Disclaimer: All characters copyrighted to their respective owners, as in Square-Enix, Disney, and everyone who created and helped produce the astounding game Kingdom Hearts… basically I don't own anything, I just give the boys a chance to come out and play for a little bit.
Ah…and the XXX does not mean what you're thinking, (well...maybe in some cases it does)…but mostly it's just the way I split up the story and start new thoughts.
On to the story! (Just remember…in this story Chain of Memories and KH2 does not exist…that's why I consider this somewhat AU)
XXX
(Ansem)
I could feel your hands. Soft, gentle fingertips searching cautiously; anxious, yet so very hesitant. You wanted it, but you were so very afraid.
Fear…so unlike you. You'd jump into a battle without a second thought, without worrying about the outcome, but such intimacy made shivers run down your spine. Were the memories catching up to you, my darling?
XXX
You knew even then, those long four years ago, that my body seethed with evil and darkness had been consuming my heart for as long as you had taken in breath. You knew that my intentions were impure and immoral, but still you pursued me for reasons even now I cannot fathom.
You wanted me with unmasked lust and I couldn't keep my hands off of you. I don't know how long we kept up that secret pursuit of one another…
My reputation was at stake; you were but a child and I had already burnt out a lifetime, stalking in darkness. You were mature, and wise beyond your years, but your conscious was still housed in the body of a teenager. A teenager that even now I yearn for.
But even as high as the stakes were, as we all know, lust is hard to extinguish. Once the painful temptation seeps into one's heart, one wants nothing more than to entice the object of one's desire, despite all consequences.
That's why each night we played that naughty little game; the one where I would seduce you wildly and torment you until you laid in bed pleading for me to give you the climax your teenage body ached for. The same twisted game where you would sneak into my bed and wrap yourself willingly around me at night; and underneath the cover of darkness ease my hand between your young trembling thighs, begging for my touch.
It was a cruel eternity, wasn't it, until I finally let my last inner barrier of doubt fall to the intense fire that burned between us and let the inferno of passion consume us both.
"Ansem!" Your voice screamed out in a high, throaty pitch as I repeatedly ground into you, your body arching against me, quivering with desire. You threw your head back in ecstasy as I murmured your name brokenly, my hot tongue running across the curve of your slender neck. You begged and pleaded, needing relief from the painfully hard erection you were displaying, so I placed my hand on your length. After moving my wrist expertly, you came quickly, your body shuddering and tightening around me. I followed soon after and pulled out, rolling off you. I panted heavily and tossed my long hair, reaching out a hand to cradle your cheek.
"You all right, darling?" Your eyes turned to meet mine and I could see you were still lost in the euphoria of what we'd done. I pulled you close to me and to my relief you wrapped your arms around me, burying your face in my chest and covering my tanned skin in the lightest coat of kisses. I stroked your silver hair and tangled my legs in yours, while I whispered how proud of you I was, how strong you were for taking all of me in the first time… How desperately I loved you. We fell asleep like that, entangled in my ebony silk sheets, surrounded by the distinct scent of sex. The air and atmosphere was sticky and hot, but we were sated and in love.
But even after all we'd been through, in the end I broke your fragile heart; broke the delicate trust that had been built up between us. Why would you ever consider touching this body again?
XXX
"Ansem…" I heard your low voice whisper in my ear; a desperate noise aching with unspoken desires and lusts. I had dreamed of hearing that passionate sigh for so very long… I shifted, feeling your hand tentatively run down the planes of my stomach, your advances threaded with obvious unease.
"Can you accept this so readily, young one? Do you have any misgivings?" I asked softly, my hand gliding across your shoulder blade and moving up to tangle in locks of silvery hair. I saw your aqua eyes move to stare into mine, your hesitancy distinct and plain upon your beautiful face. You looked down, pale bangs sweeping over your forehead.
"I still don't trust you. You lied to me. You told me you loved me, then you used me; you tried to make me kill my best friend…how could I possibly trust you?"
"I didn't ask for your trust, darling. I won't even ask for your forgiveness. I know I'll never receive that." You shook your head, but raised a hand to my cheek, your fingers tracing over the pliant skin of my cheekbone.
"Why are you back, Ansem? We defeated you four years ago…how did you ever manage to climb out of the darkness?" I gave you the barest hint of a smile as my hands moved down to curl around your lean hips.
"I could ask the same thing of you. Last I saw, you had been locked away." You flushed and gave me an ashamed look, your shoulders drooping.
"Sora and his friends came and saved me. I couldn't find a way out myself." You looked frustrated and uncomfortable, so I brought my hand up to cup your cheek and you leaned into me, showing me a certain trust your words had refused to acknowledge. I was amazed you would let yourself remain so vulnerable around me. Where were those internal shields I broke through four years ago? Were they never reconstructed? Are you still broken inside, love?
"Sometimes we all need assistance." I removed my hand from your hip and took your callused hand into mine, watching your face for any reaction. I decided to change the subject to something more fitting of our position. "You've changed so very much…I'm surprised I recognize you." Your lips curved into a shaky smile; your face giving a feather-light flutter of innocence that your childhood had deprived you of.
"It's been four years…I'll be twenty in a month. I'm no longer the boy you remember." I returned your smile, rubbing my fingers over the knuckles of your hand. You certainly were different. That effeminate, beautiful face I remembered had been replaced with a more matured, handsome version.
Well-defined features dominated your face and lean muscles corded your body, but your eyes remained the same. Infinitely deep aqua eyes that made my heart beat twice as fast.
"I see that." I said quietly, suddenly chastened by the moment's intimacy. It had been so long since I'd held anyone in my arms, that I had almost forgotten the feeling.
"Ansem…" Your voice changed. It wasn't the casual voice I had heard only moments before; it sounded more…subdued, yet still managed to be sultry and svelte.
I knew what you wanted. And I wanted it just as badly.
"Ansem, I don't know how to feel." You shook your head and I could only imagine the thoughts going through your mind. "What if Sora or Kairi found out? They don't even know about last…" Your voice died out and I knew you were remembering.
XXX
Four years ago I didn't just invade your mind…I invaded your body and took you senseless as you cried out and begged me to go faster, push further. I made promises to you while you were a prisoner in my realm and gave you passionate, eager sex in return for your unquestionable loyalty. And that was all you wanted; that was the lascivious game that had pulled us down into the agonizing depths of desire and despair.
I suppose I knew your motives even then. You were frustrated that your best friends had fallen for each other and you were the odd man out, ignored and unwanted. You were dying for someone to come along and ravish you; smother you with attention; love you and make you feel as important as everyone else. I filled that place, didn't I? That was why you followed me without hesitation, without pausing to consider the consequences.
That was why I claimed you each night and whispered those sweet nothings in your ear, pulling you deeper and deeper into that dark, deceitful web of lies I had spun. Each declaration of love had only dragged you further down into the ebony abyss of my heart.
XXX
You remembered that, didn't you? You remembered the lies and the pain; but you must have decided that my cruelty didn't damage you that severely. If it did torture you so greatly…then why did you force yourself on me, straddling me on the same bed we made love in all those years ago?
You'd made a mockery of your own distaste of me when you wrapped your silky thighs around me…you knew that… You knew it and you refused to care because I was the only one who could make you feel anything. Four years of loneliness had seeped into your shattered conscious and had affected you greatly. It was too long to wait, darling. Much too long to lie awake at night, aching for a touch you believed you'd lost.
"They don't know what went on between us before. How can I tell them you're alive and we're..." The heat jumped to your face again and I could barely contain the grin that curved my lips upward.
"Then don't," I whispered, grazing my lips over your earlobe and eliciting a tiny tremor from your tense body. "I can be your dirty little secret, just like I always have been."
"Ansem…" Your wavering voice held such pangs of yearning and pent-up desire that I almost expected you to break down and sob from all the hidden emotions I could detect in that simple whisper. I could only imagine what memories of our countless nights of passion might have been flashing through your head at that moment.
Maybe you had a lingering thought of the night I crawled into your silk lined bed and undressed you with my teeth…or maybe your mind remained on the eventful evening you surprised me in the shower…
You turned and stared into my exotic orange iris' then and your aqua eyes glowed with such lonely despair that I felt my heart literally stop.
I needed you right then. A deep desperation overtook me suddenly and I needed that spark of your love once again. I needed to rekindle that intense craving beating within our hearts.
"You aren't alone anymore, darling. Come to me." I beckoned, tugging your body down onto mine. You let out a shaky sigh as you lowered yourself and I knew you couldn't resist even if you had wanted to. You let yourself get lost in my arms as we tumbled down to the soft feathers of my down bed and even after the long, painful years of loneliness, we held nothing back.
After all those years, I then realized just how much I had missed your fiery passion, my lovely little catamite.
XXX
(Riku)
I fell into an untidy heap upon the bed; panting and almost crying out from the exhaustion I had exerted in making that the best sex you'd ever experienced.
My backside screamed in protest when I stretched out beside you; an agonizing reminder of the possessiveness you must have felt. Your roughness must have reassured you that I was truly there below you, that it was my voice screaming your name into the shadows around us.
But even though I felt the stinging pain, lying there wound around you, I knew that of course I would gladly give up a night of comfort to reassure you, Ansem. I would've done anything to please you, anything to see your beautiful, silky lips curved up in a smile just for me.
I don't know what the past four years had held for you, but my pathetic life had been cold and desolate. I had been shunned for letting myself get caught up in your lies and becoming a slave to your demands. I had been blamed for being your little whipping boy and I had been the butt of more than a few jokes and insinuations. Oh, if only they knew the other half of my willing dedication to you…knew how true their curiosities were…
You stroked my hair quietly, just as you always loved to, running your fingers through my silver locks. I pressed myself into your touch and almost purred in contentment. I just…felt so loved right then. No one had ever touched me like you had; no one had ever spoken to me with such unbound emotion in their voice…no one else had ever made me feel like you made me feel.
"Are you in love with me?" I had asked softly, breaking the silence of our intimate moment. Your hand hesitated ever so slightly before moving down to cup my cheek.
"I love you more than the air I breathe, my darling." Your voice was clear and truthful…and that declaration made my heart soar. I was the recipient of pure, genuine love.
"What made you fall in love with me?" I tightened my arms around you, snuggling my cheek into your side and running my fingers down your skin in what I hoped was a sexy way.
"You're so very passionate. You let your emotions speak for you and you live simply to love. I find that extremely attractive." You gave me a light grin and moved your hand to ruffle my hair. "When you bared your heart to me…I fell in love with you." You looked down at me, flashing those exotic eyes of yours. "And are you in love with me?"
"Yes." I answered with absolutely no hesitancy in my voice.
"Why?"
"Because you're everything to me…I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only one who's really loved me and I've loved back. You're…my strength." You smiled then, but it wasn't your usual cocky smirk…that smile was affectionate and tender.
I couldn't hold myself back and I pressed myself to you, needing the touch of your velvety lips upon mine. You held me in your arms, letting me bask in your warmth and embrace, shielding me from the world outside our silk lined bed.
I was in Heaven.
You looked away from me then, tipping your neck back and looking toward your intricately designed ceiling.
"Riku…" I laid a few fluttering kisses on your collarbone and when you tightened your legs around mine, the world faded away, until only we were left.
Just how I wanted it.
Just like how I'd dreamed nonstop for the past four years.
XXX
(Ansem)
How is it that life can return to normal pattern so easily after such a long separation? Four years had passed, and yet we picked up our lifestyle as though we had only been apart for a week. You never cease to amaze me, darling, at how quickly you can adapt to new situations.
I'm not even sure how you found me in the quiet, dreary city I had claimed as my home. I owned a small, out of the way apartment, and yet you managed to track me down, surprising me at my door by shoving me inside and immediately tackling me onto my bed. You were a victim of pure desperation, I'd say. But nonetheless you showed me a relentless devotion I could only admire.
After sating ourselves yet again, you drifted off to a well-deserved slumber. I smiled to myself as I looked down at your peaceful, sleeping face. You had such an aura of childish innocence…you reminded me of a fallen angel, able to rest only in the painless clutches of death. It was hard to believe that such a beautiful, loyal creature like you belonged to me.
That's why it hurt so much to make you the key element in my plans.
Ever since I discovered the darkness in my heart, discovered the pure delight in having minions and being a master; I'd wanted nothing more than to remain that way…The complete ruler. I'd established myself as dictator in Hollow Bastion, and my word was law…Until that child came and ruined everything.
If I had thought before that my reputation would be tarnished by taking you to bed…well it was nothing compared to the complete humiliation that faced me when I was defeated by a boy barely hitting puberty.
For the past four years I have been plotting, waiting for you to return so that my plans can commence…so I can once again rule these pitiful humans.
I laid a tanned hand upon your forehead, brushing away the bangs from your eyes that fluttered ever so slightly at my touch. It really did hurt me to use you. But whom else could I manipulate so easily? I needed someone who was close to the boy…Sora…and you, my darling, were the perfect choice.
I knew it would hurt though…because I love you, if you chose to believe it or not.
You awoke soon after I removed my hand from your forehead. You sat up and looked at me with such trust and devotion that it brought a pain to my heart.
My poor abused Riku…how could I do that to you?
It wasn't easy. But of course, a ruler must make the most political decision…and that I did. …Of course only after giving you the most passionate sex I could muster.
…Passionate…or Pity?
(Riku)
I closed the door to your apartment and walked down the mostly-deserted road, completely content and satisfied. After taking a few corners and walking down a few alleys, I spied Sora in the distance. I called out and attempted to wave him down when I felt your voice whisper in my ear. At the same moment, I almost felt those tender, plush lips travel down my earlobe, your sweet breathe tickling me. I stopped, confused, feeling a phantom hand running down my spine.
"Ansem?"
"Do you love me, darling?" Your voice echoed in my ear and I whipped my head around looking for you, even though you were no where to be seen.
"Ansem? I—of course! You know that! —Ansem, where are you?"
"Would you do anything for me?" I shook my head, confused, placing a palm on my aching temple; you hadn't communicated by mind-voice in a very long time.
"You know I would…why? Where are you?"
"If you love me…you'll kill him." I stopped dead in my tracks andmy eyes went impossibly wide.
"W-what!" I sputtered, shaking my head viciously. "What are you talking about, Ansem!"
"Destroy Sora if your heart truly beats for me."
"Ansem! I can't! Sora's my best friend! I'd never hurt him!"
"You did before, remember? Do it now…before I get angry, love."
"The only reason I did it before was because you made me!"
"And I'll make you again." My face went deathly pale.
"Ansem…please, no…" My voice was quiet as I pleaded with you. I couldn't accept your request. I crossed my arms protectively over my chest and squeezed my eyes shut tight. "No…I can't do it. I refuse! Please…lover, don't make me!"
"Pick up your blade." I felt a furious internal battle going on within my heart, and I ached in agony when my trembling fingers found their way to the hilt of my sword. Ice cold tears ran down my cheeks as I felt my own feet running toward the figure in the distance that I had called my best friend. When I got closer I saw at first Sora's face smile in recognition, and then confusion crossed his features. Then worst of all, his face became fearful of me as I approached. My best friend was afraid of me and I felt a passionate piece of me die when I realized Sora would die in fear, would die by the hands of his best friend…would die feeling cold and betrayed.
I let out a strangled cry of pain and everything went dark. The last conscious sounds I could decipher were those of metal cleaving through soft flesh and a tortured scream of anguish.
I couldn't tell whether the scream came from Sora or myself.
XXX
I fell to my knees, my frigid body splashing in the puddles on the rain-soaked road. I saw his eyes, wide and full of horror…the sheer agony clear on his surprised face. I looked down at my bloodstained hands; at the crimson spattered across the pavement…
Dear God, what have I done?
"Ansem!" I screamed, feeling the large lump in my throat and the tears once again in my eyes.
What have I done?
I knew you were watching me from the shadows and I jumped up, taking my tainted blade in my hands once again. The bloodstained metal felt cold and heavy in my fingers and I swung it around blindly, my rage and anger surpassing my grief.
"How could you?" I choked out, trying to wipe my damp bangs from my eyes and stumble toward one of the darkened alleys. "You made me kill my best friend! Why, Ansem? …Why…?" I fell to my knees once again, my shoulders shaking. "I-I thought you loved me…How could you d-do this to me?" I screamed up into the blackened sky over me. As if on cue, the clouds opened up and unleashed a torrent of rain that soaked me, mingling raindrops with the tears that trickled down my cheeks.
Crying out half-strangled sobs, I turned and looked into the damp alley, only to see the shadow of a cloaked figure with platinum hair turn away and leave. You.
I stretched out a hand to you, choking on my tears and grasping for vengeance I knew I'd never receive. I pounded on the street with my fists until fresh blood covered the pavement and I could see the whites of my knucklebones through my ripped flesh.
"Ansem…When I find you again…" Pain screamed through my shaking limbs, but I managed to crawl a few feet on my hands and knees until I fell in a broken heap in the middle of the wet road, defeated. I cried out in agony. "You'll pay for this Ansem! I swear o-on my life that I-I'll take care of you…" I couldn't stand it anymore. I finally gave up and broke down. I curled into a ball and sobbed, plunging into the anguish of mourning and nothing but the rain above to comfort me.
What have I done?
I killed him. That's what I did. I killed my best friend in cold blood, for a man who lied to me and tore my life apart.
…Was it all a lie? Did you love me…or was it all just a scheme?
(Ansem)
Surprising or not, my heart clenched painfully as I watched your battered young body fall to the road before I turned away, pulling my hood up around my head and cradling to my chest the all important keyblade that had belonged to your best friend. I finally had what I had yearned for all those years, but at what price?
Once again people would respect me…once again I would rule. All in due time, all because of you… Oh, my innocent, naïve young lover…I broke you before, didn't I? Four years ago I shattered your virginity and shattered your blossoming trust in me…but this time it was so much more painful, wasn't it?
I destroyed your emotions. I toyed with your love and then I broke the large fragile heart that beat within you into a thousand pieces.
Now you have no one to trust, do you? Now you have no one that understands your tortured psyche and the pain that seethes underneath your calm demeanor.
No one will ever understand, except for me. You know that, though.
I know the thoughts that must be running through your head. Doubts about if our love was nothing more than an intricate plan to use you to my advantage. Do you doubt it, love? It's all up to you now. You can live your life alone, dreaming and wishing for before and hold onto that grudge or…
I shall wait an eternity for you to come crawling back to me, after you once again realize where your heart truly lies, Riku. You can hide for as long as you want…but someday you'll realize I'm the only one that faithfully loves you despite all that's happened. I have faith that once again you'll find me.
Until then…may God have mercy on your corrupted soul, my darling angel.
XXX
AN: Well…that was unnecessarily cruel. (Slaps) Bad Ansem!
Well…This story was created one night under the influence of Pepsi, pretzels, Queer as Folk, and inspired by the song You and Me by Three Doors Down. Oh, how bittersweet…
Oh, and sorry about the random changing of the tenses…one moment I thought it'd be good in past tense, and the next I felt like switching it to present…and everything got mixed up from there. The events are kinda in a weird order…so I hope no one gets too confused. Heaven knows I am, and I'm the one who frickin' wrote it. ;; …Also my apologies for any mistakes I've made about the game itself…I haven't played it for almost a year, so things are a bit fuzzy.
And sorry for all the biblical references…Hell, I'm agnostic and I use them, so of course all my stories will have large doses of 'Oh God' tossed into them. …It just seems to me to be the most desperate of pleas…Very powerful and compelling.
Well…I refuse to let my author note be longer than the actual piece, so I will just say that I hope you enjoyed my story, and feel free to leave as many critiques as possible…God knows I need 'em.
