AN: This occurred to me today… I suppose I've been reading too much GW fic, as it's a rather disturbing take on Relena's relationship with Heero. Please note, if you dislike implications of sexual deviance, DO NOT read this fic. Could be construed as Relena bashing… however she's not in the fic, merely talked about by the pilots and others.

It's Always the Quiet Ones

A pair of green eyes glinted above the faintest of smirks that covered Trowa's face. Lit by the faint glow of his laptop's monitor in the dark of his circus tent he looked much more like a maniacal clown than his usual stoic expression. Scrolling up through the text on his screen Trowa let out a faint "heh" of laughter. Still sniggering in a silent fashion he hit send. Standing up he stretched, fingers brushing the canvas top of his tent. Turning he began to dig through his belongings for clothes to pack and a bag to carry them in. After all, better safe than sorry, and he didn't want to be there when that email was received.


To: Pilot01 . preventer. org

CC: SandLeader . winner. com, NotTheHair . mindbender. com, FifthKami . preventer. org

From: Mime003 . mindbender. com

Subject: FYI Peacecraft analysis

Heero, I was messaging a friend of mine who had some interesting thoughts about your situation with Relena. Quatre, you might not want to read this in a public place, or even with anyone within line of sight. Duo, try not to fall off your chair or knock your computer off its table. Wufei, could you forward this to Sally? I think she'll find it entertaining, and in line with some of her own observations. Maybe I should send it to Lady Une too… If Zechs gets it I'm denying all knowledge of this email and blaming it on Duo.


Heero's eyes narrowed slightly as a faint bleep came from his laptop, after clicking on his mail box his eyebrow rose as he blinked at his new message. "Trowa..? What analysis..?" Brows furrowing he clicked on the message.


Quatre blinked as he read his best friend's advice, glancing up at his office he looked around nervously.

"Is something wrong Quatre-san?" Rashid asked from his desk by the door on the other side of the room.

"No," Sandrock's pilot said as he shook his head, "Just an odd email from Trowa."


Duo nibbled absently on the end his braid as he adjusted the laptop on his lap. Shifting he adjusted his seat on the floor in the hallway outside Lady Une's office, wires trailing off down the hall. "So what exactly will you be blaming me for that Zechs would try to kill you for?"


"Injustice, I am not an address book. Onna, get over here."

Sally Po sighed and rolled her eyes as she straighten from her hunched over position at her desk opposite Wufei's. "Really Chang, you could use a little courtesy. What is it?" She stood and circled the facing desks.

"Email from Trowa. Something about that baka Peacecraft onna." Sally blinked and leant over Wufei's shoulder to read the screen.


We were talking about our friends, and some of the very strange behaviors that we've observed in those around us. To bring you up to speed I've been describing Relena and her relationship (or non-relationship as the case may be) with Heero.

HArmMime3: She hangs off him like a leech most of the time. It makes no sense, given that he keeps threatening to kill her.

YamiMegamiGumo: huh… sounds like a BDSM slant if you ask me.

HArmMime3: … That's one of the most disturbing ideas I've ever heard.

YamiMeguamiGumo: Yeah, but look at it this way; she's all into turning the other cheek type stuff right? And from what you've said your friend has a very controlling attitude… It's a bit twisted but would run something along the line of opposites attract. Must be working out somehow… After all he hasn't killed her yet.

HArmMime3: …

HArmMime3: She is a pacifist I suppose… The only objection is he's not refraining from killing her, he's under orders not to; he's supposed to protect her even.

YamiMegamiGumo: That just helps my argument; I said she was into bondage and domination, not that she was suicidal.


Heero's jaw slowly dropped as his eyes trailed down the text of Trowa's email. Slowly his hand tightened on his mouse, plastic creaking slightly under the pressure.


Quatre blinked and frowned as he muttered to himself, "BD what? Wait…" His face abruptly turned pink, then red as he realized what the acronym stood for, "Trowa!" he hissed in shock. Rashid watched and worried as Quatre flushed rapidly as he gazed at his monitor in horror.


Duo sank his teeth into his braid and choked as he desperately tried not to burst out laughing. Lady Une's secretary was already looking at him funny and he didn't want Une to come out of her meeting with Zechs to find out why he was disturbing her office with gales of laughter.


Wufei's eyes became big as he read this… this… thing, and became very aware of a very interested and amused Sally leaning on his shoulder and laughing into his ear.


HArmMime3: I suppose she does seem to ask him to kill her… She must enjoy it on some level, even if she does lecture anyone and everyone about peace and the benefits of non-violent solutions.

YamiMegamiGumo: And there is the SM slant. Just like the saying.

HArmMime3: I expect I'll regret asking, but which saying?

YamiMegamiGumo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

HArmMime3: …

HArmMime3: That's not the version I've heard… You had a disturbing childhood didn't you?

YamiMegamiGumo: Face it, it's the more accurate one, unless you're into SM if someone starts throwing heavy objects at you you'd start dodging.

HArmMime3: Not sure which worries me more; the fact that what you've said does fit her actions, or that the first thing you think of when I tell you about my friends and associates is that they're into BDSM.

YamiMegamiGumo: Heh. I have a sick mind, what can I say?

HArmMime3: Disturbing.

YamiMegamiGumo: At least I'm not a furry, eh? (at least, not that you know of…)

HArmMime3: … a what?

YamiMegamiGumo: Wow, an innocent in this day and age… When you dress up like an animal, use your imagination from there.

YamiMegamiGumo: brb, interrupted by a Girl Scout…

HArmMime3: …

HArmMime3: That would explain a very strange incident I had at work…


Heero's jaw dropped fully as he gaped at his laptop. A muscle under his eye twitched spastically.


Quatre covered his mouth with his left hand as he stared wide-eyed at the screen in horrified fascination. Rashid leaned forward, "Are you all right, sir?" In silence Quatre shook his head as he continued to morbidly scroll down, viewing the text much in the same way that motorists view a car wreck.


Duo was twitching, rocking back and forth on the floor as he stuffed more of his braid into his mouth to muffle his amusement. Already tears of repressed laughter were seeping from his eyes.


Wufei couldn't scroll anymore; beat red and horrified he was attempting valiantly to latch his gaze permanently onto the section of wall visible above his monitor. Sally had given up standing on her own and was draped over his back, one arm clutching around his neck and the other hanging over his shoulder to hit the page down button as she giggled madly.


HArmMime3: Given our topic I find you being interrupted by a Girl Scout unsettling.

YamiMegamiGumo: Back! Mmm… coooookies.

YamiMegamiGumo: Ew. Sorry no, you're more at risk from me than the Scout, all she's at risk for from me is possibly beating her up and stealing all of her cookies.

HArmMime3: Hn.

HArmMime3: Note to self, check closet before going to sleep tonight.

YamiMegamiGumo: Don't forget to look under the bed too, and please… you know you'd enjoy it.

HArmMime3: Not if you have Rel's preferences.

YamiMegamiGumo: Nothing so blatant. I'm a soft core kind of girl.

HArmMime3: Always good to know.


Heero's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. Eyes that had been wide began to narrow.


Quatre began to make strange embarrassed squeaky noises deep in his throat. Rashid, beginning to become seriously concerned with his employer's health stood up and approached him anxiously.


Duo had given up muffling himself when he started choking on his own hair. He was giggling and pounding his fist on the floor in an attempt to keep himself restrained. 'Trowa stole Heero's line!' Down the hall Lady Une's secretary was staring at the oblivious Gundam pilot with wide eyes, as she carefully she began to reach for the intercom.


On the other side of the wall Lady Une blinked and frowned at the wall. Speaking half to herself and half to the confused Zechs sitting in the chair in front of her desk she asked, "What on earth is that boy doing out there?" Thumps were clearly audible through the wall, and some sort of high-pitched "eee…" sound was just barely coming from the door.


Wufei vainly attempted to remain dignified as Sally fell over into his lap, laughing so hard she was crying. "Injustice," he muttered as he held onto the hysterical Sally to prevent her from falling to the floor. Giving up in defeat he resumed reading the damning email. His eyes widened and he quickly reached out to scroll down, "Don't you dare Barton!"


YamiMegamiGumo: What about your other friends? If they took an extreme, what would they be?

HArmMime3: My other friends? Hmm. That one might be hard…

YamiMegamiGumo: Doesn't have to be perfect you know.

HArmMime3: Well… Let's see, one, no, two really repressed guys… not sure which way they'd go, possibly SM or bondage.

HArmMime3: An exhibitionist, a bondage type, two dominatrix, a voyeur and… hmm… A role-player probably.

YamiMegamiGumo: Talk about variety…

HArmMime3: Not exactly the easiest combination to get along with though.

YamiMegamiGumo: True… But at least it makes things exciting.

HArmMime3: I could do without exciting; I've been locked in small spaces with them, and could possibly in the future.

YamiMegamiGumo: No sense of adventure.

HArmMime3: I used up all of my adventure living with them. Although… speaking of adventure…

YamiMegamiGumo: Yeah?

HArmMime3: Do you have a spare room I could claim as sanctuary?

YamiMegamiGumo: … Yes…

YamiMegamiGumo: …why?

HArmMime3: Because I'm planning on emailing this to them and I would prefer to retain my limbs and organs in their proper places.

YamiMegamiGumo: Lol… Yeah, sure, come on over, I'll get a futon set up.

HArmMime3: Thanks.

YamiMegamiGumo: NP, least I can you after leading you down the not so prim-rose-path.

So, in conclusion, I'm going to take a vacation and visit a friend of mine. I'll see you in a few weeks.

Cya,

Trowa Barton, Pilot 03, Heavy Arms

PS. You know, we are war heroes, you would think the Preventers could afford to pay for the therapy we so obviously need.


Heero gritted his teeth as he pulled up access to the GPS Preventer satellite and tracking chips on Trowa's laptop. He cursed viciously as the program came up with a soft bleep and a display that indicated the tracking devices had been disabled. Rubbing an absent hand through his hair Heero twitched at the logic used to… so wrongly to analyze Peacecraft's behavior. It was wrong, it had to be wrong. Please sweet Kami let it be wrong.


Quatre stared fixedly at the conclusion of the email, both hands now firmly clamped over his mouth.

Rashid very carefully reached out to touch Quatre's shoulder gently, "Winner-sama?" he jerked his hand back quickly as Quatre jumped a few inches in his chair and twisted to stare in horror at Rashid, cheeks bright scarlet over his linked fingers. Carefully and slowly Quatre lowered his hands.

"Tro-.." Quatre's voice squeaked and broke. Clearing his throat and plastering a strained polite smile on his face Quatre began to respond again, "Trowa is taking an unexpected, but very necessary vacation. For his health."


Duo tipped over on the floor and howled with laughter, his laptop landing and closing with a clatter. Down the hall the secretary waved urgently to the security team dashing down the hall. From the other direction a door opened and a frowning Lady Une exited. Zechs trailed behind her frowning at the disruption of his business with the Preventer official. Une and the security detail reached Duo at approximately the same time. Sprawled out on the floor he was quite a sight; his braid was damp and it appeared that strands of hair had been pulled from it's confinement, his black clothing had been coated with dust from the floor, for the most part however he seemed to have recovered, as he had relaxed back into giggling occasionally while lying on his back.

Lady Une stood over Duo with a stern expression on her face, Zechs blinked from her side at the strangely behaving pilot. On Duo's other side both the security team and Une's secretary seemed relived to see that their superiors were there to make a decision regarding the insane Gundam pilot. Une let out a sigh, "Alright Maxwell, what is it this time?"

Raising a hand with his fingers in a v shape for victory he giggled out the words, "Dibs on being the exhibitionist!" This said he fell back in hysterical giggling.

One of Lady Une's eyebrows slowly rose; she glanced to the side to meet Zechs' confused expression. Letting out another sigh as she waved to the guards to haul Duo into her office, "This will be a very interesting explanation I'm sure."


Chang Wufei had never been so insulted in his life, "Injustice!" he exclaimed as he glared red-faced at his monitor. His hands involuntarily tightened around Sally's waist. She began to wrap up her hysterical laugher, and had managed to restrain herself to the point of only grinning like a maniac when Lt. Noin entered from the hall. Noin paused, blinking at the strange tableaux.

"Er, I could come back later…" She said as she began to back away uncomfortably, "You look like you're… busy."

"Injustice! The implication..!" Wufei huffed in offence, still glaring at the monitor.

Sally waved soothingly at Noin and straightened on Wufei's lap. "Well Wufei, it looks like you have a few options on what…" her voice trailed to a halt as she began counting up the options possible. "Wait… There are eight options there… there are only four other… That bastard," Sally attempted to gain a head of anger, but then glanced at Wufei and the confused Noin and broke down into laughter again. "Well I'm sure Trowa knows his friends fairly well. Just have to figure out who is who." Wufei glared down at her with an extremely offended look on his face, Sally reached up and patted him on the cheek mockingly. "So cute when you sulk..!"


Trowa picks up his now full duffle bag and hangs it over a shoulder. Looking his laptop he grins, and carefully tucks it into its case, which is promptly hung from his other side. He looks around the darkened and now mostly empty tent. Sitting on the table which supported his laptop is now a note, briefly written out to his sister explaining his sudden urge to be somewhere, anywhere else, and that some of his friends might be stopping by.

Trowa tilts his head back and laughs. Smiling to himself he exits the tent, he doesn't want to be late after all, one of his friends might be early.


To: Mime003 . mindbender . com

CC: SandLeader . winner . com, NotTheHair . mindbender . com, FifthKami . preventer . org

From: Pilot01 . preventer . org

Subject: Re: FYI Peacecraft analysis

Omae o koruso.

You had better hope that your friend's spare futon is at the bottom of a mine shaft Barton, because even if it is I'm going to track you down and skin you alive, if you're lucky.

Heero Yuy, 01, Wing Zero, Preventer Agent Level 13G


To: Mime003 . mindbender . com

CC:

From: SandLeader . winner . com

Subject: Re: FYI Peacecraft analysis

Trowa, are you insane! Heero is going to kill you! Wufei wants to as well, and from the rumors that I'm hearing so do Zechs and Noin. Lady Une and Sally just want to torture you for a while; Duo just thinks it's a big joke. He's got a chart up of all the possibilities for… what you said your friends were, he's taking bets on who is who! Kami knows what's going to happen when someone breaks down and tells Relena, she's already suspicious with all of the looks people are sending her.

For Kami's sake, what were you thinking!

I hope that Heero doesn't catch you… But it's going to be a long time before you can come back, after all most of our friends can carry grudges for a very, very long time.

Good luck escaping the searchers,

Quatre Rabera Winner, Pilot 04, Sandrock, CEO Winner Co.


To: Mime003 . mindbender . com

CC: SandLeader . winner . com

From: NotTheHair . mindbender . com

Subject: Re: FYI Peacecraft analysis

That was AWESOME! Way to go Trowa my man! Everyone's been going nuts here at Preventer Headquarters… Everyone clears way out of the way for Heero (odds have him as the repressed SM) and Quatre and Wu-man have been going beet red anytime anyone even looks at them. If I'm hearing Heero's muttering right, which I bet I am, everytime he sees Relena now he runs away saying something like, "Bad thoughts, bad thoughts…"

Sally can't help but giggle every time she looks a Wu-man now… There are some funny kinda rumors going around about Noin finding her sitting in Wu's lap, but no confirmation as yet.

Noin was just confused y'know, at least until she managed to push Wu-man away from his email and read your log. I'm not sure what she thinks you called her and Zechs but they're both screaming for your blood.

I'm thinking Lady Une thinks it's kinda entertaining (current odds say she's one of the dominatrix) cause she keeps smirking when the lower ranks start scrambling out of the way. Although she has been giving Zechs some strange looks, and keeps grinning when she sees Noin and Sally. Seeing Sally and Wu together makes her get this really creepy grin too.

Q-man keeps trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug, but it's just not happening, especially since Rashid and all of the Maguanacs keep pressing him to pick out a good deviation. Not sure which they think is a good one, hell, there might be different factions for all I know. Think he's been hiding, living out of his Gundam just so no one can find him. (Q-man, you're missing all of the action! Come visit!)

I'm gonna try to be in the vicinity with a camera when someone finally breaks down and gives Relena your letter, I bet the explosions will be awesome.

Hey, your friend seems pretty cool, if you need something delivered I'd be glad to assist.

Ttyl dude!

Duo Maxwell, Shinigami, Pilot 02


To: Mime003 . mindbender . com

CC: SandLeader . winner . com, NotTheHair . mindbender . com, Pilot01 . preventer . org

From: FifthKami . preventer . org

Subject: Re: FYI Peacecraft analysis

Injustice. A travesty. A stain upon the honor of all our clans.

I had hoped you would be honorable enough not to resort to the juvenile behavior Maxwell-baka exhibits but obviously I was in error. Next time you see me I will recoup my honor!

You sent me that letter while I was in the presence of the Onna Po, and for that you cannot be forgiven.

Chang Wufei, Pilot 05, Preventer Agent level 13G