Separation Anxiety;
Monster in Me
Disclaimer: Not mine, not yours, not anyone's. You can't OWN people… oh, wait, right, they're not real…
"Why are you doing this?" she asks, voice high pitched, desperate; I've managed to scare her, to make her mask crack. Ignoring her, I continue to shove things into my bag; clothes, packaged food, but most importantly, my weapons. One of her hands covers mine and the other shoots to my arm, gripping almost painfully. "Please Alice, stop! Why are you doing this?" she cries, and it takes all my willpower to resist turning and taking her into my arms. Why can't she just understand?
"Jill, I have to do this. Please let go." I whisper, gently prying her squeezing figures from my bicep, and turning back to my task.
"But why? Why do you have to do this? What the fuck is going on?" she demands, angry now. She steps in front of the bed, which holds my bag, and I glare at her.
"Angela," I say, keeping my voice level. "Please go play in the hallway."
"B-but, Alice, I," the girl stammers, clearly upset that there will be a fight.
"Angie, sweetie, Alice and I are just going to talk. Please, do as she says." Jill reassures. The child is not convinced.
"No! You two are going to fight again! Please, stop! No more yelling!" she shouts, covering her eyes and quickly deteriorating into tears. "Please, no more, no more." She sobs, and my heart breaks a little more. "Why can't we just be happy, just run away and hide and be happy. No more fighting." Her body shakes, her breathing erratic; she uncovers her eyes to give us watery, pleading looks, and all I want to do is agree. But, I know better; they will never stop coming. And, even if they did, we still have to worry about what I will become.
"Angie, darling, please. This is for the best," I try and reason, but, she cuts me off before I can finish.
"No! How can you say that? You are going to leave us all alone, going to go away and leave us behind. How is that better?" she demands, angry now. Jill goes to her, pulling her into a comforting embrace.
"Yes, Alice, tell us; how is this better?" she all but spits at me. I hold back a growl, knowing that it's not her that I am really angry at; it's me.
She's right, they're right. This whole situation is a mess. Something is happening to me, changing me from the inside out. Something that I can't understand; something very dangerous. And, they don't have any idea.
They don't know that sometimes, when I look at them, I am aware of the beat of their hearts, the smell of their emotions; their fear, their excitement, their sadness, even their pain. That I can pinpoint every weakness their frail human bodies have; that I can feel every change in them, from breathing to the dilation of their pupils. They don't know that I can feel, almost taste the blood flowing through their veins; that I hunger. And, if I have anything to do with it, they will never know.
"Please, Jill, Angie… just, please. You have to trust me; this is for the best." My lover's lower lip begins to quiver, and I can see the great effort she expends to keep from bawling; it makes me adore her all the more. I am weak against her tears.
"Just tell us why." She pleads voice suddenly hollow, defeated. She clings gently to the shoulders of the girl – our girl – and trembles with the repressed urge to cry. I can almost taste her sorrow; and, for a moment, it fills me with the urge to see it, alive and wet and shinning on her cheeks, it fills me with the urge to hunt and stalk. I clench my jaw against the feelings, shoving them back down. If only that was all it took, but, I know they're still there, waiting…
"You have to trust me; I'll be back as soon as I can." I whisper against my rapidly closing throat. Why should doing the right thing be so hard?
Jill looks away suddenly, turning her head to the side and clenching her jaw. The waves of betrayal and sorrow are almost visible. "Go then," she says, and my heart skips a painful beat. Why can't she understand I don't want to do this to her, to them? "If you are going to abandon us, then do it. Just, don't expect us to wait for you. Tomorrow, I will have all of our things packed, and they day after, we will be gone." I growl, low in my throat. They are MINE! How dare she! I shake my head, to clear it of my irrational thoughts; she takes it as a negative. "We can't live like this Alice, it's too dangerous. I will do what I need to do to protect my daughter," it's a slip, and she realizes it after a moment, but, does not correct it. "If you disappear now, we will not wait for you."
It feels like I have been punched in the gut, shocking, sudden, and painful; I imagine this is what she is feeling right now, and I hate myself that much more. But, it is for the best, and, if losing them forever is what it takes to save them… It's not even a choice.
Within five minutes, my bag is packed, and I am standing in front of them. Angie looks up at me with big, teary, uncomprehending eyes. How could you, they demand. I kneel before her, talking her stiff form into my arms. Within seconds, she melts into me, wailing against my neck. This child, my child – I look up at Jill, whose eyes are still closed, scrunched tightly – our child. I would give my life to protect her, them. I hold her closely, whispering my love and soothing nonsense in her ears, then gently pull back, wiping at her cheeks with the tips of my fingers. "You still my girl?" I ask softly, talking to the child, but speaking to the woman; I am vulnerable suddenly. The girl nods, unable to verbalize, and plants a sloppy, wet, tears and mucus filled kiss on my cheek. I return it on her forehead. "I love you," I whisper easily, and she returns the sentiment.
I stand, facing my lover, whose body is shaking with silent, dry sobs. "I am sorry." I say, stepping to her and cautiously touching her arms. She flinches, as if struck, and I pull away. "I-I lo-" I struggle with the words so easily given to the girl, so easily given to me by the woman.
"Don't! Just, don't; I know you don't mean it; I know about Rain." She gasps out, still holding onto the last of her self-control. But, it doesn't matter, because, for a moment, my heart stops; Rain. God, Rain. Rain whom I made suffer as Jill suffers now. All for the job, always for the job. But, it's different this time, isn't it? "Just go."
But, I can't. I scowl, shaking my head as I take another step forward. Grabbing her now, I force her to me, crushing my mouth to hers for long, brutal moments.
"Angie," I purr as I break the savage kiss. "Leave us alone for a bit, okay?" I don't look to see if she has obeyed my command – for that is what it was – but, I hear the door close behind her as she leaves the tiny apartment.
"No," Jill croaks, fear and rage warring in her eyes. "No." I chuckle, a cold and empty sound. I can't fight it anymore, the urge to mark her, to own her; she is mine, and I will make sure she knows it. No matter where she goes, I will find her.
"Don't think this is something you can wish away," I say, hands moving to grab her about the hips, fingers pressed hard enough to leave bruises. "You are mine, and you will remember that." I growl, mouth latching onto her throat. Vaguely, before rational thought leaves me, I realize something. She is not fighting me, not truthfully – and, she tastes different… more like me… And, on the heels of that realization, there is another; she has tasted like this for a long time…
Then, my mind is gone, surrendered to the urges within me, and I hear her answering growl.
AN: Sorry this took so long, and that it is so short. The job has been brutal and draining lately, plus all the college crap. But, I have cut back on the job, and so I will be able to spend more time on this now. Questions, comments, flames, and unabashed praise readily accepted! Heh.
