Heart of Glass
Disclaimer: They're not mine… I just found them, wandering around in towels in the rain… heh heh heh
She sits, silent and still in the darkness of the pre-dawn kitchen. I observe her quietly from the doorway, having awoke – very much alone, but not surprised - to a cold and empty bed. She seems so small and lost when she thinks no one is looking; with her guard down, I can almost see her as human; can almost see her heart beat, bleeding, breaking. But, she's not human, no matter how much I want her to be, and that is made quite obviously clear when I see the muscles in her arms begin to ripple and squirm, as if something were under the skin, trying to get out.
Every night I go to sleep in the hopes that she will, at least for one day, be allowed the illusion she so craves; of being a normal human woman. With a partner who loves her, and a child who adores her and worships the ground she walks on. Nothing more pressing to worry about then who's turn it is to bring home the groceries. Every morning, I am so sorely disappointed with what I had thought to be a merciful god.
With a gasp, she falls to the floor, clutching her shoulder and curling into a ball. I am beside her in the second it takes her to hit the uneven tile. "What's wrong?" I ask, pulling her to me, trying to pry her hand away so I can see. I know there is nothing I can do, but I need to be there for her, if only to make myself feel useful.
"I-I'm fine," she says, cut off by another gasp. I hold her more tightly and kiss the top of her head. "Ju-just…" she trails off, hand coming to grip my forearm, holding me to her.
"Okay baby, alright; I've got you. You're going to be okay." Even as I say it, I know that it's not true. I have no idea what's happening to her, and it's more frightening then anything that's happened to us yet, even being trapped in that godforsaken city.
"Jill…Alice?" Angie's soft, unsure voice calls out from the doorway. I turn my head and give her a reassuring smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes.
"It's okay sweetie; you can go back to bed." I say softly, even as she walks closer and sits on the ground next to us. This scene is, unfortunately, not an unfamiliar one to her. She has had to grow up so fast in such a shirt time, that sometimes I think she has forgotten what it is to be a child.
Every night, I tell myself that the next day will be different. That I will figure out what is happening to Alice, that I will shield Angie from anymore pain; that I will be strong. I promise the universe my soul, in exchange for that strength. And every morning I hate myself for not being worthy enough to protect my family, for being so very weak and useless.
"Are you all right?" Angie whispers to Alice, looking at her with wide, attentive eyes, and it's all I can do not to cry. The girl – our girl – reaches out and tentatively places a hand on my lover's shoulder. Alice opens her eyes and slowly sits up, her expression strange, foreign almost. And for one second, I am afraid. A completely irrational moment of fear, fueled by an imagined scenario. Alice, her eyes black and empty, like twin voids, standing over the prone body of the child that I have come to – if secretly – consider my daughter. But, almost as soon as it appears, the image and fear are gone, and I am left feeling weak and tired. It has been a long three weeks. Alice only smiles at the girl, reaching out to gently pat her on the head.
"Come on, lets go to bed," she says, shoving her pain, and fear, and all those other, less clear emotions back in. I hate that she can't share it with me, but, at the same time, I am also grateful. I don't know how much more I can take. She stands, taking Angie into her arms and reaching down for my hand.
Together, we walk to the bedroom that we all share, and she arranges it so that we lie on either side of the bed, with the already slumbering child between us. "Goodnight." She whispers, leaning over and kissing me gently. I feel my chest tighten at the haunted, resigned look into her eyes.
"Goodnight Alice."
As she drifts off to sleep, I hear her whisper back to me, as does she every night, when she is not quite aware of herself. "Goodnight Rain…I love you…" And, just like every night, my heart shatters.
Tbc
AN: I am working on this, really, this and "To Sleep…" are the only two I've got going right now, so, I will be producing more. I have been working VERY hard lately, so I have been just exhausted, but, I AM working, so, fear not! This bit was kinda OOC, but, not without reason… I'll be doing a bit of flash backing (is that a word?) in the next bit, and we'll see how the weeks have worn on our poor Police Girl. Totally un-beta'd, so, sorry for all the mistakes…
