A Single Night

Chapter 2

AN: Okay…this story was supposed to be a one shot…but I felt sad at finishing it and wanted to do more. So basically I may put out a couple chapters about Riku and Ansem's strange relationship, and about what happens to their future. Cheesetastic, baby!

I do not own Kingdom Hearts.If I did...the game would be nothing other than a sex-fest between the pretty boys.

...and I doubt anyone but hard-core fangirls would want to play that one.

Heh-heh...

Anyways...I must warn…uhmm...there are suicidal thoughts and an attempt from Riku, and my language is a bit more course here than it was before.


XXX

(Riku)

I remember that my breath hitched when I watched the mahogany casket lower into the ground.

The shadowy figures around me were weeping, but for the first time in that past week my eyes were dry. I believe I'd cried myself out…I had nothing left to give Sora, even though that was the last chance I'd ever see him. How painfully ironic that I could cry before his death as he smiled at me and yet not even shed a tear as the casket lid had been placed over his cold, pale body.

I don't know how long I stood before the freshly dug grave.

I remained there, unmoving, as Sora's family members filed briskly past me, crying and choking on their own words of regret. As they walked by I felt such burning hatred glaring in their eyes, their attitudes venomous toward me…but I deserved it all, so I simply stood there, taking my punishment.

Oh, I deserved so much more…

Hours later, the commotion around me silenced as mourners left and I remained… standing alone as darkness settled upon the cemetery.

"Sora…" I whispered, lowering myself to the ground and lying a hand over one of the white roses Kairi had tossed onto the plot before she had run off, sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Sora." I choked on my own words, feeling the vile taste of agony building up in the back of my throat.

That emotion reminded me oddly of you, Ansem. Do you find anything ironic in that?

My mouth felt dry at the simple thought of you, and I almost imagined you standing behind me, mocking me and laughing about what you had made me commit. Ansem, did you enjoy breaking my heart? Did you enjoy stomping on me until I felt like I was no better than the dirt on the ground?

"I really didn't want t-to do that to y-you," I stuttered, the ache in my heart twisting my words. "I'm…so, so sorry." I stood up on shaking limbs, raking my fingers through my hair.

'What can I do now? I have no one…I have no where to go. I can't stay here, I'm no longer accepted…and you…

God, I need to run.'

XXX

I sat at the edge of the bar, hiding my face from the nosy bartender. Most places around this dingy town didn't care about my age, but this asshole had his nose shoved where it didn't belong…mainly right over my drink. The one I desperately needed to get me through another lonely, painful night. By my count…it was probably drink number four…but who was left to care anymore?

I was pleasantly tipsy by the time the bartender realized my ID was a fake and had me thrown out of the smoke scented bar. But at that point I didn't care…I was too trashed to mind and simply laughed when I realized my head had smacked against the unforgiving pavement of the street and my shirt was soaked from the murky puddle of water I had fallen into.

It seems that that empty lifestyle was what my existence was reduced to; each night sitting alone at a barstool, wallowing in my own self-pity, drowning myself in various liquors that made my head spin and my body ache with nausea. It was a nightly ritual to get beaten up and stumble blindly down dark alleyways, vulnerable prey to the vicious predators of the street.

'Just fresh, drunken meat, free for the taking. Some night I should just wear a Goddamn sign saying: Fuck me fast and hard, you soulless bastards; I deserve it, and I'm too drunk to care.'

…I suppose I only did it to torment myself; slowly poisoning my body as a sick and twisted sort of redemption. At that point I would've done anything to lift the heavy guilt from my heart; and losing myself in alcohol-induced negligence seemed as good a plan as any. I was on a path to self-destruction…but at that point I didn't give a damn about anything or anyone.

'What a lie…'

…Well…I gave a damn about you, but nothing else.

In the past three months, no one has been on my mind besides you, darling. Each night as I sat slumped over the bar and listened to the drunken, slurred words of my 'companions', I thought of no one but you.

I remember once that I thought briefly of Sora…but my grief overwhelmed me and I almost cried into my shot of whiskey. How unacceptable. I could deal with the anger and pain of your betrayal…but I wasn't past the mourning stage in my life and I refused to force myself to remember tragedies like Sora, when I had worked so hard to lose myself in the embrace of alcohol.

So while I was trying to forget the people who really loved me…I could only remember theone who pretended to love me.

Goddamn you, Ansem…you played me like a game of cards. You gambled with my emotions and lost…you ended up losing me.

'But was I anything precious?'

'Why can't I stop thinking of you? Why can't I forget all those sinful nights that we found comfort in each other's arms?'

Memories of our last night together seeped into my mind…soft, gentle touches from your fingers on my smooth shoulders…your small pink tongue flicking over and dipping into my navel…my fingers tangling in your silky white hair as you spread my trembling thighs…my high, throaty voice crying out into the night as you took me senseless…

Oh Ansem…You made me believe that a tainted, impure child like me could receive actual love.

…What a lie.

I guess I was so drunk from euphoria of being with you, I'd believe any falsity you whispered into my ear.

'Oh…but how I wish it had been real…I miss you so much…'

…That's the horrible thing. I do miss you.

…And not just because of the sex. Of course, I miss that…but mostly I miss being needed. I miss waking up besideyou, thepersonwho loved me…I miss holding your hand tenderly in the morning right after we both wake up…

I felt like screaming. My constant dreaming of things that would never happen again were driving me insane.

Sometimes I have thoughts…that no one would miss me if I died. Would you? Right now…I can't think of anyone else who might.

Some nights when I go into my dark, lonely bedroom and see my sword propped up the corner, I think of how easy it would be to just drive it into my heart and end it all. How easy it would be to see the crimson pumping out of my chest in quarts and laugh as I sunk to the floor, finally gaining my freedom.

I blank out when I have thoughts like that. Everything goes cloudy and I don't realize what I'm doing. I usually come back from the darkness after a few moments…but on more than afew occasions when I return from obscurity, I find that I have my sword inverted and it hovers only inches away from my heaving chest.

…But the absolute worse part is…that it takes some coaxing for my hand to throw away the blade.

…Maybe it would be better for everyone if I did do it. If one night I forced my arm just a few inches closer…

I picked myself up off the ground, shaking muddy water from my silver locks. I looked down at my stained clothing, but at that drunken moment, I didn't care. Giving a few wary looks over my shoulder, I started off for home.

'Maybe tonight I'll have the will power to drive that blade into my cold, lonely heart and finish this pathetic, empty life.'

XXX

(Ansem)

'…Mornings…are not my friends.'

I was hunched over my countertop drinking coffee and nursing my nauseating hangover. It was excruciating enough that even the ticking of the clock on the far wall was giving me a headache.

It's funny how I can't remember ever getting drunk before I lost you, Riku.

…Maybe this is karma.

…I know this is where you've gone to hide as well. Losing yourself in some colourless liquor…trying to forget.

'Can you forget? …I know I can't.'

I let out a frustrated sigh, slamming my hand down on the countertop and rattling my half-empty coffee cup.

'It isn't supposed to be like this! …The plan worked perfectly…I gained your trust and Iused you to get what I wanted. Plans like that have never bothered me before…why only now does it make my insides ache…?

Riku, darling…I think I made a mistake.'

I sunk down into my chair, my head spinning. I placed a hand to my forehead, losing my fingertips in tangled white strands of hair.

This was a new feeling for me…but I did recognize the emotion to be that of regret.

'Oh, Riku…What have I done?'

XXX

(Riku)

'How is it that this apartment is always so cold…?'

I stumbled in the front entrance of my small apartment and kicked the door closed behind me. I fumbled with the chain lock for a few moments and after I had gotten my door as securely closed as I could manage in my inebriated state, I sunk down onto my ebony couch, exhausted.

'Oh, when did I let this become my life?'

I slammed my head against the cushions in frustration. Nothing felt right anymore…I was an empty shell of the person I used to be. I was a dried up husk of the youthful vibrancy I used to exhibit.

'I…need to end this useless existence.'

I pushed myself up from the couch and walked to my bedroom, shoving open the creaking door. The room was cold and monochrome, the only light being pale moonbeams shining in through the dark blinds of the windows.

"…Why did it have to come to this?" I whispered to the empty room, picking up the cold steel of my blade. "Why can't I just accept what happened and forget…?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as I lifted my arms up and felt the prick of the blade as I pressed itshakily against the heart hammering intensely in my chest.

'…Because…You bastard…you ripped out my heart…but damnit, I still love you.'

I let out a final sigh of defeat and before I could stop myself, I thrust—

"Riku!"

My eyes opened suddenly and I found I couldn't move a single muscle. Some invisible force was holding me against my will and my arms refused to drive the trembling blade any further into my bleeding torso.

I could barely believe the feeling that washed over when I heard your voice.

…Was it relief?

…No…I needed to end this. It must be anger that coursed through my veins. Anger at being interrupted.

…At least that's what I told myself.

"Ansem!" I heard my own voice scream out. "Let me do this! It's the only thing that will end my misery!" I choked on my own confession, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

Oh, it hurt so much to admit my shortcomings…

"Riku…did I train you to be weak?" …Those words cut deeper than the tip of metal that had been embedded in my flesh.

"No…" I whispered, only then beginning to feel the trickle of blood that had been running down my stomach and pooling at my navel.

"Then why the hell are you giving up? …Riku, you're breaking my heart."

"Good!" My own tired voice shouted out while I was lost in the passionate emotion of themoment. "Maybe you'll get a taste of how I've felt for the past three months!" I was met with silence at my remark. …Do you have nothing to say to that, love?

I felt the pressure on my arms let up, but the force slid the blade away from me before I could drive it any further into my chest.

I growled in frustration as your presence gently prodded me into my small bathroom and removed my shirt against my will, pressing a damp washcloth to my wound.

"Stop." I mumbled, trying to push away your invisible hands and clean the wound myself.

"Riku." Your voice held that tone. Oh yes…the tone you always used if I asked for too much sex when I was younger. Your 'I don't have to listen to you, kiddy' voice.

…Ah, how is it even the simple pitch of your voice can bring up memories…?

I sunk down to sit on the edge of the tub, letting your phantom hands roam over me while I stared brokenly at the tiles of the floor. The moonlight flooded in through the skylight above and gave the cold, emotionless bathroom a pale silvery sheen.

"Ansem…" I said softly, feeling your gentle ministrations on my alabaster skin. "Why did you chose my life to make a living hell?"

Your ministrations hesitated for a moment before dipping low and wiping the blood off of my lower stomach.

"Was spending time with me so bad?"

"No." I whispered, watching a few stray drops of crimson fall on the immaculate tiles. "I loved my time with you. You don't know…how much you effected me. How good you made me feel…up until you betrayed me! My life has been upset since the night you made me…Why did I have to be the one who had to do that? Why me…?"

"You were perfect for the job. …And you executed your duty gracefully. You should've been proud."

I growled low in my throat and batted away your hands. I did not need you saying Idestroyed my best friend gracefully.

"Riku…you know…if I thought you'd accept it, I would apologize." I scoffed loudly.

"You're right in thinking I won't, Ansem. Nothing you say is ever going to make me forgive you." The soothing touches stopped abruptly…and I felt a cold tingling where they had been.

"Riku…I feel…regret."

"I feel an gnawing emptiness within me that everyday threatens to consume my entire being. Your emotions mean nothing to me, Ansem."

"I am sorry about hurting you. If there was another way to acquire the keyblade, I would have done so, but Riku…you must understand, I did it for a reason."

"Ansem…" My voice echoed in the deserted bathroom, and when I realized I was speaking out loud to nothingness, I spoke softer, almost mumbling my words. "I understand you'd go to any length to get what you want…but you hurt me so badly…Ansem, I can't…I can't do this anymore." I stared blankly at the floor, my aqua eyes dark and empty, my pale locks of hair falling over my forehead limply. "…Leave me alone, Ansem. Let me do what I want to do."

"I'll leave you alone…but I refuse to let you destroy your own life. You're better than that, so don't even try."

I felt your imposing presence leave and I was once again alone in the cold, empty restroom.

'Alone…' Tears pricked in my eyes as I realized just how alone I really was…and that I wasn't able to remedy the ache in my heart…because of you.

'Damn you, Ansem! Damn you!'

XXX

(Ansem)

Your wails of pain broke my heart. They really did…But then I was reminded that you were right…that the heartache I felt was nothing compared to what you must have been dealing with.

But what could I do? I'd sealed myself out of your heart when I refused to let you take your own life.

But I…I couldn't stand by and watch you do that to yourself.

'Maybe I'm being selfish…but I can't watch you mutilate your own beautiful body…kill the existence I've come to love so dearly. Oh Riku, when you shut me out of your life…I felt a part of me die…the one longing for things to be how they once were.'

I sighed, lost in my own emotions…caught up in a tangled thread of regret and agony.

'I screwed up…and I'm receiving my punishment, aren't I?'

XXX

(Riku)

I was once again at the bar…embracing the fiery liquors I'd come to rely solely on. I was trying to escape from my own thoughts…but of course…I was failing miserably.

'Ansem…why, Ansem? Why couldn't we have just been happy how we were? Why did everything have to change…?'

'Damnit, Ansem! You're always on my mind. God…I can't do this!' I screamed in my mind, whipping my head around and letting out a snarl of frustration.

' I'm absolutely losing it! I can't stop thinking of you, I can't stop drinking, I can't stop feeling bad for myself, I can't stop my futile suicidal thoughts, I can't stop feeling guilty, I can't stop talking to myself like I'm going insane! I can't do it!' I jumped up from my seat, tipping over my glass and chair in one movement. The bar around me fell silent, and I looked around quietly, my body shaking like a frightened doe's.

'I'm losing it! …I…I'm sinking.'

Before anyone could say a word I turned and bolted out the door, running blindly into the pitch-black night, the only sound being the lingering echo of my shoes against the pavement.

'Please help me…don't let me drown.'

XXX


AN: Poor little Riku…he's so much more bitter in this chapter.

I hope I was able to convey just how angry and frustrated he was at the world, here.

Ah…and I meant to put more of Ansem's perspective in…but there wasn't much place for him in this chapter. I was too busy with Riku angst to pay my other lovely boy much attention. I'll make it up to him in the next chapter…

Okay…next chapter will be the last…This twisted little version of Romeo and Juliet will be wrapped up soon enough… X,x;;

Who knows…maybe I'll even give Riku a happy ending! (Wink)