is a lot for a father to take in a very short period of time."

"Yes, Father, I know." I looked at him, wanting desperately to help him. To make this easier to understand and accept, it was so difficult for him. "I understand that all you have ever wanted is the very best for me. And what I am trying to tell you, Father, this Iis/I the very best for me. I am marrying the man I love and he loves me more than any man could." I paused again and looked up at my helpless demigod. "And we are going to have a child a beautiful baby who will be blessed with two loving parents and the most loving, wonderful Grandfather in all of Faerun. In your heart, you can't be angry with that, Father. You are far too generous of love and spirit to not see your good fortune." I waited for the words to sink in and cringed slightly at mentioning only 'one' of the babies. Father sat for a long moment without saying a word. He turned to Hendak.

"Hendak, would you, " Father began, "Would you mind going to the kitchen and have Drusay or Gernsey make some tea. I would like to speak with Glory alone." His calmness both surprised me and made me wary.

"Of course, Father Tabor," said Hendak.

"And, please, Hendak, do NOT call me 'Father Tabor.' Just call me.. just call me Tabor." Under these circumstances, Father's civility was most disarming. I didn't know if it was resignation, or the quiet before the storm.

"Yes, sir, as you wish, Tabor," and Hendak took his cue to leave, softly closing the large door behind him.

"My darling Daughter," he sighed deeply as he leaned forward toward me and protectively enclosed my smaller hands in his larger hands. His eyes began to mist over as he began to speak in a soft voice. "When your mother died, all I had left of her was this little crying baby who frightened this wizard more than a shadow dragon at ten feet. I looked at you, and you were so tiny and frail, and so helpless. I was even afraid to hold you at first."

"But I was even more helpless than you at the time. I had lost my soul mate, the love of my life, and it was all so unfair. We had just started our life together and the Gods took her from me. I resented them for the cruelty theydealt to me, but I hated them even more for depriving you of your wonderful mother. It was inconceivable that so suddenly, and so unexpectedly, our life and our dreams could be shattered into a million infinite pieces never to be recovered." He sighed a long and heavy breath.

"And, for a long time, I wanted to die. But you were here and you needed me. I was all that you had. I was it. And, you needed my undivided attention and that is what I gave you." He paused. "I know I wasn't the best Father, and I probably should have found a wife that could also have been something of a Mother to you, but I just could not do it. The thought of trying to replace your wonderful Mother just seemed so.. so.. wrong. And, I guess…I guess I just wanted to keep you all to myself. You were all that was left of her." He smiled through the mist in his eyes and reached up to brush a wisp of hair from my face as he had so often done when I was a child. I could feel my own eyes begin to well with tears as I had never heard my Father speak like this before.

But he was wrong when he spoke of not being a good Father. He was always warm and loving as I was growing up and I could not have wished for more. And, even though I had a nanny, he was always there for me. We always shared our meals together, and he always helped me with lessons and encouraged me in whatever project I was currently involved. But he seldom spoke of my Mother. I knew even so long ago that it was painful for him when he would brush aside my questions, or send me to Drusay for him to explain something about her.

"I knew in my heart I would never be able to just keep you locked up here in this big empty house, and I was not without great anxiety when you first went to school. Even when you first entered the Academy, and the same was so when you entered into your own practice. And, I must confess I was most unhappy and distressed when you became involved with Hendak and moved in with him." He paused, straightened his shoulders, and shook his head slowly. "But you must understand, dearest Daughter, this is different. You are asking me to willingly and lovingly relinquish you, my only child, to your own family, complete with a husband, and now a child. Letting go of my only real treasure in my life is not an easy thing for me to do. I fear you ask too much of this old wizard."

"But, Father, you don't have to let go," I tried to explain. "You are not losing me, you are gaining back a small part that left you so long ago. You will always have me. You will always be my Father and I will always love you and cherish you. But now, we will be just a bigger family. It won't be just you and me. It will be you, me, Hendak, and all the children we will have. That just means there will be more laughter in this house and more children for you to love. Is that so bad?"

He sat staring pensively at me before he spoke. "No, Daughter, that is all good. But I must confess that I am afraid." I had never heard my Father admit fear.

"Father, what is there to be afraid of?" I asked, somewhat in surprise.

"I…I fear for your safety as you bear this child. We did not know of any risk to your Mother prior to your birth and her unexpected death because of the unforeseen complications was... was devastating. The physicians and healers simply said it was not to be predicted. I.. I just don't know what I would do if I lost you, too, Glory." He squeezed my hands and his voice was anguished. "I would not recover, of this I am sure."

"You are not going to lose me, Father. Remember, I have your constitution." I tried to reassure him. "And, I am perfectly healthy, as is Hendak. There is no reason to believe this will not proceed as it should. You must not worry about this, I promise you, Father."

"That is what they said about your Mother," he replied and his sadness deepened and suddenly tinged with anger. "This is all HIS fault. Had you not become involved with that ex-slave and fallen in love with him, this would not be happening."

"Father, you taught me that we don't choose love, it chooses us. I could no more keep from loving him than the sun can keep from shining tomorrow. And, lashing out at Hendak is not going to accomplish anything. It is not his fault anymore than it is my fault, or your fault. If is just life unfolding. And as you taught me, it must be embraced, or it will pass me by." I was trying to reassure this hurting man, but it was difficult to argue or compete against such a painful, vivid memory. He sat motionless for a moment then nodded, although I could tell he was not totally convinced as his anger subsided.

"Would you...would you consider you and Hendak coming to live here until the child arrives?" he asked softly. "Or even longer if you so desired?"

"Father, you're not trying to manipulate me, are you?" I asked, instantly wary of his motives.

"No, dear Daughter," he shook his head. "It would give me great peace of mind knowing you were here. Perhaps...perhaps in some small way I could help in attending to your needs. And at the risk of offending you, I cannot help but think this is a better environment than the Copper Coronet for you and especially after our little one arrives. Would you please consider it, Glory?" He did not wait for me to answer.

"It's a big house, Glory. I could have the suite in the east wing renovated for you and include a nursery. Surely that would be more comfortable for you, Hendak, and our new little one. I would promise you that you would have all the privacy you would want and need. And, I…I will not interfere. And…and, if you two decided the arrangement was uncomfortable for any reason, I would not try to stop you from returning to the Coronet, or getting your own house, or whatever you decide to be best for you."

Father had actually succeeded in surprising me, more ways than one. It had never crossed my mind to move back to the great house. From a practical point of view, it was actually not a bad idea, all things considered, but I didn't know if Hendak would be agreeable. I did not want him to even remotely feel intimidated or uncomfortable. Plus, if Father was willing to say, right up front, that he would not interfere in any way, he meant it.

"Father, your offer is very generous, but this is something I must discuss with Hendak," I said, "and, it is a decision we will make jointly. But, Father, your attitude and behavior toward Hendak must change if you wish us to be here. He is a good man, Father, and he is going to be my husband and the father of your grandchild. He deserves your consideration and respect just as you deserve his. If for no other reason, for my sake and our child's sake." I was attempting to be diplomatic in explaining what I thought to be the one possible stumbling block in Father's proposition.

Father nodded in agreement."I thank you, Daughter, and I will respect your wishes and your decision in this matter," and he offered a faint smile. "And, Daughter, I will try to be more cordial to Hendak. I know I have not always been terribly civilized to him and I admit it is much to my shame. Your dear Mother would have cast a 'silence' spell on me long before this had she witnessed some of my more boorish and childish outbursts." He paused. "It..it's not that I harbor animosity for him in particular, it is just that I have wanted only the very best for you. I just never believed he was it." He hung his head. "But, it is now inevitable and I must adjust and respond to the reality. You have my word that I will curb my tongue and do what I can to promote a more harmonious relationship with him."

"Thank you, Father. And, please know he is the best for me. You might even grow to like him, Father, if you would give him a chance. He is a good man." I tugged gently on his short beard just as I did as a child, to get him to agree with me by making him nod his head. He smiled remembering those many times so many years ago.

Hendak appeared at the door tray in hand. "I trust everyone would like a cup of tea?" he smiled.

"Hendak," Father motioned. "Please come and join us. We have party plans to discuss. Time grows short." Although I didn't expect his attitude to completely change overnight, I sensed a conscious effort in his words now, just as he had promised.

Hendak sat down and we began to discuss the plans. Father always surprised me with how creative he could be. I had memories of many childhood birthday parties that spoke of his ingenuity and genuinely festive spirit. My engagement party was to be nothing less than a costume ball.

"Yes, Glory, I know a costume ball is not traditional, but there are all 'sorts' on the guest list and I just thought it would be different than the usual. Just imagine – Gregorio the shape shifter. You remember him. He can assume any number of animals." He thought a moment. "Er, though I guess that is not necessarily a good example." Hescratched his whiskered chin.

"Father, a costume ball is fine. It will add a little diversity considering we are going to have the reception here a week later," I said, actually looking forward to what Father would come up with.

"And, Hendak? Do you agree?" My Father was actually asking him his opinion, his input. I thought I was hearing things.

"Yes, Tabor. It is a wonderful idea," Hendak smiled and nodded.

I knew this was not easy for Father as I watched him deliberately choose his words, curb his natural inclination to honest bluntness, and simply discuss the details without ignoring Hendak. But I could see he was making a very concentrated effort. I reminded myself I would have to give some devoted thought to addressing his fear of loss that had been precipitated by my Mother's death. It would have to be dispelled through my own reassurances that I wasn't leaving this plane anytime soon. And, I also needed to instill within him that his family of 'one' was going to grow precipitously, and almost immediately. Once we were past the birth, his fears would subside, and he could relax and enjoy his new expanded role. This would be a very good thing for him. He just didn't quite know it, yet.

"It's another carriage ride, my love," Hendak smiled as we were leaving for the Coronet.

"Maybe we should just take the short way home, my love. I think after today I just need to get home and into bed." I kissed his cheek. Any other time I would have taken him up on his offer, but I was emotionally and physically spent.

'What a wonderful father he will be,' I thought. 'What a wonderful husband he will be.'

I awoke feeling totally refreshed and invigorated. Hendak was sitting by me on the side of the bed.

"You are so beautiful when you sleep, my love," he said and brushed the hair from my cheek. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. "And, I have breakfast for you, complete with potion." The food actually smelled very good and I was ravenous.

We sat in the middle of the bed sharing from the tray.

"Hendak," I said as I stuffed the last of the berries into my mouth. "How would you feel if I asked you to consider us moving to Father's just until after the babies are born? We would have the east wing and our own privacy, of course." I didn't know how else to ask him but point blank. He looked at me for a long time as he debated the issue in his own mind.

"I know it would make you happy, my love, and it might make things better for Tabor, as well. I know he has missed you terribly since you moved here with me. After all, you are all he has." His sensitivity to my Father's feelings did not surprise me. Regardless of the insults he had endured at my Father's hands over the past three years, Hendak seemed to always understand the real reasons behind his behavior. "And since Bernard is here after hours, there is no reason we should not," and with that this wonderful man agreed to move into his future father-in-law's house. He was doing this for me, and I did love this man so very much for it!

"Father said he will completely refurbish the east wing and outfit it with a nursery," I repeated. "And, he has given his word not to interfere in any way. He is fearful he will lose me the way he lost Mother and –"

"You do not need to convince me," he smiled and put his fingers to my lips. "I understand how he feels and why. If it begins to be a problem for us, we will simply return here, or buy our own house." He smiled and shrugged. "And, as long as I have privacy with my wife that I may perform my husbandly duties, I am not particularly concerned with much else." And he laughed at his own over-simplification of the matter.

We discussed it further and dependent upon when Father could complete the renovations, we decided to move after the brief honeymoon we had scheduled. I had to admit that I would feel more secure being in my childhood home as the time for birthing neared.

We had spent so much time talking and planning, the sun had slipped up and over the east bedchamber window, unnoticed.

"What time is it, Hendak?" I suddenly remembered I had agreed to meet Riona at my office in the early afternoon.

"It's almost noon," he replied. "Were you not meeting Riona soon? Wedding things?"

"Yes, and if I don't hurry, I will be late!"

"While you are doing that, my love, I will go and visit Tabor again," he said. He immediately sensed my anxiety. "Not to worry, but this visit of man-to-man is long overdue and it is my obligation to go and speak with him about marrying his daughter. It is the right thing to do. He deserves my respect and consideration in this matter." He sensed my unspoken question. "Do not worry, the subject of "Mother" will not be discussed. I will leave that to you, my darling." He squeezed my hands and put my mind at ease.

I sprang from bed and hurriedly dressed and, as I did, I noticed my dress already slightly tighter around the waist. In another month I wouldn't have a waist.

"Oh, Hendak, do you think you could find some dried cloudberries and maybe some dried applidots from someplace? I just have this terrible craving….Oh, and some sardines, and maybe some of Cook's pudding to go with them for tonight?"

"Oh, Glory, am I going to have to watch you eat all of this? I might have to borrow some of your potion for myself." He grimaced and sighed.

Another beautiful day and a lovely walk to the Promenade. I barely arrived before Riona. Charona had been busy all morning rescheduling patients for the next month. She had also summoned my dressmaker for later in the afternoon.

"How are you feeling today?" Riona asked upon her arrival.

"Wonderful, thanks to Anomen's elixir. Maybe he should produce it and sell it to the Mart next door." I was perfectly serious.

"Good. And things went well with your Father?"

"Better than I had hoped," I replied and told her what had happened.

"And how is Anomen," I asked turning the conversation to a more professional concern.

"He's digesting what occurred yesterday and is grappling with it all internally. I am sure you will hear more at your session tomorrow. But for now, and with me, he has said very little," she smiled but the concern was very evident on her face.

"Do not worry, Riona," I patted her hand. "He has survived the initial shock, now he must assimilate what he has learned. That cannot be done overnight. It will take time and I will be here to help him. But eventually it will be you who will help him through this."

"I just hope that I am up to the challenge," she said. "He is still so guilt-ridden over the death of Saerk's daughter. It concerns me greatly. Some of his moods are darker than midnight." She shook her head.

"I know you are concerned, but Anomen loves you, and his feelings for you and his loyalty to you are the greatest motivators in his life. It will take time to mend the damage from his childhood and free him of his false beliefs about himself. Finding the truth – the real truth – about himself has only just begun. He is going to be forced to re-define himself and I have implicit faith in you and your instincts that you can, and will, help him sort through this. No, it will not be easy, but always let him know you are there for him and that you believe in him, no matter what." I paused. "And, don't forget, I am here for you, too, if and when you need me. This will be as difficult for you as it is for him, but it is going to have to be a concerted, joint effort if he is to succeed."

"I know you are right, Glory. I just needed to hear you say it." Her face lightened.

Our attention returned to the wedding plans as my dressmaker stood at the door with a most puzzled look on her face.

"Jershua, this is my friend, Riona. Riona, this is my longtime friend Jershua. Jershua has always made sure I have been appropriately dressed by the talent of her expert needle."

"Oh, Madam Glory, you embarrass me," Jershua blushed. "You are very easy to sew for."

"Well, Jershua, up to now. But things have taken a turn and we must make some changes." I told her very briefly of the change in plans.

"But, Madam, the silks won't be ready," she protested mildly.

"Yes, I know, Jershua, but we will just have to find what we need here from whatever stock is available. It is unavoidable. And, we will have to modify the style slightly to do away with the fitted waist. Maybe a less defined line from the breast-line down." Oh, the hell with it, I thought. I might just as well tell her the truth.

"Jershua, I'm pregnant and in two ten-days I am going to look as though I swallowed a small melon. We need to accommodate my stomach." There, I said it.

"Oh, Madam! I am so happy for you!" she bubbled. "Of course, we can disguise the little 'melon' problem! It will only take a few minor alterations to the original design. I feel positively inspired," she said and sat down to re-sketch the dress in record time.

She stood up, her face flushed and showed me the drawing. It was magnificent.

"Madam," she began terribly flustered, "I do not know from whence this drawing came, although it was my hand that drew it. And I do not know from whence I will procure the many pearls and rare silks that are included in it, but it is the most beautiful dress I have ever seen. As the Gods are my witness, it was not I who did this!"

I looked at Riona. She looked at me. 'Waukeen.'

"Not to worry, Jershua. I know where we can procure the materials. You go back to your shop and await my messenger and they will be delivered to you. Your rendering is exquisite and it will be perfect. Now we must do a dress for Riona as well. And whatever you include, I am sure the materials will arrive with the other bundle." I didn't think Waukeen would be one to do anything half-measure, and Jershua sat down and just as quickly drew an equally exquisite design for Riona.

"Do you need to measure?" Riona asked.

"No, Madam Riona. I know what needs to be done," slowly replied Jersua. "I do not know how I know, but I know…." She packed her sketchbook and shaking her head slowly from side to side, she left, far more baffled and perplexed than when she arrived.

"What can I say," I shrugged to Riona. "It's all beautiful and it is exactly what I would have picked myself. Who am I to argue?" She nodded in agreement. I just didn't know if Waukeen was trying to help out, or take over. That would have to be later determined.

There was not much else to be done and the day was fading. So was my energy, and I suddenly found myself ravenous. I bid Riona goodbye and invited Anomen and her for the evening meal two nights hence as I knew Hendak would enjoy seeing them again. Charona had already left and I fed Ki and locked up to go home.

Hendak and I had dinner in our suite. As he put it, the other patrons might find it quite objectionable to watch me gulping down sardines and pudding. As if the usual customers of the Coronet would really care, I thought humorously, but said nothing. It did give us time to talk without the constant, inevitable interruptions endured downstairs.

"And did you see Father today?" I asked as I stuffed my mouth with the delectable little fish followed by spoon after spoon of pudding.

Hendak turned his head so not to watch me engage in this feeding frenzy. "Yes, I did, and it went extremely well. I told him we agreed to move to the house with him and we, very civilly I might add, worked out some simple ground rules. We even got so far as finalizing the working plans for the renovation of the east wing. The laborers will arrive tomorrow to begin the transformation." He was pleased with himself and the 'peace' he felt he had negotiated with Tabor.

"And your man-to-man chat – that went well, also?" I asked.

"Yes. I explained that I was not here to take away his daughter, but I was here to marry the woman I loved, who also loved me. That we were going to be parents and I wanted him to be a part of our family. I explained that I did not have a family for most of my own life – and never had a grandfather or a grandmother. And, I did not want our children to be deprived of his presence. I told him that you still need him very much, that we need him, and that our children would need him."

"And did he understand you?"

" I believe he did."

I nodded. I was proud of Hendak. I reached over and tousled his hair forgetting my fingers were saturated with the smelly oil from the tiny fish. He shook his head and gave me a rather disgusted look. "Oops! Sorry, love," I giggled, my mouth half full with the last little odiferous morsel.

"Oh," he said as he rubbed a half a lemon in his hair, "and, if you have no objection, we will be moving into the house next ten-day. Two days before the engagement party. The work will be done by then and I thought it would be better for you now rather than after the honeymoon." He chuckled. "And I would love to kiss you right now, but I don't think I could stand it."

"That is perfectly fine, the moving part. As for the kiss, I would be expecting too much," I smiled. The idea of moving in early made me very happy.

Another bright beautiful day. I rolled over and snuggled next to Hendak. I started to greet him good morning, but he immediately stuck a bright green leaf in my mouth. "Forgive me, my love," he apologized and chuckled. "But the remaining breaths of your sardine feast from last eve could compete with the strongest cloud kill scroll in all of Faerun." The fresh green leaf quickly abated the yellow cloud in my mouth.

I arose, bathed and dressed. Yes, the dress was just a tiny bit snugger than the day before. And the usual flatness of my stomach was suddenly replaced with a slight curve.

I reviewed my schedule in my mind. I would see young Delryn this morning. I was anxious to talk to him and gauge his initial reactions. They would tell me where we needed to start on this next phase of his therapy.

As usual, he arrived precisely on time.

"Come in, Anomen. Come in," I greeted him. Charona delivered tea for us and I motioned him to sit down.

"How are you?" I asked and smiled at him.

He returned the smile and slowly nodded his head up and down. "I am still reeling from my Mother's letter and its implications," he replied.

"How do you feel about finding out Sir Ryan is your Father?" I asked.

"I am very proud as he is the epitome of all I admire and respect," he replied. "But it is still like a dream to me." He paused and then continued. "When I was a boy at the Academy, Sir Ryan would come to visit me, to see how I was getting along. I was always so happy to see him and when he would leave I was despondent. I would lie in my bed before sleep and think, 'Why couldn't he be my Father? Why was I cursed with such a monster for a Father?' I would go to sleep pretending to myself that Sir Ryan was my Father and that next holiday I would be going home with him, MY Father, for sweet cakes and presents like the other boys did.

"I remember asking him once if he had any children and he smiled and said no. I remember that night, thinking that life was so unfair, and why couldn't I be his son instead of the son of the bastardlycruel Lord Cor." He sighed. "They were childish dreams and childish questions, and I put them away long before I left the Academy. I resigned myself to being the son of Lord Cor and steeled myself to the embarrassment and humiliation it brought me."

"How do you look upon it now?" I tried to further encourage him.

"It's..it's as if the music box was a magic lamp and I opened it and had my greatest childhood wish instantly come true." He waited a long moment before he continued. "It's just I don't know what to do with it now that I have it and it is real."

"What do you want to do with it, Anomen," I asked.

"I…I don't know. As I thought about it yesterday, I could not, and do not, understand how he could ever want to acknowledge me as his son. In my heart I never felt I had dishonored Lord Cor with my actions at Saerk's house that day – that I dishonored only myself. In my mind, Lord Cor couldn't be dishonored any more than he was already by his own hand. But now, as I think of Sir Ryan being my Father, I am more so deeply shamed at my crime. And, I do not understand how he, as a Knight of Order, could so readily accept me, a murderer, as his son."

"Anomen. He accepts you as his son because he is your Father, first. The fact that he is a Knight of the Order is secondary to the unconditional love he has always held for you. And, as your Father, he does not see you as a murderer."

"You think he doesn't think about what I have done? He must! He knows all the explicit details of the matter," he slightly raised his voice.

"I did not say he doesn't think about what you have done. What I am saying is that he, as a loving Father, does not judge you in the same 'court' or by the same 'laws' as did the Order. There is no redemption in the Order. But as your Father, and regardless of what you believe you did, or what he believes you did, he forgave you long ago.

"Anomen, it was because of his love and concern for you, he came forth and sought me out to help you. And, I suppose if the truth were known, he may have had something to do with the Church of Helm requiring you to come here, as well. I truthfully do not know and it is not pertinent at this point. But I do know that in his heart, his love and forgiveness has absolved you of anything and everything. That is why he can acknowledge you as his son. Do you understand?"

He sat looking intently at Ki, as he pondered what I was saying.

"You're saying he loves me unconditionally…much like how Riona loves me," he said beginning to make the connection. Very good, Delryn. He looked at me directly.

"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying." That was certainly close enough.

"How can I rid myself of this idea of possessing the taint of Lord Cor's evil heart? I have lived with it for so long, and now that I know I am not Lord Cor's son, I realize the evil I have perpetrated is solely by my hands alone."

"Anomen, think about what you saying. Up until two days ago, you were convinced that your actions were the result of you being a product of Lord Cor's evil taint. You believed you possessed a 'black heart' and it was that inherent evil that 'possessed' you and unleashed a horrible rage that resulted in catastrophic results, the loss of innocent life. Now you find out that in reality, there is no evil taint, there is no black heart. Do you think your belief in this 'curse' made it any less real than if ithad beentrue? Was the evil taint of Lord Cor your reality up until two days ago?"

He nodded slowly but said nothing.

"What can I do, Glory? Is there a chance I can ever resolve this?" he asked, pain etched in the fine lines of his forehead. "I fear I will go mad if I do not try."

"I'm here to hopefully keep that from happening." I paused. "The first thing we must do is understand the real reasons of why you did what you did. The second part I cannot help you with and will be totally up to you. You must seek absolution from yourself and forgive yourself. No one else can do that for you." I waited for a reaction.

"Forgive myself? I…I…don't know if it is possible," he said in a low voice and looked down at his hands in his lap.

"In forgiving yourself and letting go, it is your only hope of true freedom, Anomen," I said. His eyes began to fill with tears.

"I…I want to be this person that Riona and my Father loves. I want to believe I am this person."

"You already are that person, Anomen. You are that person that Riona and Sir Ryan love. You need only to accept that fact and make it part of your own internal belief system. But we will need to dispel the false beliefs so entrenched over the years before the true one can take hold. Are you willing to do what it takes to accomplish this?"

He thought long and hard before he spoke.

"Yes, Glory. I am honor-bound to thosewho love me to do this. I owe them this much for the faith they have placed in me."

"Then you must let thosewho love you, help you, also. You must believe as much in them as they believe in you."

He nodded and brushed a tear from his cheek.

"And, Anomen, this will not be easy." I stopped and set my eyes squarely on his eyes. "This will be the most intense battle in which you have ever participated. It will make the battle for the Throne of Bhaal seem like a child's garden game.

"Are you willing to commit to this?"

"Yes, Glory, I am." He curtly nodded his assent.

"Very well. It will be a long road but we will do this." And I sighed a sigh of relief.

We continued to talk for several more minutes about his Mother's letter and the immediate impact upon him. I encouraged him to share his feelings with Riona and to let her help him, that it was equally as good for her as it was for him. He then confessed to being a bit reticent in contacting Sir Ryan to perhaps meet and talk. I reminded him that Sir Ryan might be equally reticent and someone had to make the first move.

It was suddenly noontime and Anomen was leaving with the intention of sending a messenger to the Order to invite Sir Ryan to meet him at the Coronet to share the noontime meal. Just the two of them. I could tell he was anxious to get on with the business of Sir Ryan being his Father, whether it was publicly known or not, mattered not to him.

He had no sooner left than Seer Marybeth Fatewatch arrived.

"Seer Marybeth," I said. "What a pleasant surprise!" It was a half-truth. I had expected her on my doorstep first thing in the morning.

"Madam Glory," and she leaned over to kiss my cheek. "My Mistress sends Greetings, and gifts." She stepped aside and ten couriers held various packages and bundles.

"Gifts?" I was puzzled.

"Yes, for your seamstress and her helpers," she smiled. "For the gowns and the groom and his attendant's special suiting. If you would be so kind to give us her address, I will send them on their way posthaste to make the delivery." Charona was quickly jotting it down on a small piece of parchment.

"And, Madam, if you have a moment, I would like to speak to you in private."

"But of course, Seer. Won't you come into my office?" We stepped in and closed the door. Seer Marybeth wasted no time.

"My Mistress will be arriving the day of the engagement party and has asked me if she might stay with you and Hendak at your Father's house. There are really no other accommodations available to her at this time. She would be very grateful if this were not a problem."

"My Father's house is quite large, Seer, and I am sure the guest suite will be most to her liking. And I am sure my Father would not mind if I extended the invitation."

"Very well. Her trunks will arrive in the afternoon of the party and she will arrive precisely as the party begins.

"How will I know your Mistress?" I asked shyly. "It is a special party and everyone will be dressed in different types of costumes."

"I assure you, Madam Glory, you will know my Mistress. You will know her." And she laughed. "I hope you will not think me rude, but I must return to the Church. I brought 300 workers with me to complete the renovations and I must see that they are being properly supervised. I also sent an extra 50 workers to your Father's house that your personal renovations might be completed on time, as well."

"Thank you, Seer. Your Mistress is most kind."

"She is pleased that you approve," and with that Seer Marybeth bid us goodbye and was out the door.

"Mistress, I know it is not my place to make any comments, but by the Gods, what is your Father going to do when he finds out that Waukeen herself has taken up residence in HIS house?" Charona asked.

"Charona, that is a question for the greatest oracles of our time," I replied, "because I haven't a clue." And we laughed.

It was very busy over the next few days. We were getting ready to move into my Father's house and it was hectic. Riona and Anomen came to dinner a few evenings later.

"I already have my gown," Riona told me, somewhat wide-eyed. "It fits perfectly and it has this huge star ruby sewn into the bodice. Do you remember a star ruby in the sketch?"

"No, it must have been 'added' later," I said. "Riona, it is yours to keep. Just consider it a gift from my future Goddess-in-law." And we chuckled.

It was an enjoyable meal together. Hendak thanked Anomen profusely for the potion, and then asked if he could whip something up that would get rid of my smelly sardine and pudding addiction. That provoked side-splitting laughter all around the table, but Anomen promised to see what he could come up with. Then I heard the recounting of the freeing of the slaves as told by Riona and Anomen. Hendak had never told me how dangerous it had been and some of the obstacles they had faced. He mostly sat and blushed when his heroic deeds were heralded by the two. The evening was over far too soon, however, and we said goodnight to our friends.

"They are wonderful people," Hendak said as we curled up together to sleep. "If it were not for them, I doubt I would be here now. I am proud to call them our friends. And I am proud they are going to be in our blessed union ritual."

"Me, too," I sighed. I could never remember a time of being more content.

"And I am thankful they kept you from the little fishes tonight," he chuckled and pulled me tight. "It is the first time all week I have been able to get close to you without holding my breath." And he laughed and kissed me. "It has been too long, my love. I have my own craving, and it is for you, and I want to satisfy that craving now." He began to kiss my neck.

Before I even knew it, it was moving day. I had sorted through things, packed things up and Hendak has secured a large wagon with driver to cart our belongings up to my Father's house. It was the day before the party. I had already arranged with Father for Hendak's 'Mother' to stay at the house. He was most pleased and very curious about his upcoming house guest.

"Father, I have not met her, either, so this will be a first for me, as well," I told him.

"But do you know what she likes? Should I secure some special aperitif, or brandy, or wine? Special silk salts for her bath? Am I forgetting anything? It has been a very long time since a woman was a guest in my house. Er, except for you, of course."

"Father, I am sure what you have will be fine," I reassured him. "Anyway, you will get the opportunity to get to know her during the party, as I expect you to be her formal escort, seeing that she will not know anyone and you are the host," I reminded him of his duty, and at the same time squelched any thoughts I was havingof what could 'possibly' go wrong.

"You are right, Daughter, as usual. It's just that I am so nervous and I don't know why."

"You will be just fine, Father," and kissed his cheek.

"Perhaps a last-minute haircut," he said thoughtfully, more to himself.

We were settled in and Hendak was pleased with our new 'abode.'

"I like it," he said nodding his head in approval. "Yes, this will do nicely for us and it will be good for your Father, too."

"Hendak, we must ready ourselves for the party. It is less than an hour until guests begin to arrive. We must prepare ourselves to descend the staircase and greet them, as is tradition."

"Yes, my love. I will be prepared to escort you down the staircase when we are announced at the appointed hour."

I dressed and my chambermaid did my hair in fresh braids. As she finished up with the baby pearls and gold threads laced throughout, I rouged my cheeks and my lips. It was time.

Hendak looked devilishly handsome in pale gray formal attire and highly polished boots. He wore a simple mask. He met me at the top of the stairs.

"And, pray tell, Hendak, just what are you supposed to be costumed as?" I smiled.

"A thief, my Lady. A thief and a rogue who has stolen your heart and, I shall never return it."

The small orchestra struck a chord and the hall of people turned their attention to the staircase. A bold voice sounded above the crowd, "Mistress MorningGlory and Master Hendak." The music began and a hearty ovation was offered up by the legions of costumed partygoers. We descended the staircase and were greeted by a swarm of well wishers. Drinks were stuffed into our hands and the party was officially started.

Only moments later did Sir Ryan, Anomen, and Riona find us. Sir Ryan was expertly outfitted in a genie's garb. Anomen was sporting the comfortable gear of a woodsman, and Riona was dressed as an acolyte of the Church of Lathander.

"Well, is she here yet?" they said in quiet unison.

"No, but we expect her any moment," Hendak said. The words no more than left his lips then the large double doors to the hall opened. The crowd hushed and turned to look.

She stood in the center of the doorway. There was momentary quiet and Hendak and I moved toward her.

She was dressed in a long flowing gown of silver and gold and her long exquisite hair was intricately braided with pearls, sapphires, and rubies. Over her face she wore a partially opaque, gauzy golden veil.

Hendak grasped her and hugged her. "Oh, Mother, I am so happy you are here." And I thought for a moment I saw a tear in his eye.

"As am I, my darling Son," she replied in a beautiful, liquid voice. She finally stepped back and then turned her attention to me.

"And, my new Daughter. I finally meet you." She reached to embrace me as well. "Thank you, my new Daughter Glory, for making my son very happy. We will talk more after the party."

"It is my pleasure, Mother Waukeen," I whispered and returned her hug. The smell of honey flowers filled my head.

We were interrupted by Father.

"Hmm," he cleared his throat.

"Father, I would like to present Hendak's mother – " Waukeen immediately interrupted me.

"Yes, I am Waulinda. It is such a pleasure," and she held her hand for Father to kiss in greeting.

"And Waulinda, I am Tabor. Tabor Gaeston." He very elegantly bowed and kissed the fair lady's hand. "I am MorningGlory's Father and I welcome you to my home."

I had never seen my Father so charming before. Sir Ryan stood nearby me chuckling to himself. Father then hooked Waukeen's arm through his and began to squire her across the room to the bar.

"I am sure you are quite parched after such a long trip. I have some wonderful sparkling wine from the very heart of the foothills of the Cloud Mountains that I think you might like, and pray tell, dear lady, just who might you be impersonating this evening?"

"The Goddess Waukeen," she cooed as they walked across the room together.

Sir Ryan could contain himself no more. He began to laugh and we all turned to him.

"I must apologize," he said, trying to contain himself. "But I have seen your Father in this manner only a few times in his life. I feel I must warn you both – I think he iswas instantlysmitten with your 'Mother,' Hendak. And Goddess or no Goddess, I think I would beware if I was her. He can be quite the ladies' man, when he chooses to be."

Hendak and I looked at each other.

"Well, should we do something?" I asked.

"Even if we could, what would you suggest?" Hendak said.

"I don't know. It's your Mother who is the Goddess. My Father is just a peon mortal!"

"Maybe we should just let nature take it's course. After all, they are'adults'," he replied thoughtfully.

"That's what they said at the beginning of the Time of Troubles," I groaned.

"I have an idea," said Riona. "We will all just sort of 'keep an eye' on the situation. After all, they are, er, mature adults. Shouldn't we trust them to be somewhat responsible?"

"Riona, we're talking about my Father here," I said. "Think about it. The man exudes dire charm, he doesn't need a scroll."

"Glory is right, Riona. Maybe since I am Standing Man at the Union Ritual, I should attend to my duties early. I will go keep them company," said Sir Ryan. "I can at least keep him from over-imbibing, and possibly making a fool out of himself publicly." And not another word, and his Knight's duty clear to him, off he went to join them.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Sir Ryan kept an unobtrusive eye on Father and Waukeen, while we all danced and had a wonderful time.

It was over far too quickly and the guests were leaving. Sir Ryan, Anomen, and Riona were the last,and we saw them to the door.

"Thank you, again, Sir Ryan for taking care of Father," I said.

"It was no trouble. It is not every day I have the opportunity to engage a Goddess in conversation," he smiled and kissed my check. "That, and your Father did not consume too much in spirits, so it was notunpleasurable." I was relieved to hear that.

We said our goodnights and Drusay closed and locked the door behind them. We trudged up the stairs, then passing the guest quarters, we madeour way down the hall to our new apartment. My back hurt and my feet ached. I had started feeling the 'pregnancy' thing over the last two days weight shifting, bones realigning. Blissful sleep, I thought and snuggled next to Hendak. Except. Oh, I just had to have one more of those little raspberry cakes. Had to, had to, had to.

"Hendak, I'm going down to the kitchen for a minute. I'll be right back."

"Hmmm," he grunted in recognition although I seriously doubted he even heard me. Spurred by my overwhelming craving, I climbed out of our new bed,slipped on my robe and slippers, and made way forour door to the hallway.

I was about 5 meters from the door to Waukeen's guest apartment when suddenly the door opened.

"FATHER!"

"DAUGHTER!"

My Father stood in front of mewith only his dressing robe and a pair of slippers on. He turned positively crimson.

"Father, what are you doing here?" Well, it didn't take a genius to figure this one out. "Father, do you have any idea with whom you just had physical relations?" It sounded so.. so.. 'clinical' in the way Iasked him. I didn't quite know why, except, perhaps, because ofthe unexpected confrontationof it. "And I will assume you did from the guilt written all over your face!" I sounded accusatory, at best!

"Glory, well..well..yes, it's true. But Glory, it was the most exciting, exquisite, er... er,evening I have had since your Mother! Ithas been just exquisitelydivine."

"I should say it was 'divine,' Father," I huffed indignantly. "Hendak's mother is the Goddess Waukeen. Father you just got out of bed with the Goddess Waukeen!"

The color immediately drained from his face as hebegan to teeterback and forth.

"Well, I guess that would explain –" he began as his eyes rolled up into his head and heliterally tipped over. He landed with a thud on the hall carpet. He was out cold.

"HENDAK!" I screamed.

To Be Continued ………